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The Star Wars Innuendo Thread

post #1 of 64
1/13/05 at 3:41pm
Thread Starter 
Darth Vader - "I have felt him, my master."

(probably the best this thread will see!)
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post #2 of 64
1/13/05 at 3:43pm
"I'm afraid our furry companion may have gone and done something rather rash."
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post #3 of 64
1/13/05 at 3:51pm
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionC...9/starwars.htm
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post #4 of 64
1/13/05 at 3:51pm
http://www.frenzy.com/~jaebear/starwars/slutwar.html

"You're all clear, kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!"
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post #5 of 64
1/13/05 at 3:52pm
Thread Starter 
Nooooooo, you guys ruined the thread!

*wont click on links*

^That's a good Han Solo one though, lol.
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post #6 of 64
1/13/05 at 3:52pm
Han: "Tell that piece of worm ridden filth that he'll get no such pleasure from me!" (ROTJ)


Palpatine: "You want this don't you?" (ROTJ)

Lando: "Higher, Aim Higher!" (ROTJ)
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post #7 of 64
1/13/05 at 3:54pm
"Curse my metal body; I wasn't fast enough."
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post #8 of 64
1/13/05 at 3:54pm
Yes, it ruined the thread, but this one is funny:

7. But now we must eat. Come. good food. come...
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post #9 of 64
1/13/05 at 4:05pm
my apologies, won't happen again. didn't know that was poor thread etiquette.
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post #10 of 64
1/13/05 at 4:05pm
Lando: "How can they be jamming us if they don't know if we're coming?"

Han: "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts!"

Yoda: "How you get so big eating food of this kind?"
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post #11 of 64
1/13/05 at 4:10pm
"Rise, my friend."
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post #12 of 64
1/13/05 at 4:15pm
Thread Starter 
No worries about the links, I just thought it would be fun to try to memorize dirty quotes instead. Like....

Padme - "Annie? My goodness, you've grown."
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post #13 of 64
1/13/05 at 4:26pm
More prequel perversion

1. "At last, we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi."
2. "This is getting out of hand! Now there are TWO of them!"
3. "Just relax, concentrate." "What about Padme?" "She seems to be on top of things."
4. "We'll take him together. You go in slowly on the left--" "No, I'm taking him NOW!"
5. "Oh, maxibig the Force...well, that smells stinkowhiff."
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post #14 of 64
1/13/05 at 4:33pm
"Get in there you big, furry oaf. I don't care WHAT you smell!"

Ha! I will never be able to listen to that line again without laughing.
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post #15 of 64
1/13/05 at 4:38pm
"You've failed your Highness. I am a Jedi.....like my father before me"
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post #16 of 64
1/13/05 at 4:53pm
Many of us oldbies out there remember with fondness the classic "Star Whores" parodies, from around a decade back:

"Episode IV: Last Tango on Tatooine"

"Episode V: The Empire Strikes Crack"

"Episode VI: Sperm of the Jedi" Excerpt from part 1:

Quote:
C-3PO stepped out the oil bath slowly, savoring the feeling of his newly-lubricated servomotors and gears sliding sensuously in place. Ignoring the towel offered to him by R2 (who carefully averted his baleful blue eye), 3PO stepped demurely over to Luke.

"Luke."

"Call me Master, bitch."

"I see, Sir Luke."

Luke slapped 3PO sharply.

"What do I look like, a Jedi knight? Come on."

3PO gently reached down with one glistening gold hand, caressing the bulge beneath Luke's sand-worn utility belt. He smoothed Luke's khaki pants, then moved his hand up to a small device hanging on the belt.

"Would you like to restrain me, Master?"

Luke gripped the restraining bolt activator tightly, extricating it from 3PO's grasp.

"What about the condensers on the North Ridge, Master?"

"Fuck 'em."

Luke gently flicked the switch. With a metallic shudder, barely perceptible in the waning light of the twin sunset, 3PO was immobilized. Luke waved a hand in front of his eyes.

"Are your speech centers still activated?"

"Yes, Master."

"I want it in Bocce."

"Suuejik gelia iksta moom." (I'm hot and ready)

"You like it with humans, don't you, whoredroid?"

