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Dan Needs A Nemesis (Apply Here)

post #1 of 183
6/26/03 at 3:39am
Thread Starter 
I just realized I don't really have a nemesis on these boards. And being a super hero of sorts (STAR CHAMBER has been GREAT for my self esteem) I figure I need an enemy. So I'm holding tryouts here. Tell me why you have what it takes to rumble with the Danster, and I'll tell you if you make it into the final competition. No pay, and the benefits suck, but Dan Laugharn's Nemesis (2003-Current) looks pretty darn good on a resume.

Begin!
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post #2 of 183
6/26/03 at 3:51am
I'd be up for some Evil Alter Ego action. I could reverse my name, to highlight my sheer oppositeness to you, and become a NAD.

Hmmm. Maybe not.
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post #3 of 183
6/26/03 at 4:00am
Thread Starter 
There could be a good rivalry between us, but I don't really see true nemesis happening. Neither of us are dumb enough to be part of a Superman/Bizarro relationship, sadly. Of course, we could always do a Capt. Marvel/Black Adam granted the power of DAN by an old wizard on the Rock of Ages kinda thing, but neither of us possess the sheer arrogance.

It's just not gonna happen, so I guess we'll just have to be allies. You can be Steel, I'll be Vibe.

JUSTICE LEAGUE DETROIT YEARS 4EVA.
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post #4 of 183
6/26/03 at 4:03am
Modok SUCKS!
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post #5 of 183
6/26/03 at 4:07am
Thread Starter 
Bad hygiene and weak baiting aren't enough to be a nemesis, d00d. At best, you're the Cardiac to my Spider-Man.
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post #6 of 183
6/26/03 at 4:14am
Thread Starter 
I probably shoulda said Vermin instead of Cardiac to keep with that whole hygiene theme. It's late and I'm getting sloppy. I apoligize to all my fans who expect a higher quality of stupid comic references.
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post #7 of 183
6/26/03 at 4:14am
Well, I tried d00d.
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post #8 of 183
6/26/03 at 5:06am
Thread Starter 
I'm not gonna lie to you NEGATIVE/NOWHERE/First Post-Black List/possibly the other General Zod, I've found you pretty annoying since you debuted. The Johnathan Banks is My Hero stuff was just a joke, but you do come off as a total pain in the ass when you post.

That puts you in the running, but you don't quite have that cunning, goatee stroking quality I'm looking for. You come off as a Flash Rogue Gallery member, not the cunning angry bastard which has inspired your current name. I just couldn't see myself fighting you for the fate of an entire pocket universe.

So consider yourself on the bubble.
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post #9 of 183
6/26/03 at 5:14am
I got nothing else going on, plus...you seem to be online at the same time as myself.
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post #10 of 183
6/26/03 at 5:53am
I've got a Radiohead-seeking missile armed and ready in my trunk, and I'm prepared to use it.
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post #11 of 183
6/26/03 at 5:57am
::flagrantly shows off his love for Wolverine::
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post #12 of 183
6/26/03 at 6:00am
Thread Starter 
Ned, you're too neutral. Though being online at the same time is a plus. I'll keep you under consideration.

Hint: Try insulting something I love... and mean it.
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post #13 of 183
6/26/03 at 6:03am
Thread Starter 
Billz, Radiohead is such an easy target. In your fairly moderate amount of time posting here, I've never really seen you as an "enemy" type. Your screen name is kind of annoying, though. (The billz part, not the Thomas Dolby part. Although that will get annoying, as pop culture name references always do. Trust me on this.)
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post #14 of 183
6/26/03 at 6:07am
Thread Starter 
Oh man. In one post, there's a Star Wars reference, an Alien reference, a Transformers reference, and an X-Men reference. That's nerdy, man.

