Michael Jackson Jokes

How do you know when it's "bedtime" at Michael Jackson's house?
The little hand touches the big one.
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Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
Because they aren't his!
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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.
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When does Michael Jackson know when it's time to go shopping?
When boys pants are 50% off.
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Why did Michael Jackson phone Boyz II Men?
He thought it was a delivery service.
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How does Michael pick his nose?
Out of a catalogue.
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A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?" After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, God is both male and female." This confuses the little boy so he asks, "Is God black or white?" "Well, God is both black and white." This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?" At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers none the less, "Honey, God is both gay and straight." At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks...

"Is God Michael Jackson?"

The way my friend tells it:

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon and Michael Jackson ... (my friend starts moonwalking) fucks little boys.

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Where did Michael Jackson go to college?
Brigham Young University.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?
"Feel the World."
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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Little Boy Blue.
Little Boy Blue who?
Michael Jackson.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?
"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What did Michael Jackson say when a boy in a car mooned him going down the road?
"I'll be there!"
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What did Michael Jackson say to Lorena Bobbit?
"SILLY Bobbit! Dicks are for KIDS!"
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Why did Michael Jackson get food poisoning?
He ate a nine year old wiener!
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What does Michael Jackson call a circumcision?
Foreplay.

I've got more. And they don't get any better.

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave little boys' rooms with empty sacks.
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What do Michael Jackson and Dr. Spock have in common?
They both know how to rear a child.
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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan?
One is in the Minors, the other is into Minors.
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Why's Michael trying out for the NBA?
He's a crack shooter.
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What does Michael have in common with NASA?
It's been 25 years since his first moon landing.
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It was reported the other day that Michael Jackson wants to be one of the first civilians to travel into space.
A spokesperson for NASA said, "We're fine with the idea but the only problem is Jackson insists on coming back".
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Where's Michael going on holiday?
He's off to Tampa with the kids.
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What do Michael Jackson and Walmart have in common?
They both have small boys pants at half off!
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What does Michael Jackson think of when he sees a boy in a McDonald's suit?
A happy meal.
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McDonald's is bringing out a new "Michael Jackson Burger"...
It has 35 year old meat inside 5 year old buns.
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What's Micheal Jackson's Chinese name?
Melikeemyoung.