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License to Kill

post #1 of 47
4/14/00 at 11:39am
Thread Starter 
You've got a post-ban Beretta 9mm handgun...

10 rounds of COR-BON ammunition...

A Map to the Stars' Homes..

And a Presidential Pardon from Donald Pleasance himself...

Who dies?


[This message has been edited by Hot Animal Machine (edited 04-14-2000).]
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post #2 of 47
4/14/00 at 11:49am
Sitting on the sofa, her back to the sliding patio door, Gloria Estefan never hears the soft-nose with her name on it as it enters the brain pan via the back of her head and exits the size of a plate of red & yellow smothered, covered, Waffle-House hasbrowns through her forehead.

[This message has been edited by grendel (edited 04-14-2000).]
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post #3 of 47
4/14/00 at 11:51am
Thread Starter 
Cute, grendel

You got nine more.

I'd like to lock Kid Rock in my basement and shoot him in the dick, so that he would be in excruciating pain until he died from the blood loss.

[This message has been edited by Hot Animal Machine (edited 04-14-2000).]
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post #4 of 47
4/14/00 at 11:54am
As he gets out of the shower, I sneak up as he dries himself with a towel. He is representative of all that is evil in Hollywood and is the front man for a vicious corporation. As he looks up into the mirror, I strike. The gun I was given still in the car as I enjoy to use my hands on pro-bono work like this. In a matter of seconds he is dead on the floor of his bathroom. Mickey Mouse.
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post #5 of 47
4/14/00 at 11:55am
Thread Starter 
Wow-does that mean you get eleven, having saved a bullet?

Nice job!
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post #6 of 47
4/14/00 at 12:04pm
Shoot Kid Rock in the dick? And he dies of blood loss? Is it possible with a wound THAT SMALL??
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post #7 of 47
4/14/00 at 12:18pm
After cornering him in a dark alley after a hard night at the Viper Room, I get the unutterable satisfaction of feeling the metal body of the gun bite through scalp and dig a groove in the skull of Leo DiCaprio, and as expected my first hit drops him. I then proceed to beat him with fists, feet and teeth until he does nothing but twitch. As he slowly turns into a red and black puddle, I fire the Beretta into the air in rejoicing.
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post #8 of 47
4/14/00 at 12:23pm
Thread Starter 
THROW YA' GUNZ!!

Awesome, grendel!
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post #9 of 47
4/14/00 at 12:36pm
-Sting should die for having had talent in The Police and then promptly proceeding to dish out easy listening shit afterwards.
-Tipper Gore, PMRC need I say more?
-Dr. Laura.
-Kid Rock should just have to die over and over again for eternity, so I'll kill him too.
-The MPAA (is that too grandiose? Damn, not enough bullets).
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post #10 of 47
4/14/00 at 1:17pm
Laying on her italian leather sofa, in a marijana haze she didn't even notice the open window and the gentle breeze blowing through the stark black and white colored room. Without so much as a second thought I pull the trigger, and her blood splatters across wall ruining her cast and crew photo from The Addams Family. Another shot to the head to finish her off, and Christina Ricci falls to the floor, extingushed forever.

