A Trail of Footprints Discussion

Waddell is such a pussy. I thought it was a reference to CHUD's very own Justin, but then I remembered that there's an actual Yeti book by someone called Waddell, or something similar.

Cool story - reminds me of the old Hammer movie, The Abominable Snowman. I thought the first-person narration was a bit strained at times though, it had that Stan Lee vibe of "Must...narrate...everything...that happens" when I think the story could have benefited from the ambiguity that a third-person perspective offers.

I'm a big fan of the Yeti origin you used though. Is that genuine Tibetan myth?

it got through quite a lot in a very short space of time without ever feeling rushed. that's good. I thought it could have gone through another re-write though. i'm going to pick on the 'vision' scene:

it isn't utilised very well. nothing is added by him having the vision that the sherpa's narration doesn't give. it's a cool idea alright, but there's no real description of the vision other than 'i could see her'. That bit sounds like the writing for a comic - with the words in bubbles around really cool images - which is not good for straight prose. there's also no obvious pay-off for him having the vision. It ends, then the yeti attacks. why not just have the sherpa tell him while they are trekking? the plot and character beats would remain exactly the same.

Now, if there had been more emphasis on Charles being caught up in the vision, so caught up that the sherpa's voice disappears for him, and he had some 'contact' with that village warrior dude - looking right into his eyes, not being able to move his gaze away from the fiery hate within (!) - then it would pay off when he finally saw the sadness in the yeti's eyes.
that would only take a sentence or to, but it is lacking (or extremely buried) in the current version.

Sorry if this is coming over too harsh. It was a whole bunch of fun to read over my morning coffee, so thank you for that. In the mood i'm in at the moment thouhg, i'm afraid i'd only be happy if the Yeti strapped machine guns to his back and killed a bunch of nazis. that would be cool. I should go watch XXX2 or something.

I did actually consciously go for a big comic book style - hence all the narration. Something that maybe would fit in something like the old EC stuff or the old Fleetway horror comics. As for Waddell, it was indeed a tribute to Justin - although it might have also been subconsious when I was researching it if someone did write a book under that name.

The myth is pretty much a congolomerate of myths I've read about, other tales (and a slight homage to an 80s issue of WEB OF SPIDER-MAN featuring Edwardo Lobo) as well as my own concotion. However, metoh-kangmi is a name I came across when researching as an actual name for the Yeti.

As for the vision, yeah it's a bit of a contrivance and not that relevant, I just thought it was a cool little image I could throw in there. I didn't want to overcook it either, and I didn't want to show any more travelling than I had to, namely because I don't like spending a lot of time on it and I just wanted to get to the places I was going as fast as I could. I also wanted to tell the base story of the myth with dialogue, and not get bogged down in describing it, as, well, I prefer doing that, so you get a sense of what happened and a sense that he's possibly seeing it, without in your face going on about it.

Thanks for the comments, guys.

This "the gigantic mass of white head" combined with this "feeling his hot breath on my face, expecting to be taken by the wrath any second" makes me think you still want to "work under" Dan. ;-)

All in all not bad. It is very comic booky, but leaves me wanting a lot more both from the vision and from the ending.

What issues did you have with the ending exactly?

I just got around to reading this and I enjoyed it quite a bit. Very nice story Charlie. I think the first person narrative style fits this type of "adventure/horror yarn" and I could visual the environment really well.

My only criticism is with the length of the story and the pacing after the vision. I think the story could be another third longer and not feel bloated. The ending is very abrupt.

Some suggestions:

Perhaps the sherpas could have stated to Charles that there is a belief that speaking of the Yeti while in the mountains is believed to be a way to awaken him or some such thing. Then, after everyone else is asleep, the hero could convince one of them to share the story (and the pipe) leading to the finale. It is a bit of a silly plot device, but it would tie the vision and back story to the ending.

One last thing: How could Charles' tale tie better to the Yeti's legend? I personally love character parallels in stories like this. The final word of the story is "Alone" and Charles not only picks up on the creatures sadness, but is left alive. Why?

Thank you for the comments, they're much appreciated.

My view on the ending was that it was down to Charles' courage as to not be afraid and to actually stare the creature in the eye, showing bravery but also humanity, thus creating a reflection of what the metoh-kangmi once was before he became the creature, and conjuring up a part of the spirit and soul of the man who was trapped inside, as well as his sadness and regret. I guess it's not something I wanted to bash people over the head with, so I really hinted at it to let people interpret it however they wanted. But that was what I was going for.

Come to think of it, that's also probably due to one of my weaknesses - I hate writing description, and I'm a dialogue whore, so where I can get away with as little description as possible, I will.

Fett, good story. It reminded me of this short story that I read in one of the McSweeny treasury collections, called "Tedford and the Megaladon." It had the same sort of comic book type narration to it. Which is pretty cool. My only criticism is the lack of description throughout the story. I think the vision sequence could have been improved with a little bit more description. But, your dialogue whoreness....whoreness?....definitely shows through. It's real good, and some of it reminded me of some of Alan Moore's dialogue from the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen comic. Oh, and while I'm at it, your chewer article on censorship was great.

There was a lot of build up to the Yeti encounter that left me wanting more instead of the Yeti just vanashing. It could have been your point, but that was what left me cold to the story. Rest of it was great.

Thanks for sharing.