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xXx review & discussion

post #1 of 39
Thread Starter 
<a href="http://www.chud.com/chudvd/reviews/xxx.php3" target="_blank">http://www.chud.com/chudvd/reviews/xxx.php3</a>

I had fun writing this one, and I hope you guys dig reading it. Signs should be up either late tonight or early tomorrow.
post #2 of 39
Finally......a Jarod Durden reference!
post #3 of 39
Sorry, I believe it is Boyz to Cenobites.

Sheesh.
post #4 of 39
Where did the printer friendly version come from?
post #5 of 39
Thread Starter 
Mike Arsenault made them printer friendly after a New Line rep insisted I make them so in order for them to send printouts to folks like Peter Jackson.

Jacob, thanks for cheapening an incredibly elaborately constructed humoriffic caption.
post #6 of 39
And what a fine review. Scary thought about the "new wave" but I suppose we have to face the music some time.

And the Elliot Gould screen cap is gold.

Oh and funny Danny Trejo should come up....in a shameful "this is in no way making me look any better" I happened to see him at the local Baja Fresh the other day. That mug you can spot from a mile away.

post #7 of 39
We aimz ta pleeze...
post #8 of 39
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Jacob Singer:
We aimz ta pleeze...
I aim to smack nuts.
post #9 of 39
Such hostility during the holidays...
post #10 of 39
Thread Starter 
I fixed the spelling, and a few other gaffes.

Now, feel free to enjoy it without shame.
post #11 of 39
A great review, and a bit profound considering the material. To say that we're entering a new wave and that it's "an all new breed of junk" is a bit disheartening. However, when looking at the comparisons, I will brave the hatred and just say that your Star Wars is my Lord of the Rings, so it's not all bad.
post #12 of 39
I agree, and I did not mean to demean the critiques.

&lt;ba bump&gt;
post #13 of 39
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Matt Goldberg:
A great review, and a bit profound considering the material. To say that we're entering a new wave and that it's "an all new breed of junk" is a bit disheartening. However, when looking at the comparisons, I will brave the hatred and just say that your Star Wars is my Lord of the Rings, so it's not all bad.
Thanks Matt, and Lord the Rings has taken "my Star Wars" and roughly had its way with it and shown me that every once in a while our old bit of beloved nostalgia can be replaced effortlessly.
post #14 of 39
A fantastic review. Really. That is some fine work. Most people comment on the caps and wit, but that review deserves a wow. It was a breeze to read but it packed a whoop to it. Made some excellent points.
post #15 of 39
Brown noser.
post #16 of 39
You figured me out.

I just said that so he would finally put up my Human Nature review. I really think the review is low brow shit and didn't read the whole thing.
post #17 of 39
Man, is everybody grouchy tonight?
post #18 of 39
I was kidding, like you. I just hate emo's and didn't use one.

post #19 of 39
Quote:
Tony Ryan:
I just hate emo's...
You've made him sad...

<img src="http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:XQIDfxFuC5EC:www.oleswanson.com/images/emo.jpg" alt="" />
post #20 of 39
Thanks for taking part in my evil plan to derail this thread, Jacob. Your account is taken care of just like we said.
post #21 of 39
Thread Starter 
Back to the review...
post #22 of 39
Like Tony said, it is a great review. Easy to read and packed with info. The caps were pretty damn entertaining, too.

Can't go wrong with a boyz to men/hellraiser/sugar crossover joke.
post #23 of 39
I think the review is excellent, but the film has already recieved far more attention than it deserves. I apologize for the previous derailment.
post #24 of 39
Thread Starter 
Quote:
hesterthe13th:
Like Tony said, it is a great review. Easy to read and packed with info. The caps were pretty damn entertaining, too.

Can't go wrong with a boyz to men/hellraiser/sugar crossover joke.
Bless you for catching the Sugar reference. Now, let's explode and make up.
post #25 of 39
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Jacob Singer:
I think the review is excellent, but the film has already recieved far more attention than it deserves. I apologize for the previous derailment.
The film's Bert Convy's rotted meats, but the attention in this forum may remind some readers why it exists.
post #26 of 39
Great review. I know we say that everytime there's a thread for a DVD review, but it would have been so easy to dismiss this one out of hand and join the "It SUX!" crowd. It's the sign of an intelligent reviewer that even though the film as a whole disappoints, Nick found time to offer praise where it was deserved. It pretty much confirms my suspicions about this movie, and I'm sure I'll catch it when it turns up on TV in a year or so.

