Cheer me up.

You're lovely inside and out.

You have wonderful children.

Suxor loves you.

(((hugs)))

Screech.

Yeah... Dustin Diamond.

Makes me laugh just thinking about him.

Dive posted this website a while back. Cruising through their index always makes me smile.

My Cat Hates You

Here's hoping some sunshine is right around the corner waiting for you!

(((SisterGracieLou)))

Sorry to hear you're having a shitty day. I was
having one too until this picture brought my
workplace into perspective for me...

Remember that episode on SNL where Will Ferrell was acting like James Lipton and was interviewing Tobey Maguire acting like Screetch?

That was funny.

When I was five I went to the hospital for an operation. My kindergarten class all made get well cards for me. What one classmate wrote still brings a smile to my face-
"Get well soon. Ultraman misses you."

here are my two all time favorite jokes, ever, in no particular order...

How does a mathematician get rid of constipation?



...licnep a htiw tuo ti skrow


What kind of bee makes milk?



...eeb-oob a


there's a third, but i can't do it here, where i say "Did you hear that?" and the room goes silent and then you fart, my nephew loves that joke, but he's four, and i am the KING!!!...

You sent me hello kitty
You made my sad day glad
Now every time I brush my teeth
I'm happy and not sad

The bathroom stuff it matches
With my tile pretty blue
So every day I sing out loud:
Three cheers for Gracie Lou.

HEE!

Gracie...I'm pregnant. It's yours.

No, I haven't been with any other women! How could you ask me that!?! I can't believe you would accuse me of sleeping around! How dare you!

*sobs*

I'm having this baby with our without you. I'm ready to settle down and be a mother. Maybe someday when you grow up your child will have a Sister.

CAMERA MOVES IN CLOSE.

MUSIC SWELLS.

FADE OUT.

VOICE OF ANNOYING IGEA GUY:

"Has this ever happened to you? You try to make pancakes, but all you end up with is a gooey mess. Now there's Pankayke-o-Flippo! Just pour in the batter and close the lid. In just two minutes, flip the pan over and cook the pancakes perfectly on the other side! It's just that easy..."

Hang in there, kid. Tomorrow will be better.

Go kiss your babies!

What in the hell is that?

Gracie, you're like one of ten people I actually like on the internet. Don't be sad (((

Ok, I'm registering some recognition, but what was that from?

I have no idea what that thing is, but it makes me laff my everlovin' dick off every time I see it. Figured it might do the same for Gracie.

I've only talked to you once in chat but I found you quite cool and most pleasant. You're a great chewer.

Hey, it's Friday, that helps me out all the time. The end of the normal work week means things can only get better from here.

So, uh, odds are you're at home now, in bed with your hubby and have played and kissed your babies and have had a good dinner and are currently having pleasent dreams, but since it's still 2 minutes left according to my clock until the 3rd, I just wanted to wish you well.

You're a cool gal, who even though takes photos in some sort of weird askewed cepia-tone, you're alright by my books.

Hey, I have always hearted your posts! You know how happy it makes me when you string me along. Think deep winter and those who suffer through winters. Then remember where you live. It is the center of the universe, God's country.

Since I am very old and wise I though some old humor might cheer you up.

Nobody but you is allowed to read the following jokes. They belong to you.


An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it
was finally time to marry.
Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation regarding
how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally
the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their
connubial relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather hopefully.

"Well, I'd have to say I like it infrequently," she responded.

The old guy paused....then he asked, "Was that one word or two?"
________________________________
"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."
___________________________________________
An elderly couple were driving cross-country, and the woman was
driving. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer
said, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE."
The woman gives him her license."

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some
time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had."

The woman turns to her husband and asks," What did he say?"
"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells.

_______________________________________
>>The following letter was forwarded by someone who
>>teaches at a junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee.
>>The letter was sent to the principal's office after the
>>school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. This
>>story is a credit to all human kind. Read it, soak it in, and
>>bask in the warm feeling that it leaves you.
>>
>>Dear Reyer School,
>>
>>God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your
>>recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and
>>live at the county home for the aged. All my relatives are
>>gone. It's nice to know that someone thinks of me. God
>>bless you for your kindness to an old, forgotten lady.
>>
>>My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but
>>would never let me listen to it, no matter how often or
>>sweetly I asked. The other day her radio fell and broke
>>into a lot of pieces. It was awful. She was very upset.
>>
>>She then asked if she could listen to mine. I said,
>>"Fuck you."
_______________________________________
"Oy," moaned Sadie, "it's terrible getting old! Just now I found myself
standing in the kitchen with a loaf of rye in my hand, and couldn't
remember if I needed to put it away or make a sandwich!"