All that aside, other than the fact that you like Tool, and the blatant Matrix trolling, you haven't done much to register on my Nemesisometer (patent pending.)
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post #15 of 183
6/26/03 at 6:22am
As a nemesis I will be extremely passive agressive, and will always respond to angry posts in a calm and slightly condecending manner. If I do let a swear word, or insult slip you can be rest assured that you will see it posted for about a minute of so until I catch my mistake and edit it out, saying simply that I saw some spelling errors.

I know it is not too exciting but I am trying to offer you some variety in your nemesis personality choice.

<<edited for spelling>>

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post #16 of 183
6/26/03 at 6:25am
Thread Starter 
Oooh, y'know, I like that. The kinda guy who'd play me at a game of chess, lose, shake hands, and then inform his secretary (a quiet, well dressed woman who's as deadly as she is sexy, no doubt) to have me killed.

Consider yourself in the running.
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post #17 of 183
6/26/03 at 6:39am
Thread Starter 
See, the problem Mr. Fantone, if that is indeed your real name, is that this is a joke thread I started because I couldn't get to sleep. I'm hardly taking any of this nemesis business seriously. You and your friends on the other hand, seem to have so much bile (and I've yet to see conclusive proof as to WHY you have so much of said bile) that it would be a serious issue. So serious, in fact, you might start a small website just to slander me... and I'm not sure my fragile psyche can handle that. So I'll have to pass on you being my nemesis at this moment. Feel free to take these few oppertunites you have to call me a douche or whatever, because y'know, that shit is awesome.
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post #18 of 183
6/26/03 at 6:57am
I would like to apply for this most honorable position.

For one, I have a wicked goatee with which to stroke menacingly, secondly my comic dorkness would be a nice foil to your own, and lastly, I'm so damn handsome that should the movie be made of our exploits, I can only see Danny Trejo playing my part. I will also refer to you only as "Daniel" just to be snooty.

Did I mention my underground, hollowed-out volcano lair?
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post #19 of 183
6/26/03 at 9:06am
Grant Morrison is an even worse writer than Ron Zimmerman. Now if that doesn't work, I'll add that the fact that I'm French makes me the perfect nemesis for a Texan like you.

Plus, I like Tool as well.
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post #20 of 183
6/26/03 at 9:36am
Look at my name. LOOK AT IT!

If that doesn't cry out "nemesis," I don't know what does.
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post #21 of 183
6/26/03 at 10:11am
I'll volunteer.

You can be mean to me and I'll, well, I don't know. Cry. Or something.
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post #22 of 183
6/26/03 at 10:21am
How about me?
We can duke it out and crack this planet wide open (or we can work together and rule it).
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post #23 of 183
6/26/03 at 10:29am
Dan Laugharn, your an ass!

You don't realize it yet, but I've been your nemesis for years. I know all about you. I remember the kitten incident, I know about the baby oil thing, and I know why your backyard is full of holes. My plan will be revealed to you in due time.
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post #24 of 183
6/26/03 at 10:48am
The simple fact that I'm much prettier than you must goad you to no end, Dan Laggarn. Couple that with my cromulent vocabulary and my deep hatred for men with three-syllable names and you have a foe who will not rest until you are dead, or until I am sleepy.

<Slaps Laggarn's face with pretty, silky white glove.>
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post #25 of 183
6/26/03 at 10:58am
I know I'm still relatively new, but...me, me, me, me, me! *jumps up and down excitedly*

I'm much tougher than I first appear! I promise!

