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South Park Joke

post #1 of 11
1/14/05 at 5:25pm
Thread Starter 
Sick
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post #2 of 11
1/14/05 at 6:51pm
Haven't laughed that hard since I was a little girl.
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post #3 of 11
1/14/05 at 8:03pm
That was some sick and twisted shit. I love it!
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post #4 of 11
1/14/05 at 9:08pm
Yeah, I got too much time: help me correct.

"You guys wanna hear a funny joke my grandpa told me?"
"No."
"Ok, so this family walks into an talent agency. it's a mother, father, their
son and daughter and a little baby. The father says to the talent agent:
Sir, our family has an amazing act. we know if you would let us perform
it for you, you would want to sign us. and the talent agent says:
sorry we don't sign family acts, they're too cutey. But then the mother goes:
Please sir, if you just give us two minutes we know you would like our act.
So the talent agent says: alright you've got two minutes.
The family jumps right into it. The mother smiles and points to the son
who hits play on a boom box. Thrilling circus music starts to play as
the father spins his daughter around, bends her over, lifts up her skirt and
starts licking her asshole."
"What?"
"Then the son lays down on the floor, opens his mouth and the mother
tears in two her pants, squats down over his face and starts shitting
all over him."
"Dude?!"
"Hold on, hold on. The father grabs the baby, takes off his diaper and starts
sucking his cock, right, while the son still with the mother's shit in his
mouth goes over and licks the babies tiny little balls."
"Dude?"
"Hold on, Kyle. Now the mother lays down on her back on the floor, while
the daughter gets high up in a chair and starts pissing all over.
Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it head first back
into the mother's vagina, while the daugher's piss rains down on all
of them."
"Dude, just stop."
"They get the.. hold on Kyle. They get the baby halfway in so that its
legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around. The son takes the
mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone,
while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it,
while it's still inside the mother until he comes all over the baby,
the wife and the son and the daughter."
"Cartman, Cartman..."
"Cut! Hold on please. Then the father gets up and says: And now for our
impersonation of the victims of 911. And the whole family starts
running around the room screaming and laughting with their dicks and titties
and flappin' around covered with shit and piss and cum goin.
Heeeelp Heeeelp the building's coming down. Heeeelp.
And finally the family runs back to the center of the room and goes TADAAAAA.
And the talent agent, he just sits there for the longest time
and finally he says: Jesus that's one hell of an act. What do you call it?
And the father says: The aristocrats. hehehe."
"I don't get it."
"Neither do I."
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post #5 of 11
1/14/05 at 10:21pm
Outstanding.
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post #6 of 11
1/18/05 at 9:45pm
That is awesome. What is that from? I definately haven't seen that on any TV episode. Was it something cut from the movie?
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post #7 of 11
1/19/05 at 2:03am
That was hilarious.
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post #8 of 11
1/20/05 at 5:50am
Funny stuff! Thank Ewe!
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post #9 of 11
1/24/05 at 12:07pm
It's a joke older than South Park, turns out. Apparently we have been let in on the Secret Handshake of comedy, thanks to Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza.

LINK ...The Washington Post, might need (free) registration. So, here:

Quote:
Take My Wife -- Please? Well, Not Quite.

By William Booth
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, January 24, 2005; Page C01

PARK CITY, Utah, Jan. 23 -- Saturday night's premiere of "The Aristocrats" was so packed that even the producers of the movie had trouble getting in, but when filmmakers Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette (Penn being the larger, talkier half of the magic act Penn & Teller) finally introduced their offering, they looked a little nervous.

Even the notes for the Sundance Film Festival warned, "This is one of the most shocking, and perhaps for some, offensive films you will ever see." "So, ahh, strap in and just have a good time," said Provenza, who suggested that the film was really about love and joy -- and 89 minutes of the most scatological, filthy, disgusting humor imaginable. The prison sentence has not yet been handed down for the crimes against nature herein described by 100 comics, including Drew Carey, Phyllis Diller, Jon Stewart, Richard Lewis, Jason Alexander, Steven Wright, Robin Williams, Don Rickles, Paul Reiser and the cartoon kids from "South Park."

Plus Billy the Mime, a pair of jugglers, Carrot Top, a ventriloquist and his racist, misogynistic dummy, and the Smothers Brothers.

Okay, kids. Now. Hand. Mommy. The newspaper.

"The Aristocrats" is a documentary about a single joke -- a joke that has circulated among comics since at least the days of vaudeville, and, as Provenza likes to imagine, maybe back to Will Shakespeare getting wiggy in a bawdyhouse in Elizabethan England.

Yet this joke is kind of a secret handshake among comedians, downright Masonic, Da Vinci Code stuff, rarely performed in public, told instead in delis, greenrooms, bars. It is a 4-in-the-morning joke. It is a joke that would make gangsta rappers blush.

All right, this is the joke: A performer walks into a talent agent's office and says, wow, does he have an act, a family act. This is the setup. It is always the same. But then the joke teller proceeds to improvise, describing -- sometimes for many, many minutes -- the father, mother, kids, pets, grandparents, and their despicable, degrading, horrible acts of interfamilial, mmm, inappropriateness.

It is like the Kama Sutra penned by the Horned One. A cruise to the Ninth Circle of Hell.

At the end of the joke -- and this part is always the same, too -- the talent agent asks: "So what do you call this act?" And the punch line is: "The Aristocrats."

