Great speeches in film history - Page 4

Anybody wanna update this thread with stuff from the last 3-4 years?

What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Better get outta his way!

Pacino, Insider

You pay me to go get guys like Wigand, to draw him out. To get him to trust us, to get him to go on television. I do. I deliver him. He sits. He talks. He violates his own fucking confidentiality agreement. And he's only the key witness in the biggest public health reform issue, maybe the biggest, most-expensive corporate-malfeasance case in U.S. history. And Jeffrey Wigand, who's out on a limb, does he go on television and tell the truth? Yes. Is it newsworthy? Yes. Are we gonna air it? Of course not. Why? Because he's not telling the truth? No. Because he is telling the truth. That's why we're not going to air it. And the more truth he tells, the worse it gets!

"No, you're right, I'm being unfair. I should be thanking you for not throwing up. Well done, you're a star. You didn't wet yourself, did you? You're in the right city. You didn't say anything overtly racist. You didn't pull your cock out and start plucking it and shouting "Willy Banjo". No, I'm being really unfair. You'd got so much right, without actually being there in the beginning of one of the most important moments of my career. Thanks, you're a legend."

Tom Hollander, In The Loop

"There's a Christmas tree somewhere in London with a bunch of presents underneath it that'll never be opened. And I thought, if I survive all of this, I'd go to that house, apologize to the mother there, and accept whatever punishment she chose for me. Prison, death, didn't matter. Because at least in prison and at least in death, you know, I wouldn't be in fuckin' Bruges. But then, like a flash, it came to me. And I realized, fuck man, maybe that's what hell is: the entire rest of eternity spent in fucking Bruges. And I really really hoped I wouldn't die. I really really hoped I wouldn't die."

--Colin Farrell In Bruges

I love In Bruges. Another film I never would have watched had it not been for CHUD.

Neither would I.

This one's not from the last 3-4 years, sorry:

Joe: "This life - life, what a joke. This... situation, this... room. You look terrible, Mr. Waturi. You look like a bag of shit stuffed in a cheap suit. Not that anybody could look good under these zombie lights. I, I can feel them sucking the juice out of my eyeballs. Suck, suck, suck, suck. Three hundred bucks a week. That's the news; for three hundred bucks a week I've lived in this sink, this used rubber..."

Waturi: "You watch it mister, there's a woman here..."

Joe: "Don't you think I know that, Frank? Don't you think that I am aware that there's a woman here? I can smell her like, like a flower, I can taste her like sugar on my tongue, when I'm 20 feet away I can hear the fabric of her dress when she moves in her chair. Not that I've done anything about it. I've gone all day, every day, not doing, not saying, not taking the chance. For three hundred dollars a week! And Frank, the coffee - it stinks. It tastes like arsenic. These lights give me a headache. If they don't give you a headache you must be dead. So let's arrange a funeral!"

Waturi: "You better get outta here. I'm telling you..."

Joe: "You're not telling me nothing. Why? I ask myself why I put up with you. I can't imagine, but I know. It's fear, yellow freakin' fear - I've been too chickenshit afraid to live my life, so I sold it to you for three hundred freakin' dollars a week! You are lucky I don't kill you, you are lucky I don't rip your freakin' throat out! But I'm not going to. Maybe you're not so lucky, at that, because I'm going to leave you here, Mr. Waho Waturi - what could be worse than that?"

Not from the last 3-4 yrs, and more of a prayer than a speech....

"Merciful Father, I have squandered my days with plans of many things. This was not among them. But at this moment, I beg only to live the next few minutes well. For all we ought to have thought, and have not thought; all we ought to have said, and have not said; all we ought to have done, and have not done; I pray thee God for forgiveness. "


If I were the prayin' sort, that's how I'd pray.

" I planted evidence on a guy once, back in '95. We were paying $100 an eight-ball to snitches. We got a call from our pal, Ray Likanski. He couldn't find enough guys to rat out. Anyway, he tells us there's a guy pumping up in an apartment up in Columbia Point. We go in, me and Nicky. Fifteen years ago, when Nicky went in, it was no joke. So it's a... it's a stash house, right? The old lady's beat to shit, the husband's mean, cracked out, trying to give us trouble, Nicky lays him down. We're doing an inventory, but it looks like we messed up because there's no dope in the house, and I go in the back room. Now, this place was a shithole, mind you? Rats, roaches, all over the place. But the kid's room, in the back, was spotless. No, I mean, he swept it, mopped it; it was immaculate. The little boy's sitting on the bed, holding onto his playstation for dear life. There's no expression on his face, tears streaming down. He wants to tell me he just learned his multiplication tables."

"Christ"

"I mean, the father's got him in this crack den, subsisting on twinkies and ass-whippings, and this little boy just wants someone to tell him that he's doing a good job. You're worried what's Catholic? I mean, kids forgive. Kids don't judge. Kids turn the other cheek. What do they get for it? So I went back out there, I put an ounce of heroin on the living room floor, and I sent the father on a ride, seven to life."

"That was the right thing?"

