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10 worst of 2003

post #1 of 35
12/22/03 at 4:13pm
Thread Starter 
On DH today, Garth counted down his 10 worst.

On Gigli: "The only smile this film will crack is when its brought up at a trial of some mass murdering school student who'll blame his insanity on this - funnily enough, it may be cause enough to get him off."

Read the rest of the saucy Aussie's take...

I can't think of the ten worst anything without thinking the name "Bob Guinea" but if you have a 10 worst of 2003, what are they?
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post #2 of 35
12/22/03 at 4:23pm
Garth on The Medallion-

Quote:
Its a film which bears more than a passing resemblance to that Eddie Murphy spiritual action/comedy dud "The Golden Child" - with even less of a script.
Dissing the golden child? For shame.

It's tough to argue with his list, though.
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post #3 of 35
12/22/03 at 7:46pm
I liked Darkness Falls. A hell of a lot better than any of the other "horror" films this year.

And I think Garth missed the point of Biker Boyz...
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post #4 of 35
12/22/03 at 7:50pm
Women in biker jackets must have the zipper zipped only half way? Oh and nothing underneath?
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post #5 of 35
12/22/03 at 8:34pm
Fishburne rides around sitting in a Lay Z Boy in the back of a monster truck and calls himself 'The King of Cali' as he takes on Kid Rock and his leather studded gay biker gang paterned after The Warriors.

It ain't high drama...
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post #6 of 35
12/23/03 at 9:22pm
The Garfield trailer was definitely the worst cinematic experience of 2003.
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post #7 of 35
12/25/03 at 1:37am
Out of the movies that I've seen:

10. Underworld --> not horrible but not fantastic
9. Hulk
.
.
.
.
1. The Matrix Revolutions/Bad Boys II


I liked all the other movies I saw this year on some level or another. Hell, I even liked TR2: The Cradle Of Life simply for it's pretty visuals, locales and the Angelina Factor. But those four movies bugged the hell out of me. The Matrix Revolutions and Bad Boys II I HATE simply because a) They suck donkey balls aplenty and b) They're hugely dissapointing sequels to initially excellent previous installments. The Hulk bugged me because I couldn't figure out whether I liked it or not; on one hand it was ambitious as hell, but on the other hand it was also as boring as hell. Underworld had a great beginning and end but the middle was entirely fluff and was not as cool as the trailer was.
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post #8 of 35
12/26/03 at 4:46am
Revolutions was the most hysterically entertaining film of the year and a disappointment to only those who bought The Matrix hype in the first place...
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post #9 of 35
12/26/03 at 5:02am
My 10 Worst:

1. Cabin Fever
2. Kill Bill
3. Pirates of the Caribbean
4. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
5. House of the Dead
6. Charlies Angels 2: Full Throttle
7. Underworld
8. Spy Kids 3D: Game Over
9. X-2
10. A Man Apart
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post #10 of 35
12/26/03 at 5:24am
1.)Bringing down the house
2.)national security
3.)Charlies Angels 2
4.)Dreamcatcher
5.)kangaroo jack
6.)Basic
7.)Bulletproof Monk
8.)Jeepers Creepers 2
9.)Bruce Almighty
10.)The Matrix Revolutions
10 and a half.) Biker Boyz
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post #11 of 35
12/26/03 at 12:49pm
Had to agree with "What a Girl Wants", but I liked "Haunted Mansion". Well, hot goth boys are always a reason I like a movie. And "Malibu's Most Wanted" was funny.

Thank God he didn't mention LXG.
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post #12 of 35
12/26/03 at 1:21pm
Ben Affleck deserves his own spot on this top ten list for providing us with Daredevil [hands down the worst movie I've seen all year], Paycheck [giving Daredevil a run for its money] and Gigli all in the same year.
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post #13 of 35
12/27/03 at 12:37am
Judging from what he wrote, I don't think the "Saucy Aussie" even saw Malibu's Most Wanted. He thought it would suck, like lots of people did, and didn't even bother to find out for himself. I loved that movie.

For me, "Daredevil" was the most disappointing. It just seemed to constantly be starting over again, does that make sense, like a lot of different writers worked on it?
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post #14 of 35
12/27/03 at 5:14pm
in all honesty Malibu's Most Wanted was horrible, but 90% if what was in the trailer wasn't in the movie and the trailer was worse than the movie.

