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Good Wish - Bad Wish

post #1 of 910
12/6/03 at 10:46am
Thread Starter 
Ok, this is how this game works.

I wish for something good. Then you reply that my wish is granted but in a bad way. Here's an example:

My post:

I wish my loud neighbors would move away.


Your post:

Wish granted!! But a tribe of hillbillies move in and the two big ones constantly say, "You sure gotta purty mouth."

I wish my girlfriend would say yes, when I ask her to get married.


Next post:

Your wish is granted. But she says yes to your dad instead of you. She's now your mom.

I wish..........

You get the picture?

I'll start off:

I wish I had better hearing.
Reply
post #2 of 910
12/6/03 at 12:17pm
Your wish is granted, and the snores of a billion Chinese drive you to madness.

I wish I had a million dollars.
Reply
post #3 of 910
12/6/03 at 2:13pm
Your wish is granted. On Pay-Per-View at www.skeletal-rich-sluts.com.

I wish The Scarecrow & Mrs King was back on TV.
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post #4 of 910
12/6/03 at 2:32pm
Your wish is granted. However, 2 weeks after the premiere, Remington Steel returns to the airwaves and pre-empts the show, permanently.

I wish I could fly!
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post #5 of 910
12/6/03 at 2:59pm
Thread Starter 
Your wish has been granted! You start to fly, but you reach 35,000 ft and your arms start to get tired. You plumment to the ground and make an impact crater the size of Texas.

I wish it would stop snowing out
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post #6 of 910
12/6/03 at 3:03pm
Your wish has been granted! However, the snow may be gone, but suddenly it starts raining pieces of Rue McClanahan all over the planet.

I wish I owned a tank.
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post #7 of 910
12/6/03 at 3:15pm
Your wish is granted! But alas, your tank is made out of waferboard, PVC piping, and cable ties and it is soon smashed and dismantled by a roving gang of 5 year old toughs who proudly bear away the scraps and use them to make a fort and a half pipe.

I wish I had some magic beans...
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post #8 of 910
12/6/03 at 3:19pm
Thread Starter 
Wish granted! But you put your magic beans in a bowl of chili, eat it and when you'er done, your farts smell like roses and a huge alien satellite comes out of you butt, signals the alien fleet and they start to attack. The world ends. All because of your magic beans.

I wish I didn't have surgery on Monday.
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post #9 of 910
12/7/03 at 12:29am
Wish granted! However, your problems multiply by day and by the time you undress for bed next weekend your insides have melted and are oozing from every orifice. You decide to take your wish back, but you're dead.

I wish I never went to private school for freshman/ sophomore year.
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post #10 of 910
12/7/03 at 1:26am
Wish granted! Instead, you are whisked away to the Hogwarts school of magic to begin your high school years. However, time changes people, as does fame. The innocent, wide-eyed boy known as Harry Potter has transformed into the preppy douche bag known as Harry Potter who doesn't appreciate a new little shit trying to upstage him. By the end of the semester, you're found lying naked in the girls locker room, violated by a "re-called" broomstick.

I wish for a Evil Dead/Ghostbusters/Fight Club crossover.
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post #11 of 910
12/7/03 at 1:47am
Wish granted, however anyone who ever saw the originals of all those movies quickly makes a plan and effectively assassinates you.

I wish football was year-round.
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post #12 of 910
12/7/03 at 1:50am
Wish granted! However anyone who saw the original Ghostbusters, Evil Dead films, or Fight Club quickly assassinates you and then proceed to deficate on your grave.

I wish I could sleep with Britney Spears.
Reply
post #13 of 910
12/7/03 at 2:30am
Your wish is my command! Unfortunately, like all trained animals, they eventually "break free" of your power and turn on you. Your limbs are yummy to them, if it bit light in fat.

I wish for a piece of yo' sah-weet ass.
Reply
post #14 of 910
12/7/03 at 2:37am
Wish granted! Your piece of my ass/asshair will be there in 6-8 weeks.

I wish I had $96,000 in unmarked bills.
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post #15 of 910
12/7/03 at 3:03am
Wish granted but your money is now worthless after the collapse of the world's economy.

I wish for Han to shoot first.
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post #16 of 910
12/7/03 at 3:06am
<edit> Woodward did you change what you wished for? Didn't you originally want unlimited wishes? Oh well I'll reply to both wishes.

Your wish is granted but in order to use one, You have to handwrite a 10,000 word essay in triplicate detailing every possible use you will put the wish to. And then it will have be put through the US Patent office to make sure that there has never been another wish like it before. Sadly they will decline it if any spelling or grammar errors are present.

Han will shoot first, but he misses his target.

I wish for a pay raise.
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post #17 of 910
12/7/03 at 3:09am
Wish granted! But when the company goes down for tax fraud your name is on the top of the list.

I wish for more nude beaches.
Reply
post #18 of 910
12/7/03 at 3:22am
Wish granted, but they are only populated by 65 year-old, 340 lb naked men with stage-3 skin cancer.

