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Harry Potter and Leopard Walk into Dragon

post #1 of 23
7/6/02 at 12:06pm
Thread Starter 
Heh! An unauthorized Harry Potter book has appeared in China, entitled with the thread subject line.

There is a mad dash to have the book removed from shelves.

Heh! The newscaster who reported the story just said, "first clue it was fake? It's only 198 pages."
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post #2 of 23
7/6/02 at 12:16pm
We ran a story on that last night. We showed some video of a looooooooong line of young Chinese folk outside a book store, all looking very eager about something. Apparently their thirst for anything HP is unquenchable over there. Even more so then here in the states or the UK.
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post #3 of 23
7/6/02 at 12:18pm
Thread Starter 
Got any pictures?
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post #4 of 23
7/6/02 at 12:23pm
All I can do is freeze frame a shot from the video we ran. But I'm not due back at that joint til Monday at 2:30 in the PM.
I don't think we were putting anything about it on our <a href="http://www.kark.com/karktv/index.asp" target="_blank">website</a>
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post #5 of 23
7/6/02 at 12:23pm
Thread Starter 
Call, is that you in the blue? You're sexy!
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post #6 of 23
7/6/02 at 12:32pm
Thanks, but no. That's our lead female anchor who is widely rumored to be a man.
Her name is Denise Whitaker and she's a STAAAAAAAAAR!
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post #7 of 23
7/6/02 at 12:42pm
Thread Starter 
They have stars in Arkansas?
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post #8 of 23
7/6/02 at 12:45pm
besides Johny Cash?

No.
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post #9 of 23
7/6/02 at 12:47pm
Thread Starter 
What do you do for the NBC affiliate, Call?
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post #10 of 23
7/6/02 at 12:50pm
Direct the 10 O'clock news.
And do a bit of commercial production for the station.

And stay logged onto CHUD for about 5 out of the 8 hours I'm at work.
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post #11 of 23
7/6/02 at 12:52pm
Thread Starter 
I think the ratings for the 10 o'clock news would SOAR if you hired a naked, stinky front man.
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post #12 of 23
7/6/02 at 12:53pm
Thread Starter 
"Over to you, Denise. And take that clothespin off your nose."
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post #13 of 23
7/6/02 at 12:59pm
Actually, our ratings for every show have nowhere to go but up.
We're #3 out of 3 stations in our market. Even the flawlessly directed 10 o'clock is in the cellar.
So a stinky naked guy might actually be a ratings bonanza.

Having a nightly stand up featuring a naked you and Denise might be just the shot in the arm we need. Her co-anchor might get a tad jealius, but who cares?
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post #14 of 23
7/6/02 at 12:59pm
Thread Starter 
Pitch it. I'm there.
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post #15 of 23
7/6/02 at 1:00pm
Thread Starter 
How cool would it be? Nick gets national CNN exposure. I get local Arkansas ... um ... "exposure."
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post #16 of 23
7/6/02 at 1:23pm
Can you promise no ON-AIR masturbation? If so, you're in.

And wear a tie, won't you?
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post #17 of 23
7/6/02 at 1:27pm
Thread Starter 
Oh, I'll wear a tie. Can I jack off immediately prior to, and after, camera?
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post #18 of 23
7/6/02 at 1:28pm
Thread Starter 
I assume the other anchors are professionals, and can handle my off-camera behavior. I'll be the utmost professional on-camera...
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post #19 of 23
7/6/02 at 1:30pm
Thread Starter 
"And, in related news, Denise has a story about the land-development deal that has several trailer-park owners upset ... Denise will be with us with her report as soon as she's finished toweling off..."
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post #20 of 23
7/6/02 at 1:32pm
Professional is a bit of a stretch, but the complaints will be non existent.

Bob (our 5,6, and 10 male anchor) might even join in on your pre- and post- show jerks.

Be good for the blooper reel.....
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post #21 of 23
7/6/02 at 8:30pm
Adds new meaning to "gag reel."
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post #22 of 23
7/8/02 at 3:51pm
Damn, talk about working the ol' post count wink

Quote:
From <a href="http://www.quartertothree.com:" target="_blank">www.quartertothree.com:</a>

Harry Potter dwarf rapes nun, escapes in UFO

Not game-related, but those crazy Chinese and their lack of respect for intellectual propterty. They've fucking raided Harry Potter now. We're going to have to kick some ass. Here's the link to the <a href="http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20020705/ap_on_en_mo/china_potter_purloined_4" target="_blank">Yahoo story</a>.

Chinese fans of the British boy wizard with the lightning-bolt scar on his forehead are snapping up the fifth book in the wildly popular series.

There's just one problem. It's fake — written by a Chinese author for a Chinese audience.

The 198-page book — titled "Harry Potter and Leopard-Walk-Up-To-Dragon" after its mysterious villain — has the name and bio of British author J.K. Rowling on its cover. But the tale in which Harry turns into a hairy dwarf after a "sour-sweet rain" is the unauthorized work of an anonymous author.

Here's the fake book's opening paragraph.

"Harry is wondering in his bath how long it will take to wash away the creamy cake from his face. To a grown-up, handsome young man, it is disgusting to have filthy dirt on his body. Lying in a luxurious bathtub and rubbing his face with his hands, he thinks about Dudley's face, which is as fat as Aunt Petunia's bottom."

We suppose if a sweet-sour rain turned us into hairy dwarves we'd want a bath too. We wouldn't be thinking of our auntie's bottom, however.
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post #23 of 23
7/8/02 at 4:02pm
Quote:
WacoKid:

Here's the fake book's opening paragraph.

"Harry is wondering in his bath how long it will take to wash away the creamy cake from his face. To a grown-up, handsome young man, it is disgusting to have filthy dirt on his body. Lying in a luxurious bathtub and rubbing his face with his hands, he thinks about Dudley's face, which is as fat as Aunt Petunia's bottom."
Yikes, it's Harry Potter Porn! Are they sure it wasn't written for folks in Bangkok? Kinda like a tourism brochure or something? Creepy...
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