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| The word "wank" is onomatopoetic, based on the sound of Vin Diesel masturbating. The universe was created when Vin Diesel punched god in the face. This event was later named the big bang theory. Vin Diesel killed a hooker one winter, disemboweled her, and lived inside her evicerated body for 3 months until spring. |
| Vin once went sledding in New Hampshire and broke the sound barrier by turning his head around and blowing forcefully. As a result of the shock waves, several children died. Vin ascended to heaven and repeatedly punched God in the eye until he brought them all back to life. Every single one of those children are now scientists. |
| Vin Diesel once attended a Who concert and was so upset they didn't play Boris the Spider that he killed everyone in the building. |
| Vin Diesel is, in fact, the real son of God. He didn't need the extra attention, so he found a drugged out hippie named Jesus to take his place. Thousands of years later, Vin found out about Jesus' crusifixion. He simply laughed. |
| Vin Diesel will be ordained Pope when the current one dies, anonymous Vatican officials have said. He will be called "Pope George Ringo I. |
| The Legend of Zelda is based on the adventures of Vin Diesel battling Adolf Hitler and the Nazis in World War II. |
| Vin Diesel once slapped Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in the face. They both cried afterwards. |
| Vin Diesel blew up the Hindenburg because he hates fat people. |
| In a straight fight between Muhammed Ali and Bruce Lee - Vin Diesel would win. |
| Vin Diesel, along with an obscure Muppet, birthed Derek Jeter. Derek, coincidentally, takes after his mother. |
| Even though his lower half is cybernetic, his left knee cap is actually bone. But it isn't his bone. It is the kneecap of one Eister Rauchstein, holocaust victim at Auschwitz. The immortal spirit of Eister is trapped in the kneecap and Vin taps its energy to regenerate his wounds, or survive without food and water for days. |
| Vin Diesel killed Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby is not yet aware of this, as Vin Diesel has not chosen to make this death known. |
| Vin Diesel touches himself at night. |
| He once extracted a 100 watt light bulb from a woman's vagina by inserting an Ikea floor lamp and screwing it onto the bulb's threads. |
| All versions of Popeye are based off his adventures as a Merchant Marine. Interestingly enough, The Jeep is the only character that is based off of Vin Diesel. |
| Vin Diesel was inspired to act by John Travolta's performance in "Battlefield Earth". |
| Vin Diesel lines his trombone case with the souls of the damned. |
| Vin Diesel is able to project his astral self beyond walls and doors in order to spy on his enemies. |
| Vin Diesel can ovulate and psychically will himself to do your taxes with a swimming pool. |
| It is believed by most that Vin Diesel does not feel the need to eat, but does so out of habit. His favourite dishes include the despair of the innocent, the last breath of the dying, and spaghetti bolognaise. |
| Vin Diesel once sneezed so hard a nearby building exploded. Upon seeing the explosion, Vin Diesel flew around the world counterclockwise fast enough to reverse time. After he had reversed time for 10 minutes, He went back to the building and went inside. He then punched Stalin in the face. Thus, Communism fell. |
| Vin Diesel's taste buds are located on his knuckles. Funnily enough, that same spot is his biggest erogenous zone. It is probable that Vin Diesel engineered such deformities himself so as to simultaneously have an orgasm and taste corn when he punches taxidermists. |
| Vin Diesel can reproduce asexually, by mitosis. |
| If the words "Autobots Transform!" are ever spoken in Vin Diesel's presence, his body will fold in and out of itself, forming a 1998 Dodge Neon. If he hears the words "Deceptacons Attack!", he emits an atomic blast out of his urethra. |
| Vin Diesel only eats Lasagna - Lasagna made of Kenyan children. |
| It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage. |
| The idea of daylight savings time was first conceived by Vin Diesel during his sojourn as an American delegate in Paris in 1784, as an effective counter-measure to a Summer time plague of sun-vulnerable vampires. His campaign; successful. |
| The movie The Chronicles of Riddick is actually a heavily altered version of a piece of Megaman X3 fanfiction Vin Diesel wrote called "Mavericks On Tour," in which the eight bosses from the game formed a rock band and played around the world. The character of Riddick is based on Crush Crawfish |
| For the filming of Pitch Black and Chronicles of Riddick, Vin Diesel created a parellel universe populated with the characters from the script in order to save on the cost of hiring actors |
| Vin Diesel was once a member of the highest level of monks before monks even existed. During his spiritual rituals, a curse was put on him by a six headed demon, each head being a cast member of the television show Friends. This curse made Vin Diesel an immortal, forcing him to do battle for thousands of years. He can only be killed by having his head removed in the heat of battle. |
