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In your opinion, what are the best CHUD moments ever?

post #1 of 41
7/26/02 at 2:08am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
"Snake Plissken had Escaped from New York...

Snake Plissken had Escaped from L.A.

Snake Plissken was going to Escape from Hobart General Cinemas I-X."
-Jason Pollock

Everyone must agree with this one.
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post #2 of 41
7/26/02 at 2:28am
I liked it better when he hit on Clive Barker...
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post #3 of 41
7/26/02 at 3:24am
Best CHUD Moment, When Nick Wrote This........

CECIL B. DEMENTED

Reviewed by Nick Nunziata

I thought my choice for worst film of 2000 was secure with BLESS THE CHILD (see review), but a mere FOUR DAYS LATER and that film looks like a masterpiece in comparison. CECIL B. DEMENTED doesn't even deserve a review. Instead, here's a list of 100 things I'd rather have happen than me view this film again.

1. Have my severed head used as a toilet by Vietnamese refugees.
2. Be investigated by the IRS.
3. Be mutilated by irritated brine shrimp.
4. Be forgotten by my loved ones forever.
5. Fall in love with Tom Skerritt.
6. Become a priest in Calcutta.
7. Be forced to interview Crispin Glover.
8. Be raped by the cast of Highlander: Endgame.
9. Have Oliver Stone declare war on me.
10. Be cast out of the world and into the blackness of space.
11. Have a tree stump in my pants.
12. Have Lou Diamond Phillips in my pants.
13. Have "I Like Jan DeBont" tattoed on my forehead.
14. Have Jan DeBont slap me around like his bitch.
15. Miss out on the birth of my children.
16. Be shot in the face by a pacifist.
17. Be traded to the Native Americans for poker chips.
18. Have my privates removed with a hedge trimmer.
19. Be turned inside out by jackals.
20. Become Richard Gere's gerbil.
21. Write a 200,000 word essay on goatees.
22. Be called a "lump of shit" by the Amish.
23. Go on an adventure with Tom Berenger and Pauly Shore.
24. Be used as a pinata by mute shepherds.
25. Mutate into Rosie O'Donnell.
26. Become a martyr for Scientologists.
27. Change my name to Keith David Keith.
28. Get stoned and listen to Phish.
29. Star opposite Patrick Muldoon in "The Arrival III".
30. Star opposite Jack Striker in "Nick Takes Hard Cock".
31. Go to church for 91 straight days...
32. ... With a ziplock bag containing Lemmy's mole.
33. Shave with sulfuric acid.
34. Shave with Walt Disney's remains.
35. Look at women with hairy armpits playing chess.
36. Be called a honky by the Pope.
37. Find out I'm a woman.
38. Be sold to a Chinese restaurant.
39. Have my lungs removed for no reason at all.
40. Have my wife leave me for Richard Dreyfus.
41. Have Richard Dreyfus forget our "special time in Bangkok".
42. Wake up covered in maggots.
43. Never wake up again.
44. Play Russian Roulette with a sword.
45. Be mistaken for Minnie Driver.
46. Have my genitalia removed by the government...
47. ... Only to see them on TV as Oprah's paperweight.
48. Be shot by a cast member of "The Real World".
49. Be a cast member of "The Real World".
50. Be made love to by a rhino.
51. Have my face swapped with a garden vole.
52. Wake up with my skeleton missing.
53. Eat at Pizza Hut.
54. Become ash.
55. Have head lice...
56. ... In my head.
57. Drive N'Sync around town.
58. Be killed, but only for a week.
59. Become the surrogate father for Will Wheaton.
60. Be used as jailbait.
61. Be forced into a 3 inch hole.
62. Sleep with Miami Sound Machine.
63. Give my most prized possessions to Tony Danza.
64. Have my name replace Alan Smithee.
65. Lizard.
66. Be forced to move Shannon Doherty's eye to match the other.
67. Be shot in the ribs by Frank Stallone.
68. Listen to the soundtrack for "Ravenous".
69. Morph into an amalgam of Tom Jones and Mr. Bill.
70. Become the ultimate fruit.
71. Be used as an alternative fuel source.
72. Be left on the dash of a semi until I'm melted and cheesy.
73. Gain a streak of grey hair like Rogue or Jobeth Williams.
74. Have my pants collapse like the house in "Poltergeist".
75. Have my eye socket run off in fear.
76. Become Mimi Rogers' personal tire iron.
77. Be left alone in the middle of the ocean.
78. Be left alone with Billy Ocean.
79. Die 8 minutes before the first screening of Episode II.
80. Be baked alive and then eaten by the poor.
81. Have my wrists triple in size.
82. Be kicked by outcasts until I resemble Anjelica Huston.
83. Co-star with Jeff Fahey and Clint Howard.
84. Run a website devoted to hardcore arm wrestling.
85. Drink the vomit of lepers.
86. Share an evening with a bison.
87. Become a Marilyn Manson fan.
88. Audition for "The Beastmaster" musical.
89. Get the part without auditioning.
90. Become the lead singer of Menudo 2000.
91. Ship out regardless of whether I shaped up or not.
92. Be used as a hovercraft.
93. Be sexed by Chuck Norris.
94. Be forced to wipe the ass of Cleveland.
95. Pam Dawber.
96. Wear the entire Kangol product line.
97. Evaporate in public.
98. Look like I've been infested by the alive.
99. Have Emilio Estevez fight me like the Bishop of Battle.
100. Watch a John Waters marathon.

