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Find Out Why I Hate You

post #1 of 95
2/7/03 at 4:58pm
Thread Starter 
If you're interested. All insults will be unfounded, inaccurate, and inappropriate. But if I don't know who you are, I'll just invent lies about you.
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post #2 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:14pm
Fuck it. Hit me.
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post #3 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:15pm
Just try me, punk.
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post #4 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:16pm
I could use an ego boost.
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post #5 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:18pm
HIt me Slater from Kansass.
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post #6 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:19pm
Go for it.
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post #7 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:21pm
I'm bulletproof.
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post #8 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:22pm
Give it your best shot mama's boy....

Can's Ass, I heard the guys up there were whipped...

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post #9 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:24pm
Have at it.

Just remember I only live an hour from you.
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post #10 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:26pm
Thread Starter 
DANCES WITH CHAINSAWS:

The constant accusations of beastiality have destroyed your credibility in all but the most stringent sheep-fucking societies.

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post #11 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:27pm
Thread Starter 
JACOB SINGER:

It takes a small, small man to quiver and tremble in the face of even mild adversity. You, sir, are this man.
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post #12 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:29pm
Thread Starter 
KITELESS:

Some people are charismatic and charming in real life, others merely on the internet.

Both of these groups laugh at you, since you are neither.
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post #13 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:29pm
K'mon already I haven't got all day!

BTW Can's Ass, is Kansas City in the state of Kansas or Missouri? I kinda looks right on the state line?
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post #14 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:30pm
Quote:
Slater: The XTreme Ass Edition:
KITELESS:

Some people are charismatic and charming in real life, others merely on the internet.

Both of these groups laugh at you, since you are neither.
It hurts so goooood!!!
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post #15 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:32pm
Thread Starter 
VOLTES5:

The fact that the enema was created during the same year as your birth is not irony, nor is it coincidence. Pay attention...the Cosmos is trying to tell you something.
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post #16 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:34pm
Thread Starter 
JOHN WOO'S FETT:

Do not listen to idle gossip. Your small hands are not proportional indicators that your dick is also small. Neither are your small feet.

Your small dick, on the other hand, IS.
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post #17 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:36pm
Thread Starter 
CAPTEUCALYPTUS:

The world may indeed be your oyster, but as you'll discover early next week, sometimes oysters involve a lot of excrutiating anal rape.
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post #18 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:37pm
Me. I dare you...
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post #19 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:38pm
Thread Starter 
HELLSPAWN:

People seem to take a perverse pride in pointing out the fact that the stench of failure seems to follow you wherever you go.

What they are too polite to mention is that the stench of shit does as well.
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post #20 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:40pm
Quote:
Slater: The XTreme Ass Edition:
HELLSPAWN:

People seem to take a perverse pride in pointing out the fact that the stench of failure seems to follow you wherever you go.

What they are too polite to mention is that the stench of shit does as well.
That's what I'm talking about. That's fucking beautiful man, thanks.
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post #21 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:40pm
Fuck me.
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post #22 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:41pm
These are crude and puerile, yet utterly hilarious!
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post #23 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:42pm
Thread Starter 
OTISTHEMONO:

Take solace in the knowledge that you are well loved by a large portion of the gay community. More specifically, the portion with very bad taste.
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post #24 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:43pm
And copied from what source?
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post #25 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:44pm
Thread Starter 
VERBAL KINT:

Maybe people embark on spiritual journeys to rediscover their childhood. However, trying to crawl back inside your mother should not be considered part of this journey, you sick fuck.
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post #26 of 95
2/7/03 at 5:46pm
Thread Starter 
Top o' my head, Blofield...which is why I need to take a break now. Brain cells empty.

I'll try to do some more later.
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post #27 of 95
2/7/03 at 6:00pm
Quote:
HellSpawn:
K'mon already I haven't got all day!

BTW Can's Ass, is Kansas City in the state of Kansas or Missouri? I kinda looks right on the state line?
Both.
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post #28 of 95
2/7/03 at 6:01pm
Thread Starter 
And for anybody who doesn't believe that I'm making these up, just include a word in your post that you'd like to see included in your insult.

Warning: The more obscure the word, the less funny your insult will probably be.
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post #29 of 95
2/7/03 at 6:12pm
Slater, you're funny as hell.