"Suuejik huis napra refilia." (I fuckin' love it)

Luke dropped to one knee, his eyes fixed on 3PO's gleaming groin. He licked it brusquely, leaving a filmy swath of saliva over its glistening sheen, obscuring the reflection of his own flushed visage. He pried 3PO's codpiece loose and began chanting rhythmically, breathlessly.

"I'm gonna get a dianoga, and I'm gonna have the dianoga fuck you. And the dianoga's gonna vomit in your face, and I want you to swallow the vomit. You gonna do that for me?"

"Woon." (Yes)

3PO tingled at the thought of the dianoga's long, slimy tentacles wrapping themselves around him, its red, bulging penis (often mistaken for an eye on a stalk) forcing itself into his warm metallic confines.

"I want the dianoga to die while you're fucking him. Then I want you to go behind and smell the dying farts of a dianoga. You gonna do all that for me?"

"Woon, iksta baga lampeel. Baga lampeel!" (Yes, and more than that. And more!)

Luke gripped his modestly-sized penis. As soft and shapeless as a dead mynock. He snorted.

"I'm not hard yet, whoredroid. Tell me a story. Something dirty that'll get me going."

"I'm sorry sir, I'm really just an interpreter, and not very good at telling dirty stories."

Luke looked up at him, his eyes shining. "You know what I did to my last protocol droid?"

"No, master."

"Disintegrated his ass. Improvise, whoredroid."

3PO's circuits began blazing, trying to come up with something. He began shaking with the effort. "Well master, uh...a long time ago..."

"Yeah?" Luke began masturbating listlessly.

"On a planet...really far away..."

"Go on, whore."

"There was this new hope for, uh...Actually it was a dark time for the...Rebellious Fighters."

"Which was it?"

"Well it was a dark time...but there was also a new hope. The Rebellious Fighters had just...stolen the blueprints for a space station built by the...the evil Galaxy Federation."

Luke dropped his flaccid penis. "You're right, you can't tell stories for shit. Well, you had your chance." Luke wearily got to his feet.

"Viilesa japsta womoni pustell iks bambam." (Master, I am fluent in over 6 million forms of fellatio)

"Save it for the Spice Mines of Kessel. Or maybe I'll just blast you into...who-the-fuck-knows-what." Luke unhooked his blaster from his belt, and put it on its highest setting. 3PO began trembling.

"Viilesa, gradoo!" (Master, wait!)

"Now what the fuck?"

"R2 is projecting some kind of message."

"Yeah, right."

"The message appears to be important. A young lady."

"Is she hot?"

3PO shrugged. "Nothing to shout about."

"Shut the fuck up, then. Fucking protocol bullshit. I told Uncle Asshole I didn't want another babbling protocol 'bot. But whatever Luke wants, he has to do the opposite. Sometimes I wish some Imperials would burn his wrinkled ass down with a blaster on low. Set me free from this shithole. I'd lick their boots clean."
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post #17 of 64
1/13/05 at 5:28pm
"You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."

Always my favorite.
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post #18 of 64
1/13/05 at 6:24pm
"its possible he came in the south entrance."
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post #19 of 64
1/13/05 at 7:31pm
From ROTS.

"Lord Vader..."

"Yes, Master..."

"RIIIISSSSSEEEE...!"
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post #20 of 64
1/13/05 at 7:32pm
Sebulba: I don't think you're going to walk away from this one.
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post #21 of 64
1/13/05 at 7:35pm
ROTJ
Han: No Chewie, I don't think the Empire had that in mind when they designed her.
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post #22 of 64
1/13/05 at 8:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by cognizant
Darth Vader - "I have felt him, my master."
"Strange that I did not. I wonder if your feelings on this matter are clear, Lord Vader."

"They are clear, my master."
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post #23 of 64
1/13/05 at 9:19pm
Anakin to Sebulba: "It would be a pity if you had to pay for me!"
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post #24 of 64
1/13/05 at 10:05pm
"I'd like to Zam her Wessel."

Wait, I'm not doing this right.
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post #25 of 64
1/14/05 at 5:27am
"Size matters not"

"Wedge pull out, you're not doing any good back there."

"She's gonna blow!"

"I thought they smelled bad on the outside..."

