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The Awful STAR WARS Merchandise Thread

post #1 of 118
1/9/05 at 10:51am
Thread Starter 
#1 - STAR WARS FLASHY FOIL VALENTINE'S CARDS



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post #2 of 118
1/9/05 at 12:27pm
This thread could get very VERY large within the next 3-4 months.
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post #3 of 118
1/9/05 at 12:44pm
Jar Jar Monster Mouth Candy Tongue!


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post #4 of 118
1/9/05 at 1:47pm
Now who wouldn't want to suck face with Jar-Jar?
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post #5 of 118
1/9/05 at 4:03pm
Feelin pissed off with life? Want to blame someone?





cos punching small people has never been so much fun!

One consolation for the Jawa is at least they're a good 36" even when deflated.
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post #6 of 118
1/9/05 at 4:09pm
Why they never made one of those of Jar Jar (or even an Ewok), I'll never know.
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post #7 of 118
1/9/05 at 9:57pm
This thread is owned by this obscene bit of SW merchandise:

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post #8 of 118
1/9/05 at 11:15pm
My girlfriend sent me a Star Wars valentine everyday for the first two weeks of Feb when I was in High School. Man, I was a nerd pimp of sorts. They were just classic characters, but it looks like those ones. I have no beef with SW Valentine's day cards.

If I get my Digital Camera battery charged, I will show you some of the truely awful Star Wars merchandise I have recieved from friends and family. Like Star Wars push pins.
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post #9 of 118
1/9/05 at 11:17pm


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post #10 of 118
1/9/05 at 11:22pm
The prequels are awesome.

I wouldn't really consider them merchandise, unless you're talking about the DVDs themselves.
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post #11 of 118
1/9/05 at 11:27pm
devincf - Zing!
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post #12 of 118
1/9/05 at 11:28pm
Bleh.
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post #13 of 118
1/9/05 at 11:31pm
Personally, I think that the video could've been a lot better on the Episode I release...but, the Episode II was reference quality.


By the way, I think that I still have some of those SW Valentine cards in a box around here.
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post #14 of 118
1/9/05 at 11:32pm


My only guess for why someone would actually want to wear this mask is that they have masochistic tendencies and are looking to find someone to kick their ass.
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post #15 of 118
1/10/05 at 2:25am
I have a windows media file, I believe it's about 5-15 GB (it's on a disk that's not plugged in right now, and I could be way off on the size), but it has EVERY-SINGLE-COMMERCIAL for the original trilogy toys. It's like a half-hour of nothing but commercials. If anyone has a place to upload it to I'd be happy to.
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post #16 of 118
1/10/05 at 10:40am
Torrent that shit Ice Dragon!
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post #17 of 118
1/10/05 at 12:57pm

Please tell me this is fake, it must be.
George Lucas is a pervert.


Bring out the gimp!
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post #18 of 118
1/10/05 at 2:26pm


What!? No fucking marshmallows!? Fuck you 3PO!
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post #19 of 118
1/10/05 at 2:54pm
On sale now for $0.99 at Best Buy...

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post #20 of 118
1/10/05 at 8:08pm
God, is the C3P0 cereal for real?
If so, I am trying to figure out how the hell I missed it since , growing up in the late 70's and early 80's, I was the biggest sucker for Star Wars crap there was.
Which might explain why I am so resistant to it now.
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post #21 of 118
1/10/05 at 8:13pm
C-3PO's were great. There was a cut-out mask on the back of each box. The pinnacle of great movie tie-in cereals until the BATMAN cereal came along with an awesome plastic bank packed on the boxes.
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post #22 of 118
1/10/05 at 8:27pm
My mom was a fraud. I found out years later that she would only buy 1 box of C-3PO's and refill it with store brand generic Cherrios. I only got a new box if I happen to cut out the face mask when she wasn't aware of it. I don't think they made the cereal for that long though.

I had the Batman bank too. I remember thinking it was so cool because the visible flesh parts of the Batman face were stickers of Micheal Keaton's face (at least I thought so). So it was pretty damn authentic Batman bank for ya! If I remember right, Nintendo's "Nintendos" had a Link and Mario face mask years later. It was about the time of the Batman bank. It also came with tips and tricks on the back of the box that we, the cool kids, thought to be so "yesterday."
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post #23 of 118
1/11/05 at 5:27pm
"My mom was a fraud"
jason, if you mom is still with us, you can get even by letting her know how much money a unopened box of Star Wars Cereal would bring on the collectables market nowdays.
That is the scary part. All the Early ANH crap merchandise..even the most horrendous... is worth big bucks on the collectables market.....
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post #24 of 118
1/11/05 at 5:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jason@Star-Wars.net
My mom was a fraud. I found out years later that she would only buy 1 box of C-3PO's and refill it with store brand generic Cherrios. I only got a new box if I happen to cut out the face mask when she wasn't aware of it. I don't think they made the cereal for that long though.

