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I'm OLD, and I crave attention!

post #1 of 44
6/10/04 at 1:29pm
Thread Starter 
So you fuckers better recognize, dammit. I'm forty-fucking-three years old today, old enough to be half you bozo's dad. Now go fetch Grandpa some bourbon, and I'll tell you why we had to wear white onions on our belts. 'Cause that was the style back then. You couldn't get the yellow ones, see, because of the war...


ZZzzzzzzzzzzzz......

EDIT: And a double-crotchety thanks to those who've already sent me pm birthday wishes.
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post #2 of 44
6/10/04 at 1:31pm
Can you get me in some titty bars?

Happy birthday, mofo.
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post #3 of 44
6/10/04 at 1:31pm
Jacob's so old that when Christ got crucified, the traffic jam made him late for work.

Sorry, sorry.....

Happy Birthday, bud.
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post #4 of 44
6/10/04 at 1:32pm
Gimme five bees for a quarter you'd say!

So I guess you'll be retiring down to my neck of the woods (FL) sometime soon. You'll like it around here. It's sunny... there aren't too many young people... and theres a Walgreens on every corner. Yep. It's paradise for the infeebled.
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post #5 of 44
6/10/04 at 1:32pm
Happy birthday, Pops! Actually, I'm turning the big 4-0 in a few months, so I'm right up there with you. Though, back in my day, we had to wear green onions FOR belts. They were tiny and slick, hard to tie together, and they would make your eyes water ... ZZZZZZ drool.
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post #6 of 44
6/10/04 at 1:36pm
Happy Birthday, Jacob. I'll be in your age range..in about 9 years. Don't have a heart attack blowing out those candles!

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post #7 of 44
6/10/04 at 1:36pm
Oooh! Happy birthday to one of my favorite old and crotchety people!

Hope 'tis a good one.
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post #8 of 44
6/10/04 at 1:43pm
Happy, Happy! So Bourbon is the poison for the day? Will a 10-yr old bottle suffice?
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post #9 of 44
6/10/04 at 1:47pm
Happy birthday, Jacob. Since you're old enough, can we blame you for Vietnam?
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post #10 of 44
6/10/04 at 1:47pm
Have a wonderful birthday, Mr. Singer.
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post #11 of 44
6/10/04 at 1:48pm
Jacob's lying about his true age. He's really doesn't work everyday at all, unless you count shuffling down to Denny's in the morning for a senior citizen-discount breakfast over the newspaper 'working'.

Hat off to the old fella. May the hair on your toes never fall out.
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post #12 of 44
6/10/04 at 1:50pm
Jacob's so old he saw Troy when it was breaking news.

Happy birthday, geezer!
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post #13 of 44
6/10/04 at 2:05pm
Quote:
Originally posted by Gigolo Joe
Happy, Happy! So Bourbon is the poison for the day? Will a 10-yr old bottle suffice?
either you're not very old, or you're not a bourbon drinker. The age of the bottle should ALWAYS be as old, or older than the drinker.
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post #14 of 44
6/10/04 at 2:19pm
Happy Birthday JAcob!

May you live as long as your belly button.
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post #15 of 44
6/10/04 at 2:21pm
Just think of it this way...When Jim Morrison was your age he'd been dead 15 years...Something to ponder.

Happy Birthday, man, and keep on truckin'!
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post #16 of 44
6/10/04 at 2:34pm
Also, Shatner's Basson, I <3 your username.
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post #17 of 44
6/10/04 at 2:37pm
Ta!
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post #18 of 44
6/10/04 at 2:39pm
Happy B-day Gramps!!!

Since you probably can't drive anymore you should give me the keys to your car gramps!

Now give me the keys or I won't give you your walker...
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post #19 of 44
6/10/04 at 2:49pm
Happy Birthday. Hopefully you fall asleep and wake up when the country has become one large corporation and all of the jobs have been outsourced. Rip Van Winkle style.
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post #20 of 44
6/10/04 at 2:51pm
Happy Birthday.
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post #21 of 44
6/10/04 at 2:55pm
Quote:
Originally posted by monkeycupcakes
either you're not very old, or you're not a bourbon drinker. The age of the bottle should ALWAYS be as old, or older than the drinker.
Well, I'm not as old as some people, but I'm hardly young. So in answer to your statement, I don't drink bourbon and ten sounded like a good year. Vodka tends to be my poison.
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post #22 of 44
6/10/04 at 3:16pm
Happy Birthday! Want to feel really old? When my dad was 43, I was 22. I'm headed to 31 in a couple of months.

