Tired Shit - Page 2

I see the same shit at my office, only my company encourages it. Our marketing girl decorates to the point where her desk resembles the shrine of some sort of extremist, fundamentalist cult that worships all things Santa Claus.

You ever notice...

Was his or her hair still wet? Because it may have been a lie.

Well, if they don't dry their hair completely, they could catch a cold. And then something could start going around the office.

Just had both women who just had babies, drop by the office this morning. I'm a father with another child on the way, and I still can't stand it.

Fuck yeah

I started here about two 1/2 months ago and two fucking chicks have already done this here. If you're not back to fucking work, go the fuck home. Stop bringing your fucking newborn to a dirty office building. Fuck!

Another office pet peeve...
People talking about their weekends on a Monday morning, and what they did in graphic detail...for about an hour.

When my supervisor wants my attention, she come over to my desk and say, "Knock knock, can I bother you for a second?"

A) There's no door to my area and B) no you can't "bother" me for a second or for any amount of time. Every time she says that phrase my skin crawls. I can't stand it.

Might as well take this thread title literally and say that I hate taking shits in the office. There's only one stall on the floor, and if you're cutting cable, people in the bathroom can tell by the shoes I wear that I'm the one making those godawful noises. There's no fan in there, so people can pretty much hear everything.

Taking shits at work is great. You get paid to poop.

I actually calculated that given the amount of time I take a shit at work, I'll have made enough money in three months to buy an iPod just from taking shits.

People too uncomfortable to take shits at work. You fucking repressed morons.

Unfortunately, the government provides some pretty rough ass tickets.

It's not repression so much as it is unwillingness to put my ass on a public toilet seat, even with the paper ass-gaskets.

Penn and Teller proved the toilet seat is one of the cleanest places in the building. As is the ass.

What do you live in Alabama in the 60's?
My sympathies go out to you. Must be a brainy work-spot.

I don't think I have ever heard anyone in real life say COLORED, save my Grandfather.

Yeah, that's pretty impressive.

It's awesome dropping a bomb at work and then seeing the uncomfortable looks of your co-workers as they emerge from the 'throom 10 minutes or so later.

Alabama's like that now. Shit, Northeast Philly is like that more often than not. A buddy's mom, upon hearing any kind of local story, will always follow up with "White or colored?"

That is awesome. Kind of sad, but awesome.

Where the hell do you work, anyway? First the comment about Chinese people following Gwen Stefani and now this. I hear Imus is looking for a job.

After a massive dinner of day-old pinto beans and roasted pork, I found my bowels trembling yesterday, anxious for the chance at release. Now, most college bathrooms are usually poorly kept, but the University library keeps their thrones in immaculate shape (and they are the only place on campus to supply 2-ply toilet paper, always a plus). I enter and notice one of my classmates brushing his teeth in the sink in front of the stalls. Undaunted, I proceeded to the shitting unit directly behind him and begin to void my sphincter in a thunderous manner. After the first detonatinous blast, I heard my classmate turn off the water, sigh very audibly, and (frustrated) he walked out. I shrugged and continued to evacuate while reading the latest email antics of G.W. Bush & crew (those rascally devils!). Once I finished, I washed up and left, only to find the guy standing outside the door, toothbrush in hand, waiting to get back in and finish. He gave me an evil glare, I gave him a "Fuck You" laugh.

Story's moral: college shitters are not your personal domain, so don't disturb the release of my man essence with your disapproval.

That's a good story, admittedly it's not the best experience to be in a bathroom that sounds like the battle of Midway in there but hey it's a john and that's its job.

"It was all sound and fury signifying nothing."

BTW anyone who uses the word "Paradigm" or "Paradigm shift" gets a beating in my book. Not only is that an overused word but it doesn't reallly mean anything.

I once had a boss who referred to low-end civil lawsuits as "tarbaby cases." While he understood what the term meant, he didn't understand why we were offended by it.

My office building has a bathroom on each floor. I once walked into mine to find a chubby man from another office on the floor, his shirt tail pulled up and tucked under his chin, injecting himself in the belly with insulin. I couldn't get at the toilets/urinals until he was done (small bathroom).

I walk down one floor to use the bathroom now.

I think you guys are looking for the "Talking Shit" thread. It's here: http://www.chud.com/forums/showthrea...t=talking+shit

People who complain about how fucking sick they are but refuse to take a sick day when they clearly can.

You mean a team of scientologists? I know, I know, tired shit...

QFT.

If only it were that easily qualifiable & quantifiable.

"Now, Johnny, according to my calculations, you're supposed to enjoy THE FOUNTAIN this much. Due to your inability to appreciate quality cinema, we're going to have to hold you back another year."

"Lost is stupid. Heroes is the smarter show. It actually rewards viewers by giving consistent answers."

Right, because shoving answers in viewers' faces is rewarding. Jump into a volcano with your parents.