I Admit I broke Down Laughing More than Once While Re-Reading this. Even Though #79 is A Bit out of Date.
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post #4 of 41
7/26/02 at 3:35am
Whoa! I can't believe I missed this. Ultra-hilarious stuff! Dude, I gots tears. Tears! This is my all-time favorite though:

Quote:
99. Have Emilio Estevez fight me like the Bishop of Battle.
As the D said, "Cool like Estevez".....
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post #5 of 41
7/26/02 at 3:36am
Emilio is The People's Sheen, Brother...
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post #6 of 41
7/26/02 at 3:37am
No the Best is.....

22. Be called a "lump of shit" by the Amish.
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post #7 of 41
7/26/02 at 4:37am
Quote:
75. Have my eye socket run off in fear.
You don't see that every day, no.
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post #8 of 41
7/26/02 at 4:52am
When pants went a-flying during a screening. I wasn't there but damn that was a funny story.
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post #9 of 41
7/26/02 at 10:52am
I can help you out with a few of those items, Nick. Y'know, should you ever get the compulsion to actually watch that piece of garbage again.
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post #10 of 41
7/26/02 at 11:00am
Oh my God that was great.
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post #11 of 41
7/26/02 at 11:01am
Uh people we aren't supposed to dwell on just one moment of CHUD laughter you know?
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post #12 of 41
7/26/02 at 11:04am
For me, the best CHUD moment isn't comedy at all -- it's the running commentary we had going on the morning of September 11. We really pulled together, and for a lot of people this message board was the only source of information. There was passion but not hate, emotion but not rage, sadness but not despair. We did ourselves proud that day.
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post #13 of 41
7/26/02 at 11:14am
Quote:
Poxy Von Sinister:
For me, the best CHUD moment isn't comedy at all -- it's the running commentary we had going on the morning of September 11. We really pulled together, and for a lot of people this message board was the only source of information. There was passion but not hate, emotion but not rage, sadness but not despair. We did ourselves proud that day.
That was a pretty cool moment. When I started that thread, something like Airplane Hits World Trade Center, had no clue obviously what actually occurred, the scope of it. Very strange day. A shining moment for Chud.
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post #14 of 41
7/26/02 at 1:11pm
The days following, however ... some of the darkest moments of CHUD.
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post #15 of 41
7/26/02 at 1:26pm
Quote:
Poxy Von Sinister:
For me, the best CHUD moment isn't comedy at all -- it's the running commentary we had going on the morning of September 11. We really pulled together, and for a lot of people this message board was the only source of information. There was passion but not hate, emotion but not rage, sadness but not despair. We did ourselves proud that day.
HELL FUCKING YES.

When I got access to a computer, guess where I went first?

HERE. Not CNN, not anywhere else, but HERE. And seeing as how we were the only site that kids could get to because all the others were overloaded, pretty soon these boards were on other people's screen with constant updates.

Sept. 11, however, will forever be linked with radio to me.
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post #16 of 41
7/26/02 at 1:29pm
Quote:
Kirby Drummond:
That was a pretty cool moment. When I started that thread, something like Airplane Hits World Trade Center, had no clue obviously what actually occurred, the scope of it. Very strange day. A shining moment for Chud.[/QB]
I tried searching for some of those threads but come up blank.
I would love to go back and read some of them (I obviously joined up after the fact)
If anyone knows how to link to them could you help me, and probably a few other newer folks out and do so.
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post #17 of 41
7/26/02 at 1:29pm
Same here. I went straight to the CHUD message boards when the attacks happened. I will never forget it.
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post #18 of 41
7/26/02 at 1:30pm
I'd say the greatest CHUD moment is probably September 11th, as well. We had collectively realized how small and insignificant bickering about how good LOTR or Spider-Man was going to be........