"Fucking A! You gotta take a side. You molest a child, you beat a child, you're not on my side. If you see me coming, you better run, because I am gonna lay you the fuck down! Is the kid better off without his father? Yeah. But okay, I mean, could be out there right now pumping with a gun in his waistband. It's a war, man. Are we winning? No."

"I was sheriff of this county when I was twenty-five years old. Hard to believe. My grandfather was a lawman; father too. Me and him was sheriffs at the same time; him up in Plano and me out here. I think he's pretty proud of that. I know I was. Some of the old time sheriffs never even wore a gun. A lotta folks find that hard to believe. Jim Scarborough'd never carry one; that's the younger Jim. Gaston Boykins wouldn't wear one up in Camanche County. I always liked to hear about the oldtimers. Never missed a chance to do so. You can't help but compare yourself against the oldtimers. Can't help but wonder how theyd've operated these times. There was this boy I sent to the 'lectric chair at Huntsville Hill here a while back. My arrest and my testimony. He killt a fourteen-year-old girl. Papers said it was a crime of passion but he told me there wasn't any passion to it. Told me that he'd been planning to kill somebody for about as long as he could remember. Said that if they turned him out he'd do it again. Said he knew he was going to hell. "Be there in about fifteen minutes". I don't know what to make of that. I sure don't. The crime you see now, it's hard to even take its measure. It's not that I'm afraid of it. I always knew you had to be willing to die to even do this job. But, I don't want to push my chips forward and go out and meet something I don't understand. A man would have to put his soul at hazard. He'd have to say, 'O.K., I'll be part of this world.'"

It's shorter than most of them in here, but I loved the way Eisenberg played this scene:

Mr. Zuckerberg, do I have your full attention?

No.

Do you think I deserve it?

What?

Do you think I deserve your full attention?

I had to swear an oath before we began this deposition, and I don't want to perjure myself, so I have a legal obligation to say no.

Okay - no. You don't think I deserve your attention.

I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try - but there's no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention - you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing. Did I adequately answer your condescending question?

Even with all its flaws (and there are PLENTY) I can't stop myself from loving the hell out of that movie. Any flick that follows that speech up with the epitome of badassery that is the Viking prayer is okay in my book.

"Mike, what's the pool on me up to now? What is it up to? What is it, three hundred dollars? Is that it? I'm a schoolteacher. I teach English composition. In this little town called Adley, Pennsylvania. The last eleven years, I've been at Thomas Alva Edison High School. I was a coach of the baseball team in the springtime. Back home, I tell people what I do for a living and they think well, now that figures. But over here, it's a big, big mystery. So, I guess I've changed some. Sometimes I wonder if I've changed so much my wife is even going to recognize me. Whenever it is that I get back to her. And how I'll ever be able to tell her about days like today. Ah... Ryan. I don't know anything about Ryan. I don't care. The man means nothing to me. It's just a name. But, if, you know, if going to Rumelle and finding him so that he can go home, if that earns me the right to get back to my wife, then that's my mission. You want to leave? You want to go off, and fight the war? All right. All right. I won't stop you. I'll even put in the paperwork. I just know, that every man I kill, the farther away from home I feel."

"Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where, uh, Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to 'Land of Confusion'. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. 'In Too Deep' is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as, uh, anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like 'In the Air Tonight' and, uh, 'Against All Odds'. Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is 'Sussudio', a great, great song, a personal favorite."

"Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Five years later? Six? It seems like a lifetime, or at least a main era... The kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. Maybe it meant something, maybe not, in the long run. But no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time in the world. Whatever it meant. There was madness in any direction, at any hour. You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning. And that, I think, was the handle - that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn’t need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting - on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back."

You know, you and my wife have a lot in common. You both think you have some right to life working out the way you want it to, and when it doesn't, you get to act the way you want. The only trouble with that is someone has to be responsible. I'd love to run around and take classes and play with my inner-self! I'd love the freedom to be some pissed-off criminal with no responsibilities, except I don't have the time! But you don't see me with a gun. And you don't see me sleeping with someone else. You think my life turned out the way I wanted because I live in this house? You think every morning I wake up, look in the mirror and say "Gee I'm glad I'm me and not some 19-year-old billionaire rockstar with the body of an athlete and a 24-hour erection!" No I don't! So just excuse the shit out of me!

Shoo-in for this thread:

"My name is Lt. Aldo Raine and I'm putting together a special team, and I need me eight soldiers. Eight Jewish-American soldiers. Now, y'all might've heard rumors about the armada happening soon. Well, we'll be leaving a little earlier. We're gonna be dropped into France, dressed as civilians. And once we're in enemy territory, as a bushwhackin' guerrilla army, we're gonna be doin' one thing and one thing only... killin' Nazis. Now, I don't know about y'all, but I sure as hell didn't come down from the goddamn Smoky Mountains, cross five thousand miles of water, fight my way through half of Sicily and jump out of a fuckin' air-o-plane to teach the Nazis lessons in humanity. Nazi ain't got no humanity. They're the foot soldiers of a Jew-hatin', mass murderin' maniac and they need to be dee-stroyed. That's why any and every every son of a bitch we find wearin' a Nazi uniform, they're gonna die. Now, I'm the direct descendant of the mountain man Jim Bridger. That means I got a little Injun in me. And our battle plan will be that of an Apache resistance. We will be cruel to the Germans, and through our cruelty they will know who we are. And they will find the evidence of our cruelty in the disemboweled, dismembered, and disfigured bodies of their brothers we leave behind us. And the German won't not be able to help themselves but to imagine the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives. And the German will be sickened by us, and the German will talk about us, and the German will fear us. And when the German closes their eyes at night and they're tortured by their subconscious for the evil they have done, it will be with thoughts of us they are tortured with. Sound good?"

