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What will be the crappiest movie of the year?

post #1 of 42
8/27/04 at 5:52pm
Thread Starter 
We've had some good movies this year, but, of course, we've also had our fair share of films that blow harder than Britney Spears in a Denny's bathroom. So what has sucked the worst so far and what will suck in the future?

One obvious nominee for the crummiest (or at least Worst Wasted Good Idea) goes to "Aliens vs. Predator", a film which was so incompentent that it barely delivered upon it's advertised premise (the two creatures fought hand-to-hand, maybe, what, twice?) Horrible Predator creature effects, a Alien Queen that thought it was in JP4, and a general sense of boredom help to drag this film down pretty low. And it was PG-13. And the R-version will still suck.

Of the films yet to be released I'd say "Christmas with the Cranks" looks to dominate our souls for absolute horrendousness.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_p...withthekranks/

So the film's premise seems to be that a suburban couple becomes disgruntled with Christmas n' shit so they decide to physically assault their neighbors and generally behave like psychotics because, dern it! Christmas can be annoying sometimes! But then they are forced to have Christmas anyways so they have to un-do all of their anti-social violence and have fun anyways! Fuck this film. The worst part is that it is based upon a book, which probably sucks pretty bad too. And Tim Allen is in the movie. And Jamie Lee Curtis is old.
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post #2 of 42
8/27/04 at 5:58pm
Sight unseen -- NEVER seen, by God if I can help it, so I suppose this is patently unfair of me -- I'm going to go with "Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2".

Starring Jon Voight and Scott Baio.

If I hadn't just seen an ad for it in today's paper I would have never believed this existed.
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post #3 of 42
8/27/04 at 6:05pm
Thread Starter 
Oh, you're lucky. That means you haven't seen the T.V. ads.

The black baby says "Can a brother get some water?"

COM-O-DEE!
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post #4 of 42
8/27/04 at 6:09pm
Since I've seen neither Van Helsing or Alien vs. Predator, I'm going with the absolute dreck that was....
The Fucking Village.
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post #5 of 42
8/27/04 at 6:10pm
I think ALIEN vs. PREDATOR should at least be mentioned, not for its own (lack of) quality, but for the lost opportunity and complete waste it really is.

Let me nominate VAN HELSING and BRING IT ON AGAIN, just 'cause.
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post #6 of 42
8/27/04 at 6:45pm
Superbabies. A film so bad even I won't see it.

Not a fan of Starsky and Hutch either. But out of the movies which should have been good...I'm going with a certain Sam Raimi sequel.
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post #7 of 42
8/27/04 at 7:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by COFFINROCK
The Fucking Village.
Was that the one with Jenna Jameson? I didn't realize that it had a theatrical release.
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post #8 of 42
8/27/04 at 7:59pm
What? No mention of Catwoman?
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post #9 of 42
8/27/04 at 8:23pm
At least we're spoiled for choice.
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post #10 of 42
8/27/04 at 10:10pm
VAN HELSING will be the winner!

PAPA-ROTZI is second.

NATIONAL TREASURE third.
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post #11 of 42
8/27/04 at 10:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolfwood
What? No mention of Catwoman?

Yeah, it would take a gargantuanly fucking awful movie to unseat CATWOMAN. I'm talking blind-monkeys-remaking-MOULIN ROUGE bad.
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post #12 of 42
8/27/04 at 10:47pm
Catwoman.
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post #13 of 42
8/28/04 at 12:35am
Starksky & Hutch should be on the list too. Not funny and a wasted opportunity.
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post #14 of 42
8/28/04 at 12:47am
Polar Express
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post #15 of 42
8/28/04 at 3:08am
just look at my sig.

all in seriousness though, it looks like the type of crap movie i will love, i will go to see it with my friends and we'll laugh our asses off.

highlights include the pitiful scene of the car chase where they getting chased down by flashing cameras. i dont know if anything could be more over the top.
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post #16 of 42
8/28/04 at 4:32am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Striding Cloud Django
But out of the movies which should have been good...I'm going with a certain Sam Raimi sequel.
I must have missed the part where you attempted to rationalize this absurd opinion.
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post #17 of 42
8/28/04 at 5:13am
Spider-Man 2 bored me, didn't entertain me. As such I didn't care for it, which is about as much of a rationalization as you're going to get and more than you deserve.

Zod...National Treasure has Sean Bean. Which makes it at least watchable. Once.

Same goes for Paparazi and Robin Tunney.

I'd also like to toss Team America into the mix...
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post #18 of 42
8/28/04 at 7:30am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Striding Cloud Django
I'd also like to toss Team America into the mix...
I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking this movie will be a misbegotten failure.

I saw the trailer for Paparazzi last week and it could be a comedy, at least that's what the tv spots are saying: "Produced by Mel Gibson" and then--BAM!--someone is either kicked in the head or blown up. Either way, my gutteral reaction was that of laughter.

And I haven't seen one commercial for Baby Geniuses 2, but having just read what the black baby said, who knows, maybe I'll see it a decade from now. Better make that a score.
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post #19 of 42
8/28/04 at 7:59am
What's the name of the movie with Queen Latifa and Jimmy Fallon? I want to nominate that.
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post #20 of 42
8/28/04 at 8:03am
That's TAXI. Another unnecessary remake.

WIMBLEDON looks awful, but I don't know if either can match up to the pure unmatched eye-rape that is SHREK 2. VAN HELSING is very close behind, too.
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post #21 of 42
8/28/04 at 4:20pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sammy Jankis
What's the name of the movie with Queen Latifa and Jimmy Fallon? I want to nominate that.

That'd be Taxi.


