Worst film seen theatrically or on video in 2004...

Starskey & Hutch- Yet another lame-brained, tv adaption that should have starred the original kids since so-called comedy was not funny or entertaining.

The Punisher- An attempt to right the wrongs of Dolph Lungren's version, botched it like a thylidimid baby. Instead, it just made the 91 version appear so bad. Thomas Jane could have been a true bad-ass, but comes off looking like a gay Christopher Lambert.

The Grudge- BOoooooorrrrrrrriiiiiinnnnnggggg. Pointless with next to zero story. Almost worse than "The Ring."

Van Helsing- Stephen Sommers created one of the most shamelessly entertaining movies of the last decade with "Deep Rising", gloriously cheesy B-movie trash that never pretends to be anything, but a fun time. I was expecting the same from VH, but got one of the most insulting, obnoxious, stupid, illogical pieces of shit to ever come down the pike. Not only was it awful filmmaking, but managed to shit all over the Universal Monsters. Icons for decades, reduced to crass jokes and tedious action at their expence.
ALL should be ashamed of themselves.


SAW- I didn't think cinema could get worse than Van Helsing, but this ridiculous, contrived, idiotic alledged thriller that rips off "Seven" and every 'Tool' video in existence is one of the worst movies I have seen in five years.

Putrid fucking garbage! Anyone who remotely likes this film hates movies and is a fucking retard.

Van Helsing: Saw this at the cheap 50 cent theater asked for my money back and went to see Dodgeball

"What the bleep do we know?" I don't think I've ever wanted to leave a theatre early as badly as I did watching that tripe. I will automatically despise anyone who saw that and liked it, and will crowbar them without second thought if they claimed to have felt "enlightened", and will further Black & Decker their kneecaps if they tell me that I "need a more open mind."

Ugh.

ALIEN vs PREDATOR was a sad disgrace ...

UMMMM.....what movie(s) are you talking about? By the way, whatever film it was, your criticisms lose a great deal of clout with the rediculous after-statements you've added and the irony of the signature phrase you've hilariously chosen to use. You sound like something out of DR. STRANGELOVE.

Floydian, you surprise me. After your glowing recommendations for CABIN FEVER and HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES, you list THE GRUDGE as one of the worst of the last year? What, not enough stereotypical "hillbilly" characters or completely unexplainable editing to make it acceptable?


Yes the Japanese version of JU-ON: THE GRUDGE is better, but it's possibly more "slow" than the American vesion.



To quote Reggie Bannister: "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON????"

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0399877/...fc=1;ft=1;fm=1

And I don't know what criticisms you saw in there, because I didn't make any. I said I hate the movie, so what?

Well Soilent, you were quite eloquent in your hatred of the movie (which by the way, is default criticism), and you were ready to cut people out of your life if they liked it and suggested you wanted to produce physical harm upon their bodies "with a Black and Decker". You did however, neglect to say WHAT FRICKIN' MOVIE YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT!!!


PS. Which Black and Decker Product were you planning on using after your crowbar assault.....I get this image of you madly vacuuming about the feet of an annoyed individual with a Dust Buster.

SHREK 2, by far.

BTW, "What the bleep do we know?" is the name of the movie SG is talking about, as he mentioned in his first post.

the day after tomorow (a friend's fault)

resident evil 2 (why do I do this to myself...)

The Village sits at number one but close behind that is Saw for theatrical. And after just finishing it, I'd have to put the tops on DVD as The Last Horror Movie.

No, the name of the movie is actually "What the bleep do we know?" And I was being facetious, with the whole crowbar thing. You could tell because I used crowbar as a verb.

Black and Decker power drill is what I had in mind, though your idea may be good for a laugh, too.

I just did a check and realized I only saw 25 films in the theatre in '04... shameful.

Anyway, most of them were decent. I felt burned on Dawn of the Dead, Aliens Vs. Predator and Blade Trinity. Silver City wasn't bad, just disappointing for a John Sayles film, and House of Flying Daggers was pleasantly much better than Hero but still not great.

I kind of stayed away from theaters in 2004, there wasn't that much out that looked interesting to me.
I did check out SAW and thought it was a passable waste of 2hrs., but certainly nothing to write home about. I had a similar reaction to Alfie and The Brown Bunny, they're on a higher rung than SAW, but it still wouldn't have killed me to pass on them. The last film I bothered with in 2004 was Red Lights, and it was by and large the most affecting film experience out of the four.

