Your films.

I would gladly post my student film for all the other chewers to watch. It is just I don't know how to get the movies on the internet in the first place.

I have one old movie that is absolutely hideous. Just me and my friends clowning around and screaming at the camera and dancing with teddy bears and a shot of my little brother running across our living room with his shirt off and war paint all over him screaming "Free the animals!" and then laughing manically. Hey, we were in like, grade 6.

Got my first camcorder when I was in my early teens. Turns out Robert Rodriguez and I shot and edited on the exact same stuff (he mentions the RCA Pro Edit Camera with still frame animation, and the JVC VHS with shuttle frame manipulation in his book).

My friends and I made movies that blow any and all of Shamalamabananarama's early stuff out of the aqua.

Let's see...

Look at the Dirty Sock I've Found - where a man finds a demonic sock puppet who convinces the shlub to kill.

555 Part 222 - a sequel to a horrid DTV gore flick

Blood, Guts, and Gore - a psycho in an exectioner's hood wipes out a bunch of guys who learned everything they know about being street thugs from watching The Wanderers and Streets of Fire.

Rick Stone: Return of the Gripper - Renegade cop Rick Stone tracks old nemesis "The Gripper" after Grip makes a daring escape from an institution.

The Man in the Black Hat - Rogueish Spy stops a Polish Drug and his army of ninjas from making cartel connections in this action fest.

The "No Budget" Trilogy - Slasher gore from the killer's point of view, featuring a finale/prequel that reveals shocking origins.

Evil Toe - The Socronomicon Ex Mortis unleashes a crazed Raimi rip in which the hero's big toe has a mind of its own.

Il Numero De la Bestia - A neglected teen turns to black magic and commands an army of zombies to attack his high school. Only a few saavy students can stop him.

Gentleman's Shoes - Martial Arts mayhem in the Shaw Brothers' uncle's cousin's best friend's girlfriend's dad's tradition.

Of the above, Evil Toe, Il Numero, Gentleman's Shoes, Rick Stone, and the No Budget films still exist - and I wish I had the bandwidth to make that stuff available...

All my early shit sucks and much like Raimi's will never been seen.

Those who have seen them have either been bought off or will soon be killed...

That mean I am going to be killed?

Or is my check in the mail?