PART 1: KEN HANLEY GOES TO CAMP...
As a part of my community service, I was forced to spend an entire week at a child's summer camp, even though I begged him not to. Sick fuckin' bastard. So, I was off on my prison bus to "Mountain Horizon Camps". The minute I got off the bus, I saw that the kids were all looking at me. I tried to remember how the tv box said how to deal with prison. When I saw the innocence of the kids eyes. Then I saw the fat kid. God what a fat blob of lard and grease. I then proceeded to intimidate the kids by "letting the guns out of the zoo" and flexing my unhumanly large biceps in front of everyone. I then was approached from a guard at this death camp.
"Howdy, partner. My name is counselor Rick! But you can call me Ranger Rick. What's your name?"
"My name is Ken, but the homies call me Bullets McKenzie. And fuck Ranger Rick, your name is Tin Man, you got me?"
"Well, fine, but there's some ground rules here at Mountain Horizon. First, no violence whatsoever. Two, no leaving the camp without permission from your counselor. And three, when we say lights out, we mean it."
I could feel the rage building up inside me like a British monkey, but I let it lay low. For you see, I used to pretend I was a rogue cop on the edge until the city told me I had to stop impersonating police officers and that I was committing federal offense. But I still didn't stop because I push the envelope. That's why I'm here today. But no bars ever kept me out of trouble. The minute I left, we had our hour of free time out by the sports field. I went up to a nerdy looking kid with big glasses to try to join a gang. It's the only way to survive in a palace of unamarican hate crimes.
"Hello, Mister."
"Cut the shit. What gang are you apart of?"
"Uh...No one I guess. I am apart of the kickball team."
"The Kicking Balls? Ok, I'm in. What do I have to do?"
"Mister, I'm not even sure about what your talking about."
"What do you want me to do, huh? Want me to live in the woods? Wrestle with the wolves? Scalp a redskin? Sword fight with the excalibur of the wilderness against the Orc King of Ages Past? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, MAN, WHAT!?!?!"
"Your scaring me, mister."
"C'mon kid, you've gotta have an enemy. I'll take him out."
"Well, I don't like that Bryan Hooligan. Him and his rich friends always pick on me."
I saw who he was talking about. This kid had money, as he wore a sweater. Soon to be covered in blood. I slowly approached him, pulling out my shoe polish brush which I had widdled into an effective shanking machine of pain and minor discomfort. I stood behind him and whistled nonchilantly. Then, with my watchdog like reflexes, I shivved him in the sides with the brush and strolled away. He let out a loud cry and hit the ground in a pool of blood and tears. But that's how it is in prison...er...camp. I walked back to my gang as I heard the medics scream for help.
"Holy crap mister!"
"Keep it down, bitch! If I'm going down, your going with me!"
"Fine fine."
"Now, whats the plan for the rest of the day."
"Well, the kickball game is coming up soon."
"Excellent."
As a part of my community service, I was forced to spend an entire week at a child's summer camp, even though I begged him not to. Sick fuckin' bastard. So, I was off on my prison bus to "Mountain Horizon Camps". The minute I got off the bus, I saw that the kids were all looking at me. I tried to remember how the tv box said how to deal with prison. When I saw the innocence of the kids eyes. Then I saw the fat kid. God what a fat blob of lard and grease. I then proceeded to intimidate the kids by "letting the guns out of the zoo" and flexing my unhumanly large biceps in front of everyone. I then was approached from a guard at this death camp.
"Howdy, partner. My name is counselor Rick! But you can call me Ranger Rick. What's your name?"
"My name is Ken, but the homies call me Bullets McKenzie. And fuck Ranger Rick, your name is Tin Man, you got me?"
"Well, fine, but there's some ground rules here at Mountain Horizon. First, no violence whatsoever. Two, no leaving the camp without permission from your counselor. And three, when we say lights out, we mean it."
I could feel the rage building up inside me like a British monkey, but I let it lay low. For you see, I used to pretend I was a rogue cop on the edge until the city told me I had to stop impersonating police officers and that I was committing federal offense. But I still didn't stop because I push the envelope. That's why I'm here today. But no bars ever kept me out of trouble. The minute I left, we had our hour of free time out by the sports field. I went up to a nerdy looking kid with big glasses to try to join a gang. It's the only way to survive in a palace of unamarican hate crimes.
"Hello, Mister."
"Cut the shit. What gang are you apart of?"
"Uh...No one I guess. I am apart of the kickball team."
"The Kicking Balls? Ok, I'm in. What do I have to do?"
"Mister, I'm not even sure about what your talking about."
"What do you want me to do, huh? Want me to live in the woods? Wrestle with the wolves? Scalp a redskin? Sword fight with the excalibur of the wilderness against the Orc King of Ages Past? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, MAN, WHAT!?!?!"
"Your scaring me, mister."
"C'mon kid, you've gotta have an enemy. I'll take him out."
"Well, I don't like that Bryan Hooligan. Him and his rich friends always pick on me."
I saw who he was talking about. This kid had money, as he wore a sweater. Soon to be covered in blood. I slowly approached him, pulling out my shoe polish brush which I had widdled into an effective shanking machine of pain and minor discomfort. I stood behind him and whistled nonchilantly. Then, with my watchdog like reflexes, I shivved him in the sides with the brush and strolled away. He let out a loud cry and hit the ground in a pool of blood and tears. But that's how it is in prison...er...camp. I walked back to my gang as I heard the medics scream for help.
"Holy crap mister!"
"Keep it down, bitch! If I'm going down, your going with me!"
"Fine fine."
"Now, whats the plan for the rest of the day."
"Well, the kickball game is coming up soon."
"Excellent."