I guarantee you it was Michael Medved.

"Accounting is up my ass again." = "I didn't correctly do the paperwork yet again."

I work at a comic and games store so there are some other ones like:
"Hey (insert name here), can you grab that for me?" and the response I get is "Your mom can grab it for me! Haw!" nearly 100% of the time.
"Guys, there was an entire long box here to be filed away, and I asked you to do it." and I get "You're the comic guy." Which is a variation of "It's not my job."

I had a former coworker call me up one time and attempt to entice me to leave and hire on where he was. One of his main selling points was, verbatim, "You gotta come here. We don't have any ragheads, and only 4 to 5 jigaboos." I wanted to laugh so bad, but the guy is like 76 and wouldn't have understood what I found so funny.

I also hate it when people make pointless small talk in the elevator just so they don't have to stand next to you for 45 seconds in silence. I mean, if I don't know you, and you don't have some outward features that are unique or interesting enough to start up a conversation (like a great set of tits), then I would rather just enjoy the quiet. But somehow, it never happens. Yeah, I get it, you ate too much at lunch and want to take a nap now. Everyday after lunch someone says this in the elevator. EVERYDAY. FUCK YOUR NAP. FUCK YOUR NAP RIGHT IN THE ANUS.

Collider (not Dre) stealing Devin's Asterisk thing.

There's a whole other threads' worth of material to be had from "Idiot co-workers and the movies." My boss thinks The Simpsons Movie is "The Funniest Comedy in a Decade!" but he doesn't "get the Apatow thing". My co-worker, otherwise a very okay person, says he mostly only watches "Indie movies". He watches most of these on his iPod.

Film he has raved the most about in my time here: "Across the Universe".

:/

Also, nobody in my office likes "violent movies". Like.... they're not interested in seeing "No Country for Old Men" because they hear it's "violent".

I don't even work in an office, where this would be almost understandable. I work in "the creative industry". It's television not film, but Jesus fuck I had a Jesse James desktop and all anyone asks me is "Oh, you're a Brad Pitt fan??"

Pointless small talk is my greatest enemy. Not only does answering stupid trivial questions over and over again and talking about the weather infuriate me, but I also have a touch of social anxiety disorder. No better way to start your day than sweating, fidgeting, and stammering.

Seriously, co-workers, I find you dull and being forced to talk to you makes me very nervous, please just let me run to my office, put my headphones on, and pretend you don't exist for the next 10 hours.

This may be TMI, but I had at least three, probably five cases of lame elevator small talk end in the other guy (or gal) feeling awkward and never speaking to me again. I worked in the copy center, so very few people knew my name or anything about me, but I had to deliver stuff so they all recognized me. They'd strike up the conversation by asking me about my new hair cut. "Isn't it a little cold outside to shave your head?" Then I'd have to not laugh as I calmly told them I was undergoing chemo therapy. Seriously, this same conversation took place at least three times.

Oh Jesus yes. I get this not from strangers (maybe I'm too good at the brooding loner look) but from this guy at my firm who can't let 30 seconds pass without saying something. Once in a blue moon we end up sitting together eating lunch. I always do crossword puzzles at lunch to 1) keep my mind active, and 2) make it clear I don't want to talk to anyone, and every time this jammer sees me doing one, he says, "Do you like to do sudoku?" EVERY. TIME.

I realize I just spent a whole paragraph with that bullshit, but it's just symptomatic of the idea that he only likes to talk just to talk. He doesn't actually listen to the other person.

I once shaved my head, and when I didn't have any answer as to why (they always ask why) except "meh, just felt like it," one guy pulled me to the side and quietly asked if I was undergoing chemo. Awkkwwwaaard.

I may work with Werewolf Girl. Hey Werewolf Girl, if someone made you pull your ipod earbuds out the other day so he could ask you how you were enjoying the copy of "Anansi Boys" tucked under your arm, I apologize for being an insensitive jackass. You looked like you wanted to punch me in the neck.

I had a grossly obese older woman relentlessly hit on me in the elevator the other day.

18 floors worth of it.

I'm still trying to figure out if she was one of those who hates small talk or just wanted to get laid.

As someone who hates small talk and feels slightly uncomfortable being picked up on by either sex, I was in hell.

I find I constantly fall for the elevator small talk, rather it be self initiated or otherwise.

I've come to realize that many people feel it necessary to talk, no matter how empty the conversation my be.

A BevMo opened near the office, which is great for me and my getting Racer 5's and Stone IPA's instead of Newcastles or whatever the best of Ralph's is when I want a drink at home after work.

I found out last night that someone from our HR asked the staff if they would card people going to any wine tastings and beer tastings to make sure they didn't work for our company. The staff at BevMo laughed at her.

That's what I saw when I read that.

Wait, what? The HR dept at your company wanted to make sure no one who works there attended wine/beer tastings at an off-site, unrelated location?