House of the Dead is the worst of the year.
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post #15 of 35
12/28/03 at 3:02pm
1) Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (took my niece to see this one as she is a big Jolie fan....ugh)
2) Bringing Down the House
3) Dreamcatcher
4) Anger Management
5) Johnny English
6) Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas
7) Daredevil
8) Hollywood Homicide (I cried)
9) Jeepers Creepers 2
10) Secondhand Lions (snooze land)

**avoided like the plague: Gigli
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post #16 of 35
12/28/03 at 5:15pm
1. LXG (not to be confused with League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, one of Alan Moore's greatest works)
2. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (FUCK this piece of shit movie. I went and played video games in the theatre lobby for about 20 minutes waiting for my brother to finish watching this cinematic turd.)
3. Daredevil (Affleck? AFFLECK??)
4. Matrix Revolutions (it blatantly ignored all the intruiging questions brought up in reloaded, which actually made my best of list)
5. 2 Fast 2 Furious/Biker Boyz (is there REALLY a difference?)
6. Bad Boys 2 (enough said)
7. American WEdding (DIE already)
8. Cat in the Hat (ok, I didn't see it, but I could smell it a mile away)
9. Dreamcatcher (it put me to sleep, so it does have a clever title)
10. Anger Management (if John C. Reily as a Buddhist monk isn't funny, then maybe the director should move on to another career. like mowing lawns)
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post #17 of 35
12/28/03 at 10:35pm
1. LXG - By far the worst film of 2003, a movie where I actually felft embarased for the person next to me for suggesting it...

2. Gigli - I don't need to defend my hate for this one.

3. Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star - Dig up Farely or join him, Spade. You are just not funny by yourself.

4. Underworld - Should have been named Underdevelopedworld.

5. Hulk - I was ashamed to pimp this baby, it was so boring...

6. Daddy Day Care - This movie wa... I'm not gonna even bother...

7. Bikerboyz - I like 2 Fast 2 Furious and STILL hated this film.

8. Cradle 2 The Grave - Rapper Turned Actor + Actor turned generic = silly action, crappy dialogue, and boring story.

9. Shanghai Knights - Jackie Chan needs to start making movies in his own country, the U.S. is killing him!

10. A Guy Thing - Was there anything funny about this movie? You have my e-mail, use it if you can tell me.
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post #18 of 35
12/28/03 at 11:42pm
Quote:
Originally posted by UGB™

3. Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star - Dig up Farely or join him, Spade. You are just not funny by yourself.
UGB, that is actually a great idea: washed up comedic actor goes searching comedy clubs throughout America looking for a new partner after his morbidly obese sidekick OD's. Except we won't use David Spade. And we'll have Harry Knowles play the Farley role for the flashbacks.
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post #19 of 35
12/28/03 at 11:58pm
It's sounds like it could work, but I wouldn't make it intentionally funny. I would shoot it like American Movie where the funniest moments happen from the seriousness of the situation. Spade seriously needs an acting career, so it would show him going back to his hotel room crying his eyes out and pleading with hollywood to let him work in film. Fucking gold!
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post #20 of 35
12/30/03 at 1:27am
Worst Teen Ghost Angst Movie With Pretty Psychiatrist

Gothika

Worst Movie I Have Not Seen Yet

Cat In The Hat or Timeline

Worst 80's Action Flick Never Made

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle or (Japanese Title) Horny Supergirls With Breasts That Kick Bad People

"You Disappoint Me, Mr. Anderson." or "Not Bad, Not Great"

The Matrix Revolutions

Worst Movie That Desperately Needs To Hurry Up And Get To The Point

Underworld

Loudest Movie of the Year

Underworld

Worst Use of "From The Producers of Fast And The Furious and xXx"

SWAT

Ben Affleck Movie That I Could Do Without

Daredevil

"Please Don't Let Sean Connery Produce Anymore"

League of Extroadinary Gentleman, Except For Tom Sawyer; He's A Useless Ninny. Die Die Die!

Highly Publicized as Worst Movie Of The Year But I Don't Think It Is

Gigli or "Hey, Jen, You Want To Make A Movie?" "Sure, Ben." "And By Our Powers Combined, We...Are...BENNIFER!

