THE KILL LIST, Round Ten

1. The Matrix Revolutions
2. Life Is Beautiful
3. The Deer Hunter
4. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within
5. Braveheart
6. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
7. Back to the Future: Part III
8. Clueless
9. Intolerable Cruelty
10. Death in Venice

I can admit I got nothing left, and when you got nothing left, it's best just to make a kill for yourself. This has to be my least favorite film of all time and I think I would just kick myself if I didn't get rid of it. For those that don't know it, let me just give you a quick rundown: Based of the book by Thomas Mann, the story is this: A man walks around Venice, finds a little boy, stalks the little boy, then dies of cholera. As one of my friends who was forced to watch it with me so aptly stated, "Man! Even the sex scenes are boring!"

Good draft and I'm sure others will come up with more potent final round kills than I.

1. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
2. Titanic
3. Scream
4. Friday
5. Game of Death
6. Speed
7. Waking Life
8. Chicago
9. Gone With the Wind
10. Mad Max

I remember liking The Road Warrior a little, but the 3 movies (and a possible fourth) in this franchise have yielded exactly nothing for me. Bye.

10. Scent of a Woman

For my final kill, I go to my most loathed of genre - the prep school/private school picture. I was going to kill the Dead Poets but that was brought up in another thread & as such is essentially already dead.

The biggest problem with this genre of film is that they glorify these places. A bunch of rich kids get together and through the magic of something or other become enlightened. Fuck them.

Scent of a Woman could have been different. It could have ended with the poor kid Charlie being enlightened about the way things really work & telling the school to go screw. He could have made a point about the spoiled bastards that attend such places and how money rules that school. No, instead, after being treated like shit Charlie is going to walk right back into school after the turkey holiday - just so he can get into Harvard or something. Fuck Harvard, Charlie. Have some pride. Whip it out & tell the disciplinary committee to suck. You should be beating these kids up, not begging to come back.

1. Dr. T and the Women
2. Equilibrium
3. Evil Dead 2
4. Star Wars Episode 4: A New Hope
5. Tigerland
6. Igby Goes Down
7. The Lost World: Jurassic Park
8. EdTV
9. Jerry Maguire
10. The Legend of Bagger Vance

Pretty bad movie that could've been good. One of the few blots on the career of Matt Damon, who is one of the best actors currently going. Will Smith pandering for an Oscar is pretty bad. Just a boring, disappointing film.

1. A.I.
2. Almost Famous
3. The Sixth Sense
4. The Truman Show
5. The Bodyguard
6. To Wong Foo
7. Cast Away
8. This is Spinal Tap
9. Mighty Aphrodite
10. U-turn - I love Oliver Stone. Not sure what the fuck he was doing with this film. It's a movie that almost seems to hate the audience, enjoys making them suffer through its boring and tedious narrative. A big smudge on Stone's otherwise crystal clear career.

10. Yentl

Do we really need an uplifting drama about Barba Striesand cross-dressing so that she can study the Torah?

Call me shallow, but this movie was AWFUL.

1. Requeim For A Dream (Darren Aronofsky, 2000)
2. Donnie Darko (Richard Kelly, 2001)
3. Pocahontas (Mike Gabriel & Eric Goldberg, 1995)
4. Legend (Ridley Scott, 1985)
5. Far And Away (Ron Howard, 1992)
6. The Pianist (Roman Polanski, 2002)
7. Shrek (Andrew Adamson, 2001)
8. From Hell (Hughes Bros., 2002)
9. The Bonfire of The Vanities (Brian De Palma, 1990)
10. Buffy The Vampire Slayer (Fran Rubel Kuzuki, 1992)

Because I've got too many fond memories of Memento to go and kill it off. Because Verbal's probally at Trilogy Tuesday and thus cannot respond. Because the film barely meshes with Whedon's carefully constructed mythology. Because I'm fully convinced that the show still would have gotten made. Because an idea that damn good and that cleverlly written couldn't have been ignored forever. Because I like the fat guy watcher in "Becoming" better than Donald Sutherland. Because the film is too comedic for Buffy. Because Joss deserves a chance to get it right.

1. Miracle on 34th St. (1994)
2. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
3. American Pie
4. Nowhere to Run
5. The English Patient
6. RoboCop 2
7. Freddy vs. Jason
8. Ghostbusters 2
9. Exorcist II: The Heretic
10. Mary Poppins

Julie Andrews I like, fuck Mary Poppins though.

Damn it, Guttenberg took the last pick I had left. Oh well. I guess this one's for you, R-LU.

