You Rewrite the Ending

Seven: Somerset opens the box as John Doe goads Mills. Somerset stares, wide-eyed, then comprehension crosses his face. He turns and races back to Mills, who is listening as John Doe describes how he envied Mills's life. Somerset is shouting, "David, don't do it!" but Mills is oblivious. He has his gun on John Doe, who is now telling him how he visited his home, how his wife begged for mercy, begged for her life, and that of her unborn child. Somerset is almost there, desperately pleading with Mills not to shoot, but too late. Mills guns down John Doe, and Somerset stops and drops to his knees in anguish as a wind begins to blow. We cut to the box as the wind topples it over ... to reveal that it is completely empty.

That would leave the killings one short.

They were one short anyway because Pitt doesn't die.

I just fail to see how we're supposed to look at a man shooting the person who beheaded his pregnant wife as some sort of defeat. There ain't a cop in the world that would have looked twice at what Mills did. If the box is empty, he kills Mills for nothing. THAT'S tragic.

A Cinderella Story

Everything does work out to Sam's advantage, BUT-

*Her stepsisters realize that trying to become popular after the constant humiliation they face is really not worth it...and they hook up with the guys dressed as the salt & pepper shakers from the dance. (Not sure if one was a girl from that scene...)

*Sam punches that obnoxious popular bitch in the face. Trust me, she needed to be punched.

Bedazzled (Remake)

Instead of that contrived plot device where he meets a girl that looks EXACTLY like the one he wanted, it ends like the original movie. He finally asks her out, and there's a chance that they might/might not hook up.

You're viewing this all wrong, and Doe isn't short -

Guttony - Fat man
Greed - Lawyer
Pride - Supermodel
Sloth - Guy in bed
Lust - Hooker
Envy - Mill's wife
Rath - John Doe

By killing John Doe, Mills completes Doe's master plan - that's the tragedy. The point of the ending isn't to view Mills as defeated because he kills his wife's murderer, but instead that in doing so, he's actually become a part of Doe's plan. We're supposed to be left wondering what we would do - is Mills better off for killing Doe, or would the true punishment have been if Mills hadn't allowed his plan to be completed. Doe accepted death, but he would have failed in his mission if Mills hadn't killed him.

If Doe doesn't kill Mills'wife, there is no killing in Envy, thus leaving the Seven Sins killings one short.

See, I always saw it as Doe dying for his envy of Mills' life and Mills "dying" (losing his career) for his wrath. All the other victims died as a result of their own sin, not someone else's.

The fat man is murdered by Doe for Gluttony (he doesn't eat himself to death as much as he is force-fed to death, than kicked in the stomach), and just like the hooker dies because of Leland Orser's Lust (the hooker isn't lustful, the john is), Doe's Envy causes him to kill Mills' wife. It's not about people killing themselves because of their sins, but the drain on society that their sin brings forth. He's symoblically showing what our sins lead to.

His Envy leads to Gwen's beheading and Mills' Wrath leads to Doe's death. Mills' shooting completes Doe's plan perfectly.

But can you really consider having wrath towards the man who murdered your pregant wife and sent you her head a sin?

School Ties:

Brendan Fraiser lies about cheating and instead of having Matt Damon's roommate come forward, Fraiser gets kicked out of school. However, he remains confident and assured of himself enough that he looks forward to his future.

By its own definition, yes. Mills kills him out of anger - that's a sin. Whether or not you think Doe deserved to die is meaningless, and that is what makes the ending so effective. While you may view the killing as necessary or justified, it still completed Doe's plan perfectly.

You're close here. I'd go more with the roommate coming forward and Frasier being allowed to stay. After seeing what the school is all about, though, he tells the whole place to fuck off. A similar ending for Scent of a Women would fit, as well.

why would you change the ending to the sixth sense? that was the only really stand out moment of the whole film... killing cole would be completely redundant dramatically.

as for seven... aside from the plot issues-- that there are in the end seven murders, and that mills himself completes john doe's plan, which is a tragic twist that the viewer doesn't see coming-- the point is that of course he's going to kill john doe. in that situation, who wouldn't? the tragedy is the inevitability of it all... the sense of doom. some kind of "oh no we were DUPED!!" ending erases that lasting aura of dread. as the coda basically says; the world is a shitty place.

