Did I Do Something Wrong...

Ohhh dear..

That has to be one of my biggest fears. I'm so sorry Fett. There are truly no words to make you feel better but if you ever need a shoulder or an ear to vent to/at I'm here..

I'm really sorry. A similar situation scared me into quitting smoking. You have my deepest sympathies.

I'm sorry, buddy. Stay strong, and keep talking to us. We'll support you.

I'm really sorry to hear that, Fett.

I don't know what to say except that I hope she's not in pain, and I hope you're able to spend some time with her while you still have it.

Our thoughts are with you.

Fett, my father died of bone cancer back in 1987, when I was a senior in high school.

The best advice I can give you is to not let this stop you from living your own life. Be there for your mom, support her in any way possible, and help her through the very rough times ahead. But if you don't live your own life it will drive you mad.

I became very active in my school and in many activities outside of school, and I really discovered who my friends were. And when my father finally passed, I had a huge network of friends and family offering me their support. Your friends will come through, believe it.

I will keep you and your mother in my prayers.

Blimey mate, you have my deepest sympathy.
I had a similar siuation with my uncle, who was more like a brother.
My thoughts are with you and your mum.

Oh, Charles. I am so sorry to hear that about your mother.

You are in my thoughts.

Sorry to hear it, Fett. Condolences.

I'm so sorry to hear that, fett.

Inoperable? I've known people who've been told they only had a few weeks to live and they defied all logic and lived for several years. Your mom may be one of those folks.

In the meantime, even though you can't physically be there with your mom, you can with your thoughts. Think about her everyday and send her well wishes. Talk to her on the phone. Send her flowers saying you wish you could be there with her. It's been shown that people who have something/someone to live for often use mind over matter and can "will" themselves better.

When the time comes that she is no longer with you, you'll know that you did everything possible to make her feel special and loved. That is really the most important factor. We cannot dictate where and when we go, but we can affect the way we live our lives and how we relate to others during that time.

Lastly, I know the last thing you need is a lecture, but you now have difinitive proof that cancer runs in your family. As it is genetically linked, you are really increasing your chances of getting lung cancer yourself by continuing to smoke.

My thoughts are with you and your mom, fett. Hang in there and know that you have lots of folks who are here for you if you need us.

Dude,

Anything I can do, just give us a shout. You have my number. Went through the whole "thing" with my dad earlier this year. Don't know if it'll help. But if you just need to get away from shit - London Calling.

giles

I'm fucking stunned. That's horrible news. I'm thinking of you, big guy.

Hang in there as best you can, Fett. My sympathies to you and your family.

My hopes and prayers are with you and your family, Charles. Take the next ride home.

Watching a parent die is one of the hardest things I've done, so yeah, my sympathies.

My thoughts are with your family, Fett.

I'm very sorry. My thoughts are with you.

(BTW--stop by the chat room sometime. We miss you 'round there).

I'm sorry, Fett.

Had a little think about this, now I've processed it slightly.

Well, I just went down and smoked what I hope to God was my last cigarette, and binned the rest. Consider it an offering - one that might not help, but then every little is supposed to help, so who knows?

And it also occurred to me that I nursed someone diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer, back in the day. He was on the ward when I arrived and stayed for weeks, about 60-odd, a miserable guy - polite and nice, but always gasping, always sucking into his nebuliser, always a terrible colour. My heart went out to him.

And then he just got better over the course of a fortnight and went home. True story. Never did find out if he were misdiagnosed or just went into remission. I'm not sure it matters, under the circumstances. I freaked out when I saw him in his suit, sitting on the made bed, waiting for his folks to come get him.

The other thing I will point out is that *of course* you are smoking now. You are under stress. You'd be weird if you didn't, because that's what stressed-out smokers do. But the more you freak out about the guilt of smoking, the more you'll want a fag. It's such a fucking cunning drug. So give yourself a bit of a break.

All of that said, you do need to kick it in the head, somewhere down the line, and sooner rather than later. It is needful and non-negotiable. I'm sure your Mum would tell you that.

Just start to think about how you're going to do it, look at it like a self-improvement project, not a bane you've been inflicted with and are going to suffer from for the rest of your life because you are bad and doomed.

I've gone cold turkey before now, but it doesn't suit everyone. Look into the different things you can get and do. But just *think* about how you'd do it for now, in a gentle, simmering, low-key way.

Charles,

I almost lost my mother the same way. She was a huge smoker and it took asthma, emphysema, bronchitis, and several trips to the emergency room for her to stop. As it stands now, she has significantly reduced lung capacity and has to take a variety of medications with her as well as keeping a nebulizing machine with her at all times.

I hope that you can spend all of the time possible with your mother because its all precious now. These things always serve to remind us that we can't take our loved ones for granted. You have my deepest sympathies.

But on an even more personal note, you have to quit, buddy, because I don't want you to be lost the same way.

You. have. to. For her and for yourself.

I'm terribly sorry.

My sympathies Fett. Let's hope for the best.

Cancer sucks. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

I´m so sorry to hear this Fett. You have my deepest sympathy.