And, for added browning of the nose, the captions were pretty much flawless throughout. Not a duffer amongst them.
post #27 of 39
Great Review.....but I'm still gonna avoid this 2 hour Mountain Dew commercial like the plague.

But this line from your review had me laughing for a couple of minutes......
Quote:
("Welcome to the Xander Zone" is about as catchy as "Let Me Maul Your Genitals With Hammers")
Hey what can I say I'm a simple man.
post #28 of 39
Like Dan pointed out, this was a great review because despite your (apparent) overwhelming distaste for mindless action movies, you could still find time to point out positives and give props.

Plus all teh funnay. I like teh funnay.
post #29 of 39
Nick brings up an interesting point about the future of films like this. Will people see them as childhood fixtures, or the greats as we see Raiders or Star Wars?

As fearful as I am of that happening, my suspicion is that xXx will be the Sheena of 2002. Crap tends to float away, though many of those crapastical films hold a special place in our hearts, even if we know they're no good.

post #30 of 39
Quote:
Andre Dellamorte:
Nick brings up an interesting point about the future of films like this. Will people see them as childhood fixtures, or the greats as we see Raiders or Star Wars?
I think the All-Time Greats are easy to spot. Any kids or teenagers who grow up with Lord Of The Rings will obviously hold a special place for that - as will we all.

Where I think there's an interesting generation gap is in films like xXx. They're the disposable junk that many of us see as symptomatic of all that is wrong with Hollywood.

But think about the films you loved growing up. And not just the really good ones you still cling to today. We loved just as much stoopid crap as this generation. Most of us would look back at, say, Flash Gordon or Rambo with goofy affection - even though they are deeply terrible movies on any sane rating system. Same with today. Stuff like Tomb Raider and The Time Machine is just the modern equivalent of our 70s and 80s cheese.

In twenty years time, I guarantee you there'll be people laughing at those movies with innocent glee, just as we relish guys like Doug McClure.

Same shit, different decade. It's not the end of cinema as we know it.
post #31 of 39
A friend of mine always likes to quote to me how in 1967 the most popular film of the year was The Love Bug.
post #32 of 39
I think it's Nick's best DVD review by far.

Because it wasn't written out of love or personal passion, but rather workmanlike duty and, most importantly, skills.

And that's when the men get separated from the boyz.

All good points that I utterly disagree with, but all very good points.
post #33 of 39
Definitely a well done review. As for the film itself it is just a lot of PG-13 noise. I hate movies that try to convince me they are cool. Just tell your story, put your characters in motion, and let the audience decide if they're cool.
post #34 of 39
One more note, was I the only one who thought the bad guy looked like a Euro-trash version of Kevin Spacey?
post #35 of 39
<img src="http://www.chud.com/chudvd/reviews/images5/xxx5.jpg" alt="" />

"I have come here to eat flapjacks and kick ass... and I'm all out of ass."

This just about killed me. Great review!
post #36 of 39
great review.

however, i'm still hemorrhaging from the absolute awfulness that is the movie.
post #37 of 39
Jeebus Christ

Quote:
xXx Explodes onto DVD & Video
Thursday, January 9, 2003 12:21 CST

The Hollywood Reporter says Revolution Studios' extreme actioner xXx, starring Vin Diesel and Samuel L. Jackson, exploded into the New Year, selling more than 5 million DVD units during its first seven days on retail shelves.

While that figure doesn't set any records, it makes xXx one of the five best-selling DVDs out of the gate and establishes it as the best seller of the new year.

The much-anticipated title also topped the weekly rental charts, earning a whopping $15.29 million in estimated gross rental revenue. - Coming Soon.net
While I can't say xXx is necessarily horrible by any means, it certainly does have many stupidities among it (which I pretty much expected). I mean, for a movie prasing on action it just felt...a little underwhelming to say the least aside from the cool-but-major-"huh?" snowboard/avalanche scene. For all it's worth, it's still a bit empty.

Good review, BTW.

post #38 of 39
Hell of an actual DVD product though. Definitely a cut above.

If I had two tvs and DVD players, and had one spinning Lucas talking about the droid factory 'tone poem' and the other with Cohen discussing the deep philosophy behind his choice of the Hatebreed song during the snowboard scene, I bet I could make my own head explode.
post #39 of 39
That is the most fucked up commentary I have ever heard.
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