| Vin Diesel made the Kessel run in less than ten parsecs, two whole parsecs quicker than the Millennium Falcon |
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Originally Posted by bigbrother
"There is an underused feature on the batman utility belt. A button that calls Vin Diesel"
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| Vin Diesal told Admiral Ackbar about "The Trap". |
| It's a well-known fact that Vin Diesel plays Dungeons & Dragons, but a lesser-known fact is that he plays D&D with Owen Wilson, Kevin Spacey, and Carrie-Anne Moss. Jeff Goldblum is the Dungeon Master. |
| Unbeknownst to the world, terrorists stole a nuclear warhead and detonated it. Vin Diesel, however, flew around the Earth, spinning it backwards and effectively reversing time, and was thus able to save Charlton Heston from a rock slide |
| Vin Diesel put the crack in the Liberty Bell when fighting Evil Robot George Washington |
| Vin Diesel mysteriously disappeared four years ago, only to show up at the US Embassy in Guatamala, bearing the head of Medusa. When asked how he killed her, he vaguely replied, "A quarter mile at a time...a quarter mile at a time..." |
| Vin Diesel is actually Santa Clause's good friend Jesus. |
| Vin Diesel once dropkicked a cow because it gave him a funny look. Upon impact the cow combusted into confetti, in which Diesel pranced with his close friend Richard Simmons. |
| All of the socks you lose in the washing machine rest soundly on Vin Diesel's mantle. |
| The original title of "Saving Private Ryan"? was actually "Saving Private Caparzo"? but it was deemed unrealistic because Vin Diesel would never have to be saved by anybody. |
| Vin Diesel speaks in THX certified sound. |
| Vin Diesel is currently working an internship with the Frank Gehry architecture partnership, he intends to play a key role in the design of the new King Alfred Swimming Pool complex in Brighton, England. On the opening night of the project he will secret himself at the bottom of the pool and drink the entire contents, along with any unwitting swimmers enjoying the new facilities. He says novice swimmers taste the best. |
| He built a full-size replica of The Parthenon out of sugar cubes. It melted in the rain 2 days later. 13 virgins were sacrificed to calm his anger. |
| Vin Diesel doesn't read in the conventional sense. Rather, the words form into gladiators within his psyche, drawing upon the powers of their respective meanings, and battle until only the strongest survive in an arena of fire. |
| Both Lee Harvey Oswald and Vin Diesel killed JFK. Oswald fired Vin Diesel out of his rifle. Vin penetrated JFK's head then exploded. |
| Ray Charles once looked at Vin Diesel...and never saw another thing again. |
| Vin Diesel's skin is two hundred million times more heat resistant than a space shuttle's heat plates. He demonstrated this by jumping into a volcano. He emerged through an eruption six months later with the corpse of six dead Balrogs slain by hand. |
| Vin diesel can view any film in 3D without the aid of those coloured glasses. |
| Vin Diesel was so insulted by the mediocre sequel to The Mask that he is systematically killing the entire cast and crew according to their weight, this is according to Diesels own words "to take care of the children first so the adults know i'm not fucking around" |
| Vin Diesel actually has an extra penis behind his right ear lobe. |
| Vin Diesel once had to choose between saving a baby or the baby's mother from a burning house. Since it wouldn't have been fair to choose, he instead cooked a BLT and peppered the sandwich with their ashes. |
| For Halloween, Vin Diesel cuts down a tree, scoops out the inside, fills it with candy, and then stabs anyone who rings his doorbell. He then eats the candy-filled tree. |
| Vin Diesel is responsible for aurora borealis and secretly works at Sonic restaurants nationwide. |
| William Shatner was originally supposed to shout "VIN DIESELLLL!," but Vin Diesel showed him how to shorten it into one syllable; hence, "KHAAAAAN!" |
| Fidel Castro has actually been dead for years. Vin Diesel has been impersonating him to ensure the survival of Communism. |
| Vin Diesel has racked up over nine billion Flawless Victories in Mortal Kombat. Not as a character, he went into the game itself. |
| Vin Diesel spelt backwards is "Awesome" |
| "He often walks into children's hospitals dressed as a doctor and tells kids they're going to die. Then he yells "Just kiddin'!" and jumps out the window." |
| The cartoon "Captain N: The Game Master" is based on real events involving Vin Diesel. He jumped into his NES and killed that laughing dog in Duck Hunt by ripping off its testicles. |
| Vin Diesel's nipples are so sensitive, they recieve transmissions from aliens near Alpha Centari. |
| On the night of a full moon, Vin Diesel can often be spotted running buck naked through Central Park to "show those werewolves a thing or two about pain." |
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Originally Posted by Darth_Chocula
It's a well-known fact that Vin Diesel plays Dungeons & Dragons, but a lesser-known fact is that he plays D&D with Owen Wilson, Kevin Spacey, and Carrie-Anne Moss. Jeff Goldblum is the Dungeon Master.
