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Tired Shit

post #1 of 12472
Thread Starter 
...I hear at the office:

1) Mocking the way chinese restaurant workers talk.
2) Conversation about the weather as if it were the most important thing in the news.
3) "Yeah, something's going around" (always said whenever anyone calls out sick)

To be continued...
post #2 of 12472
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobClark
...I hear at the office:

1) Mocking the way chinese restaurant workers talk.
They can't pronounce words with the letter L correctly...good stuff!!
post #3 of 12472
Thread Starter 
And what am I eating? I bet it's cat! Guffaw!
post #4 of 12472
Hey you hear about that MSG?
post #5 of 12472
4) "We've never done it that way before." Translation: "My career is going nowhere."
5) "You'd better take it up with ..." Translation: "I don't have the balls to make a decision. See example 4."
post #6 of 12472
Dude, if you posted this monday, you would have totally gotten a case of the mondays.

But, I'm gonna get my ass kicked for saying something like that...
post #7 of 12472
Quote:
Originally Posted by FrankCobretti
4) "We've never done it that way before." Translation: "Be gentle. I usually only use it as an exit."
Nice.
post #8 of 12472
People who quote OFFICE SPACE while at the office destroy my brainmeats.
post #9 of 12472
Downer...
post #10 of 12472
6) "Well,I don't really know how to do that..." = "...and I don't wanna learn 'cause I'm a lazy bastard"
7) "Hey, I know you're busy and all but..." = "I have no respect for your work load and I want you to drop everything you're doing and do this for me right now"

These may not be totally fitting in with the tone of the thread but I had to vent. LOL

oh well then there's this...

8) "I'm Rick James, bitch!" (not just for college douchebags - grown "professional" adults still throw this one around)

and I swear I still hear "Whew...TGIF!" EVERY FUCKING FRIDAY
post #11 of 12472
At my job it's: You go girl!

Or variations on that theme:

You go Bob!
You go Dan!
post #12 of 12472
we get
"look at me, look at me"
around the office which is the Australian equivelant of the Rick James Bitch line...something that has yet to infect us with its viral ways.
post #13 of 12472
I have mastered the art of sounding interested on the phone whilst not being in the least bit interested at all.

It was a long and arduous apprenticeship, but I got there in the end.
post #14 of 12472
9) "Let's talk about that later" = "I will do my level best to avoid talking about that ever again, and if it happens to come up in conversation again I'll suggest we talk about it later"
post #15 of 12472
I'd like to propose that the rampant overuse of the word 'giddy' be stopped now. Yes, cute. Stop it.
post #16 of 12472
"That's outside the scope the project" is equivalent to "Yeah, it needs to be done, but I'm not going to do it".

And my least favorite phrase that is used CONSTANTLY in my office "Try to think outside the box".
post #17 of 12472
I'm really sick of hearing things like, "Brad, you're making the rest of us uncomfortable." or "Brad, please put your pants back on." or "Brad, you're fired."

Really tired of that.
post #18 of 12472
"Its not part of my job" is one i really hate.
post #19 of 12472
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittyinjammies
"Try to think outside the box".
An adjuration whose response almost always elicits 4 & 5.
post #20 of 12472
"You reek."

"Stop staring!"

"Jesus, he's crying again."


My co-workers are mean.
post #21 of 12472
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobClark
2) Conversation about the weather as if it were the most important thing in the news.
Do you live in an area with a large farming community?
post #22 of 12472
Hey! This thread is great! Now I don't have to buy the paper every morning to get my "Dilbert" fix!
post #23 of 12472
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ken Savage
"Its not part of my job" is one i really hate.

I think "That's not my job" or "That's not part of my job" are universal whether your a jizz-mopper or a CEO.

Every meeting at work always end with the same line "Any questions"? Nobody raises their hand, but everbody spends the rest of the day bitching about what they should have said:

"I was gonna ask..."
"I should a asked..."
"I don't understand..."
"Why are we...."
post #24 of 12472
Agreed but it still bugs the shit out of me
post #25 of 12472
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Werbal_Kint
Hey! This thread is great! Now I don't have to buy the paper every morning to get my "Dilbert" fix!
4) Hanging Dilbert cartoons in your area with fellow employees' names written in the word balloons.
post #26 of 12472
One of my co-workers likes to laugh really loud when he's reading Fark in the morning. He does this so people will come over and ask what he's laughing at, so he can then go down the very hilarious list of wacky news items that site has to offer. His bait works every time on the same handful of people. I make sure that I go out of my way to dot he opposite. When he lets out that fake, louder-than-normal laugh, I walk off to get a refill of coffee, timing it so he will know I'm doing it on cue. Of course he doesn't get the hint.
post #27 of 12472
Thread Starter 
A co-worker on Gwen Stefani-
"I used to like her before. Now she's got all those chinese girls following her. I'm not racist, but that's just weird."
post #28 of 12472
Quick! To the "I'm not racist, but..." thread so we can go full circle!
post #29 of 12472
Thread Starter 
I don't even know what she's talking about. I just know once someone qualifies a statement like that, it's probably offensive.
post #30 of 12472
I find it surprising that she didn't stop liking her because she sucks now.
post #31 of 12472
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittyinjammies
And my least favorite phrase that is used CONSTANTLY in my office "Try to think outside the box".
That's kinda funny considering it's probably coming from a exec who has a 1000 sq ft office to someone who works in a 5 sq ft cubicle. Outside of the box? I work in a box, maybe if I shared your office.
post #32 of 12472
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobClark
I don't even know what she's talking about. I just know once someone qualifies a statement like that, it's probably offensive.
Maybe, maybe not, in this case the offensiveness is debatable, What your co-worker is referring to is the fact that since Stefani has gone solo, she's picked up a harem of 3 non-speaking asian women to follow her everywhere she goes (awards shows, appearances). They just kind of pose behind her, and they dance in the videos. And your co-worker is right, it is kind of wierd.
post #33 of 12472
Thread Starter 
Office wedding/baby showers. What a fucking disgrace.
post #34 of 12472
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobClark
Office wedding/baby showers. What a fucking disgrace.
Probably the best single indicator of "I HAVE NO FRIENDS OUTSIDE OF MY JOB."
post #35 of 12472
Thread Starter 
Half the women there (and it's always women) go to every single one just for the party.
post #36 of 12472
i smell cake!
post #37 of 12472
Not sure how universal this is, but every once in a while our GM will bring breakfast into our Department Head Meetings. Donuts, croissants etc. And DURING THE MEETING the Receptionist will just walk in the conference room, grab whatever she wants, doesn't ask, doesn't acknowledge anybody, and just walks out. Now don't get me wrong, I think if some of us have food then we all should have food, but you don't just walk into a meeting and take whatever you want without saying a word. That never fails to piss me off (yeah she's done it more than once)
post #38 of 12472
Non-tech person in our office: "My computer is slow."
Me: "Define slow..."
"I'm checking out a website and the page takes forever to load."
"That's your problem, it's not your computer, it's the website your visiting."