"Theres an awful lot of moisture in here"

"Get on top of it!"
"I can't!"
"Get on top of it!"
"I'm trying!"

"I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."

"Look at the size of that thing."
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post #26 of 64
1/14/05 at 7:10am
"I can feel it swelling up inside you now..."
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post #27 of 64
1/14/05 at 7:58am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mecha superior
"Wedge pull out, you're not doing any good back there."
lmao, people are looking at me funny at uni now...
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post #28 of 64
1/15/05 at 6:23am
"this was your father's lightsaber. he wanted you to have it when you were older.."

*(haha.. "but your uncle wouldn't allow it".)

sean
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post #29 of 64
1/19/05 at 12:48am
This thread just made me disrupt the entire computer lab multiple times. Thank you all.
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post #30 of 64
8/20/06 at 3:05pm
Thread Starter 
General Grievous: "Anakin Skywalker. I expected someone with your reputation to be a little... older."
Anakin Skywalker: "General Grievous. You're shorter than I expected."
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post #31 of 64
8/21/06 at 12:30am
Pound for pound, Palpatine seems to have the highest ratio of lines here.

My favorite Palpatine one not yet mentioned -

Throne Room in ROTJ - "You want this, don't you?"
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post #32 of 64
8/21/06 at 4:09am
Quote:
Originally Posted by cognizant
General Grievous: "Anakin Skywalker. I expected someone with your reputation to be a little... older."
Anakin Skywalker: "General Grievous. You're shorter than I expected."
God, that movie truly sucks.
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post #33 of 64
8/21/06 at 6:32am
"This little one's not worth the effort."

"You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."

"Hurry up, goldenrod. Or you're gonna be a permanent resident."

"Into the garbage chute, flyboy."
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post #34 of 64
8/21/06 at 8:11am
This Is No Cave.
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post #35 of 64
8/21/06 at 8:31am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Litmus Configuration
God, that movie truly sucks.
Believe it. I was trawling through IMDB 'memorable quotes' and was amazed (relieved) that I didnt recognize 90% of the horrible lines. I've only seen the movie once, but still
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post #36 of 64
8/22/06 at 2:54am
"I don't care what you smell! Get in there you big furry oaf!"

"What an incrediable smell you've discovered!"
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post #37 of 64
8/22/06 at 5:09am
"We'll stay back far enough to cover you"
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post #38 of 64
8/22/06 at 8:01pm
"It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port."
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post #39 of 64
1/15/07 at 2:13pm
Han to C3PO: "Move it, golden rod!"
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post #40 of 64
1/20/07 at 8:31pm
Fuck the innuendos...dude kissed his sister!
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post #41 of 64
1/20/07 at 9:13pm
It's true, shocks me every time.

You're spoiling your lurker status tonight, Boomer.
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post #42 of 64
1/21/07 at 8:10pm
"Viceroy, I don't want this stunted slime in my sight again." -Palpatine
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post #43 of 64
2/6/07 at 12:35pm
"They came from...behind...AAARRRGGGHHH" - Perkins VC (post.) ANH
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post #44 of 64
2/10/08 at 10:43am
"Judge me by my size? And well you should not."

"Will somebody get this walking carpet out of my way?"

"Very well. Go that way."

"I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home."
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post #45 of 64
2/10/08 at 11:14am
Princess Leia: Here they come.
Luke: They're coming in too fast!
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post #46 of 64
2/10/08 at 11:23am
"I made some special modifications myself."
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post #47 of 64
2/10/08 at 11:36am
Get on top of it. -Han Solo to princess Leia while holding a huge ass metal rod.
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post #48 of 64
2/10/08 at 1:16pm
"Man, I wanna nail my sister."
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post #49 of 64
2/10/08 at 1:46pm
"That's no moon... it's a space station."

"But with the blast door on, I won't be able to see what I'm doing!"

"Wanna a cup of Jabba Juice!"

"I will take you to Jabba now." "And you'll be handsomely rewarded."

"Chewie get down here." "GRAHHHH!" "No wait!" "GRAH?" (To Leia) "I've got an idea!"

"Ben! Ben! Oh...Ben! Ben!"
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post #50 of 64
2/10/08 at 1:59pm
"I can't hold it any longer. I, I, I,."
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