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The worst thing to hear in a preview?

post #1 of 61
Thread Starter 
Carolco pictures presents.....

A Golan Globus production......
post #2 of 61
Is that because it means you've fallen into a time warp?
post #3 of 61
we are trap in the time tunnel help!
post #4 of 61
Some jackass' cell phone. 'Cause if he hasn't turned the damn thing of by now...
post #5 of 61
In a world...

One loan man against all odds...

2025 or some such future date. Just say "near future", "distant future", etc.

...Guaranteed... (If it was guaranteed to do something why are you telling me? It should just work.)

CGI monster reveals, or monster reveals at all. Unless it's a sequel, then I don't want to know what the monster looks like, I want to watch the movie to find out.

VS...
post #6 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove
In a world...
What's wrong with "In a world..."? I love "In a world..."! I count on "In a world..." to get me through certain films.
post #7 of 61
The worst thing? From Dimension Films...and director Paul W.S. Anderson.

Best thing? From the director of House of the Dead (rowdy laughter sweeps the crowd).
post #8 of 61
I forget what the movie was but I'll never forget seeing the words "FROM THE PRODUCERS OF CONGO" appear on the screen as if that was some sort of enticement. No, that's a warning.
post #9 of 61
From the Producers of House of the dead or
Directed by Uwe Boll.
post #10 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tindalos
What's wrong with "In a world..."? I love "In a world..."! I count on "In a world..." to get me through certain films.

The Regal Cinemas that populate our area have this thing called "The 20," a more enjoyable version of the music and slideshow with ads and stupid trivia, that showcases all sorts of stuff that you SHOULD BE BUYING! Anyways, they had ads for Aqua Teen Hunger Force, with swelling movie music and all. The first time I saw it, right in step with the announcer, I said, In A World... without having seen it before! I couldn't stop laughing for 2 minutes. Yes, I'm that easily entertained.

Usually, when I hear any pun used for a horror movie that involves "dead" or "kill," I'm outta there. In fact, really, puns just don't work for horro movies in trailers, with a few exceptions.

Non-horror related, hearing the words "Starring Tim Allen" and ":The Movie" in a trailer sets off my Head's-About-To-Explode Detector.
post #11 of 61
My fave was actually, "In a world, where NOTHING is what it seems..."
post #12 of 61
In a time where talking Pies run the world economy...
post #13 of 61
"Carolco pictures presents....."

Fuck That! Carolco made some absolutely fabulous groundbreaking pictues. Granted YES they made some shit, but any studio that gives me Total Recall, T2 and Basic Instinct and Jacob's Ladder in the span of two years or so gets props frome me.
post #14 of 61
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake trailer was great, unitl I saw the words "Michael Bay" on the screen. The funny thing about that was a few people in the theater started booing. Hahaha!
post #15 of 61
"Jeanne Tripplehorn as..."
post #16 of 61
"Judy Dench as you've never seen her before..."

"From the makers of Showgirls..."

"Together again for the first time since Isthar..."

"A New World Production..."

"Willie Aames is..."

"From John Russo..."
post #17 of 61
"From M. Night Shyamalan......."
post #18 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by bunnymud wants tacos
"From M. Night Shyamalan......."
Beautiful, man. That's pretty funny.

How about...

Starring Steven Seagal and Dolph Lundgren (shudder)
post #19 of 61
"Spectacular special effects!" If your story sucks, all the FX in the world won't help.

On second thought, you never can have too much Brian Dennehy.
post #20 of 61
Whatever happened to "This time... it's personal"? I liked that. There's a reason it's a classic. What, have we evolved as a society that our environment no longer features grudges resolved with unnecessary violence?

Fuck that. We're America. With everyone it's personal! I want them to bring that back, heralded by a topless Angelina Jolie with assault rifles and crossed bandoliers surrounded by the fiery remains of some Middle Eastern village.

"This time... it's personal." Damn right it is!