Karl: [on the phone] Yes, ma'am. I've killed Doyle Hargraves with a lawnmower blade. Yes, ma'am, I'm right sure of it. I hit him two good whacks in the head with it. That second one just plum near cut his head in two... It's a lil' ol' white house on the corner of Vine Street and some other street. There's a pick-up truck out front that says "Doyle Hargraves Construction" on it. Doyle said besides sending the police, you might wanna send an ambulance or a "hearst". I'll be sitting here, waiting on ye.

"Man's constant groping of things unknown, drawing from the endless reaches of time, brings to light many startling things. Startling because they seem new...sudden...but most are not new to the signs of the ages. A life...is begun! People...all going somewhere. All with their own thoughts, their own ideas. All with their own personalities. One is wrong because he does right...one is right because he does wrong. Pull the strings! Dance to that, which one is created for. A new day is begun. A new life is begun. A life...is ended."

"Let everything that's been planned come true. Let them believe. And let them have a laugh at their passions. Because what they call passion actually is not some emotional energy, but just the friction between their souls and the outside world. And most important, let them believe in themselves. Let them be helpless like children, because weakness is a great thing, and strength is nothing. When a man is just born, he is weak and flexible. When he dies, he is hard and insensitive. When a tree is growing, it's tender and pliant. But when it's dry and hard, it dies. Hardness and strength are death's companions. Pliancy and weakness are expressions of the freshness of being. Because what has hardened will never win."

"I don't know what to say really. Three minutes 'til the biggest battle of our professional lives. It all comes down to today. Now either we heal as a team, or we're gonna crumble. Inch by inch, play by play, till we're finished. We're in hell right now, gentlemen. Believe me. And we can stay here, get the shit kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb out of hell. One inch at a time. Now I can't do it for you. I'm too old. I look around, I see these young faces, and I think... I mean I've made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make. I, uh...I pissed away all my money, believe it or not. I chased off anyone who's ever loved me, and lately, I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror. You know when you get old in life, things get taken from you. That's part of life. But you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out life's this game of inches. And so is football. Because in either game, life or football, the margin for error is so small. I mean... one half a step too late or too early and you don't quite make it. One half second too slow too fast, you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They are in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team, we fight for that inch. On this team, we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches, that's gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying! I'll tell you this - in any fight, it's the guy who's willing to die who's gonna win that inch. And I know if I'm going to have any life anymore, it's because I'm still willing to fight and die for that inch. Because that's what living is! The 6 inches in front of your face... Now I can't make you do it. You've got to look at the guy next to you, look into his eyes. Now I think you're gonna see a guy who will go that inch with you. You're gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team, because he knows when it comes down to it, you're gonna do the same for him. That's a team, gentlemen. And either we heal, now, as a team, or we will die, as individuals. That's football, guys. That's all it is. Now, what are you going to do?"

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!

"So. You're obviously the big dick. And the men on either side of you are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls. Now, dicks have drive, and clarity of vision, but they're not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy. And have brought your two little mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here. Just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick...you're having second thoughts. You're shrinking. And your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got 'Replica' written down the side of your guns, and the fact that I've got 'Desert Eagle .50' written on the side of mine should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now....fuck off."

I GIVE U!!!

I give you, the almighty Denis Leary:

"Let me tell you somethin' Ray. You don't understand SHIT ok? Nothing. Guys like you gotta keep checkin' their pants see if they got a dick. I GOT one. You and your friends are the kind of spoon fed fuckin' fruit bait that I fuckin' HATE!!! You know where you are? No! You have no fuckin' idea, do ya? Guys like you just sail through life reading about people like me in the newspaper. HEY!!!! 200,000 dollars might buy you outta the Jersey fucking shore but this is my fucking world. No. Shut the fuck up! You speak when fuckin' spoken to! This is not fuckin' high school, motherfucker! I'll eat your fuckin' friends for fuckin' lunch!"


Thank God for the movie Judgment Night.

3rd post in the thread dude.

