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Jason Pollock's Bruise Cruise

post #1 of 27
5/3/04 at 11:13am
Thread Starter 
I was bored and unable to sleep and found myself wandering the Chud grounds aimlessly. At some point I found Chud Stories and began reading a zombie story that was alright. That in turn lead me to an amazing tale in which our Narrator (Jason Pollock) books a ticket on WCW's Bruise Cruise so he can meet childhood idol, Rowdy Roddy Piper. Of course the cruise sucks but things get weird when giant mutant crabs attack the boat leaving only Pollock, the Hot Rod himself and a few other wrestlers fighting for survival.

Check it out if you haven't already cos it truly is the mutt's nuts. Funny and exciting, someone should make this into a film. It might even revive the Rowdy one's career.

And that would be amazing.
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post #2 of 27
5/3/04 at 1:01pm
Jason Pollock is actually the pseudonym of Roddy Piper himself. He uses it to publish little bits of fiction that would otherwise be overshadowed by his fame - by writing about himself from an outside perspective, people enjoy the story rather than the infamy of the author.

I believe he occasionally posts on the boards under the name Hot Animal Machine.
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post #3 of 27
5/5/04 at 3:50am
Quote:
Originally posted by Dan Whitehead
Jason Pollock is actually the pseudonym of Roddy Piper himself. He uses it to publish little bits of fiction that would otherwise be overshadowed by his fame - by writing about himself from an outside perspective, people enjoy the story rather than the infamy of the author.

I believe he occasionally posts on the boards under the name Hot Animal Machine.
I just shit myself. Whitehead, you are a good man!
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post #4 of 27
5/5/04 at 7:10am
He is also a liar, but a damn sexy one at that.

Wow. "Bruise Cruise". That really takes me back to the days when this community consisted of about 30 people. Damn. And like most of the writing Jason does, it is an excellent read.

In case you needed a link, here's one.
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post #5 of 27
5/5/04 at 1:15pm
I'm not reading that talented fuckers short story. He depresses me enough as it is...

I'll say this though, he is hot.
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post #6 of 27
5/5/04 at 1:19pm
<shill>

Can you at least read mine ?

</shill>
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post #7 of 27
5/5/04 at 4:28pm
Thread Starter 
Good story Charlie. Loved the Michael Bay gag.
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post #8 of 27
5/5/04 at 5:07pm
God, now I'm going to have to go back and read that one again, as it really is a great little adventure tale, and I haven't checked it out in forever. It makes me wish Jason would write more stuff for CHUD. Hell, it makes me wish Jason would write more stuff, period.

Shit, it just makes me wish Jason would post more.

And I'm all about the motherfuckin' clam, but I have to agree with Strax on this one -- Jason is a pretty, pretty man.
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post #9 of 27
5/5/04 at 5:10pm
Quote:
Originally posted by Hellblazer

And I'm all about the motherfuckin' clam, but I have to agree with Strax on this one -- Jason is a pretty, pretty man.
Does is hair have that inner glow?
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post #10 of 27
5/5/04 at 5:19pm
It's beautamous. It makes you want to run your fingers through it.
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post #11 of 27
5/5/04 at 5:21pm
The...clam...? Is that what kids are calling it nowadays?

Yeah, he's pretty, yeah he's talented, and yeah, he used to be here a lot more often than he is now. Hell, he used to call me to see how I was doing, but that stopped, too. Perhaps he became hideously disfigured and untalented in some freak stapler accident?

Course, if that were true, he'd probably be writing about it by now...
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post #12 of 27
5/6/04 at 2:29pm
"All about the clam" is a Kevin Smith-ism, a sad number of which have integrated themselves into my daily vocabulary. Sorry.
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post #13 of 27
5/6/04 at 2:49pm
The way I figure it he's either:

a) Fighting to save a pocket reality from the deadly Yuki-Yuki tribe...

b) Moved to Hong Kong to become a stuntman, was kicked in the head by Ekin Cheng and lost all motor skills...

c) Found God in a box of Pocky and gave up the ghost to become the world's greatest ramen jackass...

d) Has better shit to do...

Not that I'd know.
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post #14 of 27
5/7/04 at 2:43am
e) Learning to cook noodle, accidentally substituted sugar for salt.
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post #15 of 27
5/7/04 at 8:39am
Well I was close...
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post #16 of 27
5/7/04 at 9:14am
Don't worry, HAM, it was all just a test.
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post #17 of 27
5/7/04 at 10:45am
You failed, by the way. Shameful performance.
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post #18 of 27
5/7/04 at 10:59am
Girlcreeture misses HAM....
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post #19 of 27
5/7/04 at 11:38am
*resists "meat" gag*
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post #20 of 27
5/7/04 at 12:40pm
>resists secondary gag about meat gag<
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post #21 of 27
5/7/04 at 12:42pm
You're so marrying into the wrong nationality.

Think British !
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post #22 of 27
5/7/04 at 12:47pm
There's always polygamy. . .
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post #23 of 27
5/7/04 at 12:49pm
Indeed. Do you think a Wildhearts CD would soften the deal for him ?
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post #24 of 27
5/7/04 at 12:51pm
I'd throw in a DVD too, that'd prolly help
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post #25 of 27
5/7/04 at 12:54pm
Not that you ain't worth it sweet cheeks, but I love my DVDs.
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post #26 of 27
5/7/04 at 12:58pm
But do you loooooove] your DVD's (wait don't answer that)
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post #27 of 27
5/8/04 at 1:32pm
Quote:
Originally posted by Dan Whitehead
You failed, by the way. Shameful performance.
You win-you always do!

GOULET!
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