IDIOTS!

I got more.
post #39 of 12472
"Michael, I'm sorry! I didn't mean what I said about your productivity! You're a good worker! I forgive you, Michael! Just put the gun down! How about a pay rise? An extra weeks leave? Here take my office! Take my JOB!! Just pleeeeease don't shoot me!! I'm begging you Michael!! For the good of the company!! OH GOD MICHAEL!! NO WAIT, PLEASE!! NO MICHAEL!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

post #40 of 12472
Thread Starter 
Tech support employees spend all day being pissed about doing their jobs. If I weren't such a computer illiterate you wouldn't have a job in the first place, you bitter social retard.
post #41 of 12472
Thread Starter 
And another thing-
Everybody in my office's technology department is smarter than their boss. And they've all got a better way of doing things than anybody else. We would be working in a technilogical utopia if only we used "Brand X" products instead of the ones we have.
post #42 of 12472
Grofield.
post #43 of 12472
I don't know what you guys call them but anyone whom in a conversation always ups the ante, or "1 uppers" as i call them.

Example: "I had to work 10 hours last night." I say, not trying to sound cool or anything, just making a simple statement.

Then some jerkoff, usually someone you weren't even talking to, says "Try working 20 hours a day, like i do, and then come complain to me about hard work okay!"

Not everything is a fucking competition, you fucking morons, shut the fuck up and try to contribute something decent to the human race!
post #44 of 12472
Thread Starter 
The Jesus mobile in the parking lot.
It's got three snide bumper stickers on it bragging about how the driver is going to heaven and a huge sun blocker in the windshield proclaiming, "Want to live longer? Ask Jesus!" This fucker is parked right in front of a building entrance as well. Naturally, the driver is a quick tempered little troll.
Tied for second- The Jimmy Buffet bumper sticker and all the magnetic ribbons.
post #45 of 12472
Thread Starter 
Just received this Email from a coworker-
"PETITION FOR PRES. BUSH
PETITION TO LOWER GAS and Diesel PRICES IN THE UNITED STATES:

Please do NOT let this petition stop and lose all these names. If you do not want to sign it, please
forward it to everyone you know.

To add your name, click on "forward". You will be able to add your name at
the bottom of the list and then forward it to your friends. Or, if necessary
you can copy and paste and then add your name to the bottom of the list.

THE 2,000TH PERSON PLEASE SEND IT ON TO THE FOLLOWING E-MAIL ADDRESS:
_President@WhiteHouse.gov_ (mailto:President@WhiteHouse.gov) Thank you very much."


This is idiotic on so many levels I can't even begin....
post #46 of 12472
Thread Starter 
Workers on maternity leave who visit the office to show co-workers their babies.
post #47 of 12472
Quote:
Originally Posted by Milkyway
I don't know what you guys call them but anyone whom in a conversation always ups the ante, or "1 uppers" as i call them.

Example: "I had to work 10 hours last night." I say, not trying to sound cool or anything, just making a simple statement.

Then some jerkoff, usually someone you weren't even talking to, says "Try working 20 hours a day, like i do, and then come complain to me about hard work okay!"

Not everything is a fucking competition, you fucking morons, shut the fuck up and try to contribute something decent to the human race!
Man, I told this guy I had to work ten hours one day, and he shot my entire family in front of me, so shut up, you fucking pussy.
post #48 of 12472
Janitors or restaurant employees filling up the paper towel or napkin holders with so much material you cannot actually get any napkins or paper towels out of their respective containers. I'm standing there with wet hands ripping off tiny pieces of paper towel at a time cause it's all shoved in there too tight to pull one out.
post #49 of 12472
Hi, I'm New! threads.
post #50 of 12472
Thread Starter 
Tacky christmas decorations. I'm all for personalizing your working area, but we have entire departments that hang the tackiest shit from the walls and ceilings. Show a little professionalism, you stupid fucking hens.
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