You and your boys didn't just roll a Star Market over in Malden for a box of quarters. No, you decided to bang it out at The North End at nine o'clock in the morning with assault rifles. You fucking dummies shot a guard. Now you look like half off sales big and tall, every cop is in line. Fortunately though, for you, this guard who is two thirds from retard has miraculously clung to life. Now, if it were up to me and they gave me two minutes and a wet towel, I would personally asphyxiate this half wit so we can string you up on a federal M-1. End of story with a bag on your head and paralysing agent running through your veins. This isn't fucking Townie hopscotch anymore, Doug. But I did wanna say one thing. You're here today so that I can personally tell you that you're gonna die in federal prison and so are all your friends. No deal, no compromise. And when that day comes and when you start trying to be my hero collaborator so hard that I have to slap you to shut up, and it will come, despite your pitiable misguided Irish ‘Omerta’. When your code of silence finally gives way, the fear of trafficking and cigarettes to prevent sexual enslavement...I just want you to know that it's gonna be me who tells you to fuck yourself.

Bless Jon Hamm. He's the tits.

EXT. INDIA

Alexander: Of course you have fears. We all have fears.
Because no one has ever gone this far before.
And now we are weeks from the encircling ocean,
our route home. We'll build a fleet of ships and
sail all the way back down the Nile to Egypt.
And from Alexandria, we shall be home within weeks.
There to be reunited with our loved ones. To share
our great treasures and tales of Asia. And to enjoy
our imperishable glory... to the ends of time.

Man 1: Follow Alexander.
Man 2: I'll follow you.
Man 3: I've fought with you all the way, Alexander!
(most of them remain silent)

Alexander: What? Silence?

Man 4: We are with you, Alexander!

Alexander: Peucestas. A hereo.
Where are these great Amazons of myth who dare to
fight and kill men? Where have they gone?

Man 5: We'll never leave you, Alexander!
Man 6: We're with you, Alexander!

Alexander: You, Meleager. Who are these tribes ahead...
compared to those we've vanquished?
... Lysimachus?

Man 7: Honor your king!

Alexander: The day is ripe! ... Antigonus.
You break my heart, you men. Afraid.

Crowd: Crateros.
Crateros.
Crateros.
Speak for us, Crateros!

Crateros: My king. I don't like no bellyaching. I won't
tolerate it in any of my units.
I lost many a man. Young ones, never been with
a woman. Some died of disease. Some were butchered
in Scythia by the banks of Oxus. Some died good.
Some... just didn't get no luck, but they died.
Forty thousand I come over with eight years ago.
And we march after you more than 10,000 miles.
In the rain and the sun, we fought for you. Some
of us, 50 battles we've been in. We killed many a
barbarian.
And now when I look around, how many of them faces
do I see? And now you want us to fight more of these
crazy monkey tribes east of here. We hear talk of
thousands of these elephant monsters... cross a
hundred more rivers.

Alexander: Crateros. Good Crateros. Who better than you to speak?
Most noble of men. But you know there is no part
of me without a scar or a bone broken. By sword,
knife, stone, catapult and club, I've shared every
hardship with all of you.

Crateros: And you have, my king, and we love you for it.
But, by Zeus, too many have died. You have no
children, Alexander... and we're just humble men...
we seek no disturbance with the gods. All we wish
for, is to see our children... and our wives and
our grandchildren... one last time... before we join
our brothers in the dark house they call Hades.

Alexander: Yes, you're right, Crateros. I have been negligent.
I should've sent you veterans home sooner, and I will.
The first of you shall be the Silver Shields. And
then every man who's served seven years. With full
pensions from our treasury. Respected, rich,
loved. You will be treated by your wives and children
as heroes for the rest of your lives... and enjoy a
peaceful death.

But you dream, Crateros. Your simplicity, long ended
when you took Persian mistresses and children, and
thickened your holdings with plunder and jewels.
Because you've fallen in love with all the things in
life that destroy men! Do you not see? And you, as
well as I, know that as the years decline and the
memories stale, and all your great victories fade...
it will always be remembered, you left your king in
Asia! For I will go on, with my Asians!!


Man: To the jackals with you, then, Alexander.
Crowd: We come for you, and you discard us.
Shame!
We want to go home, Alexander!
We're tired of glory.
We want to see our wives and children before we die.
I've got children I haven't even seen.
I want to see my children.

Alexander: I paid for your bastard children! I've taken nothing
for myself. And all I've asked of you is one more
month

Man 1: Shame.

Hephaistion: That's your king.

Man 2: What would your father say?

Alexander: I've taken you further than my father ever dreamed.

Man 3: Move on!

Alexander: So go home! I look to the barbarians for their courage.
I go east.

Man 5: He wants us dead so no one can speak of his crimes.

Alexander: Who said that?

Man 6: You'll never make it back to Macedonia.

Alexander: You dispicable coward, come forth.
Make your accusations public.

Man 7: Why? So you can have us killed? Son of Zeus.
Man 8: You desecrate your real father's memory.
Man 9: Or did you murder him like you did Cleitus?

Alexander: Hide! Hide in this mob because I will take your
life...
You men insult my honor and my paternity.
Arrest him. And him. Yes.
And you, this loudmouth Demetrius.
You call me murderer?
I have no such blood on my hands.
And him. Yes, you'll know the pain of treason.
Archias, you mock my shame for Cleitus...
... and you tell me that I would harm a hair of my
father's head. Arrest him.
After all I've done for you, you swine.
You cowards, traitors.
Come on then. Where are your daggers?