1. The Crow
2. Indiana Jones 4
3. 2001
4. Fast and the Furious
5. Jaws II
6. Clownhouse
7. Saturday Night Fever
8. Apocalypse Now
9. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
10. Rocky Horror Picture Show

Because this movie is wretched. Because camp for the sake of being campy isn't funny, and this entire movie is nothing more than a collection of mugging and preening that's sorely missing a good punchline. Because people who dress up like Frank N. Furter and scream unfunny quips at the movie screen are fucking retards, and because I can't kill each and every one of them personally, I'm killing their movie instead.

Fuck it.

Because I love this movie, and I love so many movies that came after it. Because most of those movies have been killed. Because this movie influenced so many of those movies I loved, and now they are gone. This movie universe we created in this draft sucks, and I want a redo. Look back at the films we cut. Most are great. Let's start modern film over, again to see what we get. I'm cutting a main artery...

10: Citizen Kane

Let's just reset this shit...

Wow....after Citizen Kane, it'll be hard to fuck this one up. Might as well go after a sacred cow


My final kill is a movie that has many things going for it. Star power, beautiful cinematography, a wonderful score, and the final work of a legendary director. The behind the scenes intrigue also adds to its mystique.

Unfortunately, the story is more bloated and slow-moving than the polluted river spirit in Spirited Away. Lots of insanely long, silent close-ups, and narrative jumps forward and backward in time that don't help the flow of the movie. The film is long and epic in scope, but that alone doesn't make it great.

I'm all for movies with stories and conclusions open to interpretation, but I think the "opium dream" theory is a narrative cop-out.

This film SHOULD be great, and it certainly has the ingredients for greatness, but for the uninteresting story that is unable to sustain itself for 228 minutes. It's not the length of the film that bothers me, but the fact that SO LITTLE happens after all that time.

Considering the truly great films that have gotten killed, losing this one doesn't bother me all that much.


1. The Godfather Part III
2. Superman IV - The Quest For Peace
3. Cop Land
4. Selena
5. Cutthroat Island
6. Super Mario Brothers
7. Ordinary People
8. Emma
9. Song of the South
10. Once Upon a Time in America

Because I'm out of ideas. Because it will make a few people (Dre) happy. And because no matter how good a film maker Leni Riefensthal was, I can't fathom a movie glorifying such stinking ideas:

Triumph of the Will

1. Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace
2. How the Grinch Stole Christmas
3. Armageddon
4. What's Love Got To Do With It?
5. The Fiendish Plot of Dr. Fu Manchu
6. Good Morning, Vietnam
7. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
8. Con Air
9. Halloween
10. Pulp Fiction

For 10 years I've been listening to dumbasses complain about how Tarantino is an overrated hack, all style over substance, too impressed with himself for all his witty pop-culture dialogue, and a limited, incompetent filmmaker. You know what? You're all poopy heads! You don't understand the genious that is the great Tarantino! You don't deserve to live in the same universe as this great movie! I'd rather wipe this movie from existence than have to listen to ignoramuses disparage it! And so I will!

Some people want to kill racism
Some people want to kill quality
That's all right with me
If they can't kill the right movies
I'll laugh at them with glee

Some Chewers try and some Chewers lie
I can't read their minds
Murdering the best can't pass the test
got to pull the blinds 'cause they are

Living in an inferior world
and they made inferior culls
You know that we are living in an inferior world
and they made inferior culls

10. Desperately Seeking Susan

9. License to Kill
8. Prince of Tides
7. Fantasia
6. Spaceballs
5. What Women Want
4. American Beauty
3. Batman
2. Forrest Gump
1. Hook

1. A Beautiful Mind
2. Shakespeare In Love
3. The Shining
4. Home Alone
5. JC's The Thing
6. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
7. Disney's Beauty and the Beast
8. Gangs of New York
9. Adaptation

It says something that this is the only film by this filmmaker that I have not seen more than once. I'm not sure, but I think he may have actually let Capshaw direct this one.

10. Always

I was going to kill Casino here, but since Kirby mentioned thinking about it in the discussion thread, I'll go with my next choice. This movie isn't horrible and actually has things I like about it, until it gets to it's melodramatic ending which ruins everything that precedes it.. Plus, it's easily my least favorite Ray Liotta performance.

10. Blow
9. Brotherhood of the Wolf
8. Dr. No
7. Casper
6. N/A
5. N/A
4. N/A
3. N/A
2. N/A
1. N/A

Apologies for the absence, Trilogy Tuesday + 30 minute delay for King + carbon based lifeform = Melted.


1. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
2. Red Dragon (2002)
3. The Ring (2002)
4. Halloween: H20
5. Dumb and Dumber
6. Lethal Weapon 3
7. Brazil: Love Conquers All Version
8. Rush Hour
9. Planet of the Apes (2001)
10. The Rock


Exterminating Tony Todd via "rocket man" send up? Not on my watch.