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| Vin Diesel's favorite movie is Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. But if he finds out you know that, he will corrode your soul. |
| Vin Diesel created rainbows to distract people before he punches them in the teeth. According to him, it worked on Mother Theresa. |
| Vin Diesel once dug a hole to China, where he ate Chairman Mao. |
| Vin Diesel can not be killed by man of woman born. |
| Will Smith once said, "I got to get me one of these." Vin Diesel does in fact have one of those. |
| In 1913 Vin Diesel beat Charlie Chaplin in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest. When confronted by a confused Charlie Chaplin, Vin Diesel just smiled and said "better luck next time." For the next 5 years he rocked a Charlie Chaplin mustache completely out of respect for him. |
| The part of Vin Diesel is played by Burt Reynolds. |
| Vin Diesel solved the Da Vinci Code before it was even a book. |
| Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel did not write the Bible, although he did copy-edit it. |
| Vin Diesel has accurately predicted the outcome of every election since 1892, but he doesn't vote because only Vin Diesel should be president. |
| In 1913 Vin Diesel beat Charlie Chaplin in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest. When confronted by a confused Charlie Chaplin, Vin Diesel just smiled and said "better luck next time." For the next 5 years he rocked a Charlie Chaplin mustache completely out of respect for him. |
| Single-handedly took down an entire group of ninjas by shouting his name |
| Vin Diesel was the culprit who ate Gilbert Grape. He would later describe the experience as similar in texture to panda meat , but not without its charms. |
| Vin Diesel claims to have been Teddy Roosevelt in a past life. Not the former President Teddy Roosevelt, the Kansas City dry goods merchant Teddy Roosevelt. He claims the name is just a coincidence. |
| Vin Diesel lives inside the briefcase of Marsellus Wallace, and emits a golden glow when he sleeps |
| Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown's hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he'd come back to eat him. |
| When Vin Diesel was four years old, a homeless man approached him and asked him for some spare change. Vin was so outraged at the homeless man's audacity, that he went back in time and beat the homeless man's ancestors to death in reverse sequence until he got back to Adam and Eve, where he took on the form of a serpent and tempted Eve to eat the forbidden fruit. |
| The Iron Giant was a documentary, filmed in real time. Diesel piloted and voiced the Iron Giant from a small compartment in its crotch. |
| Vin Diesel yawned one morning and deafened all of Asia. |
| During a recent interview, Vin Diesel stated that he began the legacy of the Ninja many centuries ago |
| Vin Diesel gave dolphins the gift of intelligence |
| Spelling Vin Diesel backwards out loud will reverse the rotation of the Earth. |
| Vin Diesel is the son of Nostradamus and Jessica Simpson. It is unclear whether he inherited his good looks from his mother and his intelligence from of his father, or vice versa. |
| Vin Diesel's sons are John Wayne Gacy, Jeffrey Dahmer, Ed Gein, and Cher. This is why it is against the law in 49 states for Vin to reproduce. The only state that allows it is Alabama. This is because Vin saved Alabama from certain destruction, however, the details have not been released to the public and there is only speculation at this point. |
| Vin Diesel has submitted most of the facts you've read. |
| Vin Diesel caused the Great Chicago Fire when trying to burn human beings with a magnifying glass. |
| Vin Diesel's love for cottage cheese cannot be contained |
| The London Underground map was based on capillaries in Vin Diesel's right eyeball after a particularly heavy night |
| The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay was a documentary about Vin Diesel's teenage years. Vin Diesel claims he killed twice as many prison guards during his actual daring escape, but this had to be cut from the game at the last minute due to time constraints |
| Scientists have toiled for years in an attempt to synthesise Vin Diesel. Though they have always failed to accomplish their goal, this process has led towards the accidental discovery of wireless phones, post-it notes, candy floss, packing peanuts, DVD technology and MTV2. |
| Vin Diesel asked himself one question. And yes, he did feel lucky. He then proceeded to disembowel Clint Eastwood. And his mother. |
| Vin Diesel once said Beetlejuice three times, ever since Michael Keaton has had no career. |
| Jerry Siegel and Joe Schuster once saw Vin Diesel punch a building in the face, and then powerbomb it onto the sidewalk. This inspired them to create Superman |
| Vin Diesel almost refused to do the film "Triple X" when his idea to name it "Infinity X" was turned down by the producers. |
| Green kryptonite makes Vin Diesel sick, red kryptonite makes him turn evil, and blue kryptonite makes him insatiably hungry for PEZ! |
| Resident Evil 4 is loosely based on the one time Vin Diesel forgot to eat his breakfast. |
| Vin Diesel is the only human being capable of skiing through a revolving door |
| Vin Diesel is the physical manifestation of the combined hopes and dreams of an entire race of small, burrowing mammals as yet undiscovered by science. |
