To Bill Brasky!

Bill Brasky sketches are the funniet sketches ever

"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!"

"Brasky would put on a white tie and tails and walk his pet cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra "Beverly". And he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day, it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Brasky had to shoot the maid."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting?
Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."

"Brasky got his wife pregnant.. and she gave birth to a delicious 16 oz steak.. and the afterbirth was sauteed mushrooms!"

"Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"

"One time I was with Brasky in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Brasky goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Bill Brasky! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Billbrasky' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

"He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!"

"His poop is used as currency in Argentina."

"He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health."

"He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!"

"I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."

"He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Brasky!"

"He sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."

"He date raped David Bowie."

"He once inhaled a seagull."

"The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress."

"He once ate the Bible while water skiing."

"Bill Brasky was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!"

"The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men."

"He gave a handjob to a manta ray."

Bill Braskey once took a troop for Girl Scouts on a weekend hiking trip. When one of them broke their ankle, Braskey had to eat her as a warning to the others to make sure your hiking boots were properly laced.

"He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming down the road"

I'm a registered sex offender!

Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky and I were in a production of "The King and I?" On opening night, Brasky chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.

Bill Brasky taped my leg up in 'Nam by using gum, bamboo, and several pieces of rolling paper. He then left me in the rice paddies to finish off the charlies. He was back within two hours and brought some vietnamese poontang and two bottles of whiskey with him.

Bill Brasky delivered five babies within a one hour period by lining up the moms and making them do jumping jacks. They all spit 'em out like peach seeds.

Bill Brasky taught Ron Jeremy how to get his stroke on. The tape's available on eBay for $1.

TO BILL BRASKY!

Bill Brasky eats molten lead and craps out bullets!

TO BILL BRASKY!

I hear they use Bill Brasky's foreskin to cover the field at Yankee Stadium during Rain Delays!

"Bill Brasky named the Band "Sha Na Na", and they did NOT want to be called that!"
"I am legally retarded...."

His family crest is a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong. . . .

Bill Brasky uses a live rattlesnake for a condom.

TO BILL BRASKY!

Bill Brasky dressed up as a Ghostbuster for Christmas and stabbed my brother in the throat at the dinner table because he has the instincts of a leopard!

Bill Brasky once challenged an 800 lb. grizzly bear to a wrestling match. I'd never seen a bear cry before, and the image haunts me to this very day!

TO BILL BRASKY!

He uses his own thigh as an anvil!

He once ate an entire birthday cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Brasky hosted the Grammy's one year, and gave every award to Cory Hart!

Did I ever tell you guys about the time Brasky dressed up as Santa for our Christmas party? He shows up in the Santa suit and proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes. Then he whips off the beard and says, "There's no Santa cuz I ate him!"

And I masturbate to the Teletubbies.