Top 3 Chewers I'd love to meet

Daywalker
Coyote
Connigit

For me:

devincf
Micah Robinson
Carl Cunningham

...and of course Nick, but that one is pretty obvious.

There's more of them, but you asked for the top 3.

I don't know if I'd like to meet Jabba, but I'd like to stalk him through the streets or perhaps the supermarket, spying on him from the fruit aisle as he pauses to examine odd products and mumble arcanely to himself.

I'd like to meet HBAADU, in his/her/its home environment, where I would doubtless be offered a glass of some liquor so exotic that there is no name for it in any Earthling language whilst a mute Japanese woman painted lumescent green plays the cello for me and a gentle blue glow flickers out from the space time anomaly in the living room, where all of the DVDs are stored.

I'd also like to meet Devin, to be honest. I would like to gaze upon the eye of the hurricane of controversy that seems to follow him wherever he goes. Failing that, Django might be interesting.

That said, I'm sure that there is some person on here who posts about three times a year about some sitcom that about three people watch, who lives a life so goddamned interesting that my teeth would fall out in shock if I knew just the tiniest portion of the shit they take for granted, so who knows?

1. Michael Bay
2. Slater
3. Michael Bay

Fabulous idea, Slater. I've been to Paradise, but I've never been to me.

-Dances with Chainsaws
-Captain supermarket
-The Dude

But I'd also love to meet the rest of the wankers that makes this place so... mmm... interesting.

I can't narrow it down to three because I can't decide who I'd want to meet the most. I want to get to know everyone, pick some brains apart (not literally). I want to hug all of you..even hug those who can't stand my guts and think I'm a dolt.

Well in that case, I'm ready for my hug.

Anybody who frequents the Creature Corner Forums.

Gruber and Otik because theys my bestest buddiest pals.


Then I guess.... ummmm... Cosmoline so we could assassinate some Latin American dictator or whatever he does in his spare time.

Malachi, if we met I'd have to point and yell, "OUTLANDER!" every 5 minutes.

The mysterious and engimatic Dolarhyde.

This is a great idea! I suggest all of you get together! In one room! At the same time!









So I can put a broomhandle through the doorhandles.

You'd drop me? Drop to your knees and fellate me, maybe, but that's the extent of it.

But, yeah, I'll admit to dreaming of a better world.

Floydian Trip
Big Rich

... gee, it's hard to only pick 3...

I've only met Straxboy so far. Which was very, very cool.

Who have you guys already met?

My lack of presence in the answers above means that I am either posting too little, or too often.

Oh, I'm witless? Are you sure you have time to keep this up when the rigorous demands of Answer a Question/Ask a Question are calling out to you gently, "Come back to me. Please entertain me with more of your blandness."?

On topic, I want to meet perculator6, omega2 and the Great American Hero who starts to separate the wheat from the chaff around these parts. Any applicants?

I'm holding out for a hero...

I think we should all meet together on Cosmo's compound for a great, big, jolly Koolaid fest, just like the folks at Jonestown did.

But I'm not ready to go yet! I'll just have to stay in bed that evening.

Cosmo will have to urge you out of bed at gunpoint, then. I can't stand the thought of anybody here outliving me, and that includes your ass!

IRL i would drop you all like a box of tampons.

IRL i would shove you all inside my crotch like a box of tampons.

I feel the love...

Dear Sir or Madam,

We apologize to inform you that Mr. Werbal Kint recieves requests for personal appearances hundreds of times a day. Though he would love to accomodate all of these requests, it simply cannot be done on his busy schedule. We thank you for your interest in Werbal Kint. Enclosed is a catalog of various exlcusive pieces of Werbal Kint merchandise, perfect for such a true fan. We hope to hear from you and the future, and we wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

Sincerely,
Cindy Grace

PR Director, Werbal Kint Productions

I've not been here long enough to say I'd want to meet any Chewers, but I can say I'd like to meet most of the staff because I've been reading the site for well over two years and they all seem like good guys.

Hey Otik, why don't you think of something remotely interesting to say instead of playing Salacious Crumb? Not in your repetoire? Didn't think so.

What a bizarre knee-jerk reaction it is for you to play the Devin card, Malachi Constantly Unfunny. Why'd you throw that one out? Does it just seem to you that anyone who longs for a higher level of web discourse must be a friend of Devin?

Truth be told, I have no knowledge of whether you have an ongoing feud with Devin (though that would seem now to be a positive attribute on his part, if you tell me that's so) and I have no desire to carry on any feud on his behalf. I assure you-- I was quite capable of growing annoyed and bored at your content-free jabberings totally independent of any of the other refined minds who may call out your jackassery on a routine basis.