Worst Use of Philip K. Dick

Paycheck or "Gee, How Many Flying Dove Shots Can I Cram Into This Movie?" - John Woo

The Movie I Could Care Less About

Cold Mountain

"Hey, I know! I'll make a Civil War movie and cast two leads who aren't even Americans and have them speak the language of love to each other! Gone With The Wind, move over!"

(The Weinstein Bros. proceed to pull down their pants and rape the Academy furiously, saying, "Give us an Oscar, dammit!")

One Reason To Kill Joel Silver

Cradle 2 The Grave 2 The Max 2 The Power 2 The Death 2 Fast 2 Furious!

Unintentionally Funny Movie Of The Year

Dreamcatcher

Worst Ending

Dreamcatcher

"Hey, I'm Not The Matrix But I Want To Be!"

Bulletproof Suck, or The Trials and Tribulations of Mr. Funktastic

Worst Trailer(s) of the Year

Garfield, Mask 2, In America, Agent Cody Banks 2, Spy Kids 3D, Catch That Kid (Tie)

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post #21 of 35
12/30/03 at 2:02am
Ten would be stretching it by including movies I found so-so, thus I'll keep it to 5:

1 Daredevil
2 Cradle 2 the Grave
3 Cube2 (guess I'm the only one here who suffered through that)
4 Once Upon a Time in Mexico (quit playing Xbox during your shoots Robert)
5 Underworld
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post #22 of 35
1/4/04 at 12:58pm
Off the top of my head:
  • Dreamcatcher
  • Hulk
  • Down With Love
  • ...

I've been fortunate enough to miss out on just about all the wretched-sounding things that showed up on the Chud and Dark Horizon lists. My problem with this year's movies, though, is not that the bad one's have been so bad--even though they've been pretty damn bad by any standard--but that the good ones just haven't really been that good.
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post #23 of 35
1/4/04 at 3:59pm
Worst film of the year? Unquestionably: BRUCE ALMIGHTY. What an offensive, pandering, self satisfied sanctimonious blasphemous piece of tripe.
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post #24 of 35
1/4/04 at 6:21pm
The Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions should not be among the 10 worst films of 2003. They were easily the biggest let-downs of 2003, yet they still have some positive attributes. Anyways, my personal hatred goes equally to Gigli and Paycheck, which both happen to be Ben Affleck movies... co-incidence? I think not.
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post #25 of 35
1/5/04 at 2:24am
Quote:
Originally posted by Sycron
The Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions should not be among the 10 worst films of 2003. They were easily the biggest let-downs of 2003, yet they still have some positive attributes.
i have to say the same thing for the HULK
If it were NOT the Hulk or no one knew what the hulk was perhaps it might have been much better.
2 hours of drama in a movie that is mostly advertised as an action movie is a bit of a let down.

as far as OTHER movies I have to say I couldn't call
Daddy Day Care and What A Girl Wants bad since both were decent flicks for the types of movies they are.
I laughed enough considering I didn't expect to laugh all that much. Cute comes to mind - not great but not really horrible.
Kinda like comparing Princess Di and Mother Teresa. Di is not horrible - fluff comes to mind and not nearly the greatness that Mother Teresa is entitled but not a bad person.


my worst flicks of the year consist of I think only 3

1 - Charlie's Angel's 2
2 - Dumb and Dumberereererrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeerr
3 - Tomb Raider 2

Everything else that i WOULD consider horrible I never saw.

Gigli, From Justin to Kelly, The Real Cancun, My Boss's Daughter, Beyond Borders.
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post #26 of 35
1/5/04 at 3:45am
Worst film hands down was probably Cradle 2 The Grave. Biggest dissapointment Matrix Revolutions.
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post #27 of 35
1/5/04 at 10:43am
I said it before, and seeing as how Quint at AICN completely bit my style with his 10 worst of the year, I'll say it again:

