The Sidewalk Moving Picture Festival

<a href="http://www.sidewalkfest.com/" target="_blank">http://www.sidewalkfest.com/</a>

Who's going besides me? Sept. 20-22 right here in B'ham. Sweet Home Alabama is premiering here on opening night... and I could care less, but what the hell?

There's a slim chance Tim Burton and Ewan McGregor may be around. They're filming Big Fish here, and when they hear there's a giant film festival in town, I bet they show up.

Note: Cheese's definition of a "giant" film festival may differ from your own. He does live in Alabama, you know.

I'm wondering that myself. Oh well, I might see you there DJ.

I hate NBC 13 news. Those bastards can take their misinformation straight to hell.

Check your e-mail, DJ.

Okay, is anyone other than DJ EVIL, 86, and myself going? Anybody?

Bueller? Bueller?

Any of the Atlanta crew going to jump-state and come on over? Come on, it's only for the weekend... Alabama needs at least a week before it can efficiently wound you and a month to eat you.

The Allman Brothers concert was awesome, for your information, DJ. Anyway, here's a wee list of the films I saw (I only saw the shorts and one movies).

Shorts I saw:

The Yard Sale- Interesting movie about a family selling off their grandmothers things b/c she's going to a home. It has it's heart in the right place and was an overall good movie.

Major Damage- A cartoon about a kid trying to be his favorite superhero. Started off great... but... then it just ended. WAY too short. Nothing happened.

Einstein's Playground- Sometimes, I think people make movies just to be weird. No other reason. Not to tell a good story in a clear, understanding fashion. This is a movie that is more fucked up than Anna Nicole Smith. No more description needed. Not good at all.

The Wedding Dress- Funny little movie about a guy who panics after discovering a wedding dress in his girlfriend's closet. It's touching and funny, but nothing special.

Anna is Being Stalked- This movie was FUCKING HILARIOUS. It's about a girl and the wacko who's stalking her and the twisted relationship they have. Very original and inventive.

Soundproof- Odd yet affective thriller about a bilnd man who spies on people. Nothing real special.

Twin Set- Shitty movie about twins who hate each other. It tries to be funny, but it tries way too hard and never pays off.

Tales of Mystery- A very original and funny animated short about Edgar Allen Poe auditioning for the host of a "Twilight Zone"-esc show based on his works. Try as he might, he can't really do it. Very funny.

To Err- A sort of "tales from the Crypt" spoof. This had the funniest opening I've ever seen, but it never topped it. It tries too hard to be funny the rest of the way through.

ABRACADABRA- Interesting, good looking little movie about a magician who sort of sells his soul to be a better magician. Kind of odd and dark, but good.

Singing Sticks- Well... ummm, let me put it this way: This is an animated movie where a stick figure dances for 5 minutes. That's it. Find the people who made this and shoot them, because their net worth is zero.

Alchemy- Felt like Amelie 2. Weird. Move on.

Up- Worst movie I have ever fucking laid my eyes on. I'm not even going to touch this.

The Last Attack of the Beast- Now this movie was great. I LOVED the hell out of it. It started out with this old man roaming through a small town, but everyone is missing. So he goes apeshit and starts a one man riot, robbing everything, drinking all the booze, and breaking EVERYTHING in the town. Turns out, the town was evacuated because an atom bomb was dropped on the town and he just happened to drive through. DAMN GOOD.

Johnny Flynton- Okay, now if you read any of this rant, read this. This movie was AWESOME. An absolutely fantastic portrait of a boxer and his life in a small Alabama town. If this movie is showing near you at all, go look for it. It's worth it.

The Book and the Rose- A very good romantic movie about a guy and his relationship with this girl via letters. It's really complicated and involves WWII, and I really don't do it any justice here, but I liked it.

UNE FILLE DE JOIE- Weird French movie about a blind man's search for his dead wife. Odd.

Ocha Cups for Christmas- Interesting little movie about a girl who's a transfer student in Japan.

Hannah Can't Swim- Very cool, artsy movie about a girl who fantasizes about being with a guy she sees on the train to work everyday.