"I know what you mean," sympathised Ruthie, "sometimes I'll be standing
on the landing of the stairs, and I can't remember if I'm going up or
down!"

"Well, you girls are older than me," smirked Esther, "I don't have such
problems - knock wood," rapped her knockles on the table - startled,
jumped up, and said "That must be the door - I'll get it!"
____________________________________________

Not an old person joke, but funny

Two good Ol boys were driving home one afternoon, after work. They stopped off and Bubba bought a 12 pack of long necks, to keep them company on the drive. They'd finished off about half of the beer, when they crested a large hill. Down at the bottom of the hill was Texas DPS. The troopers had a road block there and were looking for DWIs. "Oh No," screamed Joe Bob. "What'll we do?" Bubba calm as could be said, "Don't fret. Just peel the label offa that bottle and stick it on your forehead and let me do the talking." So they both peeled the labels off their beers and stuck them to their foreheads, and that is how they pulled up to talk to the Trooper.

The Trooper looked inside at the two Bozos with beer stickers on their foreheads and many empties littering the floorboards. He said, "You boys been tossing back a few brews on the ride home? To which Bubba replied, "No Sir, Officer. We ain't been drinking." Pointing to the labels on their foreheads, Bubba said, " Me and my friend, well, we're on the patch!"
__________________________________
Okay, I normally don't post anti men posts, but since you need cheering up, I will make an exception.


>1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
> * (because they are plugged into a genius)
> 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?
> * (because they don't have time to)
> 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE 1 EGG?
> * (because they don't stop for directions)
> 4. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON THE EARTH?
> * (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
> 5. WHY DON'T WOMEN HAVE MEN'S BRAINS?
> * (because they don't have penises to put them in)
> 6. WHAT DO ELECTRIC TRAINS AND BREASTS HAVE IN COMMON?
> * (they're intended for children, but men usually end up playing with
>them)
> 7. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LAY ON THEIR BACKS?
> * (because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock)
> 8. WHY DO MEN MASTURBATE?
> * (it's sex with someone they love)
> 9. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
> * (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties)
> 10. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
> * (you need a rough draft before a final copy)
> 11. WHY IS MEN'S PEE YELLOW AND HIS SPERM WHITE?
> * (so he can tell if he is coming or going)
>

If I had the money, I'd buy you an Xbox. But I don't so I'll just have to give you hugs and platonic kisses.

And when I'm done, you'll be the first to read my newest draft of my zombie script...

I couldn't think of anything witty to say so I'll just post the lyrics to this song by Bill Withers called Lovely day.

When I wake up in the morning, love
And the sunlight hurts my eyes
And something without warning, love
Bears heavy on my mind

Then I look at you
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day
... lovely day, lovely day, lovely day ...

When the day that lies ahead of me
Seems impossible to face
When someone else instead of me
Always seems to know the way

Then I look at you
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day.....

When the day that lies ahead of me
Seems impossible to face
When someone else instead of me
Always seems to know the way

Then I look at you
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day......

Yes, it is quite fun! I have bad eyesight, being so old and sometimes I just slip when starting to shake hands with an attractive woman. Somehow I wind up grabbing the wrong thing. But I am not only real old, I am cute as hell and somehow I can pull it off and not come off as too much of a perv. Deep down, al men are, I think. I can't help it. Women and just so damned wonderful.

BTW, I hope you know I am lying, grabbing boobs is the last thing I would ever do. I guess I am what you would call a "pretend pervert." Besides, I much prefer a quick bustle rub.

Old age does have its rewards and "perks", just not as often I guess.

I hope things go better real soon, Gracie, then you can toss this week aside as just a bad memory. This message board is always ok when you're on it.

Aren't you cheered up yet? Damn, just get on with being beautiful and intelligent already. Sheesh.

I have not been able to visit the boards in a few days, so please excuse me for not replying.

Anyway. Don't worry too much about the bad times, just focus on what you have and what you can look to in the future.

I have always enjoyed your presence on the boards as well as when we have chatted in the past (wish we could do that more often).

Oh yeah. You are also a hot momma.

Gracie,
I hope you are feeling a bit cheered up. You have a smile that could light up a city, and the world is better for having seen it.

Now, What can I do to cheer you up?

I can hit myself with a pot and sing something by Biz Markee...

I can pretend I'm Rupert the Monkey Boy from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels...

I know, I'll try to take me eye out with a spoon!

All for ye, Gracie!

I hope this helps.

I was away for the weekend enjoying bad drive-in cinema and reveling in all things Texas Chainsaw Massacre....minus horrid remake.

Otherwise.. I would have posted earlier.


Gracie.... when all seems at its worse....there is always DINOCROC!!

I send happy happy cheering vibes your way.

I'd wrap them in a nice pink bow too, but I'm not entirely sure *how*...