House of the Dead is SINGLEHANDEDLY the 10 worst movies of the year. I can't think of another 10 films combined that would have so much laughable writing, inept direction, and just plain wrong ideas in every frame of the movie.
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post #28 of 35
1/5/04 at 11:01am
I couldn't put any other movie anywhere near House of the Dead on a 10 Worst List. It beats every other bad movie I'd seen last year by miles. I mean, how can an entire cast be upstaged by a torch?
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post #29 of 35
1/5/04 at 11:05am
I didn't see HOUSE OF THE DEAD but it never looked anything other than a micro-budget POS, to be honest. Bigger disappointments were there. STAR TREK: NEMESIS and THE MATRIX RELOADED are pretty much there for the worst, along with DAREDEVIL, although I'm still surprised to see HULK on people's worst lists. But then that's me.
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post #30 of 35
1/5/04 at 11:06am
I guess the worst of 2003 would be the reverse of my top ten+ list. Here it is then:

1. Anger Management
2. The Matrix Reloaded
3. Equilibrium
4. Hulk
5. Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle

Anything else wasn't actually a bad movie.
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post #31 of 35
1/5/04 at 12:43pm
Being as bored as I am today, I filtered out the worst reviewed movies at Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic. I didn't include movies with less than 10 reviews.

Rotten (%/Avg Score out of 10):

10. Darkness Falls (9%/3.4)
9. Grind (9%/3.2)
8. From Justin to Kelly (9%/2.8)
7. Kangaroo Jack (8%/3.5)
6. The Order (8%/2.9)
5. My Boss's Daughter (7%/3)
4. Gigli (7%/2.7)
3. Marci X (7%/2.3)
2. Boat Trip (6%/2.6)
1. House of the Fucking Dead (5%/2.1)

Metacritic (Avg out of 100):

10. Gods and Generals (27)
9. Gigli (19)
8. The Order (18)
7. Dumb and Dumberer (17)
6. The Cat in the Hat (16)
5. My Boss's Daughter (15)
4. Boat Trip (14)
3. Kangaroo Jack (13)
2. From Justin to Kelly (12)
1. Goddamn House of the Holy Nuts Dead (11)

No real surprises there. The #10 on Metacritic was tied with Life of David Gale, A View from the Top, and A Guy Thing. I felt like Gods just got a heavier lashing. Rotten Tomatoes also had a few other 9% (A Man Apart and Gods & Generals), but they still got a higher average rating than the rest.
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post #32 of 35
1/5/04 at 12:56pm
Whoa...who on Earth is NOT giving House of the Dead bad reviews?

I'm pretty sure that constitutes grounds for immediate termination of employment as a film critic.
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post #33 of 35
1/5/04 at 1:20pm
Quote:
Originally posted by Micah Robinson
Whoa...who on Earth is NOT giving House of the Dead bad reviews?

I'm pretty sure that constitutes grounds for immediate termination of employment as a film critic.
That would be IGN, Variety and the Los Angeles Times. IGN actually used the term "fun romp" and this interesting group of words: Boll uses Matrix slow-mo technology, but surprisingly he keeps it to a minimum so that when it is used it's to great effect.

Variety's grab reads "Whether this is a good or bad thing depends on just how much 14-year-old boy you've got in ya." No follow-up joke required there.
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post #34 of 35
1/5/04 at 2:25pm
Boll kept it to a MINIMUM?!

Yeah, right. I'm surprised the camera didn't do a 360 degree slo-mo around the opening credits. The only gimmick he used in the film more than that was the splicing of crappy quality footage from the first House of the Dead (which, come to think of it, was what they actually set the opening credits to).
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post #35 of 35
2/3/04 at 6:44am
Quote:
Originally posted by Egg
That would be IGN, Variety and the Los Angeles Times. IGN actually used the term "fun romp" and this interesting group of words: Boll uses Matrix slow-mo technology, but surprisingly he keeps it to a minimum so that when it is used it's to great effect.

Variety's grab reads "Whether this is a good or bad thing depends on just how much 14-year-old boy you've got in ya." No follow-up joke required there.
There is a hack working for the LA Times named Kevin Thomas and he gives a good review to every useless POS out there. My hatred of him began with a little movie called Pearl Harbor(he loved it) and has continued to this day.

If this guy maintains a position as a critic for this long he must be the mayor's son or something because he is certifiable. I'm sure he loved "You Got Served" and can't wait for "Daredevil 2" so he can slobber on Aflleck's nuts some more.

ARGGGHHH! 9 out of 10 people on this forum could critique a movie blindfolded better than Thomas. He's the anti-Ebert. Though Ebbert does make the occasional gaffe and is usually far too forgiveable for my taste.
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