-DD
post #21 of 61
"Robin Williams in a film that will touch your heart..."
"Jim Carrey in a film that will touch your heart..."
"Eddie Murphy in a film that will touch your heart..."
post #22 of 61
"Fun for the whole family.."
"The feel good movie of the summer..."
"From the director of The English Patient .."
post #23 of 61
"Rob Schneider is..."
post #24 of 61
Quote:
From the makers of Showgirls...
If that means Verhoeven, that's as good a recommendation as I need...
post #25 of 61
uh...don't freak out but I don't think thats butter on your popcorn.
post #26 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove
In a world...
Exactly.

Also any and all variations thereof:

In a land ...

In a kingdom ...

In MIRAMAX's office building ...
post #27 of 61
Then I guess you guys don't think this is funny

http://www.apple.com/trailers/miramax/comedian.html
post #28 of 61
Earl Dittman calls INSERT HORRIBLE MOVIE HERE the must-see thrillride of the year!
post #29 of 61
Whenever "Rollercoaster" is mentioned I know the movie will be shit
post #30 of 61
"Rated PG=13"
post #31 of 61
From the mind of Stephen King........ Yeah, he's a great writer and all, but horror movies based on his stories are shit. The dramas however (Stand by Me, Hearts in Atlantis) are usually pretty good.
post #32 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon
From the mind of Stephen King........ Yeah, he's a great writer and all, but horror movies based on his stories are shit. The dramas however (Stand by Me, Hearts in Atlantis) are usually pretty good.
Agreed.
post #33 of 61
Sooo.... THE SHINING is shit? CHRISTINE is shit? CARRIE is shit? SALEM'S LOT? MISERY?
post #34 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles B
CHRISTINE is shit?
Yeah, pretty much is.
post #35 of 61
No, it isn't.
post #36 of 61
I just found the whole thing silly, it's also one of my least favorite King books. Haunted cars don't do anything for me.
post #37 of 61
Christine was a let down for me



I think it was because I cannot stand the guy that played the nerd/crazy car owner
post #38 of 61
"Lorne Michaels presents..."
post #39 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by bunnymud wants tacos
Whenever "Rollercoaster" is mentioned I know the movie will be shit
"Riveting" is worse.

so and so says Ashley Judd's performance is "riveting"!
post #40 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by bunnymud wants tacos
Christine was a let down for me



I think it was because I cannot stand the guy that played the nerd/crazy car owner
I enjoyed the movie, and I thought Arnold was great and the best part of the movie, but I'm a Carpenter whore so my opinion doesn't count.
post #41 of 61
"based on a true story..."

When actually it was based on a classic film that was fleetingly based on somewhat of a true story.

Guess what movie I'm talking about.
post #42 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove
One loan man against all odds...
...will be undercut by DiTech again!
post #43 of 61
"Based on the classic film..."

"Making their film debut, Saturday Night Live's..."

"...in the feel-good film of the year..."

"...that the whole family can enjoy..."

And, from now on, until they kick Mikey to the curb and re-hire all the real artists:

"A brand new feature-length masterpiece from Walt Disney Animation..."
post #44 of 61
"The cinematic event of the summer/autumn/thanksgiving holidays/christmas holidays/new year/president's day/memorial day/labor day....."
post #45 of 61
"the story you thought you knew"
post #46 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dariodevil
Fuck that. We're America. With everyone it's personal! I want them to bring that back, heralded by a topless Angelina Jolie with assault rifles and crossed bandoliers surrounded by the fiery remains of some Middle Eastern village.

"This time... it's personal." Damn right it is!

-DD
I can't write enough checks for you! you're just the man we've been waiting for here in holly-woood. what will these titties do?

also: re-imagining
post #47 of 61
"They thought they had killed it....they thought it was dead..."

"Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water/amusement park/doctors office/forest/porno theatre/heavy metal concert/african bee's nest/nuclear power plant/farm/corn field/barn...."
post #48 of 61
"A Sci Fi Channel original....."
post #49 of 61
"Best action/comedy/horror/romance movie I've seen this year. *****" Paul Ross- The News of the World

Anyone from the U.K will know what I'm talking about here.
post #50 of 61
From the man who brought you Event Horizon, Mortal Kombat, and Resident Evil....
Paul W.S. Anderson brings you Alien Vs. Predator

"Who ever wins..... We lose"

At least they were honest
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