Are the tellings sick? Oh, gentle reader, if we could rewind the mini-cassette tape in our minds and punch ERASE, we might. There are bodily functionalities we were not aware of. The mathematical combinations, people.

But more to the point, is it funny? Therein lies the rub.

At the premiere, a dozen attendees walked out. Others simply endured.

Yet a hundred more were so afflicted by paroxysms of laughter that they were gripping their chests and begging to be given a moment to breathe before their aortal seizures became mortal.

Kevin Pollack told the joke imitating Christopher Walken. Hank Azaria did it in a Russian accent. Andy Richter told the joke to his infant son who was wearing a Santa suit (the baby too young to understand a word). Billy the Mime acted out the joke on a boardwalk. Eric Idle did an English riff. Merrill Markoe an artistic take. Mario Cantone went for gay Italian. Richard Lewis neurotic. Judy Gold, who was pregnant at the time, did hers with pregnant people. Robin Williams wore sunglasses and did his version on the beach, while Drew Carey did his on the set (off air, of course) of his TV sitcom.

One version involved the Amish. Another, starfish. Very, very friendly starfish. There were kazoos. Hitler in a Frederick's of Hollywood getup. Midgets. Card tricks. A trapeze. Sweet Moses, they worked in the Olsen twins.

As George Carlin describes it the film, "The Aristocrats" is "the Tourette's syndrome of jokes."

We went back to the condo and slept fitfully, and the next morning met with Jillette and Provenza for breakfast. Jillette, who has never (ever) ingested alcohol, tobacco, drugs or caffeine, went with the multi-grain flapjacks; Provenza had the more dangerous hollandaise over eggs.

So, this is never going to shown in theaters, right? We mean, excluding certain alleyways in Bangkok. Wrong. "I think they're negotiating to buy the movie as we speak," Jillette said, referring to serious film distributors. Actually, there may be multiple offers, he said.

So, it would be rated XXX? The filmmakers agree that this will be a minor Rorschach moment for our time

"The film has no sex, no nudity, no violence and no conflict. This is just people hugging each other," Jillette said. That and just words. He describes the humanity of the film as "beautiful."

This is what we learned: Jillette and Provenza came up with the idea at the Peppermill Lounge in Vegas four years ago.

Almost every comic they approached immediately said yes.

They made the film with cheap cameras. Jillette served as sound man. Provenza manned the camera. It looks like a home movie, and one of their great challenges while editing down the 100 hours of tape was that they kept hearing Jillette laughing in the background.

Provenza promises an eventual DVD release (with hours more of outtakes) that could stand as a primer for the style, approach, craft and timing of comic storytelling.

Buddy Hackett and Rodney Dangerfield both told their versions of the joke to Jillette over the phone (he didn't tape them) but were too sick to appear in the film (and soon after, they died). Jillette considers this a great loss.

While they embrace all well-told tellings of the joke, they consider Gilbert Gottfried the modern master. We remember Gottfried from his appearances on "The Hollywood Squares," but in the movie Gottfried is shown appearing at a Friars roast of Hugh Hefner, soon after the 9/11 attack. Gottfried, like other comics that night, was having trouble finding his footing in the aftermath of tragedy. And then he just went for it and told the "Aristocrats" joke.

The place exploded. Jillette compared the performance to the artistry of Picasso, Miles Davis and Stravinsky.

If and when the film is released, audiences will show whether they get the joke. As Jon Stewart put it: "Maybe it's best we don't break it down." And if people don't appreciate it? Then, Jillette said . . . well, we can't tell you what he said.
Obviously someone got hold of the Parker-Stone contribution, or they released it themselves, maybe.

Oh what God or Gods there may be please please please let this get distribution, and to my town. I have the feeling that "The Aristocrats" will someday become the single most played DVD in my library.

I only have a couple seconds this morning, so (if no one has yet) someone oughta start a "The Aristocrats" thread in one of the film forums. Or send the news to Nick for the front page, even, however that's done. I'm just slammed. Thanks!
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post #10 of 11
1/24/05 at 12:41pm
Wow. So that's where it came from. Somebody leaked the "South Park" scene of that movie. Who would have thought the joke was that old?

Sounds like an awesome documentary. Would have loved to see Rodney Dangerfield tell his version.
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post #11 of 11
1/24/05 at 9:11pm
Fascinating. I found another article that has one hell of a revelation.

The London News Review

Quote:
Abusing your trust (that a comedian will make you laugh and not wilfully waste your time) may be an acquired taste, but Penn (of ...and Teller) and Paul Provenza have said they've asked over 100 comics to do their own version. Provenza (currently working on the movie adaptation of Everybody poops) says that the cast includes
  • Jason Alexander
  • Whoopi Goldberg
  • Eddie Izzard
  • Emo Phillips
  • Billy Connolly
  • Chris Rock
  • George Carlin
  • Adam Sandler
  • Drew Carey
  • Phyllis Diller
  • Tim Conway
  • Roseanne
  • Spinal Tap
  • Eric Idle
  • Robin Williams
  • and The Onion.
Each performs their own take on "The Aristocrats" for the cameras: an email from Penn Jillette to those sites who received the leaked South Park clip explaining: "It's 100 comedians telling the same fucking dirty filthy fucking cunt-snot joke over and over. This South Park clip is not even in the top 5 for dirtiest." Which can only be a good thing, when boobies are practically illegal over there.

Not even in the Top 5?!?! My God, this movie is going to be spectacular. I can't wait to hear George Carlin's take.
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