Tired Shit - Page 13

Judas is right, Lisa. Just make sure your chess game is up to snuff (sorry, bad pun), and that you've boned (ouch!) up on your Swedish.

Fixed.

"You... sank... my... BATTLESHIP."

I hate this bitch that sits next to me at work. I really just fucking do.

elaborate. I love to hear bad-coworker stories.

Way, WAY too long to go into. I'd have to take over the thread. But suffice to say, if there's one person I wouldn't mind seeing blasted into outer space, it's her.

Summarize.

Vapid whore?

Don't be a tease.

Really? You don't want to hear it all. Suffice to say this cunt is about to get punched in two seconds.

You keep saying stuff like that... of course we wanna hear it all!

I love it when a woman calls another woman the 'C' word. It's a truly beautiful thing.

Clesbian?

Cthulhu.

Awww, poor wubby is all upset because I opted not to talk to her. Bitch.

Cthulhu has poor personal hygeine.

But when he was a kid, he was damned cute!

That... was awesome!

1. Baby chews on toy.
2. Baby drops it on some nasty ass floor.
3. Parent picks up toy, and give it back without washing it off.
4. Baby goes back to chewing on toy.

Okay, so - there's this incredibly nice, yet unbelievably annoying, guy who just started here at our office. And both things - the niceness and the annoyingness - are in such huge, larger-than-life proportions, you just don't know what to do with him. He's like - I guess the best description would be Michael Scott, but not as offensive, but 100% more irritating, but nicer. And I don't know if that description does it justice. I've never ever wanted to punch someone in the face so hard, yet less than a second later thought, "But he's so nice!" Truly a dilemma - to beat him into unconsiousness? Or to buy him a random bag of chips out of the vending machine? I just don't know.

What does he do that annoys you? Just curious - is it his being a nice guy that bugs the shit out of you? ("Oh, there he goes again! Helping Phyllis out with her report, and giving Frank a hand with the handicap access! Fucking asshole.")

Lisa, I totally understand what you're talking about. It is a hard feeling to describe. Now the question is, are you the only one who feels this way? Or does anyone else share these feelings? If it's just you, it might simply be one of those people who totally rub you the wrong way for reasons unknown. And everything he does is seen in the light of 'wanna punch him.'

Sounds closer to the Nard-dog than Michael Scott.

Me: Time to go to bed kiddo!
My 20-month-old: OK!

(read books for 20 minutes, sing, and put girl in crib)

Me: Have a good nap! (leave room)
Her: SCREAMS LIKE I KILLED A PUPPY IN FRONT OF HER, then sleeps for a paltry 30 minutes or so. Wakes up. Screams some more. Keeps screaming for 15 minutes after I get her up. Screams if I put her down. I hold her for another 30 minutes until my arms are burning.

Repeat daily. Variations: Fed-Ex rings the doorbell or knocks loudly right after she falls asleep. Neighbors dogs bark and wake her. Train wakes her. Mother-in-law on the phone wakes her. Motorcycle driving by wakes her. Garbage truck wakes her. Squirrels on the goddamn roof wake her. Etc.

Haven't started drinking every night. Yet.

Try getting your kid to drink. He'll sleep right away.

Giving your best possible quote to clients on bids for new projects and them coming back with "mmm that seems a little steep... we were thinking around the lines of half of that..."

Every fucking time. Cheap basterds.

Oh HELL yes. Welcome to the world of consulting.

Friggin' decorations. We just got all the Halloween crap down a few weeks ago and had to put up Thanksgiving crap that'll come down next week for the Christmas crap. Oh, and everybody wants decorations, but nobody wants to help put them up.

The women who sit around me still talking about The X Factor, three days after it aired. I really have no idea how they sustain the conversation for that long, it's people doing karaoke and then the audience whoops for 20 seconds solid.

I sometimes wish they sold machine guns over here.

At least I know if I ever get shipped out to Liverpool, you and I can confuse them right back with endless Pro Evo vs. FIFA debates and Berbatov analysis. I honestly came within an inch of posting much the same message a while ago.

I'm in the same boat as you guys. I've not really watched live TV in about six months and it mystifies me how these conversations can just go on, and on, and on. It's actually kind of amazing, and terrifying at the same time.

