Master Control Program - CHUD's Video Game Column - Page 2

It certainly does. Thanks, man.

Midnight Club review:

http://chud.com/mastercontrol/2499

Devil May Cry 3 review:

http://chud.com/mastercontrol/2501

You think they would have figured out at this point to change up the attitude of the character. I mean, Dante should be a parody. He should be self-mocking but it seems like they keep falling to the side of wanting to be cool instead of wanting to be fun.

But yeah, great review Slater. Masterful writing, blah, blah, blah, brilliant prose, blah, blah, blah, hilarious jokes, blah, blah, blah. You're a spectacular writer. WE GET IT. Try to tone it down so the rest of us can stop hating ourselves and our inferior writing.

Awesome stuff Slater, and not just because you and I agree.

I can't wait to see the hate you get for some of those lines. Should be great.

I still fail to see how Kratos is apparently a better character than Dante. The only mood Kratos ever exhibited in God Of War is "Grr murder murder murder" with a single instance of "Holy shit, there's something severely wrong with me", and even that instance drops him right back into "Grrr murder murder murder" territory. Dante's sole mood seems to be "Hahaha I rule" with a single instance of "Time to take some responsibility." They're both cardboard cutouts, honestly, but at least Dante is more fun as a character. Dante is the Prince from POP: Sands Of Time (an arrogant twat a large amount of time) to Kratos' POP: Warrior Within Prince (who smoulders with generic rage).

Not really, considering that the Japanese are the reason that Devil May Cry 2 was so easy in the first place.

Otherwise, okay review. Generalized a bit too much in some areas, but it was still an okay read.

In terms of aesthetics Kratos is not a very memorable character at all. And yes, many Americans seem to love that dark angst thing that takes itself really seriously. That's probably why the Warrior Within outsold the vastly superior Sands Time. Give them a dark, troubled hero, lots of blood, some boobs and perhaps some NU-metal and they're happy.

Big difference between the two games is that God of War is a game for a large audience, where DMC III is more of a hardcore gamer's game. It's a game that gives back what you invest in it. I have seen the most incredible combos in DMC. No mater how many enemies were on screen, they just couldn't touch Dante. A bringer of death, beautifully choreographed, with action that outdoes everything yet seen in (or outside) a videogame. GoW is button mashing in comparison. It's a Michael Bay movie compared to old school John Woo.
In terms of depth, DMC pisses all over God of War.

Here's an example. Enemies just can't touch Dante.

I said Kratos is a better character than Dante; I didn't say say GOW's combat is superior to DMC's (I think it is personally, but that's a completely subjective thing). And no, it's not because Kratos is grim and gritty, it's because Dante is quite literally one of the worst characters ever.

For the record, here are some more characters who are also better than Dante:

--Tails the Fox
--The chef from Burgertime
--Mary Kate and Ashley Olson
--Baby Jesus from Bible Stories
--Any of the goddamned Pokemon
--Blasto

Oh, and thanks, Russ and Matt.

But is he worse than Bubsy, the gold standard of horrible game characters?

Yes.

I don't agree with the Dante hate. There's no character in videogame history who does badass action like him, which automatically makes him pretty cool. He's stylish as well. Where Kratos is just another musclebound hulk without any sense of style, Dante with his dual guns, shotgun, big sword, long coat and white hair is a pretty sharp looking fella. And he taunts his enemies which is a good thing as well. And he can transform into a devil.

So yeah, Dante > Solid Snake > Super Mario > Kratos.

Don't breed.

See, I don't really agree about dante being one of the worst characters ever...but then this guy dropped in...and Slater, I'd agree to anything you said just to not be on Vemsie's side. Fucking better than Snake? Jesus...

I was taking the piss there. The best game character is Ren from Shenmue II. But only ten people in the US played that game unfortunately.

And you're wrong, but I forgive you. Some people have deluded themselves into thinking that inarticulate grunts followed by random bloodshed = BADASSITUDE. These are the people that caused the extreme character changes in Prince Of Persia: Warrior Within and Jak 2.

This is an awfully general statement to make, especially without any supporting evidence to help you out. Dante at least has the decency to not be shoehorned into the 'grim dark quiet mean badass but he means well in between decapitations' mold. He's a righteous prick, a show-off and a smarmy bastard, which makes him unique in a sea of murderous grunters like Kratos, 'Warrior Within' Prince, Jak, Jack Slate, etc etc.

Then again, I thought the crazy Yakuza guy from Versus was one of the best parts of that whole movie, and Dante is basically the videogame version of that character.

