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Feedback on "Skintight"

post #1 of 13
6/10/02 at 11:51am
Thread Starter 
My first "Body Horror" story is now available for your mental pleasuring right <a href="http://www.chud.com/chudstories/stories/skintight.php3" target="_blank">here</a>.

So far, my only feedback has been from close family, who say things like "It's very nice, well done". Bless 'em.

I haven't done any creative writing for a while (rewriting Star Wars doesn't count wink ) so I'd appreciate any comments and reactions from the discerning folk of CHUD - the true litmus test.
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post #2 of 13
6/10/02 at 3:46pm
May I just be the first to say "Hell yeah!"

Great stuff, Dan, you constantly continue to surprise me. First I find out you know a shitload of video game industry people, then that you can WRITE like a sonofabitch!

Totally unexpected ending, not what I was thinking was happening at all. A new twist on a fairly hokey subject, at least the way it's been dealt with in the past. Great reading.

Check it out you limeys!
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post #3 of 13
6/10/02 at 5:42pm
Thread Starter 
Wow - thanks Johnny! I'm glad you enjoyed it, I'm wracking my brains for some follow-up ideas now.

I'm working my way through the other stuff on the site, and The Room was really cool. Nick's ghost story The Road was fucking great too. Great imagery. The phone rang while I was reading it and I jumped about ten feet in the air.
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post #4 of 13
6/10/02 at 5:50pm
I used to love you, Dan. Now I hate you.

Or, rather, I hate myself for reading this story. See, I need to know what happened to this guy and why it happened. He was just a squirrel, trying to keep his nut. Now the reader (ME) is left with no explanation. And that leaves the reader (ME) with a greater sense of fear and dread than if there would have been an explanation. Fuckin' creepy.

If I have trouble sleeping tonight, I really am going to track you down and take the AF #15.

Say, have you written any Star WArs books released in the US?

PS: This post was my feeble attempt at paying a complement.
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post #5 of 13
6/10/02 at 6:03pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
trippingbillie41:
I used to love you, Dan. Now I hate you.
Then my plan is working. Bwah ha ha...

Quote:
trippingbillie41:
Or, rather, I hate myself for reading this story.
Oh.

Quote:
trippingbillie41:
See, I need to know what happened to this guy and why it happened. He was just a squirrel, trying to keep his nut. Now the reader (ME) is left with no explanation. And that leaves the reader (ME) with a greater sense of fear and dread than if there would have been an explanation. Fuckin' creepy.
Well, the idea was that his life made him feel so small and worthless that he began to physically shrink - starting with his skin. I put in the bit about his wife's self-help books, because I thought that if a positive attitude could make you better, what would a lifetime of negative thinking lead to?

Quote:
trippingbillie41:
If I have trouble sleeping tonight, I really am going to track you down and take the AF #15.
You'll have to get past the robot badgers first...

Quote:
trippingbillie41:
Say, have you written any Star WArs books released in the US?
Nope - they're what we quaint English folk call "annuals", hardback books for kids which usually come out at Christmas. They used to be full of comic strips and puzzles, but they've become a bit more sophisticated these days, and the Episode 2 one I wrote was a pretty straight-forward adaptation of the script. But they're only on sale in the UK, I'm afraid.
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post #6 of 13
6/10/02 at 6:24pm
I want to read the story about the robot badgers, dammit...

Good work, colorless cranium. Creepy.
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post #7 of 13
6/10/02 at 6:40pm
Thanks for the explanation. It doesn't dull the story for me. I think it's even more interesting now. A very cool take on the idea of self-image. When I'm down on myself I tend to expand around the middle rather than shrink, though.
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post #8 of 13
6/10/02 at 10:07pm
Mr. Dan Whitehead, that was such an amazing story. It's also somewhat painful as I could somewhat relate to Raymond Bliss' (heh, I LOVED that surname) mundane and repetitive lifestyle (hopefully, my life's ain't that bad though!).

Still, your story really probed deep to my inner fears and you did a magnificent job describing his grotesque transformation.

Great job, Mr. Whitehead! Keep up the great work!
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post #9 of 13
6/11/02 at 12:24am
By the way, that skin-shrinking-before-the-body thing could make a fantastic visual effect if handled properly. It would be horrible yet fascinating to watch, the very essence of a good horror gag.
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post #10 of 13
6/11/02 at 4:07am
Thread Starter 
I've got an idea for a new story which is going to require some serious mind-mangling to make it work, but it should be great. It's an old-fashioned monster story, starring two classic monsters, set in an unusual time period...
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post #11 of 13
6/11/02 at 10:25am
Thanks for the feedback on my story, Dan--thought I'd come here and return the favor.

I thought you did a great job of creaating the character of Raymond Bliss, making him like no one the reader's probably ever met yet still believably offbeat on his own terms. Maybe it's just in retrospect, but the scenes in his apartment with his rigid routine gave me a claustrophobic, trapped feeling--I was imagining it like a Cronenberg film, and I think Raymond would be right at home in Cronenberg's universe, if you don't mind my saying.

But of course the proof of any horror story is in the blood pudding, and I thought the climax of the story was handled very well--very gross and disturbing, as it should be. And I always appreciate it when an author gives his audience enough credit for their intelligence not to over-explicate things, leaving it open for them to either figure out or create their own interpretations, which this story lends itself to. Although that being said, your commentary above does add another layer that perhaps I would have missed otherwise. Make sense?

Good stuff.
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post #12 of 13
6/11/02 at 10:48am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Scott Standridge:
Maybe it's just in retrospect, but the scenes in his apartment with his rigid routine gave me a claustrophobic, trapped feeling--I was imagining it like a Cronenberg film, and I think Raymond would be right at home in Cronenberg's universe, if you don't mind my saying.
I didn't think it at the time, but I'm sure that some Cronenberg influence was at work there. The scene in his bathroom, with hindsight, was probably inspired by Seth Brundle's similar mirror confrontation in The Fly.

And I certainly don't mind my story being compared, even in the smallest way, to Cronenberg. It's incredibly high praise. Cheers!
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post #13 of 13
6/11/02 at 12:48pm
Jeez. That was damn good. I agree, it would be an excellent sight to see on a movie screen. Well done, Dan
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