Cupid was underappreciated; but it's tough to beat his "College 101" speech in PCU (which was funny even though it tried too damn hard) - paraphrased - "OK, you wanna know about college? Got a car?"
"No"
"Find someone who does, make friends the first day; classes, nothing before 11 am; beer, it's your best friend, you drink a lot of it; girls, you're a freshman, so that's pretty much outta the question. Anything else?"
<dialogue leading up to the classic>
"We no longer swill sherry and screw goats for fun..."