Tired Shit - Page 10

My roommate's been unemployed for a year. I would have killed myself.

Fawning over a single client, and spending three days selling them on the company. Tons of meetings, meals, some poor sap had to take them shopping, and presentations. OK, I get it. The Russians have money, and we would like some. Can we cut out the extraneous BS and just focus on our actual product instead of how good steak is in Texas?

The steak in Texas is very good though.

Chewers who complain that minorities get everything handed to them.


Posts 228 - 239

If only that were the case.

Women who weep and wail at how fat they seem to think they are.

I just tell them that if they were as large as they thought, then I would not be trying new and exciting ways to put things in their assorted orifices.

Recent company email stating that "The recession is no excuse for lower sales". Apparently it was a good fucking excuse when they cut OT for everybody.

A million people getting advanced screenings of upcoming films, and flooding the internet with so much discussion there is very little left to be said when the movie opens to the general public. It seems like a desperate attempt for studios to get 1/4 of movie buffs to sell a film to the other 3/4, for free.

99% of these people don't have to follow embargos, and have zero writing/reviewing skills what so ever. So we have to deal with a month of "This movie SUXXXX!!!" or "This movie KICKS ASSSS!!" before good, legitimate reviews come along.

Posting record profits, then turning around and cutting jobs, then turning around and outsourcing those jobs, then turning around and trying to buy another company.

People at work telling me I need to rent Jeff Dunham's DVDs and watch his TV show because he's fucking great, and funny as hell. Then proceed to discuss their favorite skits, and puppets as if I truly give a shit.

I liked Jeff Dunham before it was cool to like Jeff Dunham.

Wait... It's cool to like Jeff Dunham?

Maybe if Jeff Dunham was funny, it would be cool to like him.

Jeff Dunham is such a waste of talent. He's one of the best ventriloquists working today and his act has just gotten shittier and shittier.

I was with him, honestly, until Achmed the Dead Terrorist.

In the one thankfully brief clip I watched ages ago, the dude's mouth was clearly moving when he did the puppet's voice.

Maybe he's the only ventriloquist? The last ventriloquist?

The Jeff Dunham Show is the Worst Thing in the Entire World


An excerpt:

Jeff Dunham stands alongside Lisa Lampanelli and Frank Caliendo as people who've built a successful career around one big, dumb, horribly unfunny joke. The worst thing about Dunham, as that blogger correctly points out, is that Dunham wants you to be laughing with the puppets, rather than at them. They're just avatars for Dunham's racist jokes.

First Carlos The Joke Theif, now this guy? Can someone explain to me what is going on with programming at CC?

The bile on display in that blogpost is a thing of beauty.

At least Caliendo has some talent with his impressions (even though he does Madden way, way too much). Lampanelli and Dunham are 100% terrible.

Christ, your lack of any taste or self awareness never ceases to amaze me.

He makes me appreciate the subtle stylings of Terry Fator.

Hahahahaha

My office has a gym on the ground floor which most of the staff use. For me it's a godsend because I literally have to hit the cardio 3/4 times a week to not utterly pile on the weight. So naturally it's irritating to have to listen to my colleagues, who are all obsessed with bulking up, talking about how hard it is it to eat 3000/4000 calories a day. I'll never understand the obsession with literally becoming a bear sized monster of man by bulking up that way.

Goddamn it, Jake.

I didn't even know he was still alive. Whoa.

He is HUGE in Hawaii and Melbourne.

The dude from Soap (most prestigious ventroloquist gig ever?) is still touring as well.

Hahahahahahahaha!

'hey'
'Hey'
'hows it goin?'
'good...you?'
'good...'
*awkward silence*

X 10000000

stabstabstabstab

Honestly? If my paralegal classes don't start SOON, I'm gonna choke a bitch. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to be employed. But y'know. I'm ready to cry "uncle".

I've never heard of Jeff Dunham so I'm not going to watch that clip and just go back to being blissfully ignorant of his existence.

Tired shit: James Cameron. Discuss.

No discussion. PLEASE.

Oxymoron?

Meetings where the person doing the presentation isn't set up right. We just spent the first 20 minutes of an hour long meeting watching the presenter futz with the LIVE MEETING settings for people that were dialing in. Seriously, get there 15 minutes ahead of time and get that stuff set up so that we can get down to business.

Time = wasted.

I remember watching Jeff Dunham on Just for laughs back in 98 and laughing my ass off...
now...not so much

-People on conference calls not doing the suicidally difficult task of putting their speakerphones on mute, making it not only impossible to listen to the stupid speech that some boss is giving about the great new direction of our company, but then making him so frustrated that he makes everyone hang up, rejoin the call, and start over.

-Listening to my supervisor call her friends and family and plan her vacation and what she's going to do on days she gets off work early or off entirely, especially since she gets so many Saturdays off and I've literally gotten one Saturday off in my 14 months at my job and had to request it weeks in advance, only to go to work somewhere else and in a hurricane.

-Being pushed by the new, vapid whore coworker to finish closing procedures at the end of the day, but when I tell her about tasks she started doing but left unfinished (things she's left unfinished on previous days), she urges me to give her some time.

-Seeing the vapid whore literally stare at her computer while a line of customers walk by that I end up helping. Then, when she does help customers, she'll ask them to come to her computer and then look away immediately, confusing them into thinking she's not going to help them.

-Vapid whore coworker condescendingly telling customers why they're wrong, why they shouldn't be rude to her, and why they should wait for her to take her time.

-Seeing vapid whore's g string when she bends over.

-Vapid whore demanding I do tasks for her and calling me retarded and rude for not doing them.

-Vapid whore flirting with creepy old men at my job, then nearly crying and whining about what an awful thing it is when my supervisor tells her not to flirt so much because it's affecting her job.

-Vapid whore using meetings as time to make horrible jokes, ask everyone what they're talking about when they say anything not directed at her.

-Vapid whore constantly coming late to work due to "traffic".

-Vapid whore not getting in a fatal car crash.

I'm starting a new job soon.

Be strong, stunt poop.

Is she hot? Takes some pics.

Hell no she's not hot. Would I be complaining about seeing her g string if she was?

I was actually going to post a small tirade about what a corporate phony I am and how mind numbing my job is, but I just really hate that whore.

Oh yeah, that reminds me-I hate it when she gets her hair done to gigantic proportions. She looks even more like a muppet-alien than usual.

And a side note of tired shit-waiting for the day when I leave so I can finally tell every customer who was a creep to suck my cock in hell.

I feel like there's a belltower in your future, sir. If getting the rage out in posts here is helping ease the beast, please continue doing so lest you accidentally take out a fellow message boarder during your inevitable "shooty cleansing ritual".

Whatever you decide to do, stunt poop, please keep your impotent rage bottled up and don't rape this woman.

Will do, fellas.

Now that the wedding is over, I'll be spared all the "Hey it's getting close!" and "Are you nervous?" bullshit.

To be replaced, of course, with "Do you feel different?" and "So when are you having kids?"

When are you having kids?

Do you feel different?

1 year on still get asked those questions.

- The 'do you feel different' questions will end sometime in your third year of marriage.
- The 'so when are you having kids' questions will never stop until she gets pregnant. We've been married 10 years and STILL get asked that same question.

We were married 10 years before kids too. When we told everyone we were pregnant they were all like "finally!" Now we have 3 and they're all asking if we're finished. Those kids of questions are what keep the world moving, I guess.

I like when strangers ask within five minutes of meeting us. I tell them we're a little skittish after four miscarriages, but thanks for asking.