No, you're right-"bitching" is not
going to change anything, Adam-but
it makes me feel a whole lot better.
"Self-confidence" you say? I'm fresh out, sir. Ask anyone who knows me.
My life is a lame, empty train
wreck-a monumental failure.
But I know that there are a couple
things I'm good at. And no one gets to take that knowledge away from me
when I know I fail on so many other
levels-I get to know what I know. I deserve to have seen the things I've seen, learn the things I've learned, and live what I've lived. I get to
possess what talent I have worked all my life to cultivate.
Everybody's got that one thing,
Adam-except Fred Durst.
I'm a star, I'm a star, I'm a bright, shining star...
What makes my script good?
Wanna' read it? It's derivative as
all hell, but it reads with more wit and more heart than something like
The Matrix, or Scream-and I've read those scripts.
It's funny, it's sad, it's real,
it's a cartoon, it's drama, comedy,
action, romance, and even a little
social commentary-and the beauty of
it is that it is not hateful, or
exploitative, or even cynical-it's
hopeful-and it's absolutely from me.
And as far as sympathy for the
Columbine kids-Fuck, man-When I FIT
IN, I didn't fit in-I was outside of it all-and fucked with my entire
academic career by crude jock
assholes-motherfuckers that PISSED
IN MY LOCKER on my football gear
because I didn't want to get "fucked up" with them. I'm not the
beer-bong, party guy-I prefer my
dates to be not passed out from the
Stoli-spiked lemonade before I grope them. Because I was not them, I was fucked with constantly-I know what
those "Trenchcoat Mafia" idiots
felt-I have no sympathy for some jock-ass whose football career got cut short-I't just means that no one will get to hear his stories about how he forces his girlfriend to swallow anymore.
Having said that, it would appear
that I have allied myself with the
murderers-and I do know how they
felt-I was tormented in school-AND
YET I DIDN'T FEEL THE NEED TO DO
SOME WEAK ASS SHIT LIKE OPEN FIRE ON THE SCHOOL.
I did however, hit the guy who pissed on my gear in the face with my urine-filled football helmet, though.
That which does not kill you makes
you stronger. You endure this. It
builds character. It fosters
integrity. Integrity is about all I have.
And my art.
Fred Durst is not an artist-Fred
Durst is fifteen minutes and counting. And nothing he
has done-not his novelty cover of a
George Michael song, not his Top 40
metal-rap garbage-shows me he
deserves this kind of opportunity.
I've wanted to make movies ever
since I was eight years old. My
eyes were my camera. My orchestral
score hummed-I placed my head where my shot was, I understood slow motion, editing, I taught myself these things, I read tons-something Fred Durst has confessed to not doing.
I'm a better writer than Fred Durst.
I'm a better director than Fred Durst.
And, I would wager, so are you.
And, when you read the CHUD article, you get the feeling the author of the piece resents this turn of events, as well.
Because it's absurd. And it makes me sick to the point of soo tired.
Like I said-the threats are idle. But things only get worse-only get more bleak. Where does it go from here? How much farther does it sink?
Does it bother you? That the shot you work to earn is filled with a lesser...human? I used to take it in stride-I used to say that my chance would come. The ignorance used to slide off of me like I was teflon-coated.
But it doesn't slide off anymore, because I've been a little closer to it. I've held court with some people-had "some people" call "my people"-know what it feels like to almost be there-then not. To put a screenplay into the hands of the guy you see as the leading man-that is why it is harder to take.
And also, to be perfectly honest with you-I am so much weaker than I used to be.
Sorry this was so long, but I really felt the need to explain myself to you, Adam. Could be a lot of people feel like I do-maybe I'm just not so good at dealing with it.