Now for a more serious game - Page 3

I'd use Harry Knowles and wedge him in the doorframe...the kids would have to chew their way through him, and would be tired and generally lethargic after such a hefty meal, and thus easier to take out.

how many did he get? 5? 10?

Did he have a pike?

Again, ex-chewer, but I would take thedudeabides. With his knowledge of fighting the undead, I'm hoping that this would come in handy.

Okay, sorry to raise a dead thread and all...but seriously what the fuck spurred this on...

Now this thread was a classic.

Holy crap, this is great. Where the fuck was I for this??

My weapon of choice is a trained elephant. I win!

I'm amazed no-one has suggested a lawnmower, a la Braindead (Deadalive). Or at the very least, Dave Davis.

Once the gas runs out, it's useless.

Even when the gas is working, it's unweildly, and it's range of attack is VERY limited.

I'd just whip out my belt autographed by Pootie Tang. They wouldn't stand a chance in hell against it.

Oh, good Christ, this thread is fantastic.

I'm so sad I only just registered on the forums.

Quite frankly, I'd still take the chainsaw. Could care less if it runs out of gas, assuming it's full at the start, and that I'm dead anyway at some point, that's still a few hours worth of quality, efficient killing. Moving fast to take advantage of the time is the bigger issue.

Why not just nuke 'em from orbit?
It's the only way to be sure.

Have you ever held a chainsaw? They're pretty heavy. You'd tire of swinging it around, especially with it getting caught on flesh and bone. I'm thinking 15 minutes of that, tops, and you'd be beat.

Depends on the size of the chainsaw. If we're talking one of the big lumberjack deals, yeah, that's just unwieldy, but a midsize chainsaw, with a 2 foot bar would still have a bit of weight to it (12, 14 pounds), but not an insane amount these days. It'd be like swinging a gallon of milk around, only the milk in this case would be saw lube and the blood of the innocent.

Also, I'm thinking, even with the whole pain/remorse/fear factor, a quick slice across the belly, or even a leg would still be enough to take a kid out of commission, no need to go Evil Dead with it. Factor in the whole "softer bones" thing brought up earlier, so getting it caught wouldn't be as big an issue, and you still have a decent weapon in the saw.

Well, it's an endurance situation, seeing how many of them you can take down. You'd want a knife that's fairly long, made of as light a material as possible while still maintaining a sharp edge and decent integrity. It shouldn't put too much more pressure on your arms than swinging normally. Aim for soft spots: neck, inside bent of the elbow, back of the legs, or upper thigh.

What a nice walk down memory lane.

I especially like Clarke's gratuitous come-on to Werewolf Girl.

It still stands.

Seeing as my lawnmower idea was not so hot I'm going to go with my all-time favourite. The cricket bat. I'm used to using one & if it's good enough for Shaun it's good enough for me!

Armed... I'd want some sort of homemade super soaker type weapon, made out of a light, but strong metal. Full of acid. The strongest acid that wouldn't eat through the weapon itself. A backpack for extra acid would be nice as well.

First I would spray the floor in a circle around me. If the children are wearing sneakers, the acid would burn through their shoes lickety-split and they would fall, burning their little hands and knees. Assuming I put enough of an acid perimeter around myself, this would give me time to pump up the weapon or reload while kicking the screaming injured wee ones back into the puddle.

As the hordes kept coming I'd have to keep spraying the floor and kicking or clubbing them back. I figure I could kill or horribly disfigure/immobilize around 50 to 60 kids this way, but at that point they could potentially climb over the bodies of their fallen comrades without getting a drop of acid on them. My "circle of safety" would surely be smaller as well, so I'd have to start spraying them in the face as soon as they're in my line of sight. I'd inevitably run out of acid, at which point I would club as many of them in the face as possible.

As a last resort I would climb out of the pit of bodies and run like hell, hopefully managing to survive another five minutes with only my empty acid gun, using it as a club.

Before I succumb to the onslaught, I figure I could take out well over a hundred of them. Maybe a few more if I back into a corner.


Unarmed, however... Shit. Not many, maybe 10-15 tops. 5 year olds are tough, especially trained and in great numbers.


Oh, and Spike, thanks for raising this particular dead thread. Some great laughs to be had here. Much like Crow, I have no idea how I missed this in it's first run. I must have been sleeping.

Is somebody checking the kids for weapons?

