I just got dumped

I think "uvula" is a funny word.

Uvula.

Say it with me.

Uvula.

Men suck.

I once skinny dipped.

With one girl.

And 8 guys.

I just got dumped too. I think she is shagging my best friend.

My best friend thought I was lying when I said my chest looked like Sean Connery's face.

He's blind now.

I've got ice cream in my freezer!

along with the dead hooker you got for your kids birthday...right?

If any good came of you been dumped...it would be the fact that you were spared a lifetime of ridicule and harassment after a gang of rabies-ridden squirrels were unleashed by a drunk driving Gord Cambell...you'd never be out on a date when that all takes place next month.

The 8-ball never lies.

I like Canadian women. They say "aboot."

"I open-mouth kissed a horse once..." - A. Powers

"Homer. Have you been up all night eating cheese?" - M.B. Simpson

"After what you did, I'm surprised she didn't
go off the sausage all together and become a vaginatarian." - Walter Wingfield

"Those aren't pillows!!!" - Del Griffith

Werewolf Gurl,

You deserve so much more than the selfish prick who dumped you. You are a star in a universe of stars. You give light to the darkness. You are what every geek on every website wishes for in a lover, friend, human. Take it from me, I'm drunk and rambling right now, but I'm also acutely aware of the needs of all my fellow humans at this very moment. Don't dispair. You will continue to shine on.

I'm a believer. I'd die or live for a girlfriend like you.

...psssttt....I think he's hitting on you.....

I'm hitting on kindness, and what true agent of humanity wouldn't do the same?

I just talked to my friend Rob about his serious relationship that ended this weekend for hours, then I made him sit and watch Swingers with him. Right after it finished I walked in here and saw this thread. That is very trippy.

Oh yeah...if you want to feel better just imagine me falling down a flight of stairs.

It's all good. According to recent studies, sometimes men do not think with their penises.

Was in the same boat just this side of the New Year. She was an amazonian goddess who'd have men running across the street to get her number. She went out with a schmo like me for over a year. I was going to marry her. And *wham* she dumped me. But I'm better off without her.

And you'll be better off without this guy. Because who wants to be with someone who isn't a better person when you're with them? There's someone out there who is waiting for you to make them a better person. And when you find them, you'll look back on this and laugh. But until then, it's okay to cry and eat ice cream.

Even a good family and stable upbringing can prepare you for pretty much anything...except the perceived triviality of getting your heart broken for the first time. It's a bitch. But you have friends.

I suggest you go looking for a eloquent motherfucker like billz3bub as well.

I'm thinking we pour styrofoam around his feet, let it harden, and throw him in the bay. It's much more fun to watch than concrete, because he'll either try to balance, standinging, which won't work, or he'll bob around as he tries to bend over and put his head up above the water by putting it past his feet, and since most people can't even touch their toes....

I'm sorry, did I think that out loud? I think I just blew my cover as sweet & innocent.

Hey, Werewolf Gurl cheers up lass, it could be worse, I mean you could be American wink

*HellSpawn dodges a multitude of patriot missiles*

Be a proud Canadian and get drunk and go out with someone else.

Cheers!

Besides I gave you five new stars.

Cheer up it will get better.

Mooo!

Two nuns were biking through the streets, and turned down an alley for a short cut. They rode over a cobble stone road, and were bouncing all over the place. One nun looked around and said to the other nun, "I've never come this way before." The other nun replied, "Have you tried using a vibrator?"

Werewolf Gurl. Im sorry that this happened. I hope you can find something to get your mind off it for awhile. Go watch some movies, eat some ice cream. Go out and meet people. Im sure you'll find someone else. You sound like a real nice girl.

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists;

Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room,you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the instruction to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Six shots were heard. Then, screaming, crashing, and loud banging was heard.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman candidate, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks," she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

Moral: Women are evil. Don't mess with them. wink

billz3bub: Agent of Humanity
I like the sound of that

Things to do make you feel better:
Put his kitten in a tree.
Shoot his puppy?
Trip his grandmother.

I asked the magic infinity ball this question:
How can I make Werewolf Gurl happy?

Here is the wisdom it showed me:

Wink at the dwarf as if you know the whole story, whatever it may be.

wink

Uvula indeed!

I recently got dumped too. Cure: find a new boy to play with.

In the meantime, keep eating ice cream.

I recommend hot caramel and hot chocolate syrup to go with chocolate ice cream.

After that I recommend getting someone from your drama department to dress up as skanky as humanly possible and ambush your ex, at either work or on his first date, with desperate and insane child support demands. Don't forget to have your actor make mention of "what you gave me that there's no cure for" as many times as possible. There are many variations on this theme and while some may say it's cruel, no one can deny that as long as it isn't you it's damn funny.

*Hugs* and chocolate ice cream to you!

And also a link to a virtual voodoo doll service, just in case:

<a href="http://www.pinstruck.com/" target="_blank">http://www.pinstruck.com/</a>

I know how to beat a person to the point of death without killing them....Keep me in mind.

Damn gurl, just saw your picture. You are smokin. This guys a fool. Come down to the States, I'll make you feel better

Anytime. Us chocoholics need to stick together.
(Or the bastards will steal all the chocolate.)

i thought he was playing the rebound card?...

Damn, if there's one girl that doesn't have to worry about being alone, it's you. The chocolate bunny was a great idea that needs to be followed up with Cadbury Eggs.

Wait a minute.....does this mean we get to see more pictures?

Breakups suck. I hope it wasn't a complete surprise. My advice to you, since you are apparently already on an Easter candy kick, would be to take about a dozen of those cute Peeps and make a little diorama out of them. Maybe give 'em a little popsicle stick henhouse or something. And then stomp the fuck out of the lot of them.

Well all's not well
But i'm told that it'll all be quite nice
"You'll be drowned in boots like Mafia
But your feet will still float like Christ's"
And i'll be damned
They were right
I'm drowning upside down
My feet afloat like Christ's

-- Modest Mouse, "Styrofoam Boots/It's All Nice On Ice"

I've been rebound guy before, and I learned how crappy that is. Believe me, my input was purely empathetic.

I just gave you a five-star rating.

juiced yoshing...; anyways, yeah:

"love lifts and love drifts away and words fly where hearts can not as hearts strive to join like words and be hugged and neighbored by a binding breast as ink can be pressed on pages and pages of possiblities, and words can not know what minds know as bosoms heave as love grieves and leaves away, and thoughts and chests fall lonely that day like a ballerina in a box, standing only for the breaking light, her twirling finger dizzy with flight like heart's disarray as love is lost and love is tossed away..."

You're young, Gurl.

You still have plenty of time to make our gender suffer for our transgressions.