It´s strange you post this now because just a few minutes ago I heard that my cousin has bone cancer. It´s really horrible because she is the mother of a very young child.

Fuck. Why's that shit always happening to the best of us...

Charlie, you and your mother have all my sympathies. Anytime you need to talk, drop me a line. Phone, AIM, anything. I'm there.

I'm so sorry, Fett.

If you're worried about getting some time to see her, try and get some time off whatever way you can. One of the best things I feel I did with my life was visit my grandmother in the hospital, a few days before she died.

I know it must seem like the roughest thing in the world, living with what seems like a death warrent. But you can't let it get you down...no one knows what will happen. Stay strong, brother.

If you need anyone to talk to, just send me a PM.

Sorry to hear it Charles. If I was a praying person, I'd pray but since I'm not just know there's a couple of handfuls of fingers crossed for ya. Oh, and work comes second to shit like this. Remember that.

Wow!

That's a load of bad news.

Well for what it is worth I am really sorry to hear that Fett, you are a really cool guy and my thought will be with you and yours in these hard times.

I'd invited over for a beer but I fear I may be kind far for you just to come over.

Enjoy every moments you have with your mom. I'll send my prayers for you and yours.

Cheers mate!

Charles, add mine to the thoughts and prayers that are with your family now. If it is possible to seek a second opinion I would advise your family to do so. Treatments have come a long way in recent years, you never know what may be available. In the meantime know that we are here for you, always.

That's just horrible. My thoughts are with you and your family, Fett. Best of luck to all of you.

My deepest and most sincere sympathies.

My thought are with you and your family, Fett.

Saddened to hear that, Fett.

damn man, while I don't normally reply to these kinds of threads only because it doesn't feel effective or sincere trying to console someone online...I wish and hope you find strength in yourself and others to get through these troubled times.

Hang in there, Fett, and as a lot of people on here have said, love now, in this moment, and don't give up hope just yet. My deepest sympathies and prayers are with you and your mom.

My deepest condolences, Fett. No one deserves this kind of stuff, from actions in a past life or this one. My best wishes go out to you and your mother.

My condolences and sympathies.

I'm really sorry to hear that, Fett.

I think Diva said it best when she said that people who have someone to love and are loved defy all logic and "will" themselves better. I'm sure your mother is a strong person and a fighter--don't let her give up. Be there for her in anyway you can, and I'm sure you will be. Also, Nick is correct as well--work is second to these sorts of matters.

I've gone though the cancer situation with a few relatives and friends, and everyone of them has outlasted the doctor's predictions. I hope that helps a little.

As for the smoking, you need to quit....but you know that already. I completely understand where you're coming from, though. Cancer runs in my family as well and I have a pre-cancerous bone disease--and I still couldn't quit. I finally kicked the habit about 2 years ago. Just kinda start looking into ways to quit.

You have a wonderful support system here, Fett. I've never seen an Internet community like CHUD before. Everyone looks out for their fellow chewers.

You and your mom will be in my thoughts, Fett. I wish you the best of luck.

Take it easy, Fett. My thoughts are with you and your family.

I lost my mother to cancer a year ago next week.
I lost my father to cancer eight years ago in November.
I'm 33 years old, and looking down the barrel of the rest of my life. Why? Because it invariably ends.
Let's face it, we all have to check out. But we can affect when.
Micah's right, brother.
Put down the butts. Just fucking quit. Do it for you. Do it for your mom.
Live life happily. Why? Because it's just too fucking short to be sad or worried. Every day is a new adventure. Every moment is to be treasured.
Your mother wants you to be happy, man. Be that, and more...
I'd love to say it gets easier. It doesn't. But, melancholy should not be your only emotion. Your mother loves you. Hold on to that love.

Good luck.

Remember to show her your love, especially around this time and to spread it your other loved ones as well. My deepest condolenses. I wish I had a magic answer to make things better. But for now, courage, Fett. Courage.

Ditto. My father died in front of me of a massive heart attack in 1994, when I was 15 years old.

And my mother just lost her mother to pneumonia.

You have my prayers and sympathies!

This is one of the most heartfelt posts i've read in a long while.

Thoughts are with you, Fett. Hope you can pull through.

I lost my mother and grandmother to ovarian cancer, each much to young to die. I have felt the feelings you are going through and I know that you hurting so much inside right now. I can only offer a suggestion and that is this: Don't let any of these feelings turn to hate for anything. If you do it will just eat away at you and that's something your mother doesn't need right now, is a son who's a hollow core.

I was bitter for a long time, and it took time and some really good friends to pull me out. I pray that you and your mother can spend whatever time she has left on this earth in quality and togetherness. Sounds sappy, I know. But there was so much I didn't get to tell my mother, please don't let the same mistake happen to you.

-Jay

Best wishes, Fett. My thoughts and sympathies go out to you.

Hey man, sorry about the bad news. My sympathies go out to you and your family.

Work isn't a factor in that. Trust me. Do whatever you need to do - let others worry about piffling stuff like work.

I'm only just reading this over breakfast. Not sure if you'll be in work today or not, so just in case you're not, I'll echo what Giles said above - anything you need, just holler.

Take care, Fett.