I wish people would love and respect each other.
Reply
post #19 of 910
12/7/03 at 3:55am
Wish granted, but people will only love and respect the living dead. The world is overrun by zombies. You and everyone you love are dead.

I wish that Alien 3 had been directed by Ridley Scott.
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post #20 of 910
12/7/03 at 3:58am
Wish granted, but he places Bill Bellamy and Jamie Foxx in the lead roles, and adds a hip-hop soundtrack to it.

I wish I had a motorcycle.
Reply
post #21 of 910
12/7/03 at 4:03am
Wish granted, but the motorcycle can only go 1 mile per day.

Now for a noble wish.....I wish for a cure for all diseases.
Reply
post #22 of 910
12/7/03 at 4:06am
Thread Starter 
Wish granted, but with no disease, the world population soars. Resourses are plundered, pollution is out of control, the Earth is dying. Because of your wish, 5 local youths decide that you should be beaten. The beat you to death with socks filled with quarters.

I wish Nancy would go out with me.
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post #23 of 910
12/7/03 at 4:09am
Wish granted, Nancy agrees to go out with you, but when you bring her home after the date, you discover Nancy is really a man.

I wish that time travel was possible.
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post #24 of 910
12/7/03 at 4:13am
It is now. But someone accidently kills your great-great-grandfather and you cease to exist.

I wish I had a better television.
Reply
post #25 of 910
12/7/03 at 4:15am
Wish granted, but when your wife discovers you spent $5,000.00 on a better TV, she cuts your balls off with a dull steak knife.

I wish that I could fall asleep.
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post #26 of 910
12/7/03 at 4:18am
Wish granted. You fall asleep...AND NEVER WAKE UP AGAIN!!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA !

Er...

I wish we could all just get along.
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post #27 of 910
12/7/03 at 4:36am
Wish granted. Everyone gets along so well that the world becomes a pussy-whipped, Brady Bunch-version of itself (thank you, Wesley Snipes). All the countries in the world destroy their weapons and digress into a peace-loving society...until the aliens come and wipe out every living person on the planet with a small blowtorch and a jar of peanut butter.

I wish I could relive my childhood, with the knowledge I have now, so I may change the mistakes of the past.
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post #28 of 910
12/7/03 at 6:42am
I give you your wish, you can dunk a basketball backwards. However, to accomplish this, you must also do everything backwards, which includes eating through your ass and defecating through your mouth.

I wish I hadn't thought of that.
Reply
post #29 of 910
12/7/03 at 11:00am
Thread Starter 
Your wish has been granted, although you don't know it. Why? Because your brain has been removed and replaced with an old Apple IIe computer that was donated by an elementry school in Hicktown, Arkansas, because they upgraded to an Apple IIg.

I wish Monica Belluci lived next door
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post #30 of 910
12/7/03 at 1:33pm
Your wish is granted...but the smell eminating from her bathroom is revolting beyond rational thought.


I wish I didn't have to work today(Sunday) or next Sunday.
Reply
post #31 of 910
12/7/03 at 1:36pm
Your wish is granted! Monica Bellucci now lives next door to you. However, that means so does Vincent Cassel and you're kept awake all night by the animalistic sounds of their passionate, yet aloof, sweaty French lovemaking. To further the torment, Cassel makes his wife walk around in a burqua when venturing outside to keep your dirty American eyes from her. When she goes to get the mail, he sits on the porch staring at you with his cold, dead French eyes and laughs the laugh of the elite while smoking a cigarette and drinking wine. Eventually, he puts you out of you misery with his cool wooden sword whip from Brotherhood of the Wolf. Then he has sex with his wife on the grave NEXT to yours.

I wish my city's Baseball team, The Baltimore Orioles, didn't suck so bad.
Reply
post #32 of 910
12/7/03 at 1:54pm
Your wish is granted, the Baltimore Orioles win the World Series next year; however, after winning, their team owner has a stroke and dies. His grieving widow sells the team to a group of investors in Green Bay.

I wish that breakfast was ready on the table.
Reply
post #33 of 910
12/7/03 at 3:22pm
Thread Starter 
Your wish is granted. Your breakfast is on the table. Directly on the table, no dishes, pots, or plates. It's all combined in a huge pile. Waffles, pancakes, syrup, eggs, orange juice, milk, cereal, and oatmeal are all combined. You add to that pile, your puke. Breakfast is served!

I wish my order from Amazon.com would arrive today.
Reply
post #34 of 910
12/7/03 at 3:49pm
Your wish is granted! AN order arrives. But not your order. It seems Paul Orndorff had ordered a metal spiked dildo with spouts for shooting out motor oil, and it's all yours, pal!

I wish Christmas was tomorrow.
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post #35 of 910
12/7/03 at 4:18pm
Your wish is granted! While going about their elfen duties, the head elf notices the calendar says Christmas is TOMORROW. There is a massive panic at the north pole, as elf blood pressures skyrocket, and the little chaps just start exploding ala Scanners. The reindeer go on strike, Santa suffers a massive coronary, and now YOU are known to children throughout the land as "The Man Who Killed Christmas". However, on the bright side, Christian fundamentalists rejoice, as the season loses its pagan origins, and they can get on with celebrating J.C.'s "birthday", as misguided as that idea is.