Drink up!
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post #23 of 44
6/10/04 at 3:20pm
Quote:
Originally posted by Gigolo Joe
Well, I'm not as old as some people, but I'm hardly young. So in answer to your statement, I don't drink bourbon and ten sounded like a good year. Vodka tends to be my poison.
Well, as potatoes don't age as well as corn......



Wait a minute......are you calling me OLD?
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post #24 of 44
6/10/04 at 3:23pm
Happy Birthday!

You are less than a year younger than my mom.

Enjoy being dead sooner than me!

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post #25 of 44
6/10/04 at 5:53pm
For some reason Molly Shannon popped into my head...I kick! And I stretch! And I'm 50!

You better be doing shots of bourbon from that shot glass I gave you for X-mas however many years ago. Geez. Now I feel old.

Happy Birthday, you oldie old timer!
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post #26 of 44
6/10/04 at 6:00pm
Congrats on the continued existence. Try to sober up in time for church.
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post #27 of 44
6/10/04 at 6:20pm
I dance on your lawn and call you names until you turn the hose on me, you old coot! All the while shrieking, "Happy birthday!"
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post #28 of 44
6/10/04 at 6:21pm
Happy birthday, you delightful old sack.
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post #29 of 44
6/10/04 at 6:26pm
Happy Birthday, Singer.
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post #30 of 44
6/10/04 at 6:33pm
Happy birthday, sir.
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post #31 of 44
6/10/04 at 7:03pm
Whoa, you're over twice my age. And I used to think you were cool...
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post #32 of 44
6/10/04 at 7:08pm
Hey, Happy Birthday Jacob! May the wheels on your walker never seize.
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post #33 of 44
6/10/04 at 10:25pm
Happy Happy Birthday Jacob. Here's hoping you have another 43 years to celebrate
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post #34 of 44
6/10/04 at 11:57pm
Happy Birthday!!!

Now... pass the Depends.
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post #35 of 44
6/11/04 at 1:18am
Hah! Youngster...got you beat by four months.

Happy Happy Whisky Man!
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post #36 of 44
6/11/04 at 1:20am
When you hit 50, that's when you're old. This? Cool beans. Plus, you're a gamer - so you're great in my book.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Singer.
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post #37 of 44
6/11/04 at 1:34am
Happy birthday. You are old enough to drink and buy porn, so you shouldn't have any complaints.
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post #38 of 44
6/11/04 at 2:11am
Thread Starter 
It's late, I'm buzzed, and I just got back from the new Potter flick. Thanks to all of you fine folk, and I hope you can forgive me for starting this thread myself, seeing as how none of you twits saw to do it first. I'll remember all of you in my will, like it or not. I hope you like cats.

Seriously, whatta day. You guys rock. Well, I assume you do, I'm really too old to recognize "rocking" when I see it. Other than my chair, of course...

Now where was I...
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post #39 of 44
6/11/04 at 10:09am
Happy belated birthday. Hopefully you have bloodshot eyes, a sore mustache, and your mouth tastes like pinata turd.
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post #40 of 44
6/11/04 at 10:31am
Quote:
Originally posted by billzæbub
Happy belated birthday. Hopefully you have bloodshot eyes, a sore mustache, and your mouth tastes like pinata turd.
Poetry in motion, is our Billz...
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post #41 of 44
6/11/04 at 10:56am
Quote:
Originally posted by Jacob Singer
It's late, I'm buzzed, and I just got back from the new Potter flick.
Old crotchety man goes to children's movie, drunk, as "birthday treat". So much material - where to start?
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post #42 of 44
6/11/04 at 4:57pm
Quote:
Originally posted by kittyinjammies
Poetry in motion, is our Billz...
I'd spend my birthday with Coconut Pete if possible, sans the murdering.
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post #43 of 44
6/11/04 at 5:22pm
Christ - and I thought I was creaking at the joints aged 32. Happy Birthday Jacob.

<grin>
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post #44 of 44
6/12/04 at 9:13am
Happy Freakin' Belated Birthday!
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