Although my biggest piece of 'Tired Shit' right now are the guys who geeks in your office, find out you're one, and hound you about stuff.

It's like "OK Buddy I respect that you like Judas Priest, Metallica and Stargate Atlantis and any other time I'd happily nod along politely and try shift the conversation to something I'm more knowledgeable or passionate about, BUT right now I really need to get this report done/wanna grab my lunch/don't want to be seen with you when other people are around"

This, and also all of the work-related holiday activities that I have to participate in. No, I don't want to bring anything to a pot luck lunch next Wednesday. No, I'm not interested in joining a Christmas choir. No, I don't want to buy a holiday wreath from your son's Cub Scout troop. No, I don't want to take part in any kind of 'Secret Santa' gift exchange.

Scrooge.

Hey, I'm all over the holiday party (open bar for 5 hours + awesome gifts!), but all of that other shit does nothing but take up my time.

Tired shit: Incredibly attractive, smart student workers.

Gimme some ugly ones to relieve me of the sinful thoughts, please.

Sounds like somebody just needs a little more Polanski in their life.

We get student workers at my job too Jake. I dislike them all. I just don't have much in common with the people we keep getting..

One girl turned out to be kind of cool, but we still don't have much to talk about besides the job itself. Oh well.

Seriously, Scrooge indeed. I LOVE Secret Santa even if I've never gotten anything good and never know what to get others. I am someone who needs to be forced into Holiday Cheer, so an office mandated gift giving program is perfect for me. They tried to change it to everyone just donating to charity last year, but thankfully I threw a fit (along with some other co-workers) and we still got to do SS.

I resent being forced into 'holiday cheer' at work. I'm sorry, but I'm here to do my job and make money. I spend 40-50 hours a week doing billable time, and I don't want to be told that I'm going to have to spend unbillable time doing Christmas related shit in order to get into the damned spirit. I'll save my 'holiday cheer' for friends, family, and happy hour.

Hmmm... I see your point, but really, more Michael. He's that annoying senior management guy who's dying to be cool, you know? So he does stuff like he LEAPS in on conversations with the junior guys when they're trying to talk - like when Michael latches onto Ryan. He'll come flying out of his office and physically insert himself into the conversation they're having, and then be the loudest guy in the bunch. Whereas Nard-Dog has more of "sweet but annoying geek" thing going on.

Tim - you asked what does he do that's annoying? Okay, first of all...

HE TALKS LIKE THIS!!! ALL THE TIME!!! TO EVERYONE!!!

Know what I mean? He's like a really loud gameshow host. Oh! And he's really loud without a shred of self-awareness, because my sister called yesterday to wish me happy birthday, and he came out of his office to ask me if I could keep it down. Now... yes, I do have the tendency to talk loudly - I have a very slight hearing loss in my right ear. But I'm aware of it - I'm really self-conscious about it, and I'll even ask people, "If I'm talking too loudly, please tell me" - because I'd rather know so I can modulate my volume rather than drive people away.

All that being said - since I am self-conscious about it, I'm fairly aware how loud I am, and I wasn't being loud. I do realize that since I'm in an office, if it's a personal call, I need to keep it lower than I would normally, so... Plus, the irony of it is, that he came charging out of his office yelling at me to keep it down (not yelling at me or being mean, just yelling because that's the way he talks). Irony - thy name is co-worker guy.

He's the kind of guy who comes up with annoying "cool guy" nicknames for everyone, regardless of whether he knows them well or works closely with them - and of course he thinks he's insanely funny. He shortens your name without knowing you well - for example, he calls me "Lis" - oh, I'm sorry - "LIS!" , and I barely know him.

I was out sick Thursday and Friday of this past week with a bad cold, so yesterday was my first day back at work. His admin wasn't in yet, so he snagged me, and had me doing half a dozen things for him before my jacket was ever off. No lie - I'm in my coat, my sneakers, my computer is warming up, and he's got me running around like a bitch because he can't wait 10 minutes for his admin to get there. "LIS - is that document printed for me yet?" No, because no one used the printer over the weekend, and it takes about five minutes to warm up. I said, "The printer's warming up, and I just got back after being out sick half of last week, so I have about 103 emails to go through - let me get settled, the printer's getting started, and I'll have it printed for you in a moment or so." 10 seconds later - "LIS!! Is that printed yet?"