And how small and insignificant we, in this world, were in the grand scheme of things.
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post #19 of 41
7/26/02 at 1:33pm
<a href="http://chud.nexcess.net/board/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=36&t=000006&p=" target="_blank">Here's the second part.</a> I went to the September 11th and Beyond forum and did All Topics, and that's all that came up. Gonna try Culture and Free Form, though I think Nick moved all September 11th things to the new forum, and if so, the early stuff seems gone forever. Too bad.
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post #20 of 41
7/26/02 at 1:34pm
The pants thread: <a href="http://chud.nexcess.net/board/ubbhtml/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=000169" target="_blank">http://chud.nexcess.net/board/ubbhtml/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=000169</a>
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post #21 of 41
7/26/02 at 1:41pm
Holy shit that was creepy and depressing.
The misinformation and raw fear in that thread makes me catch my breath even NOW.
I'm glad to see a few of the folks who were posting then aren't around anymore.
I hope the first part of that isn't lost forever.
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post #22 of 41
7/26/02 at 1:43pm
Call, it seems to be -- there's a link from Nick at the end of the thread I linked to that's supposed to go to the next thread that brings up a "Page Cannot Be Found" page, and the only thing I found in Culture and Free Form is my Plane Crashes Into WTC thread that only has three posts.
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post #23 of 41
7/26/02 at 1:44pm
God, those threads had a post a minute, LITERALLY.
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post #24 of 41
7/26/02 at 1:45pm
Crap.

Oh well, thanks for the effort.

The parts I have read might be enough anyway. I'm not sure going back and looking into that wound is the best of ideas right now.
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post #25 of 41
7/26/02 at 1:46pm
Can anyone pinpoint the very first thread made about it?
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post #26 of 41
7/26/02 at 1:57pm
Earliest one I could find: <a href="http://chud.nexcess.net/board/ubbhtml/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=24;t=000804" target="_blank">http://chud.nexcess.net/board/ubbhtml/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=24;t=000804</a>

Not much, I'm afraid.
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post #27 of 41
7/26/02 at 2:37pm
Chud Rocks like the King's pelvis in action.
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post #28 of 41
7/26/02 at 2:40pm
That original thread that I started got lost in one of the crashes I think.
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post #29 of 41
7/26/02 at 2:40pm
That's server crash, not plane crash.
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post #30 of 41
7/27/02 at 7:29pm
When I posted the Charlie Sheen/Denise Richards engagement news and dev remarked that those were nice tits to snort coke off of.

You're the man, dev.
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post #31 of 41
7/27/02 at 7:36pm
If I had been able to put my finger on one, i'd be one of those lucky ones with free passes. The site is consistently good every day.

The Robin Williams interview had me laughing like a fool, where he describes working with Al Pacino.

Pacino: WOOO AAHHH WOOOO AHHH

Williams: bahhhhhhh

Pacino: WHAT THE FUCK?
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post #32 of 41
7/27/02 at 10:26pm
I like whenn they eat the poodle or the end when they attack the diner! That was funny wink
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post #33 of 41
7/29/02 at 6:16pm
I'd vote for that time when the massive gang-rape of shills began... the time when people such as "fightthapower" were around. And then, there was the Undercover Brother thread...
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post #34 of 41
7/29/02 at 8:36pm
Video God's glory days were something to see.
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post #35 of 41
7/30/02 at 2:49am
WEBSQUABBLE MANIA I was one of the greatest moments in the history of CHUD. SO many suckers, so little time. I suspect there are still some chewers who have never forgiven HAM nor I.

I am sorry..

nea nea!
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post #36 of 41
7/30/02 at 2:50am
Yeah. That shit's right up there with that Swedish Kroner bullshit...
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post #37 of 41
7/30/02 at 3:16am
Quote:
Subotai:
Video God's glory days were something to see.
Good night, those memories came rushing back and damn near flooded my pants...
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post #38 of 41
7/30/02 at 10:04am
In very recent memory (Have I told you about my condition?), I rmember dying laughing at the thread about people sharing their extra passes to the advance screening of Eight Legged Freaks, and Nick referred to Bill Johnson as "Splat" Robinson. I still cen't decide if that was intentional or not, and other than Bill's reply, I can't explain why that was one of the most hysterically funny things I have every read in here. I am not joking, I burst into laughter when I re-read it.
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post #39 of 41
7/31/02 at 7:28am
Quote:
Stacy Haiduk Fan No. 6 - Django:
Yeah. That shit's right up there with that Swedish Kroner bullshit...
Heh!
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post #40 of 41
7/31/02 at 7:33am
Quote:
Seahawk®:
Quote:
Subotai:
Video God's glory days were something to see.
Good night, those memories came rushing back and damn near flooded my pants...
Shouldn't that read CHUDDenver Better,THEN we have CHUDWEST, the very best there is this summer?

No, you don't have to thank me. Seahawk, come out and see for yourself. There's a lot of very nice women out here.
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post #41 of 41
7/31/02 at 2:35pm
Quote:
* General Logan:
In very recent memory (Have I told you about my condition?), I rmember dying laughing at the thread about people sharing their extra passes to the advance screening of Eight Legged Freaks, and Nick referred to Bill Johnson as "Splat" Robinson. I still cen't decide if that was intentional or not, and other than Bill's reply, I can't explain why that was one of the most hysterically funny things I have every read in here. I am not joking, I burst into laughter when I re-read it.
The "Splat Robinson" post was a reference to an Atlanta newspaper that interviewed Bill Johnson earlier that week and listed him as Bill Splat Robinson.
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