For the record, I don't think there's any shortage of kids I couldn't dismantle. Two days of training doesn't seem like a whole lot with undisciplined youth.

I've been thinking about this thread for a few days now. I'm sorry if bringing this back pisses anyone off. How about a war hammer?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_hammer

Weaponless, I'd be able to take about 25-30 out before being suffocated and dismembered by their tiny little fists.
With a weapon of choice, like a mace or a cricket bat, Id say id fall after 45-50 kills...60 if there's some inspirational music playing as I battle, like, say, Iron Maiden's "The trooper".
Cant help but wonder about the same scenario and little people...or "Its a small world" playing in the background.

So wait, are they loaded with sugar? Or PCP? OR sugar AND PCP?

Can I tag team out? If so I'm getting Rambo or Christopher Walken on this shit. Walken will out dance their asses.

I'm surprised that absolutely nobody in here has tried to use the environment to their advantage. Most school gyms I've been in have had huge detached wooden bleachers in them (for assemblies, sports events, and the like). They've also had fire extinguishers, which were invariably housed in glass cases with a small hammer hanging on the side for breaking the glass.

What I'd do is break the glass, pocket a shard and the hammer, and take the fire extinguisher with me to the the very back of the room. Then I'd let the kids swarm in with a fairly large number until they came into about about a yard away from me.

When that happened, I'd rush behind one of the bleachers and push it over Samson style, which would surely immoblize scores of them and probably mortally wound or kill a few dozen. Then I'd climb the toppled bleachers and play a fatal game of King of the Hill. See, for a person a few feet tall, any drop over five feet is likely fatal. We'd be at least nine feet in the air. Making those falls surely fatal.

After geting arm weary from tossing fifty-eighty-pound sacks of flesh to their death from the bleachers, I'd switch to the fire extinguisher and use the nozzle end to both retard their advance by choking and blinding them--which would also disburse the contents of the object and make it lighter--and then smack then just flail away.

After getting a little arm weary with the fire extinguisher, I'd switch to the hammer and go for temple smacks. When the kids finally got around to swarming me in close range, I'd produce the shard of glass, and go for a few of the main arteries of the first few kids within stabbing range. When all hope was lost, I'd cut my own wrists and the arteries in my legs to make sure I'd be dead by the time they started to eat me. (EDIT: I think I could easily get to at least 250 with this approach.)

Way too much work, you'd be bushed by the time you tossed the third kid off, even an empty fire extinguisher would be way too heavy if you're using it after using your arms for such a long time, and guaranteed, the little bastards would be on their second helping of man flesh long before you bled to death from your emo wounds.

Actually, you'd bleed out from the femural artery in a matter of seconds. Also, I think it would take kids a while to scramble up the undergirdings of the bleachers.

Don't most school gyms have collapsable bleachers? Mine did anyway.

You could totally lure them all under the bleachers and pull a Dead Rising move by stepping on all of them to get out and then collapse the bleachers. You could kill off alot of them this way. I also think if you hit one of them hard enough with your bare hands you can cause brain damage, so that's good. Also tossing them into crowds of their buddies can hold them off for awhile.

An eye-opening thread, I say, I say.

I love this thread. Great bump.

"I know what evil lurks in the hearts of men"

Whither Geoff gone these days? I ain't seen him in a while. This thread is awesome.

Mine had the kind that extended out from the wall, so I'd just run underneath, lure a bunch of them in, and retract the bleachers back, grinding a bunch of them to pulp in the process.

And if the floor opens to reveal a pool, well, hope you went to the Y, kids!

Shaver, thank you for bumping this thread. I chuckled, quite loudly, I might add.

A curious question: do they make any enjoyable, 8 bit Mario sounds when you dispatch one of the little shits, or is it just the bloodcurdling wail of a dying child?

Does the 'flail' have to be dead?

There'd be a lot less resistance from the flail if it were.

Perhaps, but a resisting and stiff-limbed weapon does more damage than a limp one.

At least +4/+4 on the damage chart.....

Yeah, but if the kid was alive, and you stopped swinging for a moment, that fucker would bite your leg or punch you in the crotch lickety split. If you were utilizing dead ones, and if you were strong enough, you might be able spin around swinging 2 of them.
A whirling dervish of pain!
But then you'd get dizzy at some point, and get swarmed.

If you jump on their heads you hear an 8-bit Mario sound and a gold coin pops out of their ass.