Narrator: He dove on, south to the outer ocean.
In smashing the mutiny and executing the ringleaders,
he did nothing, to my mind, that any general in
wartime would not have done.
But clearly, the army was divided. And Alexander
was no longer loved by all.

A heart breaking scene, but Farrell delivers his speech with such sudden venom and ill humor (the way he spits out the phrase "a peaceful death" with utter contempt for those who would desire it) that to my mind it's one of the all time classic film speeches

Just for future sociological reference (and nitpicking), Star Market should be capitalized, as it's a local Massachusetts grocery franchise (bought up by Shaw's).

No aspersion meant. When you're from around here and you hear a character in a major motion picture say "Star Market," it's a small thrill on some level.

Martin, I have edited now. I had no idea what it meant, now it makes a bit more sense.

My name is Amy, and yes, at college, I blew my dog. I don't know why. Maybe it was just out of boredom or some kind of dumb experiment, like when you know something's hot but you touch it anyways, and you're surprised when you get burnt. I'm not into bestiality in any way. It was just something completely stupid. Immediately I was full of guilt, but at the same time, as disgusting as it was, another part of me kinda thought it was funny. I could never tell anyone, anyone. I couldn't tell friends, although it would've been a hell of an ice-breaker at cocktail parties.

("Anyone here besides me know what canine semen tastes like?")

And I certainly couldn't tell any boyfriends. Men are insecure enough about their penises, there's no need to bring the whole animal kingdom into it. As the years went by, when it popped into my mind, it was like it was something that happened to someone else. Like a movie I had watched, not starred in. I never had to tell any boyfriends because I was never that serious about any of my lovers, but I felt the need to be totally honest. Until now. Until John. And that is why my life was turning to shit.

"To those who say people wouldn't look; they wouldn't be interested; they're too complacent, indifferent and insulated, I can only reply: There is, in one reporter's opinion, considerable evidence against that contention. But even if they are right, what have they got to lose? Because if they are right, and this instrument is good for nothing but to entertain, amuse and insulate, then the tube is flickering now and we will soon see that the whole struggle is lost. This instrument can teach, it can illuminate; yes, and it can even inspire. But it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it to those ends. Otherwise it is merely wires and lights in a box. Good night, and good luck."

The normal question, the first question is always, "Are these cannibals?" No, they are not cannibals. Cannibalism in the true sense of the word implies an intraspecies activity. These creatures cannot be considered human. They prey on humans. They do not prey on each other, that's the difference. They attack and they feed only on warm human flesh. Intelligence? Seemingly little or no reasoning power, but basic skills remain as more remembered behaviors from normal life. There are reports of these creatures using tools. But even these actions are the most primitive, the use of external articles as bludgeons and so forth. I might point out to you that even animals will adopt the basic use of tools in this manner. These creatures are nothing but pure, motorized instinct. We must not be lulled by the concept that these are our family members or our friends. They are not. They will not respond to such emotions. They must be destroyed on sight!

Edit: This was linked in a Youtube video on the first page, but I figured I'd record the scene in writing for posterity's sake

Not exactly a monologue but close enough. From Glengarry Glen Ross


Blake: Let me have your attention for a moment! So you're talking about what? You're talking about...(puts out his cigarette)...bitching about that sale you shot, some son of a bitch that doesn't want to buy, somebody that doesn't want what you're selling, some broad you're trying to screw and so forth. Let's talk about something important. Are they all here?
Williamson: All but one.
Blake: Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important! (to Levene) Put that coffee down!! Coffee's for closers only. (Levene scoffs) Do you think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from Mitch and Murray. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Levene?
Levene: Yeah.
Blake: You call yourself a salesman, you son of a bitch?
Moss: I don't have to listen to this shit.
Blake: You certainly don't pal. 'Cause the good news is -- you're fired. The bad news is you've got, all you got, just one week to regain your jobs, starting tonight. Starting with tonights sit. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this months sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize's a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. You get the picture? You're laughing now? You got leads. Mitch and Murray paid good money. Get their names to sell them! You can't close the leads you're given, you can't close shit, you ARE shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out!!!
Levene: The leads are weak.
Blake: 'The leads are weak.' Fucking leads are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business fifteen years.
Moss: What's your name?
Blake: FUCK YOU, that's my name!! You know why, Mister? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove a eighty thousand dollar BMW. That's my name!! (to Levene) And your name is "you're wanting." And you can't play in a man's game. You can't close them. (at a near whisper) And you go home and tell your wife your troubles. (to everyone again) Because only one thing counts in this life! Get them to sign on the line which is dotted! You hear me, you fucking faggots?
(Blake flips over a blackboard which has two sets of letters on it: ABC, and AIDA.)
Blake: A-B-C. A-always, B-be, C-closing. Always be closing! Always be closing!! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest, decision, action. Attention -- do I have your attention? Interest -- are you interested? I know you are because it's fuck or walk. You close or you hit the bricks! Decision -- have you made your decision for Christ?!! And action. A-I-D-A; get out there!! You got the prospects comin' in; you think they came in to get out of the rain? Guy doesn't walk on the lot unless he wants to buy. Sitting out there waiting to give you their money! Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? (to Moss) What's the problem pal? You. Moss.
Moss: You're such a hero, you're so rich. Why you coming down here and waste your time on a bunch of bums?
(Blake sits and takes off his gold watch)
Blake: You see this watch? You see this watch?
Moss: Yeah.
Blake: That watch cost more than your car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see, pal, that's who I am. And you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you -- go home and play with your kids!! (to everyone) You wanna work here? Close!! (to Aaronow) You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this -- how can you take the abuse you get on a sit?! You don't like it -- leave. I can go out there tonight with the materials you got, make myself fifteen thousand dollars! Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! A-I-D-A!! Get mad! You sons of bitches! Get mad!! You know what it takes to sell real estate?
(He pulls something out of his briefcase)
Blake: It takes brass balls to sell real estate.
(He's holding two brass balls on string, over the appropriate "area"--he puts them away after a pause)
Blake: Go and do likewise, gents. The money's out there, you pick it up, it's yours. You don't--I have no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on those sits tonight and close, close, it's yours. If not you're going to be shining my shoes. Bunch of losers sitting around in a bar. (in a mocking weak voice) "Oh yeah, I used to be a salesman, it's a tough racket." (he takes out large stack of red index cards tied together with string from his briefcase) These are the new leads. These are the Glengarry leads. And to you, they're gold. And you don't get them. Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. (he hands the stack to Williamson) They're for closers.
I'd wish you good luck but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. (to Moss as he puts on his watch again) And to answer your question, pal: why am I here? I came here because Mitch and Murray asked me to, they asked me for a favor. I said, the real favor, follow my advice and fire your fucking ass because a loser is a loser.