I had the Batman bank too. I remember thinking it was so cool because the visible flesh parts of the Batman face were stickers of Micheal Keaton's face (at least I thought so). So it was pretty damn authentic Batman bank for ya! If I remember right, Nintendo's "Nintendos" had a Link and Mario face mask years later. It was about the time of the Batman bank. It also came with tips and tricks on the back of the box that we, the cool kids, thought to be so "yesterday."

Did your mom take the time to glue the Cheerios together or were you just not very observant as a kid

That or you thought that they all seperated in the box.
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post #25 of 118
1/11/05 at 10:07pm
I was just hungry!
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post #26 of 118
1/13/05 at 7:57pm
Thread Starter 
Oh boy.

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post #27 of 118
1/13/05 at 8:02pm
So that's what the Bottom of The Barrel looks like?
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post #28 of 118
1/13/05 at 8:12pm
I think Darth Tater is rad. Is that real? I would totally buy that.
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post #29 of 118
1/13/05 at 8:12pm
That is the best toy that will come from this movie. Even better than the Yoda Furby from Episode II. I love it.
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post #30 of 118
1/17/05 at 4:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by tcjsavannah
On sale now for $0.99 at Best Buy...
I worked at Suncoast when that thing came out. We got about 500 in, and that's no exaggeration. We sold maybe 100 of them.
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post #31 of 118
1/17/05 at 6:29pm
Thread Starter 
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post #32 of 118
1/17/05 at 6:42pm
I'd buy Darth Tater.
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post #33 of 118
1/17/05 at 9:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by otisthecat
I'd buy Darth Tater.
With SourCreeme'n'Chives action!!

(Bac'nBitz NOT included!)
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post #34 of 118
1/17/05 at 9:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by devincf

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! What's that sound?

Oh yeah, a DEAD FUCKING HORSE being beat on again.
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post #35 of 118
1/17/05 at 9:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by General Zod
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! What's that sound?

Oh yeah, a DEAD FUCKING HORSE being beat on again.
It would probably be more of a "WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!" sound paired with the buzzing of carrion flies.
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post #36 of 118
1/17/05 at 10:01pm
Darth Tader. More charisma and ability than Hayden Christensen.

But you ain't lived till you had Mark Hamill wedged between your ass cheeks...



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post #37 of 118
1/18/05 at 4:46am
What no Star Wars Lightsaber condoms
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post #38 of 118
1/18/05 at 2:20pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashxking2001
What no Star Wars Lightsaber condoms
Not officially licensed (duh), but close enough:

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post #39 of 118
1/18/05 at 7:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carl Cunningham
Not officially licensed (duh), but close enough:
Is it sad that the R2 size fits me better?
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post #40 of 118
1/18/05 at 7:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Striding Cloud Django
Darth Tader. More charisma and ability than Hayden Christensen.

But you ain't lived till you had Mark Hamill wedged between your ass cheeks...
http://starwarsgraphs.nstemp.com/misc/0036.jpg
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post #41 of 118
1/18/05 at 8:47pm
I am sooooo tempted to buy a Darth Tater, throw away the fake potato bit, get a real one and toss it in some boiling oil, scorching the hell out of it, and then slap the armor and helmet on.
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post #42 of 118
1/19/05 at 8:55pm
New Episode III pez dispensers:

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post #43 of 118
1/21/05 at 4:58am

These could come in handy for folks who keep saying that George Lucas raped their childhood.
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post #44 of 118
1/21/05 at 5:13am
Im still looking for the GL raped my childhood anal lube
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post #45 of 118
1/23/05 at 3:36pm
^^ Just wait this X-mas for the re-issued Star condoms-anal lube-Sith beads combo pack.
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post #46 of 118
1/24/05 at 9:38am
I don't have a picture, but I saw a Darth Vader lawn sprinkler yesterday. Like the things you attach to a hose and jump through in the yard. I used the force to destroy them all.
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post #47 of 118
1/24/05 at 9:48am
Thread Starter 
You missed one, SJ.



*shudder*
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post #48 of 118
1/24/05 at 12:00pm
GASP!
That actually looked cool until i realised that it was a fucking lawn sprinkler!

This reminds me of a scene in George Lucas first film Thx 1138, where the main character is feeling really depressed, so he goes into a sort of confession chamber where he talks of his problems.Inside the chamber there is a picture of a bearded mans face, and a voice telling Thx 1138 to "Buy more and be happy".Hmmmm, that´s kinda weird but the bearded man actually looks a bit like good ol´ George Lucas, telling us to buy more of his Star Wars merchandise crap.
It´s pretty fucking ironic, eh?!
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post #49 of 118
1/24/05 at 12:31pm
Courtesy of the force.net.

How'd you like to slurp on Han Solo?



I'm pretty sure these are a joke, but I couldn't resist.
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post #50 of 118
1/24/05 at 1:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles B
You missed one, SJ.
There are a couple of pictures in this thread that take a long time to load. I guess that's one of them. Sorry I missed it. I did find it amusing that Vader was on a shelf with Nemo and a cartoony turtle.
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