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Best real-life quotes - Page 3

post #101 of 122
4/21/07 at 5:14am
Me: "Why has this empty bowl been just sitting here in the lounge room for the last few days"

Housemate: "Empty bowl of what?"
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post #102 of 122
4/23/07 at 1:28am
I find it amusing that a friend of mine and I have taken to referring things to things that are hip as "the new Dafoe."
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post #103 of 122
4/23/07 at 1:08pm
Flicking through the paper this weekend, I uttered the line, "Ahh, I love it when Monks fight."

Might be the truest thing I have and will ever say.
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post #104 of 122
4/23/07 at 3:32pm
Back in high school, part of my circle of friends was this cat who used to quote movies all the time - sometimes at awesome, appropriate times with brilliant results, and sometimes at inappropriate times. He was also very enthusiastic and sometimes loud. He was a lot of fun.

Anyway, it was around nine o'clock at night in a theater parking lot. We had just seen a movie, and our group was always prone to hanging out in parking lots until really late at night, just hanging out and shooting the shit. I wish I could remember the context of the quote... but at one point, my movie-quoting buddy goes into a Mallrats tirade, and shouts out "You know what? There is no Easter Bunny! That's just a guy in a suit!"

Just then, a family of four turned the corner. Dead fucking silence, followed by a heart-wrenching "...what about Santa Claus?"

He felt so unbearably bad.

We gave him so much shit for the next year.
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post #105 of 122
4/26/07 at 12:54am
Today a good friend told me "You have doo-doo in your soul."
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post #106 of 122
4/27/07 at 9:29am
"...then I realised that the reason I didn't recgnise him from either his myspace message [to me] or the attached photo is because I only ever knew him as Arm Pit Head."
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post #107 of 122
4/27/07 at 11:48pm
Years ago I was eating dinner at a Carl's Jr. and there was this lady speaking on her phone to a friend/client or something. The parts that have always stuck with me were: "What you need, is an AmEx, a Visa, and a MasterCard, and then you'll be set." and then about a minute later "Nononono, you have no income, no assets, and you're involved in a law suit. Who's going to give you a second mortgage?" me (mentally): "Who's going to a give her a CREDIT CARD?"
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post #108 of 122
5/2/07 at 1:08pm
Thread Starter 
"Phew. A lotta good ham in the smokehouse there. Mmmhuh!"

- Comments from a co-worker of mine as he's scoping out the prominent hindquarters of a passing female.
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post #109 of 122
5/2/07 at 4:38pm
Five years ago, I worked as a Security guard. One day I pass one of the ladies from accounting. As she waddles like a duck when she walks by, she's chanting at me, "Gestapo! Gestapo!"
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post #110 of 122
5/2/07 at 6:27pm
People need to stop quoting themselves in this thread.
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post #111 of 122
5/2/07 at 10:10pm
"I couldn't give two fucks of a shit." I don't know where I got this from, but I use it quite frequently.
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post #112 of 122
5/3/07 at 2:04pm
Talking with co-workers today about strange animals they've eaten (started off with horse meat). Two of them were going off on each other and cracking me up.

"And ever had deer? Venison's great."
"You eat deer? You'd eat Bambi?"
"Hell yeah I'd eat Bambi. I'd eat Bambi, I'd eat Baloo, shit, I'd eat Aladdin if it were cooked right."
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post #113 of 122
5/3/07 at 6:55pm
What was this thread about again?
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post #114 of 122
5/3/07 at 9:38pm
When I was in my 20's, I got some advice from an older friend. He said:

"Don't let your meat loaf."
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post #115 of 122
5/4/07 at 6:57am
A construction site. Some machine has broken down and no one does anything about it. The boss comes out and shouts:

The fuck is this? Motherfuckers being stiff like dicks at a wedding!
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post #116 of 122
5/26/07 at 10:39pm
"Are those dogs boyfriend and girlfriend?"- My pal Becca at a party where the hostess had 2 dogs.
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post #117 of 122
5/27/07 at 6:04am
"The problem is...we just can't learn to live together, man."

--A philosophical (or possibly just drunk) Barry Williams, a.k.a. Greg Brady. Said to me while watching a news report on the Middle-East a couple years ago in a hotel lobby.
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post #118 of 122
5/30/07 at 2:32am
"Yeah? Well all the boys want to fuck my milkshake." - My friend with Aspergers
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post #119 of 122
5/30/07 at 2:46am
Quote:
Originally Posted by D.T.
at one point, my movie-quoting buddy goes into a Mallrats tirade, and shouts out "You know what? There is no Easter Bunny! That's just a guy in a suit!"

Just then, a family of four turned the corner. Dead fucking silence, followed by a heart-wrenching "...what about Santa Claus?"

He felt so unbearably bad.
Why would he feel bad? He probably saved those parents a shit load of money.
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post #120 of 122
5/30/07 at 3:43am
I sent my pal a link about the fucking shitstorm over the Mary Jane laundry statue and said "We're still at war, right?" and he responded:

Quote:
Good question. Didn't Prez Stoopid recently appoint a "war czar" to run the thing? Um, isn't that the commander-in-chief's job? Haven't checked, but I'm willing to bet such an "appointment" has never been made in 221 years. So is Prez Stoopid too lazy to run the mess he created or is he conscripting a scapegoat for the history books? And where's everybody with the pitchforks and torches? Oh -- they're chasing Adam Hughes. For Mary Jane Watson doing laundry. I feel bad for George Orwell. He's missing out on everything.
It was the last line I really liked.
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post #121 of 122
6/16/07 at 4:59pm
(Stumbling into common room half-awake, rubbing brow)

"Is tomorrow Saint Father's Day?"
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post #122 of 122
6/16/07 at 5:09pm
Remember, I work with horses, so things I overhear at work are generally being said in a barn.

Overheard at 2 am in the middle of an emergency (woman's voice): "I'm wearing your underwear."
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