Groucho Marx as Captain Spaulding in Animal Crackers:

Captain Spaulding: Friends, I'm going to to tell you of the great mysterious wonderful continent known as Africa. Africa, God's country. And he can have it...Well, sir, we left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second. After fifteen days on the water and six on the boat we finally arrived on the shores of Africa.
We at once proceded 300 miles into the heart of the jungle where I shot a polar bear. This bear was 6 foot 7 in his stocking feet and had shoes on. This bear was anemic and couldn't stand the cold climate. He was a rich bear and could afford to go away in the winter. From the day of our arrival we led an active life. The first morning saw us up at six, breakfasted, then back in bed at seven. This was our routine for the first three months. We finally got so we were back in bed at six-thirty.
One morning I was sitting in front of the cabin smoking some meat There wasn't a cigar store in the neighborhood. As I say, I was sitting in front of the cabin when I bagged six tigers. I bagged them, I bagged them to go away, but they hung around all afternoon. They were the most persistant tigers I've ever seen. The principal animals inhabiting the African jungle are moose, elk and Knights of Pythias.
Of course you all know what a moose is, that's big game. The first day I shot two bucks that was the biggest game we had. As I say you all know what a moose is? A moose runs around on the floor, and eats cheese and is chased by the cats. The elks on the other hand live up in the hills, and in the spring they come down for their annual convention. It is very interesting to watch them come down to the water-hole; and you should see them run when they find it is only water-hole. What they're looking for is a elk-a-hole. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know. But that is entirely irrevent to what I was talking about. We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed.But we're going back again in a couple of weeks...

Jack Nicholson as Melvin Udall in As Good As It Gets:
Melvin Udall: Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?

John Goodman as Walter in The Big Lebowski:

Walter: Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was...he was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors, and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of southern California from La Holla to Leo Carillo, and up to Pismo. He died.. he died as so many young men of his generation before his time, and in your wisdom, Lord, you took him. Just as you took so many bright, flowering young men at Khe San, and Lan Doc, and Hill 364. These young men gave their lives, and so did Donny. Donny who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos.. in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been....we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Goodnight, sweet prince.

Kevin Costner as Crash David in Bull Durham:

Crash: Well, I believe in the soul. The cock. The pussy. The small of a woman's back. The hanging curveball. High fiber. Good scotch. That the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a Constitution Amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve. And I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days...Goodnight

Ben Affleck as Holden McNeil in Chasing Amy:

I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. And it's not because you're unattainable. I love you. Very simple, very truly. You're the epitome of every attribute and quality I've ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you'd ever consider. But I had to say it. I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship -no pun intended- but I had to say it, because I've never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But I couldn't allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And I'll accept that. But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not dismiss that -at least for ten seconds- and try to dwell in it. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who's ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it's there between you and me. you can't deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which -while I do appreciate it- I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.

and one more for now

Malcom McDowell as Alex DeLarge in A Clockwork Orange:

Alex: (voice over): And viddy films I would. Where I was taken to, Brothers, was like no cine I ever viddied before. I was bound up in a strait jacket and my guliver was strapped to a headrest with like wires running away from it. Then they clamped like lidlocks on my eyes so that I could not shut them no matter how hard I tried. It seemed a bit crazy to me but I let them get on with it. If I was to be a free young malchick again in a fortnights time I would put up with much in the meantime, O my Brothers. So far the first film, was a very good professional piece of cine. Like it was done in Hollywood. The sounds were real horroshow, you could slooshie the screams and moans very realistic. You could even get the heavy breathing and panting of the tolchcoking malchicks at the same time. And then what do you know, soon our dear old friend the red red vino on tap. The same in all places, like it was put out by the same big firm, began to flow. It was beautiful. It's funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen.
Now all the time I was watching this, I was beginning to get very aware of like not feeling all that well. And this this I put down to all the rich food and vitamins. But I tried to forget this concentrating on the next film which jumped right away on a young devotchka who was being given the old in-out, in-out. First by one malchick, then another, then another. When it came to the sixth or seventh malchick leering and smecking and going into it, I began to feel really sick. But I could not shut my glassies and even if I tried to move my glassballs about, I still not get out of the line of fire of the picture.
Alex: (shouting) I'm going to be sick! Get something for me to be sick in!

The great David Thewlis in Mike Leigh's NAKED:

OMEN READER Blood makes the world rise.

Blood makes the rain fall.

Blood makes the earth grow.

And in blood…all men are born…and die.

Blood is the food of the gods below!

ALEXANDER III OF MACEDON: Come, Bucephalus. Today we ride to our destiny.



Neoptolemus! I remember you the day you jumped the siege tower at Tyre, you were a giant!

And today?

How will you fight?

Dexippos, by Athena…how far was it you threw your man wrestling at the last Olympic Games?

Will you match it with your spear?

And Timander…son of Menander, a great soldier to my father.

I still mourn your brother, Addaios, who died so bravely at Halicarnassus.

What an honored family you descend from, Timander.

You fight for them today!

You’ve all honored your country…and your ancestors.

And now we come to this most distant place in Asia…where across from us…Darius has at last…gathered a vast army

Yes, these Persians do seem to be so many!

But look again at this horde and ask yourselves:

Who is this great king who pays assassins in gold coins…to murder my father, our king…in a most despicable and cowardly manner?

Who is this great king, Darius, who enslaves his own men to fight?

Who is this king…but a king of air?

These men do not fight for their homes.

They fight because this king tells them they must.

And when they fight, they will melt away like the air…because they know no loyalty to a king of slaves.

But we are not here today as slaves!

We are here today as Macedonian free men!

Some of you…perhaps myself…will not live to see the sun set over these mountains today.

But I say to you…what every warrior has known since the beginning of time, conquer your fear…and I promise you, you will conquer death!

::awesome lion roar sound effect::

When they ask why you fought so bravely, you will answer, “I was here this day a Gaugamela…for the freedom…and glory…of Greece!”

Zeus be with us!


----
DARIUS Where does he go?

BESSUS don’t know, Majesty.

DAARIUS Envelop him, Bessus....

Reading about The Rundown in another thread made me think of this one. The content isn't so great as much as the delivery by one Mr. Walken

"I feel like a little boy who’s lost his first tooth, put it under his pillow, waiting for the tooth-fairy to come. Only two evil burglars have crept in my window, and snatched it, before she could get here. [sidekick translates to villagers] Wait a second, do you understand the concept of the tooth-fairy? Explain it to them. [more translation] Wait. She takes the God damned thing, and gives you a quarter. They’ve got my tooth. I want it back.”

One more that has a bit of other dialogue in it, but is almost a monologue. Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman:

Trask: Mr. Sims, you are a cover-up artist and you are a liar.
Col. Slade: But not a snitch!
Trask: Excuse me?
Col. Slade: No, I don't think I will.
Trask: Mr. Slade!
Col. Slade: This is such a crock of shit!
Trask: Please watch your language, Mr. Slade. You are in the Baird School, not the barracks. Now, Mr. Sims, I will give you one final opportunity to speak up-
Col. Slade: Mr. Sims doesn't want it. He doesn't need to be labeled, "still worthy of being a 'Baird Man.'" What the hell is that? What is your motto here? Boys, inform on your classmates, save your hide. Anything short of that, we're gonna burn you at the stake? Well, gentlemen. When the shit hits the fan, some guys run and some guys stay. Here's Charlie, facing the fire, and there's George — hiding in Big Daddy's pocket. And what are you doing? You're gonna reward George, and destroy Charlie.
Trask: Are you finished, Mr. Slade?
Col. Slade: No, I'm just gettin' warmed up. I don't know who went to this place — William Howard Taft, William Jennings Bryan, William Tell, whoever. Their spirit is dead; if they ever had one, it's gone. You're building a rat ship here — a vessel for sea-going snitches. And if you think you're preparing these minnows for manhood, you better think again. Because I say you are killing the very spirit this institution proclaims it instills! What a sham! What kind of show are you guys puttin' on here today? I mean, the only class in this act is sittin' next to me. And I'm here to tell you, this boy's soul is intact. It is non-negotiable. You know how I know? Because someone here, I'm not gonna say who, offered to buy it. Only Charlie here wasn't selling.
Mr.Trask: Sir, you are out of order!
Col. Slade: Out of order — I'll show you out of order! You don't know what out of order is, Mr. Trask! I'd show you, but I'm too old, I'm too tired and I'm too fuckin' blind. If I were the man I was five years ago, I'd take a flame-thrower to this place! Out of order? Who the hell do you think you're talking to!? I've been around, you know? There was a time I could see. And I have seen, boys like these, younger than these, their arms torn out, their legs ripped off. But there is nothin like the sight of an amputated spirit. There is no prosthetic for that. You think you're merely sending this splendid foot-soldier back home to Oregon with his tail between his legs, but I say you are executing his soul! And why? Because he's not a "Baird man." Baird men — you hurt this boy, you're going to be Baird bums, the lot of ya. And Harry, Jimmy, Trent, wherever you are out there — fuck you too!
Mr. Trask: Stand down, Mr. Slade!
Col. Slade: I'm not finished! As I came in here, I heard those words, "cradle of leadership." Well, when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. And it has fallen here, it has fallen! Makers of men, creators of leaders — be careful what kind of leaders you're producing here. I don't know if Charlie's silence here today is right or wrong, I'm no judge or jury. But I can tell you this — he won't sell anybody out to buy his future! And that, my friends, is called integrity. That's called courage. Now that's the stuff leaders should be made of. [pause] Now I have come to the crossroads in my life. I always knew what the right path was; without exception, I knew. But I never took it. You know why? It was too...damn...hard. Now here's Charlie, he's come to the crossroads. He has chosen a path. It's the right path. It's a path made of principle, that leads to character. Let him continue on his journey. You hold this boy's future in your hands, committee! It's a valuable future. Believe me! Don't destroy it — protect it, embrace it. It's gonna make you proud one day, I promise you. [sits down, round of applause from audience] How's that for cornball?

