Tired Shit - Page 3

Yes, that's what they wanted.

She sounds dumb.

There's a lady sitting near me who whisper-yells "Oh, my gosh!" whenever something happens that she doesn't like regarding whatever she's working on. If she's really worked up, she'll say it several times in a row.

It is maddening.

I am so sorry that your HR department has idiots in it.

Is HR allowed to hire anyone else?

How do you go about firing an entire HR department? Because it sounds like that's what was needed.

One thing I really just hate is office gossip - which, in an office is like saying, "One thing I really just hate is breathing." It happens, and if I don't like it, the thing to do is not to work in an office, I realize. Especially since I'm an admin assistant, which puts me in with a really bad group - unfortunately for my profession, 90% of admin assistants are fucking hags who love to sit around and dish about everyone else, and I really feel like chasing them away with a garden hose. Or a blowtorch.

Anyway, a few years ago, I worked in a much smaller office, and one of the analysts we worked with became pregnant. She and her husband were very excited, but they didn't want to tell anyone at our job till she was in her second trimester - simply because alot of women don't mention they're pregnant in the first trimester in case they miscarry.

I'm not even sure how the word first leaked out - I think our mouthy office manager found out and spread it around like wildfire. I found out and kept my mouth shut - my thought-process being, "Well, if she hasn't made an announcement, she probably doesn't want people knowing yet, and it's not my business to talk about it."

So the other admin assistant I worked with was just a total gossip fountain. Seriously - she used to mail out her boss' credit card bills, and she'd come running to me to tell me how much his balance was, which I asked her to stop doing. So she comes running to me, "Guess what! Rebecca's pregnant!" By this time, half the office knew already, and I said, "Yeah, I figured it out." She goes, "You did? Why didn't you tell me?!" Can you even imagine? "Why didn't you tell me?" - unreal. I said, "Because it's not up to me to tell you - it's up to HER to make the announcement, not for everyone else to talk about it behind her back."

Gossipers are the worst, especially if they get one fact wrong and spins a little out of control and before you know it, half the staff thinks you had your way with the new girl because you offered to drive her home, because her car broke down. Then she doesn't even want to talk to you anymore because she thinks you told everyone that.

I don't like "1-Uppers" as well. All I said was "I went to read a book after class at the bookstore, because it's cheaper that way" and she makes it out like she doesn't have the time to crack open a book for 30 minutes because "she's so busy from working" when I know she isn't that busy at all, and then tries to make me feel worthless because she thinks I have more time or something. What??

Or this one time I was trying to get a job at Target and I was just saying "Man, it's tough getting a job in this town" (which it is, and that's all I said) and she says "Well when I applied for MY job, I kept calling the manager until he told me I got it. He liked my persistence. If you were like that, you would get a job already". I'm like, " You work at a fucking Arby's!! They hire almost anybody! And you're in a different town, with less people. Who the fuck are you?"

My friend once hung out at a Hollywood video everyday for at least 4-6 hours for a week until they finally just gave him the job. That's persistence....or a potential restraining order.

Here's some tired shit: idiotic, shades of Dilbert like corporate directives awkwardly delivered by local management. We once had our office manager actually tell us: "Our goals for this year are to open more files, close more files, keep them open longer, and close them faster. And we need to bill more hours working on our files, but bill less on each file."

Swear to God. The look on the new guy's face (he had just started that week, and this was his 1st such meeting) was priceless.

I don't have any office stories, but I hear the same'ol tired shit from my customers all day.

I ask all my customers, "Will that be all for you?" They answer, "Yes. For now." ALWAYS 'for now'! And they say it like they're the first person in the world to ever say it. It's oh so hilarious. No... it really isn't.

Once in a while, someone will pay with a 50 or a 100 dollar bill. I always check those for the face inside. The moment I do, they nervously chuckle, "It'd better be real!" Once again, like they're the first one to think of it. Not funny.

Like all of you, I hate small talk. Seems like any sane person would. So why does it feel like everyone except me loves that shit? I have some who come into the store jabbering away and keep doing so until they leave. I don't have to say a word, but I do have to listen to it.

I get about the same thing as everyone else. Pointless yammering about the weather, their jobs, their bum girlfriends, how they're going straight home so please sell me this alcohol even though I'm drunk, how this is some good beer, gonna watch the game tonight, I hate Bush, grumble grumble grumble, etc.

I completely agree. I only like big talk. "Hey Eric, I just ate the fucking Grand Canyon."

Now that's a conversation I'll put off fifteen minutes of work to engage in.

You may be being silly, but I totally agree! Tell me something interesting! I have little of interest to say, so I say very little. Do likewise, people!

The only time I put up with small talk is when a friend clearly has to vent a bit about their day. It's a courtesy I'll do them since I like them.

I'll do you one better, Bob. My place of work is hosting a triathlon for its employees. No prizes. No cause other than "wellness." And it's all people are talking about.

What specifically was this co-working talking about?

Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot?

Or was it about other aspects?

Are you sure its not Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run For The Cure?

