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Murder!

post #1 of 42
9/29/04 at 2:57pm
Thread Starter 
I've had a terrible day. Step right up and I'll kill you in a torturous and/or humiliating manner.
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post #2 of 42
9/29/04 at 2:59pm
Hey Fucknuts! Gimme your wallet!
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post #3 of 42
9/29/04 at 2:59pm
Dial "P" for "Psycho"!
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post #4 of 42
9/29/04 at 3:01pm
I'm gonna tape your mouth shut!
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post #5 of 42
9/29/04 at 3:03pm
I'll take pleasure in guttin' you... BOY.
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post #6 of 42
9/29/04 at 3:06pm
Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?
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post #7 of 42
9/29/04 at 3:11pm
Thread Starter 
Trinity, your first.
I'll eat nothing but boiled eggs and licorice all day. In the dead of night, I'll slip into your house and shit my liquid load into your toilet. I'll then drag you screaming from your bed and shove your face two inches below the surface of this vile soup. I will tell you your only chance of escaping drowning is to swallow enough of my shit water to lower the level. If you succeed I'll make good on my promise not to drown you and promptly beat your head against the porcelin until you're dead.
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post #8 of 42
9/29/04 at 3:13pm
Thread Starter 
Werbal, you fuck.
I'm gonna stun a rabid rat and shove it down your rotten throat. I'll keep you tied to a chair and stare at you as you wait for your lunch to wake up and chew it's way to daylight. I hope you cry, you bitch.
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post #9 of 42
9/29/04 at 3:17pm
Thread Starter 
L7, you must suffer!
Nothing fancy for you. You don't deserve a glorious death. I'll strangle you from behind with my steel wire. Just as you begin to black out, I'll release the tension and start over again. As your legs flail and you piss and shit your pants I'll whisper in your ear every terrible thing I plan to do to your mother after your dead. Finally I choke the life from your twitching body, ejaculating in my pants as you die.
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post #10 of 42
9/29/04 at 3:18pm
Hmmm... interesting.
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post #11 of 42
9/29/04 at 3:22pm
glub...avenge me!...glub. (mmm sweetcorn)
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post #12 of 42
9/29/04 at 3:31pm
Thread Starter 
Agent Helix, what makes you think you deserve to live?
I'll hold a gun to a little girl's head and hand a sack of kittens. You must beat the sack against the floor until they are all a bloody mass or I will shoot the little girl in the head. After you complete this task, you fucking weakling, I'll demand you put the little girl in the sack along with a cinderblock. If you don't throw that sack into the river I'll kill both you and her. Gut wound. Real slow and painful. Of course you do it, you filthy, selfish coward. Then I will leave you. I will tell everyone what you did. You will be labeled murderer, kitten killer, and pariah by society. After ten years, after stewing in torturous guilt and succumbing to alcholism, I will come to your home, place photos of kiddie porn involving the dead girl under your bed, and stab you in the gut. You'll bleed out slow, knowing all the while that shame will linger on after death.
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post #13 of 42
9/29/04 at 3:37pm
Thread Starter 
Stormin, death awaits.
I'm gonna tie up your dad, skin the face from his head, and cut off his dick. Then I'll tie your mom spread eagle to a bed right in front of him. Holding your sister at gunpoint, I'll force you to put on your dad's face and fuck your mother with his castrated member. If you don't orgasm, your sister gets the bullet. Eventually, I start to feel ickey waiting for you to cum all over your mom. It makes me feel kinda gay. So I just shoot you all dead.
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post #14 of 42
9/29/04 at 3:52pm
Thread Starter 
Maus, science kills!
First I build the time machine. Then I tattoo "I'm a Jew!" on your forehead. Then I place you in said time machine (i think you can guess where this is going) and transport you to Nazi Germany. <Note to myself, make it a time and teleportation machine> I then do a Google search for "Maus I'm a jew" and read all about the strange case of the concentration camp victim who kept yelling "But I'm not Jewish!" as they sent him to the showers. Art Speigelman draws a comic about it.
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post #15 of 42
9/29/04 at 3:59pm
Bring it, you douce walk!
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post #16 of 42
9/29/04 at 4:14pm
Thread Starter 
Diva, batter up!
I beat you about the body, face, and neck with a bat. A whiffle ball bat. First the stinging comes. This gives way to the dull pain as the blood vessels break and the bruises form. It will take awhile and quite a few bats, but eventually something will rupture or break. It will be kind of like tenderizing a steak. By the time you're dead, your face will be a swollen, unrecognizable sack of purple welts.
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post #17 of 42
9/29/04 at 4:42pm
I only get to die once, make it worth my while fuckface.
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post #18 of 42
9/29/04 at 4:50pm
Oh man... I love this thread.
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post #19 of 42
9/29/04 at 5:11pm
Awesome.
