Worst Song of the 80s

Steve Winwood--"Don't You Know What The Night Can Do?"
USA For Africa--"We Are The World"
Prince--Anything off the Batman soundtrack
Eddie Murphy--"Party All The Time"
Phil Collins--"Sussudio"
Art Of Noise--Entire catalogue

...just when I had blotted that out of my mind...

My list would contain:
anything by Paula Abdul or Billy Ocean
Kenny G's "Songbird"
"Keep Your Hands to Yourself" by The Georgia Satellites
"Kokomo" by The Beach Boys

and any or all of those unpleasant inspirational ballads and duets, like "Wind Beneath My Wings", "Can't We Try", "Somewhere Out There", "Nothing's Going to Stop Us Now", etc.

Anything by Cyndi Lauper
'Walk like an Egyptian' whoever sang that trash.
Anything by Dio

Dio has rocked for a long, long time...

"Man on the Silver Mountain" and "Rainbow in the Dark" are classics.

The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades
Anything by Stray Cats
She Blinded Me With Science

You're kidding about the Stray Cats, right?

This gets my vote.

You're kidding about Thomas Dolby, right?

Not kidding about the Stray Cats. I absolutely hate their stuff. I don't know why they were popular, because their music sucked.

Not kidding about Dolby. If he's also the Dolby sound guy, I thank him for that, but I curse him for his stupid song.

Don Johnson's musical output from the '80s was rather weak.

That song, "Micky" by the cheerleader bird who never had another hit. Thank God.

Thomas Dolby's album is one of my all-time faves in the world. "Weightless" is probably one of my favourite songs ever. But I could see how "Blinded Me With Science" could get old.

Nu Shooz, "I Can't Wait"

The song's awful, and they get extra hate for spelling.

Thankfully, he really kicked it up a notch in the 90s, and it marked a return to that creative energy we all came to love on his groundbreaking work from the 70s.

Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.

Are you serious? I hate them with a passion the little gnome ass. I also saw them open for MAIDEN and they sucked horribly.

How can you knock this great hillbilly classic?

And why has no one mentioned Safety Dance?

but Safety Dance rocks!

I'm gonna agree with Boomstick. Sussudio wasn't his greatest song ever, but it certainly wasn't anywhere near bad. His 80s output, both solo and with Genesis was amazing.

sorro- if you agree with that, there's this really rad, virtually-unknown movie you should see. it's called "american psycho". phil collins plays quite the interesting part in the plot.

Bad 80's songs

All Night Long- Lionel Ritchie

Electric Youth- Debbie Gibson

I think We're Alone Now- Tiffany

Trashy 80's pop bitches (including Lionel Ritchie)

I take it that all the stuff that didn't make any sense in his post referred to American Psycho (which I've heard of, but that's it), and Sussudio must have played a part in it? I haven't seen it, but it would make sense, as I had no idea what he was talking about with most of the stuff. That doesn't change my love for Collins/Genesis, but anyway, I'm in over my head on this one.

"Safety Dance" is JUNK. Comes in far behind "Pop Goes the World" in the Men Without Hats catalog.

The problem with a lot of the 80s stuff is that in the "retro" craze, shitloads of medi-fucking-ocre tunes are getting endlessly overplayed. "Awesome 80s" stations have playlists as tight as Top 40 stations.

But back on topic:

muncie girl hits the nail on the head - anything inspirational and from a film sucks donkey balls (exceptions made for stuff like "You Got the Touch" from Transformers: The Movie)....

...but really, that's more of a sub-genre (sub- as in "subhuman", not "genre offshoot"), not a particular song.

I have to agree with sorro's damnation of the Stray Cats - amusing at the time, but I was about 12 and discovered superior rockabilly by The Cramps in short order. And over the span of a 40 year or so career, Rod Stewart has managed a few good tunes, but overall his music is akin to transplanting your eardrums to your groin and having David Beckham kick it. While wearing cowboy boots. But those are entire band/artists catalogs, so not quite in the spirit of things either.


And cripes, when we're talking songs, there are too damn many culprits to sufficiently list; I mean, I could spend this post defending some slandered above, but I think I'll list my nominee, state my case, and run for the hills:



"Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club.

Now, I think Culture Club were basically famous due to Boy George's schtick; but they had their moments - "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" isn't half bad - at least it doesn't send me diving for the scan button when it pops onto the radio. But THIS overplayed piece of rubbish leaves me cold, all the worse because it seems the vast majority of radio programmers love the shit out of it. Yeah, it's uptempo, but that's about all it has going for it. I piss on this psuedo-world music; if I want cultural enlightment from the 80s, I'll throw on a fucking Bad Brains disc.

Oh, wait, maybe it's "Somebody's Watching Me" by Rockwell. Yeah, maybe it's that - the guy had no talent, unless you count being Quincy Jones' (or whomever's) kid as "talent." Vaguely interesting concept in song and video that was executed by someone with all the musical gifts of a paper cup. And the guy was DAMN ugly.

And what about "Tears in Heaven" by Clapton? Was that an 80s song? Sure, it's pretty and sad and heartbreaking the first 3000 times, but after that you REALLY wish Slowhand's kid hadn't fallen out the window for the callous reason of sparing yourself another listen to this treacly tripe.

Yes, I'm serious, Dio isn't the best, but he's good. Maybe he sucks live, I wouldn't know. And anyone caught disrespecting "Safety Dance" should be shot in the face...twice!

Too many to mention but I would like to support some ones already mentioned and propose others...