I love horror films, but w/ maybe only a handful of exceptions, I wouldn't wipe my ass with the past 10yrs. of mainstream American horror.

On that note, I must admit that I've not yet seen Shaun of the Dead.

I believe I have you beat, 4.

CABIN FEVER I hated with a passion. HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES showed promise. I think Zombie could become a great film maker. My main issues are the choppy editing and some other issues like the unexplained rabbit suits, which distracted me and pulled me out of what was shaping up to be a very effective scary sequence.

I love the shot where they kill the girl's father. The crane shot that pulls way up and stays there while the man in on his knees. It showed a great deal of technique. I think Zombie will be alright as a director. He just needs to calm down and realize he doesn't have to emulated videos in terms of style or editing.

Eli Roth on the other hand, is a hack with no potential. Let him make BAYWATCH like the whore he is, as long as he isn't soiling the horror genre yet further. I can't believe I had to see his pretentious ugly mug on Bravo's 100 SCARIEST HORROR FILMS documentary.

I would say check out JU-ON:THE GRUDGE. It came out on American DVD recently (I got a region 0 months ago). It's got some solid creepiness to it.

Say what you want about his film, but the man really knows his shit when it comes to horror. The UK DVD has a great interview with him which shows how on the level he is with many, many horror fans (including myself).

Of course, that has nothing to do with the fact that I dug CABIN FEVER a lot.

Yep, I kind of feel the same. I'd read all the hype, and I tried to like it or acknowledge what it was doing but it was so fucking brain numbingly irritating, I wanted to hurt everyone interviewed in the damn thing. I dont mind the concepts explored, I dont mind the debate, I guess I just hated the presentation and most of all that fucking whore from hell who think's she's channelling some fucker, I dont know, gah!

SAW - It gets points for being really really funny. The bad news: It's not a comedy.

ALIEN VS. PREDATOR - Never has the greatness that is Lance Henriksen been so misused.

Has to be Napoleon Dynamite, hands down. Just a complete waste of time.

Very odd. I have yet to meet anyone who doesn't think it's damn funny. I adore it and find it relatable since I knew guys like that in Junior/High school.

Different strokes...

Whoops! Five films this year, forgot I saw Napolean Dynamite. Loved it.

Alien vs. Predator.

But at least the tagline was right... we did lose. So I can't sue them for false advertising.

Van Helsing, no contest. Never have I seen such potential shat on with such disregard.

Pooh on Stephen Sommers.

Van Helsing or as I like to call it "Liberace presents Vampire Hunter D".

I cant believe no one mentioned Exorcist: The Beginning yet. By far my worst. Maybe everyone else was lucky and skipped it, or blocked it from their memory.

I like to second or third the nomination of The Village.

Quite possibly the most craptastic film to ever crap on film.

I only saw 3 or 4 movies in theater in 2004, so in theaters I would have to nominate "The Stepford Wives."


For DVD, I think the worst movie would be Tomie: Replay. Maybe its because I didn't see any of the previous Tomie movies first, but I thought in general it was pretty craptacular.

The Number One offender: The Village.................................I'm getting sick of M. Night and his continuing desire to come up with "twists". Now I like the Sixth Sense (and, to a certain degree, Signs), but this was just bad. This beat Van Helsing out for the spot because whereas VH sucked from the get-go, this one started out with potential. Final analysis? If I want a GOOD genre tale with a plot twist, I'll go watch the works of Rod Serling.

Runners Up:
- Van Helsing (Why in God's name did I go see this? Why?)
- Club Dread (Super Troopers was excellent, but this was dreck.)
- The Order (Boring and tedious.)
- Alien vs. Predator (It made me appreciate Alien Resurrection.)
- Open Water (Boring.)

And the award for being just plain mediocre goes to...
- The Stepford Wives
- Darkness
- Resident Evil: Apocalypse (was forced into watching it)
- Seed of Chucky (I love Chucky, but if there are any more installments, let's please ditch the annoying sidekick family)


Didn't really rent any new horror films this year that I can recall, but I did tear into a lot of older films that I had never seen. A few I liked, but most were mediocre or wretched (including some of the so-called "classics"). I'll refrain from mentioning which ones, 'cause I'm not in the mood for a fight.