Unfortunate Wedding Songs I Have Witnessed

Had karyoke at my wedding reception last fall, and right at the beginning of the reception, one of the parents sang that country song "He put a bottle to his head and pulled the trigger" or whatever it's called, about an alcoholic who drinks himself to death. Hey, look, foreshadowing!

I forced the deejay to play Ms. Piggy's wedding song from Muppets Take Manhattan as the last slow song of the evening...you know, that "He'll Make Me Happy" song that's obviously sung by babies and dogs and grandmothers and Big Bird and Kermit. And I forced everybody to dance to it. And I've never laughed so hard in my life.

You're a bastard, Slater.

Also...

What's up with this thing I've seen at a few weddings in the last year or so where somewhere between all the speechifying and the kiss the bride part, the wedding stops and a song gets played. I can kind of understand going for a sort of movie feel, but wow. Like thirty seconds into it and everyone starts getting really fidgety and uncomfortable.

And at one of these weddings, it was "A Moment Like This". With its multiple false endings and everything. Beautiful.

At my wedding, they'll play Papa Roach's "Last Resort."

At my wedding they will play "This Love" by Pantera. Of course I ain't getting married so it will never happen.

Every Breath You Take as a wedding song is always awesome. And somewhat embarrasring.

"I Touch Myself" would be a funny song to play at a wedding.

This is weird. Was it played for a joke or what?

I got married at the very height of the Great Macarena Duels of 1996. I was lucky to have survived.

At my wedding, the DJ played Baby Got Back by Sir Mix A Lot. I don't know why? It's not like we had a large amount of junk in the trunk. Plus, my wedding was somewhat painfully white. I thought it was funny as hell once I realized what song it was.

No, I think it was more of a big FUCK YOU to her alcoholic ex-husband who was also there. Because there's no better time to say "I hope you die of kidney failure" than at your only daughter's wedding.

My wedding was a very casual event, and I chose all the music (which was orchestral stuff since we had a cocktail reception after the ceremony), so there were no surprises on the music front.

However, at my wife's aunt's wedding we were subjected to a mid-ceremony song. It was "I Finally Found Someone", and I have no idea who originally sang it. The two people who sang the version at the wedding were quite a sight, though. The guy was wearing a white button up shirt with the top three buttons undone, brown slacks, loafers, no socks. Oh, and his brown hair was permed. The lady looked like the Church Lady, and she played the piano. Watching/listening to that song was one of the most painful experiences in my life, and I've had kidney stones.

The reception managed to equal the ceremony, though. They had a musician play the reception. He played acoustic guitar. One of the songs he played was "Cat's in the Cradle." Yup, it was the feel good event of the year. Personal favorite moment: when he played "Piano Man." On the guitar. And he changed the lyrics to apply to himself (i.e., "John, I believe this is killing me . . . ").

My terminally ill uncle was married with the theme tune from Ghost playing in the background.

Mack, "I Finally Found Someone" was originally a duet sung by Bryan Adams and Barbara Streisand. I wish I didn't know that.

"I Don't Know How To Love Him", from Jesus Christ Superstar.

This was during the actual wedding, mind you, and not later at the reception. Couldn't believe my ears.

And yeah, he was a cokehead and they're divorced now.

Actually, we're probably doing this at my wedding in April. Thing is, we hired a harpist for the processional, so I figure we've got this badass instrument and someone who knows how to play it at our disposal. Damned if we're not gonna fit it into the main event somehow!

Also, the ceremony's a short'n'sweet secular deal with only one reading (again, non-religious), so it's not like we'll be pushing three hours or anything (probably barely a half hour, actually).

As for reception music, we have taken measures toward preventing shitty songs from being played. We gave the DJ two CDs of stuff we like, some definite no-nos, plus the direction to hit 60s soul and Motown hard. He was downright enthused, since he loves that stuff.

We exited the reception to Oingo Boingo's "Goodbye Goodbye."

Yeah, I know it's about a breakup, but it's still a great song.

Other than that, we went with swing music for the reception. Everyone had a great time.

