911
Copyright 2002 Richard F. Dickson
A panicked woman is onstage. She grabs a phone and makes a call.
MAN (V.O.): 911. What is the nature of your emergency?
WOMAN: Help me! Help --
MAN: Miss, please calm --
WOMAN: You’ve got to help me! There’s a man trying to break into my house! I think he may have --
MAN: Just try to stay calm. I need to ask you a few questions.
WOMAN: Okay.
MAN (seductively): What are you wearing?
WOMAN: Excuse me?
MAN: You sound kind of sexy. What are you wearing?
WOMAN: Didn’t you hear me? Somebody’s trying to break into my house!
MAN: I bet it’s see-through.
WOMAN: What does that --
MAN: I bet you look real good in a little silky --
WOMAN: I thought 911 was supposed to help me!
MAN: Oh, I’ll help you, baby.
WOMAN: Okay, okay.
MAN: You trust me?
WOMAN (muttering): Yes.
MAN: I can’t hear you, baby. You trust me?
WOMAN: I trust you.
MAN: Good. Now I want you to lay down on that big four-poster bed of yours and spread your legs....
WOMAN: How did you know I have a four-poster -- hell no I won’t!
MAN: Why not?
WOMAN: Because there’s a man in a mask staring at me through the window, that’s why!
MAN: Masks ... you like the fantasy thing, don’t you?
WOMAN: This is not fantasy! This is reality! Is there anyone else there I can talk to?
MAN: Just you and me, kitten.
WOMAN: And the maniac pounding at the window! I want the police!
MAN: Oooh. A man in uniform turns you on....
WOMAN: DAMMIT!!! I am moments away from being violated in my own home! Now do your job and get the police here NOW!
MAN: I love it when you talk dirty.
Crashing is heard.
WOMAN: He’s inside!
MAN: Put him on.
WOMAN: What?!?
Robber enters. Woman hands him the phone.
WOMAN: It’s for you.
ROBBER (confused): Hello?
MAN: What are you wearing?
ROBBER: Huh?
MAN: Come on. I bet you’re curious.
ROBBER: About what?
MAN: Don’t lie. You used to stare in gym class. It’s perfectly natural.
ROBBER: What the hell are you talking about?
MAN: Oh yeah. You’ve wondered about the other side.
ROBBER: No!
MAN: Never?
ROBBER: Well, I have spent time in prison -- aw come on!
MAN: You ever go camping with the Boy Scouts?
Robber drops the phone in disgust and runs off. Woman picks up phone.
WOMAN: Hey! You saved my life!
MAN: Huh?
WOMAN: I don’t know what you said, but it worked! He dropped the phone and ran out of here!
MAN (disappointed): Oh. I guess it’s just you and me, then.
WOMAN: Yeah. So ... can you trace this call?
MAN: Yes. I’m tracing it now.
WOMAN: So ... you know where I live?
MAN: Yes.
WOMAN: Wanna come by later?
Copyright 2002 Richard F. Dickson
A panicked woman is onstage. She grabs a phone and makes a call.
MAN (V.O.): 911. What is the nature of your emergency?
WOMAN: Help me! Help --
MAN: Miss, please calm --
WOMAN: You’ve got to help me! There’s a man trying to break into my house! I think he may have --
MAN: Just try to stay calm. I need to ask you a few questions.
WOMAN: Okay.
MAN (seductively): What are you wearing?
WOMAN: Excuse me?
MAN: You sound kind of sexy. What are you wearing?
WOMAN: Didn’t you hear me? Somebody’s trying to break into my house!
MAN: I bet it’s see-through.
WOMAN: What does that --
MAN: I bet you look real good in a little silky --
WOMAN: I thought 911 was supposed to help me!
MAN: Oh, I’ll help you, baby.
WOMAN: Okay, okay.
MAN: You trust me?
WOMAN (muttering): Yes.
MAN: I can’t hear you, baby. You trust me?
WOMAN: I trust you.
MAN: Good. Now I want you to lay down on that big four-poster bed of yours and spread your legs....
WOMAN: How did you know I have a four-poster -- hell no I won’t!
MAN: Why not?
WOMAN: Because there’s a man in a mask staring at me through the window, that’s why!
MAN: Masks ... you like the fantasy thing, don’t you?
WOMAN: This is not fantasy! This is reality! Is there anyone else there I can talk to?
MAN: Just you and me, kitten.
WOMAN: And the maniac pounding at the window! I want the police!
MAN: Oooh. A man in uniform turns you on....
WOMAN: DAMMIT!!! I am moments away from being violated in my own home! Now do your job and get the police here NOW!
MAN: I love it when you talk dirty.
Crashing is heard.
WOMAN: He’s inside!
MAN: Put him on.
WOMAN: What?!?
Robber enters. Woman hands him the phone.
WOMAN: It’s for you.
ROBBER (confused): Hello?
MAN: What are you wearing?
ROBBER: Huh?
MAN: Come on. I bet you’re curious.
ROBBER: About what?
MAN: Don’t lie. You used to stare in gym class. It’s perfectly natural.
ROBBER: What the hell are you talking about?
MAN: Oh yeah. You’ve wondered about the other side.
ROBBER: No!
MAN: Never?
ROBBER: Well, I have spent time in prison -- aw come on!
MAN: You ever go camping with the Boy Scouts?
Robber drops the phone in disgust and runs off. Woman picks up phone.
WOMAN: Hey! You saved my life!
MAN: Huh?
WOMAN: I don’t know what you said, but it worked! He dropped the phone and ran out of here!
MAN (disappointed): Oh. I guess it’s just you and me, then.
WOMAN: Yeah. So ... can you trace this call?
MAN: Yes. I’m tracing it now.
WOMAN: So ... you know where I live?
MAN: Yes.
WOMAN: Wanna come by later?