[This message has been edited by LowShot (edited 04-14-2000).]
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post #11 of 47
4/14/00 at 1:28pm
I'm sorry to be critiquing everyone's "kills", but a shot to Christina Ricci's head would do no injury...
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post #12 of 47
4/14/00 at 1:35pm
Oh Christ I just got soup up my nose over that one Blofeld, thanks for the mess....
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post #13 of 47
4/14/00 at 1:47pm
Damn, I'm sorry, girl -- or should I call you creeture? -- I haven't gotten to that step in my program yet. Yesterday it was the "no spewed pasta" step of my recovery. "No soup out noses" is step 8, I believe.
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post #14 of 47
4/14/00 at 2:01pm
S'okay actually. My office got quite a laff at the whole thing. Step 8 eh? Creeture of the Girl, whatever you prefer is fine.
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post #15 of 47
4/14/00 at 2:09pm
What I "prefer" is definitely NOT fine.
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post #16 of 47
4/14/00 at 2:19pm
Steven Seagal is a dead man, sjoot him once in the head so he doesn't attempt to slap me with that crap he calls martial arts, then I proceed to vivisect him with a sharpened spoon. Once he is reduced down to the requisite number of pieces, I arrange the 9 pieces on the floor in alphabetical order and proceed to put a round into each piece. In reverese alphabetical order, just to mess with his mind, Piece # 5.
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post #17 of 47
4/14/00 at 2:21pm
Oooook, I'll try not think of what you prefer, just use girlcreeture then.....
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post #18 of 47
4/14/00 at 2:49pm
Blofeld prefers undead he-whores who have an affinity for the bark of the Slippery Elm.
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post #19 of 47
4/14/00 at 3:46pm
Don't ever accuse me of being that Nunziata guy. All he does is sit on his ass while Brian does all the work.
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post #20 of 47
4/14/00 at 3:48pm
While I'd only use the 9mm to slow them down and my battle axe or chromed 2x4 to do the real job, here's my list of the sons of bitches who must pay.

1. Tom Green
2. Cody Gifford
3. The porky lead singer of The Dixie Chicks
4. Ricky Martin
5. Ernest Borgine
6. George Lucas
7. Cameron Manhiem
8. Casper Van Dien
9. That Creepy Pepsi girl
10. The guys who play Chip and Dale at Disneyland.

Cause they're a disease. And I'm the cure.
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post #21 of 47
4/14/00 at 4:07pm
I hope there aren't any congressmen reading this.
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post #22 of 47
4/14/00 at 4:20pm
Blofeld,
Not to be a prick or anything, but if you had actually *READ* the entire kill, you would have realized that I already shot her once. The second shot to the head was just for good measure.

Go feed your crotch hounds or something.
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post #23 of 47
4/14/00 at 4:51pm
The desired recipients of the high-velocity trans-occipital projectile, thus far:

-Juliette Lewis (although her colossal forehead is likely bulletproof)
-Woody Harrelson
-Jenna Elfman (for stealing Jack Nicholson’s eyebrows and Joker smile and slapping them on her creepy face)
-Jon Peters
-Patricia Arquette
-Howard Stern
-Roberto Begnini
-that Cuban kid who’s causing all the ruckus

Hmm, this is harder than I thought it would be, as the objects of my ire changes from day to day. Fortunately, someone has already taken out that intolerable Pepsi girl, as well as the hopelessly ungifted Kid Rock (although if the arsenal allowed, I would go the next step and also remove Fred Durst and Linty Bisquick, along with Creed, Incubus, Korn, Godsmack, Staind, and all those other interchangeable, talent-free pseudo-metal bands that currently contaminate the airwaves).

I’ll have to revisit this opportunity when someone else rises to the forefront of my gray matter.
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post #24 of 47
4/14/00 at 5:51pm
Thread Starter 
Mr. Davis-you're a hero-you named every bad band I would've destroyed!
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post #25 of 47
4/14/00 at 6:18pm
Julia Roberts: I wanna cut those lips off and feed them to my goldfish!
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post #26 of 47
4/14/00 at 7:31pm
While humming the intro to "Entertainment Tonight", I will dress up as Yanni and sneak into John Tesh's house and right before I pull the trigger I will scream, "THIS IS FOR STEELING MY THUNDER...BITCH!!!!"
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post #27 of 47
4/14/00 at 9:18pm
Thread Starter 
I would erase-

Marilyn Manson
Courtney Love-don't DO IT, John!
Fred Durst
Jonathan Davis
Kid Rock
Stone Cold Steve Austin
Master P
Sean "Puffy" Combs
Albert Pyun

And, as stated previously-I save one for me, if necessary.

These people make things I love hard to like-they will go away.

------------------
I am a man fired from the barrel of a gun.
Instructions:Remain calm. Prepare to destroy.
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post #28 of 47
4/17/00 at 10:25am
Let's see;

1. Tom Green (unless the nut cancer does it for me. Go, cancer, go!)
2. Joel Schmuck-Meister
3. Akiva Goldsman
4. Jan de Bont
5. Helen Hunt

More to come...

