CHUD.com Community › Forums › THE CHEWERS › The Chewers Catch-All › Clarence Beaks
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Clarence Beaks

post #1 of 30
6/18/03 at 7:45am
Thread Starter 
As a lover of two-dollar words, I read this guy's reviews (typically at AICN) and am constantly astounded (and to my surprise, occasionally perplexed) by his prodigious verbiage.

I genuflect in adulation at your prowess as a wordsmith, Mr. Beaks.
Reply
post #2 of 30
6/18/03 at 7:57am
He do write good, don't he?
Reply
post #3 of 30
6/18/03 at 8:07am
One of the most standout guys at that and this place, and just an all round cool guy. Worth saluting.
Reply
post #4 of 30
6/18/03 at 9:04am
Always a fine contributor to briandepalma.net and his De Palma retrospective coverage on AICN was perhaps the juiciest thing I've ever read there.

We salute you !

<img src="http://www.masterscostumes.com/Salute.jpg" alt="" />
Reply
post #5 of 30
6/18/03 at 9:26am
While I have no pictures of beautiful women dressed as sailors saluting you Beaks, though, I do have this pic:

<img src="http://www.shawus.com/myron/submarines/memories/images/partyp.jpg" alt="" />

Beaks is the man and he knows he shit from his shizzle. He's one of the best critics in town and I value his opinion above pretty much everyone. He's a wity, smart guy (he was smart enough to have the initials CB after all) and I love that despite the fact he works at another website, he is constantly visiting over here. A real professional and a great guy. Here's to you, my fellow CB.
Reply
post #6 of 30
6/18/03 at 10:13am
Not only smart and articulate, Beaks is a man of dignity, grace and compassion. Naturally, he stands out in L.A. Huge props to mah homie.
Reply
post #7 of 30
6/18/03 at 10:43am
Beaks embiggens my soul.
Reply
post #8 of 30
6/18/03 at 10:49am
He does make cromulent word choices.
Reply
post #9 of 30
6/18/03 at 10:50am
He could be caught peeing on Nigerian orphans, and simply for his Justin Theroux/Billy Ray Cyrus reference in his Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle review, I'd give him a pass.

The guy is greatness.
Reply
post #10 of 30
6/18/03 at 10:58am
Beaks is the man.
Reply
post #11 of 30
6/18/03 at 12:06pm
My fave writer on AICN. Plus, he gets to see all the cool shit early. I hate the fucker. Almost as much as I love him.
Reply
post #12 of 30
6/18/03 at 12:11pm
His are the only reviews I'll read at AICN. Although I used to enjoy Quint a bit. But I don't visit AICN much anyway; maybe twice a month or so.
Reply
post #13 of 30
6/18/03 at 12:32pm
Yeah, Beaks is a lot of fun to read - his stuff on AICN and his stuff on the boards. Just an intelligent, witty dude.
Reply
post #14 of 30
6/18/03 at 12:54pm
If he didn't have pictures of me with Laura Wachowski, I'd tell you how I really felt about him.

But as a critic, I love that, err, gentleman and scholar.

Reply
post #15 of 30
6/18/03 at 2:38pm
He threw up over "Malibu's Most Wanted", yet he bothered to give me the time of day with that bet. I actually like him.
Reply
post #16 of 30
6/18/03 at 2:42pm
Beaks is the shit....uh....er....

Beaks is experienced and skillful.
Reply
post #17 of 30
6/18/03 at 3:02pm
Mr. Beaks has overcome his unfortunate first name* to bring us all great joy and mirth. He will definitely NOT be among the first against the wall when the revolution comes. Here's to Beaks and his amazing writing skills and prehensile earlobes!

*His real first name is an unpronoucable and impossible to write guttural shrieking noise that lasts for 18 1/2 days. His parents wisely changed it when he was 18 1/2 days old.
Reply
post #18 of 30
6/18/03 at 3:14pm
No more goddamn jerky beef.
Reply
post #19 of 30
6/18/03 at 4:04pm
I love reading all the talkbackers' complaints about Beaks' vocabulary. Multiple syllables really seem to irk some of those folks.
Reply
post #20 of 30
6/18/03 at 4:43pm
When I saw the title to this thread, I figured I'd done something wrong... been too rough on one of the other chewers, inadvertently posted Nick's hotel room number in Prague, or had my DNA match up with bodily fluids left on the floor at last night's sceening of CRUISING at the New Beverly.

Y'all are beautiful. Thanks from the bottom of my dark, shriveled, two sizes too small heart. I owe you all a belt of Thunderbird on a cold winter morning.
Reply
post #21 of 30
6/18/03 at 4:49pm
Mr. Beaks, we salute you!
Reply
post #22 of 30
6/18/03 at 5:10pm
My favorite reviewer, hands down. I'd suck his soul out with a crazy straw if I thought it would give me half his writing ability.
Reply
post #23 of 30
6/18/03 at 5:22pm
Yes I agree! Mr. Beaks is an assgoblin! Keep up the good work!
Reply
post #24 of 30
6/18/03 at 5:50pm
His mention of older films I have never heard of always impresses me.
Reply
post #25 of 30
6/18/03 at 6:04pm
Forget about his previous work...
Look at his first post in the "Trusting Opinions" thread.
Genius.
He slayed me.
Reply
post #26 of 30
6/19/03 at 1:05am
Clarence has a monster cock. It hangs to the right, or so Dan Whitehead tells me.
Reply
post #27 of 30
6/19/03 at 2:49am
Dan is an expert on internet cock I hear.
Reply
post #28 of 30
6/19/03 at 4:35am
I have a comparison chart going, as I hunt down movie web people across the globe and quantify their tallywhackers.

And, yes, Beaks is carefully pencilled in the "Liam Neeson" section.
Reply
post #29 of 30
6/19/03 at 4:57am
Is this where the line to suck Beaks' dick begins?

He's good, but nobody except Devin is worthy of this much praise. He's a God among you.

Reply
post #30 of 30
6/19/03 at 8:41am
And what is so great is that the name that he uses, Clarence Beaks, is the unseen antagonist that causes the movies, Trading Places, to start.

He was the character that gave out the real crop reports, not the fake ones.

Please, kill me.
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Chewers Catch-All
CHUD.com Community › Forums › THE CHEWERS › The Chewers Catch-All › Clarence Beaks