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Unrelated Deathmatch...It Has Begun!

post #1 of 23
6/19/04 at 4:22am
Thread Starter 
This post is inspired by both a throwaway joke from the Simpsons and a routine I saw from a comedian on "Shorties Watchin' Shorties." The concept: two completely unrelated things go at in a battle...TO THE DEATH!!! You pick a winner, then post your own matchup of a battle that will never be.

We shall start with:

Tom Hanks VS. French Toast...FIGHT!!
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post #2 of 23
6/19/04 at 4:32am
Cyclotrons kills like, what? 30,938 people a year? Why should it have a problem taking down a wind tunnel?
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post #3 of 23
6/19/04 at 7:02am
Quote:
Originally posted by Jim Pappas/Jabba
Uh, Tom Hanks. He merely eats the French Toast.
All Tom Hanks has is his patented yell. French Toast, on the other hand, would pummel him with an endless barrage of crumbs and powdered sugar.

McDonald's Fillet-O-Fish VS. Knight Rider's K.I.T.T.
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post #4 of 23
6/19/04 at 7:05am
Quote:
Originally posted by Chest Rockwell
McDonald's Fillet-O-Fish VS. Knight Rider's K.I.T.T. [/B]
The Feeney-matic KITT would run over the Filet-O-Fish. It's a fucking car vs. a sandwich. Come on.

VS. Predator
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post #5 of 23
6/19/04 at 11:36am
Quote:
Particle accelerators kill people?
You have no idea!


VF&F Vin Diesel Vs. JC's The Thing
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post #6 of 23
6/19/04 at 1:06pm
Quote:
Originally posted by Jim Pappas/Jabba
Particle accelerators kill people?
Oh shit I thought you were talking about those rides at carnivals.
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post #7 of 23
6/19/04 at 3:37pm
Quote:
Originally posted by Gruber
VS. Predator
after realizing that its extravagant weaponry is too massive to lay a lethal pin-point kill shot on the , the predator unplugs the pc and kills the 's power supply.

Quote:
A computer hard drive v.s. L. Ron Hubbard's "Battlefield Earth."
the hard drive would perform norton anti-virus live-updates until the awful novel decomposed.

... rocksteady & bebop vs. a furnace air filter
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post #8 of 23
6/19/04 at 3:55pm
Quote:
Originally posted by Stuber
... rocksteady & bebop vs. a furnace air filter
Gotta go with the furnace air filter. Rocksteady and Bebop ain't that smart, they'd probably make it explode in their faces or something, killing them instantly.

Bebop and Rocksteady VS. Tokka and Rahzar
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post #9 of 23
6/19/04 at 5:50pm
Quote:
Originally posted by Otik

Jesus vs. The Jesus
Umm...wtf? I get to the last one and I'm all ready to contribute and you confuse the hell out of me!

Grr...
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post #10 of 23
6/19/04 at 7:41pm
Jesus wins by throwing some Emperor Palpatine lightning bolts at the Jesus. Thus, reducing him to a pile of ash.

Now for my match-up:

A dying manatee vs Delta Burke's mildly retarded cousin Dewey.
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post #11 of 23
6/19/04 at 8:45pm
Quote:
Originally posted by Otik
I'd say Tokka and Rahzar. Souly because they are bigger then Bebop and Rocksteady, but defienetly not smarter.

Jesus vs. The Jesus
Fie on Tokka and Rahzar.

I mean, come on, "THEY'RE BAAAAAAABIEEEEES!"

Bebop and Rocksteady have lazer guns. I demand a recount.

2.) The Jesus goes to hell for molesting 8 year olds (am I right on the age?). Christ wins.

Now to continue on with the TMNT action...

Super Shredder vs. Three Wooden Planks (our first rematch)
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post #12 of 23
6/19/04 at 10:30pm
Thread Starter 
Well, Super Shredder was played by wrestler Kevin Nash. Knowing his workrate, as soon as he stepped into the ring, he'd trip over the first plank and tear a quad. 3 Planks win.

A '84 Plymouth Reliant VS. Asimov's 3 Laws of Robotics
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post #13 of 23
6/20/04 at 1:08am
I take the Plymouth.


Powdered Toast Man vs International Log
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post #14 of 23
6/20/04 at 1:30am
The '60 Pirates because they have bats. And, if I know my M Night Shymalan, a baseball bat can defeat all foes.
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post #15 of 23
6/20/04 at 4:42am
Eccentricity. The Wright Brothers were eccentrics, and they invented the airplane. Nothing says "Fuck you, gravity" like an airplane.

Energizer batteries vs. the French Revolution. Fight!
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post #16 of 23
6/20/04 at 5:46am
The french revolution would overthrow the Energizer bunny's obvious fascist leaning. "It just keeps going and going..." c'mon that's the most pinko thing i've ever heard. Perpetuating the state and whatnot. The french revolution would trounce that shit.

Stephen Hawking vs. Timmay
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post #17 of 23
6/26/04 at 5:11am
Thread Starter 
The Liberty Bell. The Spanish Inquisition had a snappy theme song, but nothing beats the Liberty Bell. Nothing!


Scott Stapp, frontman from Creed vs. a beached whale. It's an easy one.
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post #18 of 23
7/4/04 at 9:08pm
Thread Starter 
Bumpo the Clown
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post #19 of 23
7/5/04 at 4:47am
Beached whale all the way, no contest there. Its thick layer of blubber makes it almost invincible to hand-to-hand attacks and small arms, wheras Stapp has no defense against the whale's hastily-assembled army of vacationers-cum-beachedwhalehelpers and their righteous indignation at his attacking the poor thing.

Ponda Baba versus the set of 'Frasier'
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post #20 of 23
7/5/04 at 4:50am
Steven Hawking would win, 'cause he has that spring-loaded boxing glove built in.
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post #21 of 23
7/5/04 at 5:33am
Train of Thought vs. The Death Star ..........Fight!
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post #22 of 23
7/5/04 at 3:28pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Sphinx always gets the sake
. Nothing says "Fuck you, gravity" like an airplane.
Hilarious.
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post #23 of 23
7/5/04 at 9:44pm
Thread Starter 
"Now witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational battle station. "

Giant silver moon with the power to desrtoy a large planet derails everyone's trail of thought. Evil wins once again.

Rush's seminal album "Moving Pictures" VS. Jonathan Taylor Thomas from "Home Improvement". LET'S GET IT ON!!!
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