This thread needs to stop being about tarnishing perfect endings and more about perfecting tarnished movies.

Black Knight - Martin Lawrence saves the day and gets the girl, then promptly wakes up back at the Medieval place where he was working. He's taken to the place's resident doctor who - surprise - looks exactly like the girl he'd finally won over in his Medieval fantasy. He's about to say something crass but is instead slowly and graphically eaten alive by an escaped bear for fifteen straight minutes.

Amen to that.

Good idea, Reg. I can't imagine anyone would want to do anything to SE7EN.

THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS - Starling gets her gal... er, guy, Lecter is seen entering a house and slaughtering and then eating them, Manson style, as the cannibal he is, instead of the silly Hannibal On Vacation ending we got before.

STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI - Han Solo dies when they fuck up the Carbon unfreezing process, Leia is left to reconcile her feelings with Luke, who feels betrayed by Ben not telling him about his father, only to see him walk away to face Vader. As Leia leads the Endor team, Luke faces the Emperor. The Emperor cottons on to his hope for Anakin to return, turns on Vader, Luke attacks the Emperor, they duel, the Emperor wins, but Luke feels the real power of his hatred against the man. Instead of fighting the Emperor, he starts to feel the seductive power of the dark side. Seeing his son apparently succumb in a parallel of what happened to him, Vader snaps and goes to fight Luke. Luke attacks Vader, goes nuts, slices his hand off as usual. The Emperor chuckles, Luke smiles, dispatches the Emperor, having faked it. He drags Vader off the Death Star as it blows up, also consuming the Millennium Falcon. Cut to a week later, Anakin's had reconstructive surgery done, and the movie ends at the funeral of Han Solo and Lando Calrissian's funeral. Luke and Anakin make puppydog eyes at each other, Chewie howls, iris out, end title.

School Ties is a perfect movie?

I like Guttenberg's new ending though.

Um...point conceded.

Signs:

As Merrill steps forward with his baseball bat held at the ready, there is a mighty crash and the front door is launched across the room, cannoning into the far wall. Standing in the doorway is Arnold Schwarzeneggar, shirtless, covered in mud, and holding a drawn bow. He strides into the room and says to Merrill:
Arnold: Out of the way, boy.
Merrill and Graham grab the kids and jump over the back of the couch just as Arnold looses off an explosive-tipped arrow, aimed directly at the Alien, before jumping for cover. From the arrow's P.O.V, we zoom towards the Alien who only has time to turn and fling his green arms wide before it hits. The explosion blows out every window in the house, and knocks the couch over. As the dust settles, Arnold and the family struggle to their feet, coughing.
Arnold: Graham, I know you've lost your faith, but we humans are here to do God's work. It's time to make a stand.
Graham considers this for a moment, before turning and grabbing the bat from Merrill's hands.
Graham: Let's kick ass for the Lord.
Graham and Arnold run through the dusty doorway together.

~end




Catwoman:

(A bad film, to be sure, but not entirely without some small merit. Very small.)

During the final fight in the warehouse, Tom Lone still gets shot, but this time it's a fatal shot and he dies in Phillips's arms. This would (possibly) toughen her up, allowing her to become an actual vigilante, rather than the light-weight girl-in-a-costume lark the character comes across as throughout, also eliminating the need for the final bit where she stands up Lone due to her now 'being free' or whtever the hell it was.

Oh, and of course Sharon Stone wouldn't be indestructable, and would fight using a gun, or a knife, or something more realistic than a stand-in stuntwoman.

Return of the Jedi: The Death Star blows up Endor, Luke goes to the dark side, all the Ewoks die.

Not a preffered ending, but mausing to think about at least. I always felt Lucas didn't have the ball's to kill off any main characters. As a result, nobody dies.

Regarding Se7en your all missing the point, there weren't 7 murders at all to begin with, there were 7 punishments. The Sloth punishment wasn't a murder, the victim survived, although whether you could consider his state as worth living is debatable.