But then again, I like Dave Attell, so what do I know?
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post #30 of 95
2/7/03 at 6:19pm
I like this thread.
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post #31 of 95
2/7/03 at 6:36pm
Thread Starter 
FLYERS:

You never fail to point out that people are constantly talking about your fashion sense--what you're wearing and how you dress.

What you do fail to mention is that these people all belong to the same FBI kiddie porn task force.
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post #32 of 95
2/7/03 at 6:38pm
Thread Starter 
GRAVEDIGGER41:

Some people find your appearance crude and rather upsetting. Then again, when you use your prehensile forehead penis to scale walls and terrorize small children, what do you expect?
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post #33 of 95
2/7/03 at 6:39pm
Gut me like a fish
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post #34 of 95
2/7/03 at 6:41pm
I now have a new favorite thread.

Bitchslap, please.
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post #35 of 95
2/7/03 at 6:42pm
Thread Starter 
BLOFIELD:

Nobody is impressed by your claims that you have an infallible bullshit detector, mainly because of your job scuba diving at the local manure refinery.
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post #36 of 95
2/7/03 at 6:44pm
Thread Starter 
ADAM WARREN:

You are a complete failure in your job as a children's doctor, perhaps due to your lifelong hobby of furiously shaking ant farms.

And by "ant farms", I mean "newborn infants".
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post #37 of 95
2/7/03 at 6:47pm
Thread Starter 
SMILING JACK RUBY:

Please quit bragging about being named "Employee of the Month." Nobody cares.

Besides, they give that plaque to all the gay porn Fluffers after their first month on the job.
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post #38 of 95
2/7/03 at 6:48pm
Thread Starter 
WHISKEY:

Your impassioned oration on the memories of honeysuckle and the golden glow of the moon on a warm August night will fail to impress your jury. Or, for that matter, the parents of all those poor, poor little girls.
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post #39 of 95
2/7/03 at 6:49pm
Thread Starter 
Whoops, already did that person. Never mind.

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post #40 of 95
2/7/03 at 6:50pm
Thread Starter 
Dammit, running on empty now, folks...

Be back in a bit. Sweet, sweet coffin nails will energize my hate.
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post #41 of 95
2/7/03 at 7:00pm
These sound a lot like the horoscopes on The Onion.

I'm not accusing, I'm just sayin'...
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post #42 of 95
2/7/03 at 7:04pm
Thread Starter 
There's a reason for that...I've applied for a job at The Onion several times, and the Horoscope section is always my favorite section. Writing absurd little insults like these has just always been a sad little obsession on my part.

But I'm honestly not copying...(at least, not that I know of). I'm just rrrrrrrreally fucking bored at work right now.
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post #43 of 95
2/7/03 at 7:09pm
I honestly didn't think you were. I was genuinely impressed with your writing and insult skills.

Fucktard.
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post #44 of 95
2/7/03 at 7:19pm
What the hell, I'll subject myself to give you a newbie to roast. Swing Away, Slater. Swing Away.
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post #45 of 95
2/7/03 at 7:37pm
Blow it out your ass!
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post #46 of 95
2/7/03 at 7:39pm
Thread Starter 
G-DUDE:

Your secret belief that overusing ridiculous emoticons makes you special will finally be validated when the school district gives you your own private bus to ride, complete with a motorized ramp, full-body restraints, and tasty pudding cups.
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post #47 of 95
2/7/03 at 7:41pm
Ok, Hurt me.
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post #48 of 95
2/7/03 at 7:42pm
Thread Starter 
NICK LUSKMONSTER:

Contrary to your arrogant boasts, your ability to withstand major electrical shocks does not make you unique. All emotionless cyborgs have this ability.
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post #49 of 95
2/7/03 at 7:44pm
Thread Starter 
SHELBY:

Your lifelong dreams of finally owning a helper monkey will be dashed after you casually admit to the pet store owner your plans to screw the ever-loving shit out of the monkey first chance you get.
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post #50 of 95
2/7/03 at 7:46pm
Thread Starter 
Okay, guys, work's over. A double threat of White Russians and bowling is currently calling my name. Hope I made some of you laugh at least once or twice.

If anybody else wants to pick up the insult slack, be my guest.

Have a great weekend, folks.
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