Thanksgiving- Stupid comedy about a guy eating Thanksgiving dinner with some strange lady. Prety worthless.

The one full movie I saw:

Chance- Starring, written by, directed by, and produced by Amber Benson and also starring James Marsters, who are both on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This is her directorial debut, and it was pretty good. A comedy about this girl and her relationships. Quirky as hell, and not too original, but it worked. Fun, funny, but it drags in some spots. IT switches between bizarre comedy and serious romance, and the pacing is thrown off making the serious stuff seem... well, less serious than I think it was intended to be.

Okay, the rant's over. You can go back to your homes now.

Hey there Birmingham bastards. Here's the article I wrote for my Highschool paper on Sidewalk. It's the rough draft because the final is on the computer at school to which I have no access to, so any error you can find I can bet has been changed by now (it's mentioned that no one showed up to the Sweet Home Alabama screening, when some cast members did show up... that was corrected on the final). Enjoy.

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Birmingham moves onto the Sidewalk
By Sam Laughlin
Reviews Editor

Usually, when people ask, “Did you go to Sidewalk?” they are not talking about a stretch of concrete on the side of the road. They are talking about the one weekend out of the year when downtown Birmingham is turned into a miniature Hollywood filled with second rate actors and directors looking for people to come and watch the movies they labored over.

I was lucky enough and smart enough to make it out to the Sidewalk Moving Picture Festival this year that took place on the weekend of September 21 to September 22 and it was some of the most fun I have had in years.

This year, some absolutely amazing films were shown ranging from 3-minute shorts to full hour-long movies. Most people look forward to the opening night movie more than any other film, as the festival always kicks off the weekend with some kind of big premiere with lots of famous Hollywood faces floating around. This year’s opening night show was the premiere of Sweet Home Alabama, but no one involved with the movie bothered to show up. Reese Witherspoon could not be reached for comment.

The winner this year for Best Feature as voted on by a panel of critics was Easy Listening, a romantic comedy about a pair of orchestral musicians who fall in love. Well, I missed this film completely. Missing films, unfortunately, is a large part of Sidewalk, as many films are shown at the same time across many of Birmingham’s theaters and cafés.

Fortunately for me, I did catch the Audience Choice Award winner for Best Feature. Chance is a film written, directed, produced, and starring Amber Benson, a Birmingham native and co-star of television’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Chance is a touching, funny, and often bizarre little film that hurls more quirky laughs at the audience in a matter of minutes than most mainstream movies do their entire runtimes. The film was very well written and while it is far from perfect, it does accomplish its goal to entertain its audience.

Benson as well as most of the cast and crew were present for the screening that doubled as the film’s world premiere. Benson gave a short question-and-answer session after the film and showed her serious love for the film and her desire to make more. I’m happy that she is interested in writing and directing other films because she has shone to be an impressive writer apart from her terrific acting abilities.

The Best Student Film Award went rightfully to the makers of Hannah Can’t Swim. This short film follows a girl who falls in love and fantasizes about a man she sees on the train that she rides to work on everyday, though she never tries to talk to him. I am very proud to say that I saw this picture as well as chatted with the director after the show.

I am very sad to say that my favorite film of the festival, Johnny Flynton, failed to receive any awards. The film told the true story of the Alabama boxer of the same name who accidentally kills his wife. The story was extremely touching and great care went into the film’s creation, but I am apparently the only person who thinks so. The story is being made into a full-length feature, so maybe the rest of the world will get a chance to be touched by this very heartwarming and tragic story.

I will say the festival may not be for everyone. All the films shown at Sidewalk are independent except for the opening night film. The movies range from the comical, to the dramatic, and then to the odd. The very odd. Some movies are so weird and confusing they tend to drive the audience into incoherent screams.

Every year I walk away from Sidewalk with new stories in my head and new inside jokes to share with my friends. Like the festivals of the past four years, Sidewalk calls film geeks from around the state to come together and party constantly until the weekend ends and Monday comes to find them.

This is an event that anyone living remotely near Birmingham should participate in, whether they care about movies or not. The festival also needs the support, as bringing all these films to Birmingham is not cheap. So, when next year rolls around, step out on the Sidewalk and see what there is to see.