UK Chewers...I'm doomed to meet you it seems...

You are, like, so totally gay. We'll get the hot oils ready.

Your company isn't a branch of Citisolutions, by any chance, is it?

Don't forget the KY.

He doesn't deserve KY. He's gettin' it raw.

Not even some E45? Poor guy...

Okay, I'll be serious for 2.5 seconds... Mike, do you know what part of London you'll be in?

There's a "great balls of fire" joke in there just fighting to get out...

With an attitude like that...you are going to feel scarily at home, sir. That is all.

What await with, uh, other pasty Brits I guess...

*good to see Jen's still alive as well...*

Strippers.

Please.

Definately, i ,Ahem, tasted their wares when i was in Edmonton, top class.

Oh and go <a href="http://search.yell.com/search/DoSearch?state=INI&screen=VAL&targetName=&business Type=&companyName=Games+Workshop&location=London&S ubmit.x=40&Submit.y=9" target="_blank">here</a> for a list of the Games Workshops in Londinium and maps of their locale.

Male strippers.

Hmmm. Whores. That would imply we're paying for this. I just want dancing. Tits. That kind of thing. And I dare say Jen wouldn't mind a freshly waxed buttock or two (probably two).

Mike, the only thing I want is your company.

Although, your Canadian brethren Katherine Isabelle would be nice...

I would like an enormous chest filled with jewelled goblets, pearl necklaces, and gold doubloons, preferably non-cursed. (Different from the enormous chests Strax is talking about, I suspect).

Failing that, if you could pick up some Tootsie Rolls and diet root beer, that would also be great.

Enormous chests.

I love entendres.

Argh! Consider me shamed. You didn't mention enormous chests. Someone else in real life did, and my virtual and real lives are now blending seamlessly together, and...

I can't tell if I'm still in the Matrix or not.

The Matrix would never be able to fake anything as bad as Gigli.

import movies.bad.terribledialogue;
import movies.bad.cliches;
import movies.bad.selfindulgence;
import movies.bad.extremesuckage;
import movies.bad.mygodimgoingblind;

Public class (ha!) Gigli {
Public static (endless,gaping) void main (String args []{
Gigli g = ShitMovie1;
g.ShitMovie();
}
Public ShitMovie (String ShittyDialogue1, String ShittyDialogue2, String ShittyDialogue3, Int BenShoutsAtRetardedKid, Int RubbishCameoByPreviouslyRespectedActor, Int LeadsPoseSelfConsciouslyForCamera){

Int r = 0;

While r less than TheRunningTime (
ShittyDialogue1 = RandomVaginaMusings(r);
ShittyDialogue2 = RandomPenisMusings(r);
ShittyDialogue3 = RandomReferenceToSomeTrivialShit(r);
BenShoutsAtRetardedKid = r + BenShoutsAtRetardedKid;
RubbishCameoByPreviouslyRespectedActor= r + RubbishCameoByPreviouslyRespectedActor;
LeadsPoseSelfConsciouslyForCamera = r + LeadsPoseSelfConsciouslyForCamera;
VerbalDiarrhoea();
r = r + PreciousMinutesOfYourLifeYoullNeverHaveAgain;
)
}

Public void VerbalDiarrhoea
{
System.out.SpewCrapDialogue(ShittyDialogue1);
System.out.SpewCrapDialogue(ShittyDialogue2);
System.out.SpewCrapDialogue(ShittyDialogue3);
System.out.TediousEvent("Hey! Retarded kid! Stop doing whatever it is that you're doing while I try to persuade the audience what a not nice guy I am!");
System.out.TediousEvent("Watch in amazement as I, a previously respected actor, humiliate myself.");
System.out.TediousEvent(JLosArse);
System.out.TediousEvent(AfflecksChest);
}
}

(Edited because I missed a squiggly bracket off)

Possibly the best, and most intricate, post ever.

I'm glad you liked it! Don't know if you could run it though, because:

1. There are some undefined variables in there that were cut in the interests of comedy and,

2. If you tried to, your PC would probably attempt to electrocute you by the fifth iteration of the while loop.

That one single post was no doubt more entertaining and visually stimulating than i Gigli could ever hope to be.

Okay, if you're seriously cool with bringing us stuff I'd like some root beer, please!!! Regular, not that diet stuff, and I like pretty much any of the main brands- IBC, Barqs, Mugg, whatever... Ohhh and bring some peanut butter! Jif or Skippy, maybe? Yes, we have peanut butter over here but it tastes horrible.

Yeah, that Java BadMovie API is the shiznit. Personally, I think it was used in the creation of both The Sin Eater and Down With Love.

Awesome stuff - I will leave the whole root beer brand issue to you sir, if you are cool with bringing it over.

And you know what else I'd like? A can of grape soda. They don't do it over here at all.

And now I'm going back to bed, because I have flu, and it sucks. frown