I think Van Helsing will walk away with this award.
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post #22 of 42
8/28/04 at 5:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Striding Cloud Django
Spider-Man 2 bored me, didn't entertain me. As such I didn't care for it, which is about as much of a rationalization as you're going to get and more than you deserve.
Fair enough...but crappiest movie of the year in a year that includes Van Helsing and Catwoman? Bullshit. Even a DECENT (I find Spider-Man 2 to be a great film...obviously subjective, but I can't really understand anybody finding it to be anything less than a very competent film) film by an accomplished director never belongs on a short list of "Crappiest Films of the Year" in any year. Ever. You're calling it out to stir the shit, plain and simple.
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post #23 of 42
8/28/04 at 7:22pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by tcjsavannah
Polar Express
This should also win an award for creepiest movie of the year.
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post #24 of 42
8/29/04 at 1:06am
Hey don't forget, this year we'll all be Alone in the Dark!!

What is with saying Spider-man 2 is one ofs the worst movie of the year?! There is no possible way that is the bottom 5 movies, not even close, you have dreck such as Van Helsing, Catwoman, Super Babies, and WHITE CHICKS.

Van Helsing especially since you're going by a film that "should have been good"

Oh yeah, Resident Evil: Apocalypse dosn't look very good either.
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post #25 of 42
8/30/04 at 11:54am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Darth_Chocula
you have dreck such as Van Helsing, Catwoman, Super Babies, and WHITE CHICKS.
I forgot all about that...

I change my vote to WHITE CHICKS. On principle.
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post #26 of 42
8/30/04 at 12:03pm
I'll third White Chicks. The footage I saw in the trailer alone creeped me out more than the next three scariest movies I've seen in my life put together.

I wonder if they ever considered marketing it as a horror movie. It might have been seen as a classic of the genre.
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post #27 of 42
8/31/04 at 4:34am
From what I hear (haven't seen it) it's The Whole Ten Yards.
Films I will never see include White Chicks, Baby Geniuses 2 and Princess Diaries 2. And Agent Cody Banks 2
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post #28 of 42
8/31/04 at 4:44am
the whole ten yards was a pretty low point for everyone involved. although still not the worst of the year i'd imagine.
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post #29 of 42
8/31/04 at 5:02am
Oh man, I completely forgot about The Whole Ten Yards. How long was that in theaters? It couldn't have been more than a couple of weeks, no?
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post #30 of 42
8/31/04 at 5:18am
The Exorcist: Sucks Donkey Balls
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post #31 of 42
8/31/04 at 5:52am
They re-released The Heretic?
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post #32 of 42
8/31/04 at 7:02am
The only movies I've seen this year are the following:

Dawn of the Dead. Hellboy. The Punisher. Shrek 2. Riddick. Spider-Man 2. Harold and Kumar. AVP.

And Anacondas.

Out of those I liked Spider-Man 2 the least.

Unlike some people I never dis a film until I've seen it. Crack, yes. Dis...no.
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post #33 of 42
8/31/04 at 7:10am
Does Michael Bay have a film coming out later this year? Would settle that question pretty quickly....
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post #34 of 42
8/31/04 at 8:23am
Well, he was involved with KING ARTHUR, which looked like a rather mundane piece of assclownery.

Does anyone think KA ranks as the crappiest? Just curious.
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post #35 of 42
8/31/04 at 8:32am
twas crap, not the crappest though.
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post #36 of 42
8/31/04 at 8:36am
That's what I thought.

My vote still goes to WHITE CHICKS. It's like SOUL MAN... but worse.

How the smeg is that even possible?!
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post #37 of 42
8/31/04 at 11:42am
Is National Treasure a Jerry Bruckheimer production? I never heard of the director, anyways
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post #38 of 42
9/2/04 at 7:15am
Worst movies of the year were thunderbirds, van helsing, AVP, catwomen and Hidalgo!

The best was spiderman 2!! Anyone who loves the first one, the comic books or Sam Raimi (not in a gay way) would have had a ball with it! nuff sed....
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post #39 of 42
9/2/04 at 9:29am
Hands down, turd of the year: COLLATERAL. Syke...

Thanks to chud and my state of semi-jadedness, I've yet to see a movie in theatres that I'd consider shite this year. I did see Euro Trip for the first (and god willing, only) time a few days ago, and if that came out this year my vote would definitely go to that ultimate waste of celluloid, resources, time and life. I still haven't quite forgiven myself for sitting through the whole thing.

I've yet to live a year that was as incredible for film as 1999 (fight club, the matrix, three kings, eyes wide shut, and many many others that don't come to mind). Hopefully that won't be true for the rest of my time on this rock.
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post #40 of 42
9/2/04 at 10:03am

Crapsend

Was Godsend this year?
I watched it as a download but it was nothing short of purgatory.
i fell asleep twice, woke up and it was still on which is my idea of a never ending existential hell.
Fuck wether it was this year or not, that was the worse chunk of shit i have ever seen, all three of us who sat through that filmed turd stuck out fingers down our throats after watching it just to feel like we had gone through some kind of physical cleansing experience after sitting through that bile.
Who would have thought that a film headlined by Greg Kinnear and John Stamos's sloppy seconds would suck.
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post #41 of 42
9/2/04 at 11:26am
Yep, GODSEND was this year.

I don't think THUNDERBIRDS should be considered the crappiest... I didn't see it, but it was clearly an attempt at a mindless popcorn action film for kids. Something that was meant to be entertaining for a wider audience and failed is a more likely candidate.

But then again, what do I know? I'm anxious to see National Lampoon's MR. WONG.
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post #42 of 42
9/2/04 at 1:33pm
Catwoman. Hands down THE crappiest movie I've seen all year. Van Helsing was wasted yes, but it's nowhere near this train wreck of a film.
As for upcoming films...haven't seen them yet.
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