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post #26 of 183
6/26/03 at 11:01am
This isn't an application. You can't be MY nemesis unless you earn it.
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post #27 of 183
6/26/03 at 11:41am
I don't want to be your nemesis, but I'll kick that Chet bastard's ass every time I see him.
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post #28 of 183
6/26/03 at 12:34pm
Hmmm, the question is would you be a worthy oppenent to me? I have many enemies already and I would have to drop a few to add you.
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post #29 of 183
6/26/03 at 12:36pm
This thread is a brilliant idea.
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post #30 of 183
6/26/03 at 12:43pm
Quote:
Dan Laugharn:
Billz, Radiohead is such an easy target. In your fairly moderate amount of time posting here, I've never really seen you as an "enemy" type. Your screen name is kind of annoying, though. (The billz part, not the Thomas Dolby part. Although that will get annoying, as pop culture name references always do. Trust me on this.)
Oops. Silly me, I forgot to mention that you killed my parents.
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post #31 of 183
6/26/03 at 12:49pm
I consider the city of Houston to be an unholy blemish which, much like black olives, Ray Davies, and the Bizarro Chevy Chase, must be cleansed from the face of the Earth. It's inhabitants, including you, will simply be unfortunate casualties. If you were my nemesis, I might dwell on your death for a fraction of a second longer than for the rest of the formerly corporeal Houstonians.
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post #32 of 183
6/26/03 at 12:55pm
I invented a time travel machine to go back and take pictures of me beating you up when you were 8, and then posted them on <a href="http://www.andredellamortebeatsthelivingshitoutofdandorku slaugharn.com" target="_blank">www.andredellamortebeatsthelivings hitoutofdandorkuslaugharn.com</a> and then went even further back in time, and now I'm your daddy.

And guess what, all it took was two budweisers and some mexican weed when I came last calling at a place called "The Triple Nickel."
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post #33 of 183
6/26/03 at 12:56pm
You can have one of mine - Old Restless, Boothby, Cheese Biscuits, ReverseViagramir - I know they're a sorry lot, but it seems I've got a surplus. It could be a win-win situation for the both of us.
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post #34 of 183
6/26/03 at 1:00pm
Quote:
The Hellboy:
You can have one of mine - Old Restless, Boothby, Cheese Biscuits, ReverseViagramir - I know they're a sorry lot, but it seems I've got a surplus. It could be a win-win situation for the both of us.
I'll trade you an Angelus and two Dumb Zods for a Boothby, d00d.

&lt;Pulls out Pokemon binder, prepares for trading bliss. With Pikachu! Pika pika pika.&gt;
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post #35 of 183
6/26/03 at 1:05pm
I hate old people and eat babies... plus I'm holding a grudge from one of your other threads that promised to reply to me. My sense of abandonment will drive me to complete my need for your utter destruction.

Plus I have a robot army.
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post #36 of 183
6/26/03 at 1:10pm
You Texas.

Me California.

Pretty simple.
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post #37 of 183
6/26/03 at 1:14pm
*Drives up to Laugharn in a motorized wheelchair*

I can do a very good German or French accent. I wear a ring, an evil ring no less, on my right hand. I'm a Canadan and everyone hates Canadans. On the downside that means I can't use a gun and will constantly gripe about America's lack of decent public healthcare and exorbitant post-secondary education costs, but I can get you quasi-legal marijuana and turn you into a Half-Baked worshipping stoner.
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post #38 of 183
6/26/03 at 1:17pm
Quote:
raoul duke:
*Drives up to Laugharn in a motorized wheelchair*

I can do a very good German or French accent. I wear a ring, an evil ring no less, on my right hand. I'm a Canadan and everyone hates Canadans. On the downside that means I can't use a gun and will constantly gripe about America's lack of decent public healthcare and exorbitant post-secondary education costs, but I can get you quasi-legal marijuana and turn you into a Half-Baked worshipping stoner.
Wow. If I was picking, I'd say we have a winner right there.
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post #39 of 183
6/26/03 at 1:19pm
Quote:
Andre Dellamorte:
I invented a time travel machine to go back and take pictures of me beating you up when you were 8, and then posted them on <a href="http://www.andredellamortebeatsthelivingshitoutofdandorku slaugharn.com" target="_blank">www.andredellamortebeatsthelivings hitoutofdandorkuslaugharn.com</a> and then went even further back in time, and now I'm your daddy.

And guess what, all it took was two budweisers and some mexican weed when I came last calling at a place called "The Triple Nickel."
God that's just fucking fantastic.