S/He was probably being some pompous bastard, talking about how great s/he is for running in a marathon. That's why people do that right?

I've actually heard some pretty entertaining marathon stories. They usually involve bodily fluids seeping or forcing their way out of the unsuspecting runner's body.

I wish. Scranton's a city.

Did you know that in this day and age if you are named Will and you work in an office, every single person who sort of knows you and walks by your desk will call you "Will.I.Am." as they go by? It's true.

Here's a zinger from my boss a few days ago.

Boss: Yeah, so that guy... definitely gay.
Me: (opening boxes of product, says nothing)
Boss: I don't have anything against gay people.
Me: (continues opening boxes, still silent)
Boss: I just haven't seen too many of them in these parts. I mean, I've known a few. My roommate from college for one.
Me: (barely feigning any interest)
Boss: One time though, I walked in on his boyfriend having sex. In our room.
Me: (exasperatedly stops unloading boxes, waiting to see where this will go)
Boss: That was the last straw. (walks off)

He was probably mad he wasn't invited to participate.

I guess it's preferred to riffing on your last name?

Somewhat related. I used to work for a older guy who would do bike races. He always had good stories, mostly to do with someone eating pavement, or slowing down with their face. But of course, I think bike racing as a whole is a more entertaining sport.

Which leads me to my next story...

I call for a moratorium on any variation of "Forget it, _______, it's ________." We get it, you've all seen Chinatown, bravo.

Forget it, Dickson, it's the Internet.

If I ever see anyone or any movie try to have people announce their martial arts poses with some variation of 'crouching tiger!!!', I'm going to kill someone.

Agreed. Mainly because...well...*points to name*

Where do you think I do most of my reading of this board?!?

Jesus Christ, yes. I know it was Larry the Cable Guy and all, but...this reference was allowed into a theatrical release in 2007? Seriously, when was CTHD? Like 8 years ago?

Is this just here or in the real world? Because when I'm out and about I hear people randomly quoting movies from last year, not Roman Polanski movies from the 70s.

Though I was just at the market and I forgot to get paper towels and some smart ass walked by and said "Forget it, Jake, it's aisle 5."

Oh wait. That didn't happen.

Quoting Family Guy is an instant "You go on the Kill List." for me.

And it wasn't EVER funny. I love Futurama, but when I heard them use that gag for Lucy Liu?

No.

No, no, no, no, no...

Just for the record I don't bring up my marathons unless I'm asked. And even then I downplay them by just saying it was fun to do. I stop there unless they keep asking more. And if they do it's usually "how long is it?" "26 miles." "Wow! Oh my God, that's crazy. I couldn't do that." "It's all in the training." "Wow. That's long." "Yep." and then I walk away and continue to do work.

You should jog away. Just to add to their amazement.

Zingers from my old job/stuff I hear too much in class:

Do I make you horny baby?
VERY NICE - how much?
I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
This is... (something that rhymes with Sparta)!!!
I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal.

I don't mind jokes about milkshakes and drainage... for now.

The words; "Thread over" and variations on it.

I don't know why but whenever I see that it winds me up, it’s like the person writing it honestly believes that no one else can add anything of value.

Did you see the last episode of the Office WOW!!!!

Sorry about that, didnt want to create a whole new thread just for that particular bugbear.

Quite Literally: Educated people who, for some mysterious reason, refuse to flush. There's nothing worse than strolling into the commode after a nice cup of coffee and finding twin floaters staring up at you like the eyes of some forgotten ghost.

Even after I flush, I feel like I have to sanctify the room before I can sit down comfortably. You know, say a prayer, or something.

Speaking of, I work with some of the smartest people on the planet, in a pretty nice office and the stand up pissers are a disgrace to mankind. I haven't seen that much rampant pubes since YMCA.

Is there some rule, the smarter you get, the less sanitary you become?

And on the same theme people who won't clean up after themselves in the office kitchen. In my new job I work with well educated and well paid people so it has to just be laziness.

I'll tell you why they don't clean up in the office kitchens. Because they just figure the admin assistants (*AHEM!*) will wind up doing it, because apparently, "Admin assistant" also means "maid". And the thing is, I hate a mess, it grosses me out, so yeah - I wind up cleaning up their fucking messes in the office kitchen. Which officially makes me part of the problem.

muttersputterkaffkaffkaff

Conversation between passerby and the awful woman who just moved into the cube across from me:

"How do you like it over here?"

"It's quiet, real quiet. The only loud voice over here is mine. HAW HAW HAW!"

Two more weeks at this job. Two more weeks at this job. Two more weeks at this job.

People who think that discussing how much their family members make is an acceptable topic for lunchtime conversation. Especially if said family member is an IT guy, and said coworker describes him as working for a "Fortune 50" company. Jesus Christ. I wouldn't mind it quite so much if it wasn't so goddamn banal.

People who discuss their children at work, like we're their fanclub.

Yes, I've met your children, and frankly - they're dumb kids. The apples didn't fall far from the dipshit tree.