I wish that every pet had a loving home, that there were no "strays".
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post #36 of 910
12/7/03 at 4:32pm
Wish granted! Unfortunately, Yoko throws herself in the path of the assasin's bullets, and is killed instead of John. Beatles fans (and music fans in general) rejoice at the news of her long-awaited demise. But John, after mourning, emerges a changed man, joins forces with Ozzy Osbourne to record a series of Gospel records, which ruins both their careers.

I wish I had x-ray vision.
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post #37 of 910
12/7/03 at 4:47pm
Thread Starter 
Wish granted. But in your attempt to use it to see through hot girl's clothing, you find out it only works on 300lb gay male's clothing. Good luck!

I wish my house was cleaner.
Reply
post #38 of 910
12/7/03 at 5:15pm
your wish is granted, you are better at insulting people. However, you become obsessed with your new power and when you meet the Chinese Premier one day, you call him a Red Pig Fucker. You get sent to a Red Chinese prision camp, where, ironically, a Red Pig Fucker uses you as the pig.

I wish I could destroy things with my mind.
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post #39 of 910
12/7/03 at 5:26pm
Thread Starter 
Your wish is granted. You extract your mind from your skull and procede to bash everything around you. Unfortunatlely your mind is now pure slush and some of it leaks out your nose as you attempt to put it back into your cranium. As a result, you now forgot who you are for 10 minutes and piss your pants whenever someone starts up the microwave.

I wish I could enter and live in any fictional world.
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post #40 of 910
12/7/03 at 5:29pm
Your wish is granted, you enter and live in the hillbilly house from Deliverance. This time the pig fuckers aren't Reds, but you get the picture.

I wish I had a penguin farm.
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post #41 of 910
12/7/03 at 5:37pm
Wish granted. You now run a farm owned by Mario Lemieux. Your budget is next to nothing, so all you can afford is old penguins ready for retirement, or new young penguins who have no talent, but will later, and will ask for huge pay raises you can't afford. Your farm has the oldest buildings, and no one even bothers to come anymore as the local petting zoo has more interesting penguins than you. But on the bright side, you're the only farm that has a skating rink.

I wish the sport of hockey was the USA's national pastime.
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post #42 of 910
12/7/03 at 6:19pm
Your wish is granted. But the games end up on PBS and are sanitized for your protection. Enjoy!

I wish I had a little nip of Scotch right now.
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post #43 of 910
12/7/03 at 6:20pm
That nip of scotch turns out to really be a nip. In fact, strange as this may sound, the scotch bites your lips off.

I wish that the earth had more than one moon.
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post #44 of 910
12/7/03 at 6:31pm
Your wish is my command. Unfortunately, in wishing for two moons, they are inexplicably moved closer to the Earth; thus causing 1,000 ft. tidal waves to occur everyday, killing off the entire human race in the process.

I wish swiss cheese didn't have holes.
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post #45 of 910
12/7/03 at 11:04pm
Wish granted. Though you asked for superhuman powers, you failed to specify beneficial superhuman powers, and you become a mutant freak with the ability to drink a slurpee at an accelerated rate. Desperate to prove your worth, you drink way too much slurpee and get ultimate brain freeze. Sucks to be you.

I wish that I was the source of all power in the universe.
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post #46 of 910
12/7/03 at 11:14pm
Wish=Granted. But the music is Klezmer 24/7, creating much anxiety due to the lack of work getting done around you. Way too much dancing!


I wish I had a Star on the Walk of Fame.
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post #47 of 910
12/7/03 at 11:17pm
I'll respond to both.

For the Soundtrack: Your soundtrack, though it pleases you, happens to make pit bulls angry, and a large gang of angry pit bulls tears you to pieces.

FOr the Star: Your name is misspelled badly, and reads "Small Penis". You kill yourself out of shame.

I wish I could summon objects to my hand from far away.
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post #48 of 910
12/8/03 at 2:00am
Your wish is granted! Be careful what you wish for, however, as I'm sure you wanted an army of the UNdead, not an army of the dead. But they will be entirely obedient, even as their already putrescent flesh slides off their bones. And I'm not even gonna mention the smell. Take 'em Christmas shopping for the thrill of clearing the mall...

I wish I was bulletproof.
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post #49 of 910
12/8/03 at 2:21am
Wish granted. However, you are made bigheaded by your celebrity and while on vacation you rape an attendant at your Vail luxury resort. Your wife now has you under a fearsome pussy whip, and you are more than likely jail bound.

I wish I was Paul Walker.
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post #50 of 910
12/8/03 at 2:24am
Your wish is granted. And I honestly can't think of anything worse than being Paul Walker.

I wish I could win an Oscar.
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