It's not bad music, but the preist at my wedding fit a story about my wife's dead brother and a rant on gay marriage into his eulogy. That was uncomfortable.

I had a buddy who's a priest get up and give a blessing. In so doing, he told the guests a funny story about the time I got in trouble for climbing over the Naval Academy wall in the middle of the night to, ahem, visit my bride.

I just kept smiling.

My wife and I did "Hotel Yorba" for our "first dance" song. As far as ceremony music, we had a lean secular ceremony with bagpipes for the processional and recessional (no, neither of us is significanlty Irish or Scots, but we don't care). I think from my wife getting out of the limo to the last attendant walking off the rotunda, it tallied maybe 20 minutes.

I felt like I dropped the ball as far as being on top of the music situation went, but the DJ must've done a decen job on his own since DaveB is using him for his wedding.

As far as truly "what the fuck?" moments, I went to a wedding in the mid/late 80s where the "first dance" song was "Love Bites" by Def Leppard. Now, at the time, a Def Leppard tune was fine, but thematically the song kind of put me in the mind of "really have high hopes for the marriage, don't ya?" That's the prime reason my wife and I decided NOT to dance to "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley - prettiest melody you'll ever hear, but we decided not to start off the marriage with a song about lost love.

We went to a wedding a few years back where the song in the church was "All I Ask of You" from Phantom of the Opera; since I like Phantom and the people singing the duet were really good, I didn't get fidgety during it.

My girlfriend, who was married before, her sister thought a good song for the wedding would be "Kiss From A Rose" by Seal. If you are curious as to why this is odd, listen to the lyrics next time you hear it.

My cousin Trent got married in the mid-80's and since his wife was Catholic, there was booze and dancing. Everything was going ok until they played, hand to heart, the "Curly Shuffle". Now that was a special moment to remember.

This has pretty much been a given at every wedding I've ever been to, Catholic or not.

Booze and dancing at a wedding? That's crazy.

You've never been to a Southern Babtist wedding then. None of that fun stuff for them, thanks.

In the highly unlikely event that I ever get invited to one, I'll make sure I bring a flask of whiskey and a boombox.

Better make that two flasks, dear.

I have never been to a wedding that didn't, to some extent, involve booze, someone's drunk friend/uncle/brother/cousin/father making an ass of himself, and dancing. I note that both DaveB and Chavez were quick to express surprise that a wedding would consist of anything else. This makes me wonder: is it because a) we're from Wisconsin and there are a certain set of Wisconsin wedding requirements that we're unaware of or b) because we go to a lot of the same weddings?

Unfortunate wedding song: Who dances with their father to "Tiny Dancer"? Did they even listen to the lyrics? Or take into consideration that it's about six minutes long and we're all going to have to stand around smiling and watching for six whole minutes while two people who have obviously never danced together, dance together? It was somewhat redeemed, however, when the bride fell partially out of the top of her dress (from all of the off-rhythm twirling) and her father had to hug her to preserve her dignity.

I recall my friend who moved up here from Oklahoma being flat-out ASTONISHED at what a Wisconsin wedding entailed. For his reception, the caterer asked how much beer they needed for about 75-100 guests and he said "about a quarter barrel" his Wisconsin-native wife gently suggested 3 half-barrels. Which barely made it to the end of the night.

Oh, I'm moving to Milwaukee, that's all there is to it.

You are my new hero.

Last year, a close friend of mine forced his best man (who had become legendary for his karaoke performances of Mr. A-Lot's one hit) to belt this out against his wishes. I believe the exact quote was 'Nate, it's my wedding...' Lucky for him, the bride was outside. When she came in, my friend was about midway through the song and two of the bridesmaids had anointed themselves dancers. The look of cold, hard death in her eyes still haunts me to this day. When I don't laugh my ass off about it, that is.

had i gotten married after seeing 'old school' i prolly would have sought out a band willing to do the uncut rendition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" ... that has to be my fav. scene in the film...

i fuckin' needdd ya morre than evvarrr

wife and i danced to 'At Last'... not so original, but an excellent song nonetheless