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post #20 of 42
9/29/04 at 5:12pm
This thread is letting Bob gets some of his anger and feelings out into the air, wouldn't you agree?
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post #21 of 42
9/29/04 at 5:13pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Werewolf Girl is the Universe
I only get to die once.
That's what you think, Werewolf Ho.
Simple drowning. I take you to a swimming pool and hold your head under the water until the bubbles stop. I let you lie there for a minute, then revive you with some of them electro paddle thingies. After you cough the last of the water out of your lungs, we do it again. And again. And again. All the while I'm screaming in my best Ed Harris voice, "You never backed down from anything in your life, now fight!" As your brain loses more and more oxygen, you soon become a retarded fool. During one of your death experiences you see your grandmother and your childhood pet, Banjo the hamster, beckoning you on to Heaven. You want to go be with them. Your newly retarded little brain wants only peace, an end to this suffering. Finally, as I dunk your head down again, you let your entire body drop in and sink to the bottom of the pool. Finally, you're dead and there's no coming back. Grandma! Bingo! Little Werewolf Girl is coming! But the joke's on you. You just commited suicide and you're going to HELL!
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post #22 of 42
9/29/04 at 5:21pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maus
umm...I AM Jewish. Wow, you HAVE had a bad day.
Curse you, Maus! You've foiled my plans! Mother will be very angry indeed...
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post #23 of 42
9/29/04 at 5:22pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by L7 Productions
This thread is letting Bob gets some of his anger and feelings out into the air, wouldn't you agree?
That's my story and I'm sticking to it. See you later, L7...
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post #24 of 42
9/29/04 at 5:23pm
Alright Bobby, I'll fucking play along you goddamn piece of shit. Kill me, Bob, go ahead and kill me good.
Whatcha got for me, you smelly cuntly twat, you.
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post #25 of 42
9/29/04 at 5:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maus
And I alone have survived to tell thee...

also, "cuntly twat?"...
Now you want to kill me too ?
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post #26 of 42
9/29/04 at 5:37pm
Thread Starter 
Coffinrock, time for me to do the world a favor.
I'll test my ingenuity with you and do you with a swiss army knife. First the corkscrew grinds into and removes ribbons of your ass. I feed you your own raw ass-meat. Then the little plastic toothpick is slid directly into your ear, puncturing your eardrum. The tweezers go up the nose and pinch at your sinuses. Your eyes you keep for seeing and your mouth you keep for screaming as I take the blade to your belly and slice you open with surgical precision. Starting with the minor organs, I snip snip snip away with the little scissors. I puncture your kidneys and bladder, allowing your own raw sewage to infiltrate your perforated organs and bloodstream. I use the bottle opener to pop the top off of a refreshing Dr. Pepper that i enjoy as I watch you slowly expire from infection.
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post #27 of 42
9/29/04 at 5:42pm
I have to say I'm jealous of Werewolf Girl's death.
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post #28 of 42
9/29/04 at 5:46pm
WOW ! I'm exhausted. Haven't been killed like that for about 2 maybe 3 weeks. Good, uh, job, Bob. I especially like the bit where you feed me my own ass; how did you know, you cheeky monkey ?
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post #29 of 42
9/29/04 at 6:01pm
I quite like the swiss army knife one.
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post #30 of 42
9/30/04 at 1:57am
Bring it on, Bobby.
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post #31 of 42
9/30/04 at 2:07am
Let's dance, dead man.
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post #32 of 42
9/30/04 at 4:12am
Show me what you've got, Candlestick!
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post #33 of 42
9/30/04 at 5:48am
I'm not saying anything or nothing, but wasn't Maus a Christian on his 'Reputations: sort of not good?' thread (*cough* post no. 10 *cough*)?
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post #34 of 42
9/30/04 at 9:26am
Thread Starter 
So which is it, Maus? The lions or the ovens? My time machine is warmed up.
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post #35 of 42
9/30/04 at 9:40am
Do your worst, Bob. I dare you.
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post #36 of 42
9/30/04 at 10:14am
Thrill me.
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post #37 of 42
9/30/04 at 10:57am
Thread Starter 
Sorry, guys. I'm in a much better mood today. I offer you all a quiet, painless death. Let us all raise a cup of Kool Aid together and drink a toast to death. Then we can all go sleepy time together.
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post #38 of 42
9/30/04 at 11:18am
Glad to hear you're having a better day, Bob. But I feel sad for all those who didn't get to get killed by you; you're quite good at it.
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post #39 of 42
9/30/04 at 11:28am
Anyone else having a shitty day?
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post #40 of 42
9/30/04 at 11:29am
Thread Starter 
There's sure to be another bad day in my future. I'll dispatch them all then.
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post #41 of 42
8/18/06 at 6:04pm
This thread needed to be resurrected.
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post #42 of 42
8/18/06 at 6:56pm
Bob still didn't kill me. I'd like to see Mr. Clark go back to the well.
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