Oh, and Vemsie? No. Just no. Solid Snake is awesome beyond all compare.

Christ, you guys. It's a fuckin' videogame character. Leave it at that.

Oh, hell, fine - my two cents. Dante kicks, punches, and slashes various beasties very well but, dialogue-wise, saying, "Let's ROCK!" or "Flock off, featherface." does not exactly make him "different" from the sea of various badass game characters. He does not compare at all to The Prince from Sands of Time.

Depth-wise, he's shallower than your average rock. Capcom can make great games. Stories and characters, however, remain strictly on the one-sided (and seeing as it's a video game...).

And...oh, I give up. Blah.

that's too bad about the Oddworld news posted on the main page. At least they still own the property they've gone and created...

I never said he was a 'good' character, just that there's no way in fuck that Kratos is any better.

Now Max Payne, there's a true videogame badass, and unlike all the others he actually moves through character arcs.

From:"J.L. Dizon" <roninleader@hotmail.com> Add to Address BookAdd to Address Book
To:jerslater@yahoo.com
Subject:your DMC 3 review
Date:Wed, 20 Apr 2005 05:25:36 +0800

i read your Devil May Cry 3 review, and may I say that that was the
worst,
most biased waste of bandwidth I have ever had the misfortune of laying
my
eyes on! Your opinions are ignorant at best, and ignorantly sarcastic
at
worst.

Additionally, that was the poorest presentation I've seen i my
lifetime. in
your 5 pictures only two were actually from Devil May Cry 3; and they
weren't even actual game screenshots! the rest was taken from Devil May
Cry
1, and the one with the Cos-players is not even remotely funny.

Just because you suck at this game doesn't give you an ounce of right
to
call it hard. and your list of gaming accomplishment means diddly-squat
here. Halo 2 on legendary is hardly comparable to DMC 3 on any
difficulty
setting. they're not even the same genre. you suck in this game, so it
must
be bad; nice arguement there, dude.

You can kiss God of War's ass all you want, but it still doesn't change
the
fact that it's a mediocre game that's too easy, with no replay value,
and
relies solely on sex and mindless gore.

if you gave DMC 3 just 1% of the time you wasted on GOW, you'd PROBABLY
get
better at it, that'll change your opinion.

bottomline, if you weren't such a lazy, biased twit, you could've
written a
half-decent review that doesn't make you seem like an ass. pity...


__________________________________________


"kian" <chaoszero7@hotmail.com> Add to Address BookAdd to Address Book
To:jerslater@yahoo.com
Subject:You are a horrible reviewer.
Date:Tue, 19 Apr 2005 14:32:19 -0700
You are a fucking moron.
I've never even heard of the shitty site CHUD.com, and now that I've read your completely terrible review of DMC3, I won't bother reading any of the other bullshit on this atrocious site.
How the fuck did you get a job reviewing games anyway. I mean I can understand you not being able to handle DMC3 from its difficulty, it's a hard game. I mean I beat it, I guess I'm better at games than you, not that it matters. But your ignorant bashing of the character and storyline just proves that you aren't a smart person. Dante rules, but I ain't a fanboy, I bought God of War too. It ain't as good as DMC3, but not much is. I'm gonna have a bunch of kids, and raise them not to be braindead like you.

I hate you. You get much better hate mail than I do.

Dooooooooom

http://chud.com/mastercontrol/2560

Great job, man.

And you weren't kidding about those emails. Jesus Christ.

Very well written and reasonable review. One question (it's probably been asked ad nauseum, but whatever): Has any consideration ever been made to giving some kind of grades for the different components of a game in the reviews? I'm just very simple, and while I can usually tell the difference between a positive and negative review, I wouldn't mind seeing some numbers to tell me, 'Oh, this reviewer thinks Doom 3's graphics are better than Metal Gear Solid 3'.

Good work on the Doom 3 review. It sounds like we had the same reaction to the game, only I felt maybe a little less satisfied (kind of wishing I had bought Splinter Cell instead).

Me too. I've received about four hate mail e-mails altogether and none of them had complete sentences. Slater's readers are in a higher class than mine.

Also, thanks to Slater for weeding out the stupid websurfers who avoid an opinion website when it doesn't share their opinions. The Doom 3 and Devil May Cry 3 reviews were very funny.

Chaoszero7 IS DonMurphy

Great job on the Doom III review, Slater. Feel the love in the other thread.