This one's been kinda forgotten thanks to its creator's spectacular fall from grace over the past ten years, but for me it's still one of the best slices of absurdity in recent memory...

"The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it."

I adore this monologue.

This is TV, but what the heck. Adama's speech to GALACTICA just before the final assualt on the Cylons. Eddie Olmos knocks it out of the park.

"Be under no illusions! This is likely to be...a one-way trip!!".

The later films descended into silly dick-jokery, but Myers fucking KILLS it as Doctor Evil in that first one. His entire performance during that self-help group scene is worthy of Sellars, it's that good. His moment of pride at Scott's wiliness followed by a quick attempt to maintain his evil aloofness is hilarious.

From "The Great Dictator":
From "Crimes and Misdemeanors" (my personal favourite piece of writing in any movie, ever):

Rewatching Animal Crackers, this bit of Groucho genius destroyed me:

Capt. Spaulding: I say, take a letter to my lawyers!
Horatio Jamison: Well I am taking it!
Capt. Spaulding: Honorable Charles H., uh, Hungerdunger, care of Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, and McCormick... semicolon.
Horatio Jamison: How do you spell semicolon?
Capt. Spaulding: All right, make it a comma. Honorable Charles. H. Hungerdunger, care of Hunger... and McCormick. Gentlemen, question mark? [grunts]
Horatio Jamison: Do you want that, uh, [grunt] in the letter?
Capt. Spaulding: No, put that in an envelope. Now then. In re yours of the fifth inst., yours to hand and beg to rep... brackets... We have gone over the ground carefully, and we seem to believe, i.e., to wit, e.g., in lieu, that, uh, despite all our... precautionary measures which have been involved...... uh, we seem to believe that it is hardly necessary for us to proceed unless we, uh, receive an ipso facto that is not negligible at this moment, quotes, unquotes, and quotes... uh, hoping this finds you, I beg to remain...
Horatio Jamison: Hoping this finds him where?
Capt. Spaulding: Well, let him worry about that. Don't be so inquisitive, Jamison. Sneak. I say, hoping this finds you, I beg to remain, as of June 9th, cordially yours, regards. That's all, Jamison.

I don't know if this has been posted yet, but it's great.

"You know what you look like to me, with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition's given you some length of bone, but you're not more than one generation from poor white trash, are you, Agent Starling? And that accent you've tried so desperately to shed: pure West Virginia. What is your father, dear? Is he a coal miner? Does he stink of the lamp? You know how quickly the boys found you... all those tedious sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars... while you could only dream of getting out... getting anywhere... getting all the way to the FBI."

Hopkins delivers this clinically, like he's talking to a patient, but there's that malicious, sadistic glee in his eyes and the way he delivers and he scores a hit, but not as much as he'd like and it impresses him about Clarice. Cox was decent as Lector, but he could never deliver something like this the way Hopkins does.

You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you... but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I'm not changing. I like... I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you g

The Creature: "What kind of people is it in which I am comprised? Good people? Bad people? Did you know I knew how to play this? From which part of me did this knowledge reside? From this mind? From these hands? From this heart? And reading and speaking. Not so much things learned as things... remembered. Did you ever consider the consequences of your actions? You made me, and you left me to die. Who am I?"

Victor Frankenstein: "You? I don't know."

The Creature: "And you think that I am evil. You gave me these emotions, but you didn't tell me how to use them. Now two people are dead because of us. Why? And what of my soul? Do I have one? Or was that a part you left out?"