You know what the real horror is?

Saw BLACK DOG on opening day with a friend who was convinced by the previews that it was going to be the greatest bad movie ever. Everytime a vehicle crashed he through his arms up in the air and yelled "WOOO!" It was both embarrassing and downright hysterical.

C&W crooner Randy Travis walks this earth like a fucking god.

Two words... MEAT LOAF

I saw this movie when I was living in Wilmington, NC and recognized several locations, including the Interstate weigh station.

"From the town that brought you Dawson's Creek ..."

I dug Meat Loaf in Rudolph's hilarious rock fantasy ROADIE.

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!

Knock off all that evil.

an EXORCIST and a TICK reference, very impressive, Chainsaw.

I do what I love, and I love what i do.

Nobody puts Meat Loaf in a corner.

Maybe that's why the movie's in such heavy rotation this week.

That, or the end of the world is nigh...

Wow, I don't know if I'm pleased I don't have cable, or if I want to cry...

Talk about paradise by the dashboard light!

Some cable channel is getting its $20 worth, that's for sure.

The problem, and blessing, with cable is that, for every three

,

you get one



or



or



3 movies I'v seen since getting digital cable. So, the tradeoff is acceptable.

Duuuuude...stop that! It's like a scab, or a burnt piece of skin at the top of your mouth...you keep it up, it'll never heal...

Tonight at 8:00 p.m. on Encore.

Sonny : Well what if something jumps out into the road and you need to stop?
Jack Crews : You don't.
[Rig runs over something]
Sonny : What was that?
Jack Crews : A Mazda.

I thought BD was solid enough; not quite up to the top-notch action of Point Break or the paranoid Cold War grandeur of Red Dawn, but at least as much fun as Road House with less of a cheez factor.

The Swayz does OK with the action flicks, do not mock him.

[On the satellite:]

JOEL: I think it's kind of, uh, hot to be wearing these scarves in here.

TOM: Oh, yeah.

CROW: Well, scarves are a must. You can't go caroling without a scarf. Catch your death!

JOEL: Man, you were like one of those kids I remember in, uh, high school that used to sell the most candy bars for the marching band.

TOM: Yeah, and you'd be president of the swing choir, too.

CROW: Ha ha! Ah, thanks, Joel Robinson. Thanks, Tom Servo.

TOM: What a kiss-up, this guy.

CROW: Okay, now if you'll all look at your sheet music, uh, we can rehearse my new song.

JOEL: You wrote a Christmas song?

CROW: Hey, there's no tradition like a new tradition! Ha ha ha!

TOM: Um, wait a minute. "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas?"

CROW: Oh, yeah, yeah. Based on my favorite movie, Roadhouse.

TOM: C'mon, what the heck does PATRICK SWAYZE have to do with CHRISTMAS?!

CROW: Hey, you keep Christmas in your way, and let me keep it in mine, okay?

TOM: Oh, geeez.

JOEL: Hey, c'mon, Tom Servo, it seems like a nice enough sentiment and we can give it a shot.
C'mon.

CROW: All right. Okay. Okay. Uh, 12/8 time, uh, key of A-flat major--

TOM: Good.

CROW: Uh, Cambot, shoot 'em the tune. Uh, okay, you'll just have to stay with me, everybody, okay? Uh, your part's written out. "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas", by Crow T. Robot.

JOEL: "Paul, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas"?

CROW: Right. Hit it, Cambot!

TOM: Oh! Oh, I start. I get it. Hmm.

CROW: I'm sorry.

TOM: Pick it up.

Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in.

CROW: We'll gather at the Roadhouse with our next of kin.

TOM: Not bad!

JOEL: And Santa can be our regular Saturday night thing.

'BOTS: We'll decorate our barstools and gather round and sing.

TOM: Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!

CROW: Or we'll tear your throat out and kick you in the ear!

JOEL: Hold it, hold it a sec. Cambot, stop it. Uh, Crow, I don't know if I think this is an appropriate sentiment anymore for Christmas.

CROW: Hey, what? Like a good action sequence don't belong in Christmas?

JOEL: Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of an action sequence in a Christmas carol before.

TOM: Well, yeah!

CROW: Well, then grab hold o' your socks and read on, Joel Robinson!

TOM: Okay, pick it up from measure 20, Cambot. Lovely intro, though. Very tasteful.

CROW: Thank you.

TOM: I like that.

It's my way or the highway, this Christmas at my ba-ha-haar.

CROW: I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards touch my car!

JOEL: I got the word that Santa has been stealing from the till.

'BOTS: I think that that right jolly old elf better make out his will, ohh,

ALL: Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all.
And this can be the haziest...
This can be the laziest...
This can be the Swayziest
Christmas of them aaallllllllll!"

TOM: La la la laa ha HAAA!

CROW: How long before it becomes a standard?

JOEL: I think you gotta come with me. C'mon.

CROW: Waaaaah!

TOM: We'll be right back. Oooh. Save a leg for me! Heh heh heh.

THANK YOU for posting the lyrics for "Patrick Swayze Christmas".

(Notices Rory Calhoun was in "Motel Hell") "They're all like little Rory Calhouns!"-Mr. Burns on the walking greyhound puppies

God I wish that show was still on.

Meatloaf was the B0MB in Black Dog, y0!

you guys would not know real horror if it bit you on the ass.

Real horror is watching a dog eat a onion.

You know what the real horror is?

The answer to this riddle is easy...

Celine Dion singing and dancing.