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Mikah's Ecks Vs Sever Review

post #1 of 31
1/8/03 at 8:46pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
How many action movies feature a scene where enemy soldiers are taken out by telling them the secret of Radiohead's "Just" video?
Genius. And a great review to boot!

I'm now wondering whether to just see this movie just for the masochist in me.
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post #2 of 31
1/9/03 at 12:01am
Just so there's no confusion, let's make THIS the official thread for comments on the <a href="http://www.chud.com/chudvd/reviews/eck.php3" target="_blank">CHUD DVD review for Ecks vs. Sever</a>.
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post #3 of 31
1/9/03 at 12:05am
Great review, Micah. I had forgotten how much crap the action scenes (and the rest of the movie) where. Ray Park's martial arts skills, totally wasted. The main actors, totally wasted.

It's definitely vying for the spot of worst movie of 2002 in my list. (Along with Halloween: Resurrection and Femme Fatale)
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post #4 of 31
1/9/03 at 12:11am
Is there anyone who's seen KAOS' one previous flick <strong>Fah</strong>, supposedly the biggest hit in Thailand's box office history? It's what apparently convinced Chris Lee that he would be the next hot import action director?

Anyways, I digress. Great review mikah. For once I truly share your pain. Oh Dear God in Heaven. What a waste.
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post #5 of 31
1/9/03 at 12:25am
Great review, Micah. Like Charles, I'm tempted to check out this film. But in the end, I think I'm gonna avoid this like the plague.
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post #6 of 31
1/9/03 at 1:41am
Quote:
voltes5:
Great review, Micah. Like Charles, I'm tempted to check out this film. But in the end, I think I'm gonna avoid this like the plague.
Wise decision. Any hell you could possibly imagine will pale in comparison.
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post #7 of 31
1/9/03 at 1:49am
voltes, I'd see it anyway - just for the enjoyment of seeing a car chase that literally bores you to death and lots of improbable explosions. Bad? Yes. Very bad? Yep. Party flick? You bet.
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post #8 of 31
1/9/03 at 5:27am
Laser-accurate skewering from Micah. Combined with a long overdue career-smashing for Martin Lawrence, this has got the day off to a grand start.

There's a real sadistic joy in reading something like this, and I secretly wanted it to carry on through the whole film, scene by scene, demolishing it methodically - "And another thing..."

But I imagine the cost of Micah's psychiatric care afterwards would be prohibitively expensive.
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post #9 of 31
1/9/03 at 9:30am
An entire picture of things blowing up directed by an Asian visual stylist. And it's boring ? Between this, Two Much and schlepping it to La Griffith, Spain must be ever so proud of its podgy son.

Back to my Don "The Dragon" Wilson collection, I guess. Some things in life you can trust
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post #10 of 31
1/9/03 at 9:38am
An extremely fair review....good job, Micah.

You've captured the film in its essence. No one could argue with your analysis.
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post #11 of 31
1/9/03 at 10:12am
this movie would've punched out my brain... if it actually had any velocity. fortunately, babies slide from birth canals at higher MPH than anything in Ecks vs. Sever.

special commendations for biting the slow-moving bullet and warning everyone, Micah.

oh, and Pluto Nash is a masterpiece by comparison.
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post #12 of 31
1/9/03 at 10:27am
Excellent review man. But I'm not sure exactly how much you hate this movie. Can you break it down for me?
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post #13 of 31
1/9/03 at 10:29am
the caption aabout the "Just" video cracjked me up as well, as did the Ray Park caps.

I won't be seeing this flick, hehehe
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post #14 of 31
1/9/03 at 11:06am
The 'Mother tea-bagged by Tony Todd' cap is horrific & hilarious.

Great review. I feel safe in saying I will never wee this movie.
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post #15 of 31
1/9/03 at 11:20am
My wife went into labor the night I attended the CHUD screening. Not sure which of us was in more pain.