I think Dre wins.

I think your link is down from all the traffic on your site. Was probably that Slashdot link that did it in. Watching Dan get beat up is the new Dancing Baby. Who woulda thunk.

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post #40 of 183
6/26/03 at 1:23pm
It's now a pay site.
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post #41 of 183
6/26/03 at 1:30pm
Tempting. Tempting, indeed.
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post #42 of 183
6/26/03 at 2:27pm
Quote:
Originally posted by Bateman is flattered:
"This thread is a brilliant idea."
How about a loyal sidekick?
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post #43 of 183
6/26/03 at 4:47pm
Thread Starter 
Sweet Jesus, so many applicants. I'm gonna need to start a "Dan Needs An Administrative Assistant" thread to plow through all these.

Momo: You have a goatee, but not in an arch nemesis kinda way. You're less Vandal Savage, more that Blue Meanie guy from ECW.

Blunt: It would be cool to have an international enemy, but other than the Tool business (and, y'know, French!) I don't really have anything against you. I see us more teaming up on occasion, Outsiders style. You can be Geo-Force, I'll be Katana.

Poxy: We disagree frequently, particularly in the realm of music (what with you not really listening to any post 1984, and then one you do, it's all kinds of vile pop-punk crap.) Your name is pretty devious, though, so I think you're in consideration!

Kitty: You're too nice and non-threatning to be a super-villain. That's all I've got.

thedudeabides: You're one of those new guys that just kinda started posting alot that I don't really pay much attention to. That and your sig is just atrocious (bad layout, too big, and it misquotes The Simpsons. I mean, it's not like it's too terribly difficult to fact check on the internet.) Not quite at nemesis levels yet, but a good start!

Jankis: I just don't particularly like you. Short list!

Slater: You try to hard. What with your Mad Lib looking posts of late, it seems like you really want to be a nemesis, you so over do it a great deal. Just sit back and let the nemesis happen. No dice.

MizNomer: I've spoken with you in chat before, and there's not really enough there to make me want to fight you on the surface of the moon. Keep using smilies, though, that helps.
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post #44 of 183
6/26/03 at 4:51pm
If you're scared of me, just say so.
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post #45 of 183
6/26/03 at 4:52pm
Quote:
Dan Laugharn:
Jankis: I just don't particularly like you. Short list!
I'm a little surprised by that. Your mom and sister seem to like me just fine.
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post #46 of 183
6/26/03 at 4:57pm
I will crush you... with my MIND.
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post #47 of 183
6/26/03 at 4:58pm
Thread Starter 
Boomstick: I like your attitude. Not as big a fan of your screen name, though. And you do good DVD reviews, so I don't see it working.

A-Pathetic: I'll have Chet's people call your people. Thanks for stopping by.

Diva: I wasn't an enemy already? Huh. That kinda stings. Anyway, we're both SC, which would make a true nemesis relationship kinda difficult. I think, at most we have a Superman/Maxima relationship: you originally came here to sex me up, I refused, we skirmished, and eventually both joined a leauge to fight crime. Then you sacrificed yourself to save the universe, but that'll come later!

Bateman: Yes, yes it is.

Eyeball Kid: I'm not a particularly large fan of Houston, contrary to popular belief. I'm just kinda stuck here. So, destroying that won't have too much of an effect on me, as far as city destruction. And you dig Spoon, so I can't fault you for much.

Dre: It was all just a game until you had to go back in time and beat me up for the internet to see. You're like the Professor Zoom to my Barry Allen. Consider yo'self a finalist.
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post #48 of 183
6/26/03 at 5:04pm
I laugh at Kinki Kids.
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post #49 of 183
6/26/03 at 5:19pm
I laugh at Kinki Kids while lighting Cuban cigars (with hundred dollar billz yo) that I bought from the profits of my website.
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post #50 of 183
6/26/03 at 5:24pm
I laughed first. And harder.
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