SIGNS:

The Mexican standoff in the living room continues up to the point just before Graham has his final flashback and the resulting crappy "swing-away" ending. Then, just when Graham has run out of ideas and didn't know what to do, there is the sound of... a roaring car engine! M. Night's SUV crashes through the wall, sending the son flying into his father's arms and crashing into the alien, pinning it's bloody form against the wall.

M. Night, up until that point asleep behind the wheel, wakes up and looks at the family.

M. NIGHT
Oops, I did it again!

FAMILY
Shyamalan!

Cue cheerful synthesizer music and "curtain call" end credits.

THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW

The rescue helicopters never come, and the survivors holed up in the library and the other nearby buildings must protect their buildings from a huge, hundreds-strong SuperPack of wolves, coyotes, and dogs who have banded together and are laying siege on the buildings in their quest for fresh meat. Dennis Quaid, Donnie Darko and the rest of their group fight an epic battle against the army of canines, and eventually Quaid fights a one-on-one duel against the King of the SuperPack, a wolf about the size of a small European car. Quaid is mortally wounded but he defeats the King, and the SuperPack retreats, for now. The survivors begin fortifying their buildings and forming a small-self-contained society, preparing for the inevitable day when... The SuperPack Strikes Back!

They actually gave an explanation for that. Wookiees don't believe in medals and awards, so to celebrate, they threw Chewy a huge party on Kasshyak. (I think that's how it's spelled)

From what I understand the original cut of Return of the Jedi did have Lando perishing with the Falcon in the Death Star. Test audiences hated it, and thus, Lando makes it out with funny alien sidekick in tow.

I personally would've liked it better if Lando had perished. It's not that I dislike Lando--I love the character, but it would've given the rebel battle side of the story as much weight as the final Vader/Luke duel. When Luke goes apeshit, you fear for him and actually consider for a brief moment that he might turn. Then, when Vader kills the Emperor and in doing do redeems himself and he dies anyway, it hits you. It's a moment of real emotion. If Lando had perished in the escape form the Death Star, it would've made the victory bittersweet, but emotionally it'd be earned. I know Harrison wanted to kill Han off, and that'd make sense as well, but I don't think I could've handled a Han Solo death. I don't even wat to think about Han dying. I mean...he's Han Solo! He can't die!

killing off characters does not equal ballsy filmmaking... in fact, killing off characters for the sake wringing out some emotion from the audience is dull, lazy filmmaking. not that lando or han dying would have been unacceptable, it was a war, but really lucas didn't know what to do with ANY of the characters in the third film, with the exception of luke, vader, and palpatine. the rest of the story is just filler, which is why it's inferior.

as for luke turning to the dark side, that's just ridiculous... the confrontation between luke and vader and the end result was the main dramatic thrust of the whole freakin' series.

and I dare say lucas does have the balls to kill off characters, considering over the course of six films we will see the demise of qui gon, darth maul, shmi, jango fett, dooku, padme, mace windu, greedo, obi wan, boba fett, jabba, yoda, darth vader, and palpatine... not to mention porkins! the only guy he could have killed off that he didn't was han (or lando, which would have felt like a han substitute)

As for Seven, I thought that while the ending was perfect, the ending where Somerset shoots Doe instead of Mills--thus foiling Doe's master plan--was just as good, and was "bittersweet."

Copland spoilers below!

Copland:

When Stallone comes to the rescue underwater at the end of the movie, he should have lost his hearing in one good ear. That way, there would be some tragically poetic, reverse-karma that everytime he does something heroic, he must sacrifice and pay a personal price.

Not to be kicking a dead....obese man, but I've always wondered what the ending to Se7en would be like if it ended with Somersett killing Doe.. I mean dont get me wrong, I think it ended perfectly(I actually remember hearing about brad pitt threatening to drop out if they tried to change the ending), but if it wasn't a movie, I'm fully confident Somersett would've offed Doe himself.. after the scene at the diner where he tells Tracy to never tell Mills about the baby if she decides to keep it, and how he said he thought about the child he could've been a father to every day of his life.. him being the only person who knew about the baby, I think, realistically, he would've been the one putting 5 rounds in Doe's chest..I don't know so much about the "I'm retiring" line, because it's too badass for Freeman's character..