Yeah, I post infrequently here. That's probably due more to the quantity of pointless, witless posts vomited out by you and your hangers-on, who wouldn't recognize intelligent discourse or humor if it ran you over trucklike. Congrats. You've won! Your prize is the solipsism of getting to hear your own bleatings without any resistance. Or, rather, that's your prize every day but today.

And the expression "never mind" is two words, dolt-boy.

A sharp guy like me isn't worth your time but hundreds of posts of Late Night Chewer dumbness is?

Priorities, unstraightened.

So, does this mean you won't be amending your post and adding me to the top three chewers you'd like to meet?

I'm ignoring your trollish attempts to dismiss my voice of reason simply because I post at devin's board (where you apparently must lurk heavily as well). That's a cop-out and a lazy way to defend the nothing you've contributed to the board.

You raise an excellent point, if inadvertantly and completely by accident. Who is more memorable--more valuable-- to these CHUD parts? An old, not terribly descript guy like myself who has maybe five thousand posts spread out over a couple of years and log-ins, who doesn't really draw a lot of attention to himself except when he's mad as hell and not going to take it any more. Or, one of these new guys who, to my tired eyes, seems to compensate for his decided lack of anything to say by saying it over and over again.

Did the chud boards I love fade away, or did a newer iteration of illiteracy win the day?

Who can say? I propose we decide who leaves forever.

We'll start a thread with a poll in it. The chewers decide who stays and who goes. You and I will search through the archives and pick the best twenty-five posts we've ever written. Our various backers can state the case for why we should stay and why the other should go. All of those mini-Ds can throw their support behind me, and all of your buds can do the same for you. We'll leave voting open for a period of time, and the people will decide who leaves forever. If I lose, I never post again, and never register again. Gone for good.

Could you commit to doing the same?

The gauntlet has been thrown down.

If Malachi wins, I'll step aside.

One man's troll is another man's freedom fighter. Search my post histories, boys. I've never had trollishness anywhere in my veins.

But sometimes desperate circumstances call for desperate measures.

The important thing is that Bunny's getting a lot of mileage out of that Tina pic.

Tina!??!

Is my challenge accepted?

Your guy thinks you're a sure bet.

Rex, that's probably the gayest way of settling a feud anyone's come up with since the knife fight in West Side Story.

See, now that's where we differ. I do care about how the people here perceive me and my contributions here. I want them to think well of me and what I have to say. By definition, a troll doesn't care if he is perceived negatively.

Ergo, you are the troll here.

Pussies. IRL we would settle this gangsta style. 4 rounds or Rock,Paper,Scissor followed by a lightning round with Van Damme Trivia.

Well, it lacks the hot masculinity of saying I'd "drop" somebody. That's for sure.

It doesn't surprise me that both of you zeros would think the court of public approval isn't worth anything. Didn't you ever watch a "loser leaves the WWF forever match" when you were a kid? Like, yesterday?

Tina look so go good in America!

I agree, and I love the captions that go along with it.

Court of public approval? This is an internet messageboard populated by guys who run their mouths about Roland Emmerich's politics and think Danny Trejo is the greatest actor since Al Leong!

It's just a childish idea! Part of being a regular on this board is putting up with foolishness and petty hatred. God knows I've had it out with most people on this board. Whitey Powers is counting down the days until I get hit by a bus, and Devin would be too except I'm a Floridian voting for Kerry so he kinda needs me.

The point is that you deal with it! It's not like it's hard to do, it's just the internet! If someone is bothering you, put them on your ignore list, or just don't pay attention to them. But treating CHUD like it's some sort of serious personal deal... that's...

This thread was staggeringly boring before I started posting in it.

Your mother is very proud.

Or a choke chain.

I'd have to go with the following:
Werbal_Kint
Gruber and Otik


They fucking amuse me.

Kronos. Prala. Mr. and Mrs. Butane. Probably a couple more.

However allow me to say that meeting Chewers is often a depressing experience. There's only two outcomes to it.

Either we're not nearly as cool, witty, or entertaining as we are on here...or we're exactly what you'd expect which can be scary, sad, or both.

I've been accused of all of the above...

I'd have to say Alice, part II, or the great Rex "R-LU" Hudler.

Actually, the first time you met me, I was an imposter. The real me is a four hundred pound divorced man called Lenny who does mall security.

Are we doing the Spider-Man thang or what?

Sure, I'd like to talk to someone about Soul Plane in real life.