Not if I can help it. I think ranking individual components is pretty much just fanboy baiting, and honestly, I don't care whether Doom 3 has better graphics than DMC3.

Also, I think that the reliance on assigning irrelevant numbers to every possible element and blathering on about technical specifications are probably the two biggest reasons why game criticism is treated like such a shabby, who-gives-a-shit activity. There's a reason people sneer at game journalists but occasionally worship movie and music critics, and I'd be surprised if game criticism ever climbs out of its self-imposed ghetto.

So, no. I'm not going to be doing the Gamepro ratings. I wouldn't even give games overall ratings if I had a choice. It's silly.

I wholly agree and endorse the 'no scores' policy.

Is DMC3 a 'better looking' game than God of War? How about Doom3? Unless you get down to counting polygons, any number assigned is subjective at best, and typically purely arbitrary.

That's what screenshots and demos are for. There's no way to assign a number to how well a game's aesthetic supports or advances the gameplay/story/experience.

I agree. Scores tell me nothing. The actual review is what does all the talking.

So I guess you guys aren't big fans of Chud's DVD reviews.

I write plenty of DVD reviews, but I didn't set the way they're broken down. Since each segment for which a score is assigned also gets a block of text, I'm happy.

Put it this way: I just reviewed Primer. It's a movie made with no resources. The sound is inherently bad, and visually it's never going to stack up against many other films. The DVD replicates the film's sound perfectly, and even enhances it -- how does that score? Against the theatrical presentation, in a vaccuum or against some theoretical gold standard? The visuals suit the story, but aren't as good as Hero. How do they score? It's arbitrary, and without that block of text, the score means something different to every reader.

Since I do have some say in how game reviews are structured, I say to hell with the score -- that's what the paragraph(s) under 'The Presentation' are for.

Exactly my opinion, Russ. Scores are useful for pissing contests and marketing campaigns, little else. You're gonna be happier with your purchasing decisions if you read the text with comprehension (and know how the reviewer's tastes in games jive with your own).

But what about Gamepro PROtips? Huh? Huh?

PROtip: Try to hit the enemy with your weapons to defeat him.

PROtip: Try leveling up to increase your stats.

Another (slightly delayed) week in games, right here:

http://chud.com/mastercontrol/2566

This is the kind of post that has kept me coming back here daily for 1 1/2 years.



Well, that and, ya know, all that movie stuff....

You are a crusader among us, Jacob.

Wow, Jacob. I bet you aren't called a 'Crusader' very often.

Poop.

http://chud.com/mastercontrol/2781

I hope "Avoid it like your dad's penis" makes it onto the box.

What's the deal with the "gallon" counter in the first screenshot? Does it keep track of the amount of blood you spill?

Will we be getting any E3 commentary from Russ or Slater? I'm assuming you guys didn't attend the expo (I assumed it would have been mentioned on the site because it would be a fairly big deal), but I'd love to hear thoughts on the next-gen consoles as well as any games that piqued your interest.

There will be front page commentary starting tomorrow. I got back from the show last night and am still exhausted.

Originally, I'd planned to post real-time updates during the week, but I had so many meetings that there wasn't time to do anything but throw up basic facts, specs and limited opinion. That's what GameSpot is for, so I didn't see the point. By holding off until I had time to think about everything, hopefully the articles will be more useful.

I'm sure they'll be great. Your commentary on the PSP vs. DS was not only informative, but very smart in observing the strengths and weaknesses of each system. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the PS3, 360, the Revolution, and any noteworthy games.

Yeah, definitely looking forwards to E3 commentary, Russ.

Oh, and Constantine and (soon) Tenchu reviews are FINALLY finished. Sorry for the ungodly long delay, Russ.

Nice Tenchu review, Slater. One quibble, though.

Actually, until Fatal Shadows, Activision was handling the release of all the Tenchu games. Your line is valid, just not in this review.

TENCHU Linkage: http://chud.com/mastercontrol/3057

I hope for some good E3 articles as well as pictures of you throwing yourself at the Booth Girls.

I'm hoping you didn't do the last part, because that was just farce.

They're still making Tenchu games? Huh. How bout that. Any new Jumping Flash games on the way?

Did anyone else hear that Sony has or is getting the rights to the Unreal engine 3? If so does this mean no more UE3 on the 360? I really hope it doent come to this.

I think the Unreal engine can be licensed by anyone that wants to pony up the cash, so I imagine we'll be seeing Unreal-based games on both the 360 and PS3.

Well that is some good news. As long the 360 doesn't get denied.