That would completely go against Somerset's character, though.

Sort of... and like i said I'm not saying thats the way it should end I think it's perfect the way it is now.. but I'm just speculating..maybe if he was just so fed up with how shitty life was and just snapped..

Yeah but nearly everyone you mentioned was a bad guy. The only 'real' good guys to die in the series so far are Qui Gon, Obi Wan and Yoda, maybe Anakins mother if you consider her a main character. Obviously Epsiode 3 will change that, everyone's kicking the bucket in that one, (Mace Windu at least since he's the only Jedi anyone gives a shit about who doesn't survive, do we even know any other the other Jedi's names?) but in the final episode of the story you expect some sacrifices to be made for the cause.

This makes a lot of sense, especially considering Han's dialogue earlier in the film, where he says 'Why do I get the feeling I'll never see her again' reffering to the Millenium Falcon. I always felt that was never really followed up on.

I believe that was between Ep. 4 & 5....(It was in "Bantha Tracks", the SW Fanclub newsletter from back in the day.)

The Passion of the Christ:

Riggs and Murtaugh bust in through the fabric of time in Doc Brown's Delorean, kill all the Romans, rescue Jesus from the cross, put him in the back seat of the Delorean alongside the hogtied Doc Brown, and drive back to the future, where they take Jesus to the the shopping mall while they figure out what they're gonna do for the speech they have to give in front of the whole police force at the assembly hall in an hour.

"Passion of the Christ" as suggested by Patton Oswalt.

The disciples roll away the stone that is blocking the entrance to the tomb and see that Jesus is not there, just the burial cloth he was wrapped in earlier. Closeup on one of them saying in Aramaic:
"Here we go again!"

(I hope we won't go to hell for that......:P)

Underworld :- All the elder Vampires awaken and kill the younger ones for not drinking blood or acting like proper vampires. Then they kill the werewolves because they purpotrated that dumb ass rumour that the vampires enslaved them.

This thread reminds me of that episode of The Critic where Duke used "a bunch of computers" to put movies back "the way God intended"

PHILLIPSVISION

what a Quyzbuk!

I don't know if anyone has actually seen BROTHER BEAR, but I saw it for work and was hoping for a different ending. Here it goes:

Kenai, instead of choosing to remain a bear because he realizes that Koda needs a brother and that he is responsible for the cub after killing his mother, returns to human form. He and Koda travel travel together Grizzly Adams-style and the end features a much older, bearded Kenai and a gigantic Koda returning to the tribe's ceremony.

It leaves kids the same message about taking responsibility for your actions without the far-fetched notion that Kenai would choose to remain transformed into a bear.

Eli, I SO agree with you on that. As a matter of fact, Disney is considering a made-for-video sequel (Of course) to it and I hope they would have the good sense to do that...

Beauty and the Beast: goes exactly the same up until the transformation. The glow fades away, and we see the prince -- and he's plain-looking.

And then we learn that he likes to smack Belle around the castle for not having dinner on time, because, after all, it's an ABUSIVE relationship.

Titanic:- Jack and Rose figure out that after a bit of common sense is used they can in fact both fit on the bit of wood she is floating on. Sadly when they get back to america she dumps him to have a series of wonderfull life experinces with a group of women.

LXG: after the last scene with the voodoo guy zombie Sean Connery rises from the grave only to have his face blown off, whip pan to that younger kid he trained........

"Woah that was close"

Cue Credits...........

Arlington Road: He discovers the bomb just in time...........just in time to BULLDOZE into the bombers house, jumping out of the car as it speeds throw the window vaporizing the villains, then he scoops up his family and flies away on a bi-plane.

Matrix Revolutions: end at Neo being dragged

Seven

Brad Pitt should've offed himself after killiing Doe, then the movie would've been a masterpiece instead of just very good. Pitch perfect, better than Silence of the Lambs if that would have happened, with Somerset trying to stop it the whole time.