Great review Mikah. You've given me a few new reasons to hate this film.
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post #16 of 31
1/9/03 at 11:34am
Quote:
Guttenberg Fan Club:
Great review. I feel safe in saying I will never wee this movie.
Not without some serious bladder surgery anyway.
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post #17 of 31
1/9/03 at 12:00pm
Funny review, Micah. I'm so very glad I have not seen this movie but I will keep it in mind for times when I feel I need to punish myself.
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post #18 of 31
1/9/03 at 3:55pm
What's the name of that noise you make when you try and stifle a laugh and something weird happens in your nose and throat simultaneously? Cause that's what just happened. The "Blue Steel" cap... damn, I need to quit surfing at work.
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post #19 of 31
1/9/03 at 4:30pm
i think that's called a "snortle". or it should be.
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post #20 of 31
1/9/03 at 5:24pm
A new editor and a new score could have made this a decent action flick (slow mo bike chase aside).
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post #21 of 31
1/9/03 at 6:51pm
Great review, but can someone explain the "Just" video joke to this old coot?
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post #22 of 31
1/9/03 at 7:06pm
The video to "Just" by Radiohead featured a man lying on the sidewalk, with everyone trying to get him to explain why he was lying there. It's all in subtitles, naturally. If I remember rightly, the only bit without sound or subtitles is his explanation of why he's lying there. Very esoteric.
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post #23 of 31
1/9/03 at 7:23pm
Yes, and if you try to ask Radiohead fans what the guy says at the end you get ridiculed and insulted. So don't do that.
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post #24 of 31
1/9/03 at 7:52pm
Quote:
Dan Whitehead:
The video to "Just" by Radiohead featured a man lying on the sidewalk, with everyone trying to get him to explain why he was lying there. It's all in subtitles, naturally. If I remember rightly, the only bit without sound or subtitles is his explanation of why he's lying there. Very esoteric.
What makes the joke is that at the end of the video, when he explains why he's lying there to the curious, assembled crowd, they all drop to the ground as well as the video fades out.

Hence the relation to the caption.
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post #25 of 31
1/9/03 at 8:08pm
Mucho appreciado.
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post #26 of 31
1/9/03 at 9:13pm
god damn. Dito to everyone who though the Just caption was hilarious as shit....

That and Nick's Signs/Bird on a Wire caption made my day.
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post #27 of 31
1/9/03 at 11:30pm
Great review. Too bad I'll have to pass on this one. Absolutely terrible movie.
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post #28 of 31
1/10/03 at 1:21pm
Quote:
ReverseViagra needs more cowbell:
A new editor and a new score could have made this a decent action flick (slow mo bike chase aside).
Having gone back through this thread, I'm going to have to say:

No.
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post #29 of 31
1/11/03 at 3:32am
Unless they got absolutely no other coverage at all, it's pretty clear that the raw footage is there for some decent shootouts, fights, and explosion scenes. Hell, the trailer was better edited and scored than the movie. Just look at the Lucy Liu slow mo twin stick beating of the SWAT guys. It's practically the same shots in the trailer, except that the music is MUCH better and the result is it seems a heck of a lot cooler.
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post #30 of 31
1/11/03 at 4:51am
Quote:
mikah912:
Quote:
ReverseViagra needs more cowbell:
A new editor and a new score could have made this a decent action flick (slow mo bike chase aside).
Having gone back through this thread, I'm going to have to say:

No.
Gonna have to agree with mikah there. That still wouldn't have helped. A decent script would've. Or perhaps this movie didn't need to exist in the first place.
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post #31 of 31
1/18/03 at 11:53pm
We subjected ourselves to this last night, even with Micah's review fresh in my head. And everyone was right. The music was awful as it related to the movie, and could we have MORE scenes in slow-motion? And especially love the bit at the end where they blow stuff up, yet it has no affect whatsoever on the bad guy. As was said earlier, it was a boring action movie, essentially. My wife thought the storyline was pretty good (how working for the FBI, etc., messes with your family life), but it just wasn't done very well. And I could barely understand Antonio Banderas in the first 40 minutes of the film.

And plus *SPOILER*, he lived in the same city as his "dead" wife for 7 years after she "died", and he never accidentally ran into her? And vice-versa? Ummm, OK.

Not the worst movie I've ever seen, but pretty crappy. xXx kept more of my attention than this did.
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