Supporting 'We Are The World' (I feel sick just thinking about it), Kenny G and Paula Adbul.

In addition I would like to proffer...

'Ebony And Ivory' - Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder
'Lady In Red' - Chris De Burgh
'I Just Called To Say I Love You' - Stevie Wonder
'Fame' - Irene Cara
'Starmaker' - The Kids From Fame
Any Phil Collins

also, i'd like to say that prince's "batman" album really isn't that bad. sure, the shlock is in full force there, mainly with "batdance", "the arms of orion", and "lemon crush", but there's some good shit on there too- "electric chair", "scandalous" and "trust". if any of you knew anything about late 80's prince, i'd get into the "graffiti bridge" rant- it seems as if prince took all his solid material and put it on batman, and then took all the garbage he could find and put it on "graffiti bridge". the title cut alone is so terrible, i wanted to punch myself in the face the first time i heard it.

<shudder>

<twitch>

Probably because it lives in the same smelly corner of my mind as the theme song to "Great Outdoorsmen".

If none of you has ever heard "The Final Countdown" by Europe....then you're lucky lucky people.

"Final Countdown" is big on comedic value. A bad song for certain, but also very funny.

"We Built this City on Rock and Roll"- Starship

"Word Up"- Cameo

By far they are the two worst songs of the decade.

Brian Setzer of The Stray Cats is a brilliant guitar player, one of the best.

Worst song; Love bites - Def Lepard. Feel free to substitute any other Def Lepard song however.

Damn, Hangin' Tough by New Kids on the Block came out Oct. 1990. I thought I had a winner for sure.

That's funny, but it's tough to beat the description of Huey Lewis & the News early in their careers as a bunch of "strutting young nihilists".

As for the question at hand, surely this is one of the most impossible "list" questions to come up on this message board, and that includes all those "best movie ever"-type questions.

"We Are The World" is probably as good a choice as any. But I can't help thinking of the worst of the '80s in terms of slick "soft metal" ballads and the like, things like Bon Jovi and all the unlistenable blandly earnest commercial pap of that ilk.

Good guitar player does NOT equal "good songwriter".

Take Yngwie Malmsteen for example - the guy definitely has chops, but I can't think of one song of his I'd go out of my way to listen to.

No way, Def Leppard rocks! They had some great stuff (Hysteria, Photograph, Armageddon It, etc). Of course, I am a big fan of hair bands, so they fit the bill quite nicely.

I'm not sure, but I think Color Me Badd, Snow, and Vanilla Ice were all early 90s.

Locomotion - by a teenaged Kylie Minogue.

"Kokomo" by The Beach Boys fills me with a murderous rage unheard of in the annals of human history. Goddammit, I must hear it 12 or 13 times a week at work.

Is Springsteen's "Pink Cadillac" or whatever the fuck it's called an 80's tune? The Boss must die.

EBN OZN is definitely funny as hell. Bad, but funny.

And "The Final Countdown" is a masterpiece. And if you and your friends don't like the Safety Dance, then you and your friends are no friends of mine.

Rockwell is a God. Not THE God, but A God.

Whoever doesn't like the Bangles--BURN IN HELL!

But I'm Shocked, so very shocked I don't see "Don't Worry Be Happy" in this thread.

Come to think of it, "Kokomo's" not so bad after all.

I also nominate Katrina and the Waves' "Walking on Sunshine."
And anything by REO Speedwagon.

Holy Sheeeeaaat, how could I forget that one, another from the "First National Bank of Valparaiso Plays the Hits" collection.

I follow the Moskva
Down to Gorky Park
To listen to the winds of change
An August summer night
Soldiers passing by
Listening to the winds of change

The world is closing in
Did you ever think
That we could be so close - like brothers
The future's in the air
I can feel it everywhere
Blowing with the winds of change

Take me...to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
In the wind of change

Walking down the street
Distant memories
Are buried in the past forever
I follow the Moskva
Down to Gorky Park
Listening to the winds of change

Take me...to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow share their dreams
With you and me
Take me...to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
in the wind of change

The winds of change
Blows straight into the face of time
Like a stormwind that will ring the freedom bell
For peace of mind
Let your balalaika sing
What my guitar wants to say

Take me...to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow share their dreams
With you and me
Take me...to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
In the winds of change

The whistle destroys, and the Trogdor comes in the NIIIIIIIIIIGHT.

Better watch out HAM, they WILL rock you.

Rock you like a hurricane!

Good call but wasn't that the 90s?

I'd like to add into the mix...

'High Fidelity' - The Kids From Fame

One day in college, we're sitting around pulling bong hits and talking music, as was our wont in those days, and we decided by a unanimous vote, that REO Speedwagon indisputably sucks donkey balls.

We then took it upon ourselves to warp their name into something insulting - I offered "Oreo Redwagon", another person suggested "Areola Pee-wagon", but my buddy Kyle ended all discussion with the simple and forward "It's REO Fuckwagon!"

What I want to know is, what the hell is a speedwagon? And if it has anything to do with speed, what the hell is the connection with that abominable slow-ass band?
They make Christopher Cross look badass.

Come to think of it, perhaps a speedwagon would help him reach the border of Mexico.

I love the video. Can't help it. Too funny.

It's interesting that you mentioned this song. A friend from California and I were discussing the lyrics to this and I kind of agree with him. The way the song goes, it's as if Roth, The Beach Boys, whomever..are saying that the girls in California are unattractive and that he/they wish that all of the rest of the girls around the country could be there. I've found it amusing ever since.