Hellblazer
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post #29 of 47
4/17/00 at 10:35am
Tom Green is a hero.

Why all the hate?
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post #30 of 47
4/17/00 at 10:44am
There is not enough bandwidth on the internet for my list.
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post #31 of 47
4/17/00 at 10:46am
Your list of Tom Green hate?

I think he's hilarious. In fact he's the only thing on MTV that is watchable.
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post #32 of 47
4/17/00 at 11:01am
Yeah, LowShot! Go!

Tom Green, as much as I find him uncomfortable to watch at times, is one funny shit! Sure, he goes too far, sure, he's obnoxious, but DON'T WASTE YOUR BULLETS!!! For the love of GOD! So long as there is a Celine Dion, don't waste your bullets on Tom Green!

Besides, his parents'll kill him soon enough anyway.
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post #33 of 47
4/17/00 at 1:12pm
hehehe hehe, he said "nut cancer"!

No, hold on, that's not funny. I have nuts.
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post #34 of 47
4/17/00 at 1:52pm
As do I. But not Tom Green. Alas, the poor bastard has only one.

He also irritates the living piss out of me. I totally respect that you think he's funny, but he just isn't my kind of jokester.

Hellblazer
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post #35 of 47
4/17/00 at 2:28pm
yeah he's funny, in the same way that stepping in a pile of canine excrement is funny.
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post #36 of 47
4/17/00 at 3:49pm
HAHAHAHA!! That is funny chenzzo!
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post #37 of 47
4/17/00 at 4:59pm
Yeah Low, especially when it happens to somebody else. Just like Tom Green.
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post #38 of 47
4/17/00 at 10:53pm
Thread Starter 
Hey Pariah Carey-they're dead already...
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post #39 of 47
4/17/00 at 11:41pm
I'd like to off some people of the Hollywood Liberal Elite. You know the people caught up in there own self-importance, telling us how to vote, or what to feel about a particular issue or giving handouts to candidates and so on. Which is funny considering alot of major culprits (Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks, Tim Robbins, etc) are people I'd actually admire a great deal, I just wish they'd get their hands out of politics. Of course there are some I actually hate such as Whoopi Goldberg, Richard Gere and Steven Seagal. We have seperation of Church and State, how about seperation of Hollywood and State!
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post #40 of 47
4/18/00 at 3:38am
hole singer
kid blockhead
korn members
fred dead durst
rosie mcdonald
leonardo decrapio
kathy lee giford and kids, If I was frank I would cheat too
mtv programmers
All the assholes who bought copies of re-animator dvd to resell at high prices so us fans have to pay $150 for it, they must pay. And people who need to tell me what to watch and listen to because I cant decide myself, I might see some sex or violence or hear a swear word oh no!
Ok I need to borrow some more guns
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post #41 of 47
4/18/00 at 9:33am
Tom Green is cooler than you can ever hope to be Zod. Barrymore made the right choice.
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post #42 of 47
4/18/00 at 9:40am
Actually Barrymore needs to be banished.

By the way, did anyone even GET my killing near the top of this board? No comments on it, and normally I don't mind. This time, I actually did the UNIVERSE a favor.
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post #43 of 47
4/18/00 at 10:53am
what was to get? you killed the mouse!
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post #44 of 47
4/18/00 at 12:57pm
By killing Disney and destroying my childhood? Sure they suck now, but they used to be great.
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post #45 of 47
4/18/00 at 1:24pm
Where's your eye for subtlety?

I mean cutting the head off a villainous corporation.
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post #46 of 47
4/18/00 at 1:31pm
Uncle Mitch stole it to replace his "bad" eye.
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post #47 of 47
4/18/00 at 5:20pm
I've been saying "kill the mouse" for years. I compare that smiling bastard to Hitler.

"Disney is the Enemy" performed by Mojo Nixon. It tells all you need to know.
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