But all that being said, he's not a mean guy - he's actually a nice person, which makes you feel guilty about being annoyed by him. I will say though, that it's kind of a "nice" you can't take being around. It's like a sleazy, forced "nice", you know?

I had a female coworker tell another female coworker to stop acting so "cunty" one day. It was pretty great.

There is a new temp guy sitting next to me, and although he takes part in these lengthy X Factor discussions we spent a good 20 minutes debating the merits of the 3-5-2 system the other day so I'll let him off.

I'd welcome you with open arms Bobby*, at first I thought being the only man out of 9 women in my office would be a blast but the endless discussions about X Factor and the weather quickly grate on me.

Spike, I had exactly the same thing in my last job when one of the IT guys found out I watched Lost. At first it was nice to chat with him about the latest episode on a Monday morning while we were in the kitchen but he soon started badgering me all the time. Literally everyday he would come up to my desk and start talking about spoilers and other stuff he'd read on the web or email me links to spoilers if I was away from my desk. I felt a bit bad for him because no-one else spoke to him and I could tell he was unloading hours of pent up silence on me and attempts to turn the conversation onto something else would never work. I was almost glad when he got laid off.



*Berbatov is still shit by the way

Actually, this happened to me, but it had the opposite effect. There was a guy who worked here, and we started off just hating each other. I'm not sure why or how, but we just did. Then we both discovered that we both watched "LOST" - and the hate slowly melted into a begrudging civility. Then more friendly. Then full on, geeked-out "You're my only friend here who watches it!" A year before, we weren't even speaking to each other. By the time he left, Thursday mornings were an event. "LISA!!!" "JOHN!!!" "Holy shit, did you SEE that?? How did they move the fucking ISLAND?" "Where's Daniel? You don't think Daniel's dead, do you?!" When he quit, I shook his hand and said, "Now who am I gonna talk to on Thursday mornings?"

See, at my job, we get forced into "volunteering" for our Halloween to-do. It's AWFUL , unpaid, and last year I had to do it outside in the freezing cold at 9pm and got a flu that lasted for over a month. That's right, I was sick on election day Oh-Eight due to mandated Halloween cheer (fear?)

(Plus, this year, we had to spend an entire month under constant threat of Evil-Mannequin-Uprising. Check out my blog for the full story)


Secret Santa, in contrast, takes place entirely during paid working hours and essentially gives me a brief break from doing real work. Plus, it's a readily available subject of conversation whenever I need to make small talk with co-workers. Though, in fairness, how much we hate Halloween stuff at work is also a good topic of conversation

An extension of my prior gripe. A while back, our place took on a bunch of new temp-starts; a whole bunch of girls and one fella. After lamenting being the only guy in work interested in football, the addition of not only a fellow footie fan but a fellow United fan was long overdue. We debated the ease of scoring in FIFA, the politics of following Irish sides, and laughed as we identified the Messi of Gaelic football (Kerry's Colm Cooper.) The next time I was in, he was gone. Back to square one with a bump.

Thanks for saying, Rusty. That kind of chat would make all the difference. You're absolutely right, Spike. It just wears me out. I'm mentioning football a lot here, but, even if I did have someone to talk about it with, I wouldn't fall back on the weekend's results as much as some people do "who got voted off" and so on.

This IS my work. Stay-at-home-dad, remember? But ok, I'll confine this stuff to the "Fellow breeders..." thread. Or my own head.

Ah. And since I read the rest of your post, I completely understand. Since the holidays are coming up, I'm sending you a spanking new crowbar to pummel him about the head and shoulders with (also good exercise for your upper arm! Fitness counts!).

As to management, yes I have PLENTY of bones to pick with my present superiors. For a company that emphasizes organization and planning via corporate training, the hypocrisy I see every day is, in a word, stunning. Trying to get info from these yahoos is akin to pulling teeth from a cranky great white.

Also, thanks to our managing partner and his severe bi-polar tendencies, I can no longer watch Jason Sudekis on Saturday Night Live as the resmeblance is too frighteningly close. Oh sure, Sudekis is probably hysterical, gives to cahrity, good to his mother, but he looks so much like my co-worker I have to change channels (granted SNL of late has me switching channels anyway, but...) or throw my chair through my TV screen.

Sounds like somebody's got a case of "the TUESDAYS".